Siofra and Company Reloaded

"Oh my gosh, Deirdre, thank you!" Siofra squealed, grabbing the book from Deirdre's outstretched hand.

When Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix had come out, Deirdre and Con stood in line from midnight to three in the morning to get Siofra a copy. All while Siofra had been unsuspectingly asleep on the couch.

Apparently, they'd decided to repeat the tradition with Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Siofra tore the book out of her sister's hand and flipped through it.

The only passage she saw clearly was the following:

"It's about time!" Hermione shouted happily.

Ron turned dazedly to Harry. "You heard that too, right, mate?"

Harry nodded silently.

She set the book down, vowing to read it as soon as she returned from work. She noticed that the cover art was uncommonly ugly, a simple white with the title across the top in red letters. Evidently the publishers had decided to take a different direction.

When she returned from work, she checked her owl box and found the following from katicle (a.k.a. Katy):

Cor! HBP was ace! Have you read it yet? I'm so completely speechless right now! Wow! I just can't believe it!

Talk to you soon.

Siofra also had an owl from merkehator, so she opened that one next.

I was going to review your latest, but decided I'd review after I finished the newly arrived canon version, right? I'm halfway through, so I'm off to finish it now. It's so excellent already, I can hardly stand it.

Remembering that she had a copy of the book, Siofra clicked off the internet and rushed to her room to grab it and get started. She was anxious to find out if the moment she'd glimpsed had anything to do with the lovely Good Ship.

But it was gone.

Her new book, the one that still smelled like a new book, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, had vanished.

She looked everywhere. Under the couch; in her desk; on her bookshelf; among her half-finished schoolwork. She scoured the house, searching desperately for the book with no success.

Under the couch again...in the trash can...on the movie shelf...in the kitchen cabinets...behind the bookshelf...under her dresser...in the shower...in the laundry basket...

"Where are you?" she muttered. "I can't find it...where did you go?"

Her only answer was a plaintive meow.

Siofra's eyes snapped open, and she sighed in relief. It was just a nightmare. Just an unthinkable, awful dream that hopefully would never come true. And then she groaned.

"Kiara," she said sleepily. "Crookshanks is on my head."

"Vila," Kiara corrected automatically, sitting up from the tangle of blankets and people on the living room floor.

"Crookshanks," Siofra argued.

They had this argument quite often. Kiara had the cutest half-grown cat, white with gray around the ears, nose, feet and at the end of the tail. Siofra, upon catching sight of the thing when it only was as big as her hand, promptly dubbed it Crookshanks in honor of the bandy legged half-Kneazle.

Kiara had argued that Brianna had already named it Vila, and Crookshanks was orange anyway. Siofra stubbornly persisted in calling it Crookshanks, and so the battle raged on.

Speaking of battles...

"Remus, darling, your hair is all mussed," Katy said, smoothing it down.

"Hands off, wench," Tonks spat.

"I am perfectly within my rights to put my hands wherever I like," Katy informed her haughtily. Then she caught Siofra's eye and grinned. Siofra shook her head exasperatedly, hiding a smile.

"Not if you still want them attached to your body," Tonks warned.

"Siofra," Tom said. "You promised to take me fishing today."

Siofra slapped a hand to her forehead. "That's right. I did."

"Are we taking the truck?" Kiara asked excitedly.

"I'm driving," Siofra said defensively. "You aren't. NEIL!"

Neil poked his head through the door to the den. His room was behind the den, and about the size of a large cardboard box.

"Where are the keys to your truck?" Siofra asked. "You did say I could borrow it, right?"

Neil threw her the keys, which he'd been conveniently carrying around for time-saving purposes.

"Thanks," she said, flashing him a smile as he ducked back out the door, his part in this chapter now over.

"I can't believe he's letting you borrow his truck," Brianna said with a pout.

Siofra threw the keys in the air and caught them adroitly. "I love being the Mary Sue!"

Brianna threw her a dark glare. "Just because you've got that author up there who likes you the best..."

"You can say that again," Siofra agreed happily, jingling the keys in Brianna's direction. "And I don't even get my license for another six months."

"Oh, shut up," Kiara sniped.

"Never, my darling," Siofra said. "I'm the star, I'm not allowed to be silent."

The author has just realized that Siofra isn't a Mary Sue just yet. Before she can join the illustrious ranks of Original Characters/Author Insertions, she must be described in glowing terms that leave no doubt as to her uncommon beauty.

Siofra is tall and lithe, with an innate grace that captures one's heart. She had eyes of a stunning sea blue, framed by thick lashes and tilted brows that gave her a distinctly mysterious air. Below her eyes was her pert little nose and full lips, her face ending in a delicately tapered chin. Her hair cascades in curls down her back, the color of dark mahogany. She was thin and graceful...and thin. Did I mention thin?

Now she is officially a Mary Sue.

Kiara cleared her throat. "You know we can hear that, right?"

"Liar!" Alex called.

"Come now, author lady," Tom admonished. "Tell the truth."

Oh, fine. Siofra is rather short, actually. Her stunning blue eyes are a result of colored contacts, the thick lashes achieved by application of the most wonderful mascara in the world, Physician's Formula Lash-In-A-Tube. Her nose is a bit on the long side, also. Everyone wants the Native American blood until they've got the nose to go with it. Her chin is strong, and a tad square. Her ears are pointy. Her hair is wavy, and she cannot get it to stay curled no matter what she does, because it's thick and the curls stretch out into waves. She wears size 3 jeans and still thinks she's fat.

She does have the Dimples of Death, as someone I've forgotten once said. It was probably Drew or Alex, maybe Derek.

Happy now?

"Very," Kiara said.

"She looks like an elf," Drew added.

Siofra jumped up to go look in a mirror. "Hey!" she yelled from the bathroom. "I do look like an elf! Wicked!"

"Weren't we talking about fishing?" Tom asked, getting them all back on subject.

Siofra returned to the room, looking thoughtful. "The key to the boat storage is in Dad's truck, so we'll have to drop by my house and take that. We can haul the boat on Neil's truck, but it only seats three people, including the driver." She smiled wickedly at Kiara. "Which would be me."

"I'll take my car and whoever else wants to go," Brianna offered.

"I do!" Katy said.

"I'm going," Kiara added.

"I want to," Con put in.

"And me," Dan said.

"Draco and I are going," Ria said.

"And that's all that will fit," Siofra concluded.

"What are the rest of us going to do?" Deirdre demanded.

Siofra pulled a hundred dollar bill out of her jeans pocket, as everyone had conveniently become dressed, despite having woken up mere moments earlier.

"Go see a movie," Siofra said, handing Deirdre the money.

Deirdre shrugged. "Works for me."

"I'm going to stay here," Hermione said vaguely, already seating herself at the computer desk.

"Are you addicted?" Siofra asked amusedly. "To Good Ship fanfiction, no less!"

"I'm curious," Hermione said. "But I'm staying away from that Good Ship drivel."

"You want my advice?" Siofra asked, then continued without waiting for a response. "Stay away from the Pumpkin Pie."

"What's that?" Hermione asked interestedly.

Siofra walked over, bent slightly, and whispered in Hermione's ear. Kiara glared at her, knowing exactly what Siofra was saying and hating it immensely.

"EWWW!" Hermione yelled. "That's just wrong. I'd rather read the Good Ship nonsense. Yuck."

"EWWW," Siofra agreed. "With three W's, mind."

"Which stands for what?" Kiara asked in a sing-song voice, with a knowing look on her face.

"Every Woman Wants a Weasley!" the two girls chorused.

Ron looked vaguely frightened.

"Not you, sweetheart," Siofra assured him, patting his arm. "It's Charlie I want."

"Mmm...Fred," Kiara said in a predatory tone.

Ron now looked vaguely nauseated.

"I'm more of a Bill girl, myself," Brianna put in. "After finishing the Goblet of Fire...well...Bill rocks."

"Bill does rock," Siofra agreed. "But Charlie rocks even more. He rocks my socks. And we all know who rocks Hermione's socks, don't we?"

Siofra, Katy and Liselle exchanged knowing looks, while Hermione blushed and refrained from speech.

"Liselle!" Siofra exclaimed. "How did you get here?"

"I'm a cameo," Liselle said promptly. "But my cameo time is up, as I have to get to a doctor's appointment." She patted her stomach in an explanatory manner.

"Did I ever say congrats on the kiddo?" Siofra asked. "Well, congratulations. I'm going to be an aunt, myself."

"Oh really?" Liselle said.

"Yeah, Con's wife is due in March," Siofra said, grinning.

"Con got married?" said a disappointed Ginny. "Damn."

"Yup, he sure did," Siofra said with a grin. "Funny, that's what Samantha said..."

"Then she said she didn't want Con," Kiara added, "she just loved his bum."

Siofra shook her head in a disbelieving manner. "That's Samantha for you."

"She's crazy," Kiara added, as Con gave them both The Look.

"Speaking of which," Siofra said, "won't the wifey be missing you?"

"I gotta go," Con affirmed, checking his watch. "Crystal's going to be wondering where I am."

A chorus of whiplash noises could be heard from the general vicinity of Siofra and Kiara.

"Funny," Con said. "I'm leaving."

"We'll call you later!" Siofra yelled after him. "And ask Crystal if you can come out and play!"

Kiara gave Siofra A Look. "I'd refrain from teasing, if I were you?"

"Why?" Siofra asked, blissfully unaware of her own impending doom.

"You can tease when you work up the courage to actually have a conversation with..."

Siofra clapped a hand over Kiara's mouth. "None of that. I am in a fic with the hottest guys in the universe, and we are not going to dwell on the real life guys."

"Will you at least talk to him?" Kiara asked exasperatedly.

"No," Siofra said stubbornly. "Not like it would make any difference. He has a girlfriend."

"Oh, but you're loads prettier than her," Kiara argued.

"Hey, here's a novel thought," Siofra said sarcastically. "Some people date others for their personalities."

"But - "

"CHANGING THE SUBJECT NOW!" Siofra yelled. "It's officially changed. Kiara, Tom, you're coming with me."

Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Siofra ran to answer it, and was astonished at the sight that met her eyes. Which is idiotic, as she knows the author is crazy. She shouldn't be surprised.

"Why do you have a horse on Kiara's porch?" she asked slowly, eyeing the smirking boy with vague apprehension.

"Because I felt like bringing one with me," the boy replied, in an Irish accent that made one of the people in the other room moan longingly. Siofra recognized Kiara's Oh-My-Gosh-I-Love-A-Guy-With-An-Accent moan.

"So, I heard your dog died," Siofra said brightly, trying to make conversation.

"Gee, that's a lovely thing to bring up," the boy replied.

"My cat Gretchen died," Siofra said with a shrug. "She's a kitty pancake now. So sad."

The boy looked at Siofra as if she was out of her tree. Which she is. So, you know, the boy must be smart. Watch me keep saying "the boy" so you readers (all three of you) won't know who I'm talking about.

"Can I come in?" the boy said.

"Er...not with that horse, you can't," Siofra said.

The boy promptly released the reins and removed the horse's bridle. "Run!" he called. "Be free, Blackie!"

"And I shall ride little Blackie," Siofra said in a prim tone.

"I thought I said no quoting John Wayne movies," the author's voice said sternly.

"Sorry, couldn't help it," Siofra said with a shrug, watching the horse trot away down the street. "That was a highly stupid thing to do, by the way."

The boy smirked. "This is a crazy fic. Things like that happen here."

"Devon Murray, you prat, get your bum inside," Siofra said half-adoringly, half-exasperatedly, giving away the boy's identity once and for all.

Kiara gave a squeal from the next room. "The accent," she moaned. "The accent is so hot!"

"Oh, shut up," Drew said...jealously?

"Are you jealous?" Siofra said excitedly, running back into the room. "I told you that you were madly in love with her! Oh, this is so just like the Yule Ball!"

Hermione and Ron blushed.

It was a well known fact among the assembled group that Siofra was currently playing the role of official Drew/Kiara shipper and matchmaker, but that didn't mean the couple in question had to like it. Drew jumped on Siofra and tackled her to the ground.

Most unfortunately, she fell on an upright nail.

Unprintable words were yelled through the house.

"Oh crap," Drew said. "I'm sorry. Are you alright?"

Alex was looking daggers at Drew, and yet made no move to help his poor, injured cousin. Siofra had the impression that he was more angry about the tackling than the nail. She expected Navy SEALS to burst through the door at any moment.

"Let me see," Kiara said in a motherly tone, examining the back of Siofra's shirt. "Oh, hey, there's a hole."

"No kidding," Siofra groaned. "Drew, I'm going to kill you."

"It's not too bad," Kiara decided. "It's not punctured too deep."

"I got nailed," Siofra said in a mock injured tone. "Drew nailed me."

Drew and Kiara burst into hysterical laughter, but luckily no one else heard Siofra's quiet joke. Con and Alex would have gone into fits.

Oops. Devon heard it. Those pesky Irishmen. The one in Kiara's house was currently looking at Siofra, Kiara and Drew as if they were insane. Which they are.

"On second thought, I'm leaving," Devon said, running out of the house. "Blackie!" they heard him shout down the street. "Come back, Blackie!"

"I'm sorry I nailed you," Drew said seriously. "Very sorry."

The three of them burst out laughing again.

"Apology accepted," Siofra said properly. "If you help me off the ground, of course."

Kiara was kind enough to step over her on the way back to the living room, but Drew put his sneaker clad foot squarely on Siofra's stomach. They then nonchalantly made their way back to the living room, ignoring her shouted death threats.

Prats.

*

They were on the lake, after filching the key to the boat storage and hauling the boat down to the lake behind Neil's truck.

Which Siofra drove, of course. It was up there in the top 5 moments of her life, right up there with the time the Central Texas Christian School Lions' running back offered to give her wakeboarding lessons.

It was a great truck.

Really.

And that running back had a great bum. Those football trousers were very revealing. 273 yards rushing in one game notwithstanding, he was a work of art. All chiseled muscles, hard abs, deep brown bedroom eyes and tanned skin, poured into football pants and skintight Under Armour. Yummy.

But I digress.

They went to the lake. They fished. It was quite boring.

Siofra sighed every time someone on a wakeboard whizzed by them. That was next summer's project. This summer she'd learned to ski, next summer she'd tackle wakeboarding.

She couldn't wait.

*

Meanwhile, Back at Kiara's House...

"Hermione Granger and the Order of the Phoenix, by Ann Margaret," Hermione said aloud to herself. "This should be interesting."

*

Meanwhile, at the Movie Theatre...

"Ron, that's the girls' bathroom," Deirdre hissed.

"How can you tell?" Ron demanded rather desperately.

"It's got the little stick person with the dress," Deirdre explained.

*

Meanwhile, in Downtown Kiara's Town (which shall remain unnamed)...

"Blackie!" Devon Murray called. "Come back here, Blackie!"

"Neigh," said Blackie.

*

Meanwhile, at Siofra's House...

"I can tell you, my love for you will still be strong!" Mrs. Mahoney sang, dancing around

the kitchen. "After the boys of summer have gone!"

"At least she's stopped talking to the soup cans," Siofra's little sister muttered.

*

Meanwhile, at the Running Back's House...

"I've got this strange feeling someone's writing weird things about me," Alan confided to Josh, the quarterback.

"I get that all the time," Josh-the-quarterback replied sagely. "Like about your hard, chiseled body and such?"

"Yeah..." Alan said, with a thoughtful frown. "It's probably Con's little sister again. Will she never learn?"

Suddenly, Siofra appeared. "Hello, lovely football boys."

"Apparently not," Alan muttered.

Siofra rolled her eyes. "Holy Trinity trounced San Antonio Christian 112 to 83 on Friday."

"You're joking!" Josh shouted.

"Didn't we beat Holy Trinity last week?" Alan said.

"Week before last," Siofra said. "Anyway, I can't wait until y'all play San Antone Christian, you'll kick their butts!"

"No shit," Alan said. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"

"Living out my fantasies," Siofra sighed. She walked over and sat in Alan's lap. "This is almost as great as driving Neil's truck."

"Almost?" Alan said, looking rather put out.

"It's a great truck," Siofra said defensively.

Alex rushed through the doorway. Siofra leapt out of Alan's lap, with the look of someone caught doing something they weren't supposed to be doing.

"I think not, Siofra, dear cousin," Alex said, grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards the exit.

Then he turned around and glared at the poor, innocent running back named Alan, who hadn't done anything but be desperately good looking and ace at football. Football players, after all, are Siofra's weakness.

Oh, and that whole guitar thing. But that's whole other batch of cornbread.

"I'm watching you," Alex warned. Alan looked disconcerted.

He stalked out with Siofra tagging behind him, a distinctly miffed look on her face.