The Marauders, Lily, and a Movie Theatre

Marauders, Lily, and a movie theatre

*~*~*~*

Sirius: I yie yie yie yie! *Mad cackle laugh*

James: No, no, Sirius. Witches cackle, wizards laugh insanely.

Sirius: *laughs insanely*

Remus: Help me! *He is hog tied and writhing on the floor*

Mysterious Author Lady: My muse was extra good this time 'round... I'll have to thank him....

James: Wait, wait... him? You're a chick! How can 'he' sound like you!?

Mysterious Author Lady: I don't know....

Remus: Why do you hate me?

Mysterious Author Lady: I don't hate you. If I did this to James, he would transform and get out, ditto with Sirius (though I am equally scared of him), it wouldn't be as funny with Peter, and have you even seen Lily when she's mad?! She's like a living-breathing bomb!

Lily: *smiles sheepishly*

Remus: I--you--I could--you never--I could transform too!

Mysterious Author Lady: Yes, well, is it the full moon? NO! IT ISN'T! HA! HAHAHA! In YOUR FACE!

James: My head hurts....

Mysterious Author Lady: Why? I didn't write that.

Sirius: You just did half of your writing in capitals. We, that is to say James, Peter, Remus, Lily, and me--

Mysterious Author Lady: I. Not me, I.

Sirius: Whatever. Well, you wrote in capitals, and since we are the book characters, it hurts our heads.

Mysterious Author Lady: *thinking* You know too much. Obbliviate! *Disappears, leaving everyone confused, especially Remus, who is still hog-tied*

Sirius: Ooh, pretty stars...*falls asleep*

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Well, seeing as Mysterious Author Lady told me to do so... Ennervate! *Disappears*

Remus: What the bloody hell!?

Sirius: Why are you hog-tied, Remmy boy?

James: You look like a penguin!

Lily/Remus/Peter: Penguin?

Sirius: Dang! None of you understand him! Penguin... that was a good one, Jamesy boy...

James: Don't call me that!

Sirius: Whatever... *in low mutter* Jamesy....

Mysterious Author Lady: *walks in, through main door* Hi.... Er... I am the.... Er... I work for... Oh, hell! I just work somewhere! Anyway, you people are way too entertaining to pass this up. *Snaps fingers* You have exactly one minute before the terror within, begins.

Sirius: Thanks a lot, Topanga!

Lily: What?

Remus: Well, we had to experiment with Muggle TVs.... I think he watched a bit too much television.... (A/N: This has to do with a TV show that plays on a channel.)

James: I wonder what's gonna happen.

Mysterious Author Lady: I am annoyed. Have you not realized that I am still here?

Sirius: *glares* Shut up.

Mysterious Author Lady: Avada.... No. Must Not. Counselor will be most upset. *Disappears*

Sirius: MOMMY!

*At that moment, the doors open up and a person walks in, looking most confused. It is...*

Remus/Peter/James/Sirius: SNIVELUS!

Lily: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, SNAPE!?

Snape: Now, that old hag told me that there was money involved....

*Random bolt of lightning strikes Snape, and the Mysterious Author Lady is heard laughing somewhere distant*

Snape: Ow.

*Obvious Man*: Snape has been struck by lightning.

Sirius: No crap, Sherlock,

Obvious Man: Snape is in immense pain right now.

James: Shut up.

Obvious Man: James is upset at me.

Remus: Were you born like this?

Obvious Man: Remus is curious of how I was born.

Peter: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Obvious Man: Peter is talking louder then the others.

Lily: Isn't there some sort of off button on this thing?!

Obvious Man: The off button is on my ankle.

Lily: YAY! *Makes to turn off his...er...ankle*

Sirius: WAIT! I have an idea!

James: What now, oh brilliant one?

Sirius: What is your name, Mr. Obvious Man?

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Don't tell them!

Obvious Man: My name is-

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: NO! His name is Bone, on the microphone, and he smells so good, 'cause he wears colone!

Mysterious Author Lady: *appears* You spelt that wrong. *Disappears*

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Not my fault the spell check is broken. And besides, I'm a muse, not a dictionary.

Lily: Well, it's spelt C O L O G N E. Not C O L O N E.

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Kiss up.

Lily: Future Plumber.

Obvious Man: My name is Ashton Kutcher. Junior. Never mind the fact that Ashton Kutcher doesn't have a child. Yet....

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: You IDIOT!

Obvious Man: I look hot.

Snape: Have you idiots' forgotten I am still here?

Lily: We were trying to but you zoomed us back in.

Snape: Too bad.

Sirius: Good going, Topanga!

Lily: Stop calling me Topanga!

Mysterious Author Lady: *appears*

Snape: TRAITOR!

*Voldemort of future*: No YOU are the Traitor! *Disappears*

Snape: Ignore him.

James: Whatever.

Peter: Loser.

Remus: Idiot.

Sirius: Er... Rubber Ducky?

James/Lily/Snape/Remus/Peter/Mysterious Author Lady/Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: *glare*

Sirius: You guys took all the good ones!

Peter: Whatever.

Mysterious Author Lady: Whatever. Now, this is highly boring. I want it to spice up a bit. *Flicks wand* You have one minute. *Disappears*

Sirius: It's your entire fault, Topanga!

Lily: *jumps on Sirius, and starts poking him with spork*

Snape: Oh, crap!

James/Remus/Peter: What will happen to Snapie?

Snape: Shut up.

*Minute's up*

Snape: *his legs become UN-hairy, his shirt, pants, and robes are ripped off, to be replaced with coconut bra, a frilly green hula skirt, and flowers are put everywhere upon him. Then he starts hula dancing uncontrollably*

Snape: AHHH!

Sirius/Lily/Remus/Peter/: HAHAHAHA! SNAPE IS IN A HULA DRESS! GET THE CAMERA! THIS IS SO HILARIOUS!

Snape: *tries to hide, but legs will not allow it* No, no, no, no, NO!

Sirius: YES YES YES YES YES! *Camera appears for his convenience, and he starts snapping away madly*

Mysterious Author Lady: This will be funny. *Snaps fingers. Hula outfits appear on all five of them*

All five: NO!

Snape: YES!

James: *to Lily* You like hot with coconuts on, you know that?

Lily: Flat chest.

James: I'm a dude!

Lily: You think that....

Sirius: *catching the gist of it* Whatever makes you sleep better, Prongs...

James: I'm a dude!

Lily: With coconuts on your chest!

James: You have them too!

Lily: *proudly* Yes, but mine fit...

James: Oh, yes they do...

Sirius: *naturally drawn to weirdness*: Can you take, me higher...

Drugged up man behind them: No, but if you tell me where the frigen Dope is, I can make you higher! GIVE ME THE FRIGEN DOPE!

Remus: WE DON'T HAVE DRUGS! SNAPE DOES! HE WON'T GIVE YOU ANY THOUGH, IF YOU DON'T ATTACK HIM!

Drugged up man behind him: *Attacks Snape*

Snape: I don't have any drugs!

Sirius/James: Whatever makes you sleep better at night...

Lily: That's what they all say. The first step to rehab is admitting that you have a problem.

Remus/Sirius/James/Peter: Which we ALL know he does....

Drugged up man behind them: *rips off skirt and coconut top*

Peter: And the long awaited answer is revealed! Snape is a brief's man! OH MY GOD!

Remus/James/Sirius: I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT! IT'S BURNING HOLES IN MY EYES! OH MY GOD!

Lily: EW! I NEED POMFREY! I NEED HER NOW! I'M GOING CRAZY! THIS IS DISGUSTING!

Mysterious Author Lady: You idiots! There are kids in the audience! SHEESH! *Points wand* Obbliviate! Put-the-pants-on-Sevvie-io! Put-the-shirt-on-Sevvie-io! *Minds' obbliviated, pants are placed Sevvie, a shirt is placed on him too*

Lily/Peter/Remus/James/Sirius: *confused*

Mysterious Author Lady: Oh. Yeah. Cloth-them-with-ridiculously-childish-clothing-io! *Shirts go over them, varying muggle kiddy shows: Barney. The Wiggles. Rolie-Polie-Olie. Out-of-the-box. Barney (though that green person.)

Lily/Remus: You have GOT to be kidding us!

Sirius: I have a box on me. I'm happy.

Peter: I'm green....

Mysterious Author Lady: The fact that green is a Slytherin color has nothing at all to do with that, by the way! Really!

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: *coughing*

James: I'm purple! EEP! TOO FEMIN IN!

Lily: What, you can't say that word? *Grins*

Mysterious Author Lady: What can I say? I'm twisted in my own unique way. Embrace it. Fear It. *disappears*

Snape: This is stupid. Why am I here?

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Because the Mysterious Author Lady is very twisted because she recently ate her own cooking.

Obvious Man: I could have told you that...

Mysterious Author Lady: Aren't we all here.... Except me, my muse, and Obvious Man.... to watch a frigen movie?! Time for movie, chop, chop! *Snaps fingers* *disappears*

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: I am the muse, I must go...

Obvious Man: I am obviously not wanted...

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady and Obvious Man: *disappear*

James: What did she do?

Peter/Lily/Remus: Do you really wanna know?

James: Yes...

Obvious Man: *appears* They kicked me out, now they are making me stay with you idiots. The sky is blue.

Sirius: I wonder why they kicked you out.... *Voice dripping with sarcasm*

Obvious Man: Because I need to watch you. They love me...

Sirius: Shut up...

Lily: Well, I don't know why...

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: *appears* For your non-enjoyment....

Lily: So, she kicked you out too? I don't blame her...

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Suck up.

Lily: Go fix a sink... (A/N: Remember that catchy note: *future plumber*)

*Minute up*

Everyone except Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady and Obvious man: *drawn to seats and are made to sit down*

Remus: I'm STILL hog-tied!

Mysterious Author Lady: *appears* Oh yeah.... *Snaps fingers. Remus no longer tied* *disappears*

Remus: *does happy dance, before sits down*

Snape: *mad*

On movie screen: *phone rings* *girls answers* "Hello... Do you like phones?" "Yes...."

*Screaming is heard*

*Smoke form words: Be prepared... 'Evil Telemarketers two', January fifth...*

Snape: Now I know why you are so drawn to stupidity...

Sirius: *glares*

Peter: When is the movie gonna start?

Lily: I don't know...

Remus: Don't mind me, I'm just a genius and I so happen to know, so don't even bother asking me....

Sirius: Okay....

Remus: Why does everyone hate me anyway?

James: Not this again....

Remus: Yes this again! First, that little freaky lady author... thing... well, first she hates me, now you ignore me! I feel so alone!

Mysterious Author Lady: *appears* God, you wuss. Can't you take a joke? And you forgot Snape hates you too.

Snape: Too right! *Smiles*

Remus: I feel so alone...

Sirius: He feels so alone...

Obvious man: So alone now!

Mysterious Author Lady: Sheesh... *snaps fingers* *fluffy teddy bear appears out of nowhere* Here take this. The movie starts in five minutes, so pay attention to the previews playing! *Disappears*

James: What's eating her?

Lily: Well, if you would pay attention, you would know that it's that time of the month again.

James/Sirius/Peter: What's that?

Remus: *cuddling with teddy bear*

Lily: If you don't know, I'm not telling you.

Sirius/Peter: Ah, you're no fun!

Teddy Bear: Me wuv you!

Sirius: How adorable!

Remus: MY TEDDY!

Peter: Sissy...

Sirius: Don't even talk, sir I-still-sleep-with-the-lights-on.

Peter: Shut up.

Lily: Oh no he didn't!

Peter: No. Wait. What?

Lily: THATS MY LINE YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING PENGUIN!

James: High five, Lily. *Lily and James high five*

Peter: Well, soo-rry...

Remus: YOU IDIOT!

Peter: I give up....

James: That's a good point.

On movie screen: What time does the game start? *Girls walks across hallway*

*Male voice: * in about an hour, lets go!

*Driving* Girl: thanks, dad, mom was supposed to, but seeing as she's dead, I don't think she'll be doing that anytime soon.

Dad: No prob.

Peter: Where is this going?

Lily: Shut up...

On movie screen: *movie ad continued: * Hey, honey, I'll be right back, okay? *Girl* Okay.

*Male and new female get up and walk away*

*Clock appears, ticking down hours and hours*

That little *cuts out*

*Shows girl living through years, alone* *dad suddenly appears, poor and broke*

YOU LITTLE-! *Cuts out*, *shows girl with a Spork, following man around, poking him*

Will you stop it?! *Girl* No.

*Male* why not...?

*Announcer: Abandon. Coming next summer*

*Girl* Cause you deserve it in the least, for leaving me alone eight years ago...

James: I would never ditch my kid if I were a dad....

Lily: What if you didn't have a choice?

James: Wouldn't matter. I'd die before leaving my kid.

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady/Obvious Man: *Coughing heavily*

Sirius: Enough of the gushy stuff! Movie, movie, movie *starts chanting*

Remus: Teddy... must.... Hug... teddy.... *Becomes dazed with Teddy Bear, cackling is heard from the Mysterious Author Lady*

James: See, Sirius? I told you! Witches cackle, and Wizards laugh insanely!

Peter: I'm surrounded my fools...

Lily: Shut UP, Peter, you copy-catting fool!

Peter: I am so under-appreciated...

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: That you are, my friend, that you are...

Remus: Can I throw a party for my Teddy?

Mysterious Author Lady: I feel bad for you.... *Zaps teddy away and Remus' mind is back to normal*

Remus: I'm a total brain.

Sirius: Remmy old pal!

Snape: Has everyone forgotten me? How could you, actually, me being the wonderful God I am...

Mysterious Author Lady: Oh my god... you are so annoying... *points wand at him* Zap! Zap! ZAP! *Zaps him with pink marshmallows*

Snape: PINK! OH MY GOD, NO! NO, NO, NO!

James/Lily/Sirius/Peter/Remus/Mysterious Author Lady: YES, YES, and YES!

Snape: I am under-appreciated.

James/Sirius: That you are, our enemy, that you are...

Snape: *scowls*

Mysterious Author Lady: Yes well, got to go, take five folks... *disappears*

Snape: Why do I have a feeling I'm not leaving for a while?

Peter: Stop you're whining, no admission price...

Annoying Security Master: *walks to Snape* My senses tell me you have not paid. Cough it up.

Snape: *grumbles. Pulls out Euro Money. Hands money*

Sirius: How come you had muggle money?

James/Lily/Remus/Peter: Do you really wanna know?

Sirius: No... I don't think so....

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Who's ready for a nice cliffhanger!?

*Readers of this fic*: NOOO!

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Yes, well, who cares...

Mysterious Author Lady: *appears* Shut your trap already! There is no cliff! I'm just ending the chapter very abruptly. Bye!