The Insanity of Draco Malfoy

"What is love?"

How many times have you heard that question and want to stab the person who asked it with the nearest sharp object? I´ve heard it quite a lot of times lately. Mostly, it´s either asked from Crabbe or Goyle, but I don´t think they want the whole fluffy, sloppy, philosophical love is blah blah blah - I think they just want to know what the word means.

I´ve done quite a lot of asking that very question myself lately. Pansy said, "It´s what I feel when I´m with you", which made me want to throw up right there over the Slytherin table. When I tried to slip the question in during a sixth-year dorm chat about which girl had the nicest arse, Blaise laughed and told me that what does love matter as long as you´ve got the person in bed? I guessed that he doesn´t really care for feelings, then. I even tried nicking a dictionary from some first-year Mudblood to see what those brains from Oxford reckon it is.

1. a great liking or affection
2. to be very fond of; like very much
3. feeling love and great desire

But this just got me more confused `cause I was sure that all those three definitions meant exactly the same thing. Maybe the people at Oxford weren´t so clever; after all, they were Muggles.

Desire. The Oxford Muggles say that that means `a longing for´. A longing for?! HA! I don´t have a longing for him at all! Him, with his stupid hair and stupid clothes that wouldn´t look out of place in Weasley´s wardrobe and that stupid, stupid scar! HA! That had to be the funniest thing I´d heard all day - me, `a longing for´ Harry-Oh-Look-At-Me-With-My-Stupid-Scar-And-My-Sexy-Smile-Potter!

I threw the stupid dictionary out of the common room window, vowing never to trust a Muggle book ever again, before going down to dinner in the Great Hall. Crabbe and Goyle were there already, of course, stuffing their faces. Honestly, the day that I have a proper conversation with any of them will be the day I propose to Pansy-Throw-Myself-At-Anyone-In-Trousers-Parkinson.

Pansy. Only one word that springs to mind when I think of her - Ew. I mean, she´s okay looking, I suppose, if you like that sort of rat-faced smirking look, which she permanently seems to have on her face. Well, apart from when she´s with me, of course. The annoying thing about her though, is that everybody seems to have already decided that she´s gonna be the one I go and have a million little Draco´s with. Pansy has so far managed to uphold this whole `Draco´s bitch´ reputation and spends the whole of her life trying to get down my pants. Usually, I´d find this totally fine, but at the moment I seem to be having an, er, confusion, about which side of the Quidditch team I actually play for.

It´s all his fault. Potter. I swear he must have slipped something in my drink when him, the Mudblood and Weasel walked past the table the other day. Why else would I be thinking of him all the god-damn time?! It´s not like I´m actually in love with stupid Harry Potter! This is just a minor hitch in my sexuality. Maybe if I paid a little more attention to Pansy, then I´ll start to fancy her.

Not that I fancy Potter anyway...