The Marauders, Lily, and a Movie Theatre

MWPP, Lily, at the Movies~~~ Chapter two, Preshow Ads

*~*~*

*On movie screen*: *shows an ad for Scrub-a-dub dish soap* Gotta Scrubb-a-dub, gotta scrub-a-dub, your plates will be so shiny, and men, your wives won't be so whiny, so take the time, and buy some scrub-a-dub, and trust us, you'll fall in love...

Remus: Well that was the stupidest thing I've ever seen before.

Sirius: But...

Remus: Next to you, of course, Sirius!

James: I think my IQ just dropped a few points.

Lily: You didn't have one to begin with!

James: Yeah, I know, but it was a good expression.

Peter: Remmy, pass the bag of jellybeans.

James: Jelly? What? Beans? GIMME!

Remus: James, you have your own. Sirius, give him the bag.

Sirius: *mouth full of jellybeans* Ho'b ah eh sik'ing, kell my swellir.

Lily: Translation?

Remus: He said, hold on a second, let me swallow.

Sirius: *grins*

James: Jellybeans!? Gimme. I'm not getting any younger.

Remus: And that's probably a good thing.

James: Shut up.

Lily: That is, probably a good thing,

James: Yeah, it is, isn't it baby?

Sirius: *swallows (finally)* Here.

James: PRAISE THE LORD! HE GAVE ME THE JELLYBEANS!

On movie Screen: Are you lonely? Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you feel like nothing is yours? WELL NOW THERE IS BABY! Come on over to Debuers Car lot today and purchase a cheap, used car today! They all still have their all four tires, and none of them exceed four hundred and eighty-six thousand miles! Come on down to Debuers today!

Peter: I may not be too smart, but I don't think that's a very good deal.

Remus: Hell no!

Lily: Remus!

Remus: What?

Lily: You... you said... ah nevermind...

Remus: Chicks...

Lily: Excuse me?
Remus: Nothing!

Lily: Ugh huh....

James: Well that was entertaining.

Sirius: I'm bored James, do you want to join me in my plot?

James: What are you thinking of?

Sirius/James: *lean next to each other and start whispering*

James: Brilliant!

Sirius: We'll be right back....

Sirius/James: *get up and walk out of room towards concession stand*

Remus: I wonder what they're up to....

Peter/Lily: Do you really wanna know?

Remus: Come to think of it... no....

On movie screen: I'm simple and delicious and I'm mighty good vicious, I'll make your taste buds go wild, I'll make you light up a smile, so come and try me today! *Announcer voice starts*: Come get some Lucida's Potato Crisps Today!

Peter: Well that was stupid.

Remus: You think?

Peter: You didn't think it was stupid!?

*Crowd*: SHH!

Peter: Sod off!

Remus: It was sarcasm my little mouse.

Peter: Rat, you idiot, rat.

Sirius/James: *walk in with two bags, one bag of melted popcorn butter the other of melted chocolate*

James: Pass me the popcorn, Sirius.

Sirius: *gives popcorn*

James: *takes popcorn and a spoon that no one saw before, and gets a spoon full of butter and another of chocolate and inserts in mouth*

Sirius: *does the same as James*

Lily: Ew...

Remus: This can't be good...

Peter: When is it ever a good thing?

James/Sirius: *take the popcorn out of mouth, which is now covered in butter and chocolate, and start flicking it off towards random peoples heads*

Lily: That is against the rules of hygiene!

Peter: Since when have they followed rules?

Lily: *Thinks* Good point...

*People in crowd*: EW!

James: *sniggers silently*

Sirius: *chuckles like a six-year-old girl*

Remus: *to Lily* What's this movie about, anyway?

Lily: About a deranged man who goes off killing people, then nailing their hands and feet to pavement. The past three movies have been similar.

Peter: Sounds...fun...*shudders*

On Movie Screen: *(movie ad)*: Next summer... *shows picture of log cabin* You will experience the horror of your life... *shows a man bearing down on a woman with a knife* And will remember it forever...*movie people scream*

The Cabin Hidden in Hell---Next Summer the blood sheds.

Peter: ARGHH!

Lily: It is just an ad!

Peter: Find happy place! Find a happy place!

Sirius: *whispering to no one* wimp...

James: Pete, I would personally murder anyone who came near anyone of you with a knife. So get a grip, no worries...

*Announcer voice that comes out of nowhere*: Yes... But would he do the same for you!? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Remus/Sirius/James/Peter/Lily: ...freaky.

Remus: I love previews... I love movies... I love you, Mr. Tambourine Man!

James: Wait a second...

Sirius: That is totally unfair!

Remus: What!?

James/Sirius: YOU STOLE MY/HIS PART! I'M/HE'S THE ONE SUPPOSED TO BE WEIRD!

Remus: Well soo-rry...

On movie screen: *movie ad*: *smoke appears around the letters 'WB' then it reads 'Next Summer...'

Sirius: Enough of the friggen 'Next Summers'!

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: *music starts* Double double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble-*

James: Freaks.

Lily: Shut up.

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: *shows kid lighting a wand and looking down at something*

Remus/Sirius/Peter: He looks like you James!

Lily: He has my eyes though... He has James' looks... My eyes...

James/Lily: *look at each other*

Lily: OH GOD NO! DON'T MAKE ME HIS WIFE!

James: THANK YOU, GOD! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

Remus: Shut up.

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: "Sirius Black has escaped Azkaban Prison-"

Sirius: Coincidence?

James: I think not....

Remus: To Marauder Den!

Peter: Rather watch the pretty movie ads... And besides... Wait... we don't have a Marauder Den....

Lily: Shut up.

On movie screen: *movie ad continued* "Swear to me, you won't go looking, for Black!

James: Well, if Sirius was in Azkaban, and he escaped, why would anyone want to go looking for him?

Sirius: *kicks James*

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: Why would I go looking for someone who wanted to kill me?

James: *jumps up, stands on chair, and does booty dance* Oh yeah, I rock! I rock, I rock, and I rock! I knew he would say that!

Lily: *mutters to self* Showoff...

Remus: James, James dear, people are starting to stare at you....

James: *looks, sits down* Ha Sirius...

Sirius: Don't make me curse you....

Lily: I wonder why the guy got landed in prison...?

Remus: Maybe he was accused of killing somebody...?

James/Sirius/Lily/Peter/Remus: Nah....

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: *Snape/Boggart in dress*

James: This reminds me of a particular grease bag...

Sirius: THERE'S A DUDE IN A DRESS! GET THE CAMERA!

Lily: Chill, Sir, (A/N: Pronounced Seer if anyone is confused)

Sirius: BUT THERE IS A DUDE! THAT LOOKS LIKE SNAPE! A DUDE THAT LOOKS LIKE THE IDIOT THAT USES CRISCO AS SHAMPOO! IN A DRESS! GET THE FREAKING CAMERA!

James: Oh, contrare...

Peter/Sirius: Shwaa...?

James: Snape doesn't use Shampoo...

Sirius: Score one, for Jamesy!

James: Don't call me that!

Lily: Hey, isn't that Hogsmeade?

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: *shows Hogsmeade along with a 'wanted' ad for Sirius. *

James: Hogsmeade!

Sirius: Holy $#!&! That's me!

Lily: SIRIUS BLACK! IF YOU SWEAR ONE MORE TIME!

Sirius: *relaxes and starts whispering random things* Yes mother dearest,

*Seconds later*

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: *Dementors appear*

James: What. The. Hell.

Peter: FIND HAPPY PLACE!

Sirius: What the hell was that!?

Lily: Don't! *Slaps him* Ever! *Kicks him* Swear! *Hits him with a large tree limb that appeared out of nowhere* Again! *Slaps him again*

Sirius: Ow.

James: Haha.

Sirius: Wait, you didn't hit him!

Lily: Well I.... Wait... you're right... *starts hitting him*

James: I love you...

Remus/Peter: *snigger*

James: Shut up.

Peter: You just got whipped by a girl!

Lily: *whacks him*

Peter: *flinches because of his wimpiness*

James/Sirius/Peter: *in unison* Now hit Remus!

Lily: *Sits back and the tree limp magically disappears for some reason*

Remus: *looks particularly smug*

Sirius: Why didn't you hit him!?

James/Peter: Yeah! Why?

Lily: He's a prefect.

Remus: Yeah... I'm special.... *Grins smugly*

Peter: Pompous moron...

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: Harry Potter- And the Prisoner of Azkaban-

James: I don't mean to be obvious or anything, but... That is my last name, and he looks like me! And by the looks of it, he is a wizard, and Sirius is in prison, and ugh... Remus, weren't you in that Dress scene?

Sirius: *annoyed at the odds of him in prison* Hello captain Obvious...

Lily: Now where are you, where am I, and where is Peter?

Peter: Yeah, how come a James look-a-like, and Remus and Sirius are in the movie but we aren't?

James: Maybe there's a book? I'll get it after the movie...

Lily: OK, now shut up.

Sirius: Is it just me, or is she saying 'shut up' frequently?

Lily: No, I'm not. Shut up.

On movie screen: *new ad*: *in really weird and scary voice* If you like freaky...

James: No, I am freaky,

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: If you are unreasonably stupid...

Sirius: Yeah, well, that explains me... YAY! James is actually in this one!

James: *kicks Sirius*

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: Then you'll wanna see this...

James/Sirius: Continue!

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: Then come and see this movie, come October ninth! This horror movie has no reason, no plot, and absolutely nothing smart in it!

James: Ugh hum... Or so they say...

Sirius: Now that's my kind of movie!

James: *bonks Sirius in head with an empty soda bottle that appeared out of nowhere* TRAITOR!

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: Keith Ring's 'The murderous house of Sporks!'

Peter: AHHH! *Screams like a little girl*

Lily: Peter! It's an amateur movie! It's not even scary!

Sirius: I am offended.

James: So am I.

Lily: I will never understand what goes on in that thing you call a brain.

Remus: And you never will....

Lily: Why, though? What is so difficult about a boys mind!?

Remus: Well, we... or at least these other three gits next to me like to be difficult...It amuses them.

Lily: But... why? Frankly, it scares me.

Sirius: That's the point, baby!

Lily: I would rather you didn't call me 'baby'.

Sirius: *in singsong voice* Why, Lily-kins?

Lily: No one may call me 'baby'. No one.

James: Save, me?

Lily: No....

Peter: You know, just give in. You're going to break anyway. James is a nice boy; you would make the perfect pair.

Lily: How much did he pay you to say that?

Peter: He gave me-

James: Nothing! Absolutely nothing! *Laughs unconvincingly*

*James passes Peter a slightly bulged envelope*

Remus: I yie yie....

On movie screen: *movie ad*: *music starts* I'd do anything... Just to hold you in my arms, to try to make you laugh, but somehow I can't put you in the past,

Sirius: Whoever applies to that, is a nutter.

James: It reminds me of a certain redhead *looks pointedly at Lily*

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: What if.... *More music* You defied the odds, of what goes on the head of a guy? *Scene: A girl, trying to get away from a guy, who is basically... well obsessed, would be an understatement*

Lily: I would thank all the gods of the universe!

James: I would pity the man.

Sirius: Nothing a good counseling and an ice cream couldn't fix.

On movie screen: *movie ad continued*: Find out.... (I'd do anything for you...)...When

'Anything' comes out. November Eighth.

Peter: I'd do ANYTHING for you...! *In squeaky voice*

Remus/Sirius: Nut job, you are...

Peter: Don't hate me 'cuz I'm beautiful....

James/Sirius/Remus: *snorts*

Lily: Really, you three are so immature....

Sirius: That would make that the...

James: Nine hundredth and sixty-seventh time, yes it would.

Lily: What are you talking about?

Remus: This year, they started a count of how many times you would say they were immature.

Lily: Oh. And you're wrong boys, it sixty-eight, not sixty-seven. You forgot when I called you an immature black-haired stick.

James: Oh yeah... *gets notepad out and starts erasing things and writing things*

Remus: Is he slower then a turtle or what?

James: *takes large stick of meat that appeared out of nowhere and whacks Remus on the head*

Remus: Mysterious Author Lady!? This plot STINKS ON ICE!

Mysterious Author Lady: What!? How dare you! This is MY plot Remus Lupin! And 'Stinks on Ice'?! When were you born!? In my time, we don't start saying that till the nindies!

Remus: You spelt that wrong...

Mysterious Author Lady: I don't care! James? Whack 'em with the meat!

James: *whacks Remus*

Mysterious author Lady: NO! The OTHER STICK OF MEAT THAT MAGICALLY APPEARS! *A long, long stick of meat the size of a small tree appears out of nowhere*

James: *taken aback by the sudden miracle of sausage before him*

James: *continued*: *bows down to her* Thank you... I am forever grateful*

Mysterious Author Lady: WHACK HIM ALREADY!

James: OH! *Whacks him again*

Remus: *now has concussion in head*

Sirius: How come James is having all the fun!?

Mysterious Author Lady: Because I...er... like him more?

Sirius/Lily/Peter: WHY!?

Mysterious Author Lady: Well, you all find out any way! He dies! Okie? He dies in 1980! Happy?!

James: OH NO! DEAR GOD, NO! I CAN'T DIE! I JUST CAN'T! IF I...wait... how do you know?

Mysterious Author Lady: Um... Well, I think that's the doorbell... *disappears*

Lily: OH PRAISE THE LORD! HE DIES! I'M NOT MARRIED LONG!

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Um, actually, you love each other deeply, and er... you die too.

Lily: NOOOO! I first have to marry the little immature black haired stick, but now I have to DIE WITH HIM?!

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Um, yup, that just about covers it...

Peter: How... How do they die?

Remus: Something tells me we don't wanna know....

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Well, actually, you get betrayed by Pet-

Mysterious Author Lady: *appears* Dangit! You stupid Muse thing, get back here! You are spilling secrets! As for you five! You came here for a movie (by me of course) and you're going to watch it! *Walks up to them, * now, all of you! Sit back, look pretty, Peter, freak out frequently, Sirius, be annoying, Remus, be logical, James, chase after Lily, Lily, offend James! Got it!? Otherwise, YOU'LL BREAK THE CHAIN! *Disappears*

Mysterious announcer voice that comes mysteriously out of nowhere that mysteriously sounds like the Mysterious Author Lady: Well, seeing as I'm the muse, I must go... *disappears...wait... he wasn't there to begin with. Nevermind. *

James: *whacks Remus. Again. *

Remus: HEY! She isn't here! You can stop now! OW!

Sirius: That was... weird...

Lily: STOP WHACKING REMUS WITH SAUSAGE!

Peter: Do you know how very awkward and weird that sounded?

Sirius: He he he...

James: But it's so... words cannot describe it... It was... fun...

Lily: No, what is going to be fun, is when I stick a blender up your arse, if you don't stop whacking Remus with that stick of meat!

Sirius: OH MY GOD!

Peter: In the name of Merlin, what is it!?

Sirius: Lily just said arse! She swore! The great and mighty mighty Lily SWORE! OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT I'D NEVER SEE THE DAY!

Lily: Shut up...

Remus: *takes advantage of James staring stupidly at Sirius; grabs the stick of meat, and sticks it in James' mouth*

James: Wah da boody hull wer tut fobe!?

Lily: Translation?

Sirius: What the bloody hell was that for.

Lily: How can you guys do that?

Sirius: I didn't do it! It was Snape! He was the one that dyed Mrs. Norris's tail hair orange and pink, I SWEAR!

Remus: She was talking about how we can translate each other, you idiot!

Lily: You dyed Filch's cat's tail hair?

Sirius/Remus/Peter: Maaaaaaaaaaaay beeeeeeeeeeeeee.... *Grins sheepishly*

Lily: I... I don... I don't even.... I don't wanna know....

James: Herlin! Em stuts hire!

Lily: And that would mean...?

Remus: *says simply* Hello, I'm still here.

Remus: *continued* and quite frankly, I don't care...

James: Oh dery yut! Yut... yut... yut stepish wah werlf!

Lily: Translation?

Sirius: *bonks James on head* Idiot!

Remus: Um.... How dare you, you, you, you stupid.... Um.... Bongo Drum?

Peter/Sirius: Bongo Drum!? Is that the best you could come up with!?

Lily: I don't wanna know...

Remus: Mysterious Author Lady! I would not have normally said Bongo Drum! Why did you make me say that!?

Mysterious author Lady: Because I wanted you to. It's so much fun, ya' know? Anyway, just for that, I'm making the next chapter, 'An Unexpected And Surely Hated Surprise'...and you know what will happen? Guess! Oh, you're no fun, an unexpected and surely hated surprise will happen! Oh, I can see it now... He he he... I want to say this now, Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter, blame him for this. *Disappears*

Sirius: I hate you!

Remus: I didn't do anything!

James: *meat finally out of mouth* Well, now the Mysterious Author Lady will do something we'll all obviously hate!

Lily: Idiot!

Remus: But I thought you didn't hate me!

Lily: That was now this is then!

Lily/Peter/Sirius/James: You are going down! *Start mad mob attack on Remus*

Remus: NOOOOOO!