Viva las Swedenland

Viva las Swedenland

Happily ending stories generally involve Voldemort in some state of deadness. However, deadness is not something Voldy is fond of, so it is not spoken of. Hem hem.

It was with great aplomb that DRACO declared his deadness. Millicent broke several arms in frustration; damn DRACO and his unlivingness! Grr. She was confusing you, is she not?

"But that's totally changing the tense!" burst Ashlin, falling from the sky of omnipotentness Authorness. "Of course it is," replied Holly, who decided to float down on an umbrella instead. "But you must admit it's better than a dancing blue robot man."

Ashlin shuddered, unintentionally looking frightening like the dancing blue man of which they spoke. But let's not speak of it. Hem hem.

"ExCUSE me," intruded Millicent, who most probably did not know what an intrude was. "I was TRYING to grieve for poor DRACO in peace. Gimme your arm."

Ashlin hugged herself, trying to make less of a target. "DRACO? My kitty? Deadness?" *weeps*

At that very moment, DRACO sat up in his coffin with a small black cat on his head. Draco and DRACO. "Not your kitty," said Holly, trying to escape the impending fangirlattackness, "your BLONDIE."

Ashlin banged her head on the desk. Headdesk.

"My quote. You stole." She whined. "Copyright laws!"

"Hey, whining is MY department," whined DRACO from his coffin. The Draco on his head meow-whined, to prove his point, and then curled up and went to sleep. Damn cat.

Millicent, who by this point had completely forgotten about Draco, DRACO, and DRACO'S death, stood around, signing autographs at the nearest flamenco school.

"I've always wanted this piece of signed paper!" said Snape in his flippy flamenco skirt. "And Skippy is happy, too!" he added, pointing the half-decomposed trout on his head.

"WHAT ON EARTH are you doing with my fish?" screeched Holly, who really didn't like screeching, but felt the time was right. "I'm not deaf!" said Ashlin, who was away. "It's MY fish now, you silly fool!" said Snape, brandishing the fish like a floppy sword. "I paid for it!"

"Seven memorable shillings, in fact," said Millicent under her breath, not bothering to explain herself. But that's okay, because Ashlin landed on her head at that point, and everyone become rather distracted.

"My distractedness is blinding poor, reeking Skippy!" whimpered Snape, sounding to all the world like a greasier Draco-n-DRACO.

"I'm used to a more delicate, refined keyboard," said Skippy from his greasy outlook. "This hair-o-PC is killing me."

"Quiet, you decomposing afternoon snack!" said Draco, licking his balls ominously.
"Cut that out, you!" said DRACO, poking the furry headdress. "You're ruining my image."

Ashlin giggled. "What image?"

DRACO, as per requirements, disappeared in a poof of smoke. His fuzzy headpiece stayed where he was; floating about six feet above the ground. Staring at the trout.

"The trout stared back," said Holly, afraid she was being forgotten. "And attempted to flirt with Draco, though quickly gave up after being sautéed and served to DRACO, who lay in a hospital in upper swedenland," she added.

"Oh, quit narrating!" said Snape in a high-pitched voice.

"I'll narrate YOU," said Holly, brandishing a golf club menacingly.

"Iamsorrymistresspleaseforgivemepleaseshowmercyonmypoorsoul!", said Snape, lying prostrate at her feet, kissing her bright green boots.

"No," said Holly. Thwack.

There was dead silence for a moment.

And another. And another.

"This is getting really kinky!" said Ashlin excitedly, beaming around at everyone.

"Let's change the subject!" said Skippy. "How about Bermuda?"

Snape started singing a Beach Boys song in response, sending Ashlin into shock spasms and Holly into laughter spasms.

"My spasms aren't cool enough," pouted Holly.

Spaz.

Spazzy spaz spaz. Tomato.

"No tomatoes," said Skippy. "I go well with tomatoes."

"Yes, indeed you do!" said DRACO, smacking his lips in Swedenland. "and expensive red wine, too."

"Hotness in swedenland!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!exclamation mark1" said Millicent in unison with herself. Ashlin resisted the temptation to join in.

"But you're on the twelve-step program!" exclaimed Holly. "where is your WILLPOWER?"

"Coffee break," explained Ashlin. "Back in five minutes. Till then, please expect me to be jelloid and submissive."

"Disgusting," muttered Holly, though whether she was referring to Ashlin or to Snape the leech, no one knows. Snape, of course, was taking advantage of Ashlin's jelloid state and slowly sucking her blood out of her left ear. The smaller one.

"I heard having a smaller left ear will give you leech cancer," said Holly knowledgenessly.

"Growlgrrrbite!" said Snape.
"No," said Holly.

Thwack.