A Reflection of Himself

Harry was quite thankful that it was a Saturday, for it meant no classes and free time all day to do whatever he wanted. He frowned, recalling that he hadn't the time the previous day to visit Sirius in Lupin's office, so he knew exactly what he would be doing with most of his time today. After a quick breakfast before his friends had even awoken, Harry proceeded down the stairs toward Lupin's office. He was glad to find the door partly open, which meant that Lupin was no doubt inside.

Knocking on the door, Harry heard Lupin's voice call, "Come in!"

Harry pushed the door open far enough for him to enter and stepped into the office. Lupin was apparently engrossed in grading papers, for there were parchments upon parchments spread out all over his desk. Lupin reached for a cup of coffee and took a sip before looking up at his visitor.

"Ah, Harry," he smiled, "good morning."

"Hullo, Remus," Harry replied, half-smiling.

"It's the man of the hour!" Harry heard Sirius's voice joke from the wall.

Turning around to face Sirius, Harry greeted his godfather.

"Here to visit old Padfoot, Harry?" Lupin inquired politely.

"Yes," Harry said. "Is that all right?"

"Of course," Lupin responded, "although I must request that you keep your voices down. I've a lot of grading to do, I'm afraid."

"Aw, you're no fun, Moony," Sirius taunted in a voice of mock-hurt, eyeing Lupin innocently.

Lupin raised a hand and waved Sirius off, shaking his head and smiling. "Yes, I always was the boring one, eh?" he softly jested. "Anyway, stay as long as you wish, Harry."

"Thanks, Remus," Harry replied, taking a chair and moving it over to face Sirius's portrait. Taking a seat, Harry sighed and looked at Sirius.

"So?" Sirius asked. "Anything new in your life, Harry? Any girlfriend or girlfriends, hmmmm? Surely James's son at the ripe age of sixteen is being smothered by girls."

"Er, well... kind of," Harry said, turning a bit red.

"Oh? Who's the lucky gel?"

"Ginny Weasley."

"Didja hear that, Moony?" Sirius called across the room. "Harry's got himself a girlfriend! And Arthur's youngest and only daughter, too! Wow, Harry, I'm impressed." Sirius winked knowingly at Harry, who regarded his godfather in somewhat of a confused manner.

"That's nice," Lupin murmured, smiling slightly, obviously trying to concentrate.

Harry's expression then turned sour as a scowl came upon his face, and when Sirius's eyes darted back to his godson, he was now the one who was confused.

"Harry?" Sirius asked. "Is something wrong?"

"It's..." Harry hesitated. "It's Potions class... or should I say the lack there of?"

"Pardon?" Sirius inquired, furrowing his brow.

"Er... well, I was in Advanced Potions," Harry tried to explain. "I want to be an Auror after Hogwarts, and according to what McGonagall told me last year, I need to take Potions during my final two years at Hogwarts."

"Harry, I am so sorry," Sirius said apologetically. "Having to put up with Snape for two additional years would be more than enough to dampen anyone's spirit."

"Yeah, well... looks like I won't need to worry about putting up with the git any longer."

Upon hearing Harry's last sentence, Lupin placed his quill down and looked up quizzically at Harry and Sirius.

"Harry?" Lupin asked tentatively. "What do you mean?"

"Yeah, what d'you mean?" Sirius echoed, growing anger apparent in his tone.

"I'm not in his class anymore," Harry mumbled. "He... he threw me out."

"Why, that miserable, greasy, no-good-" Sirius started to say, but Lupin gently interrupted him.

"Harry, why would he do such a thing?" Lupin questioned, trying to keep the conversation reasonable.

"Because apparently I'm a 'waste of his time,'" Harry sulked and went on to explain the circumstances under which Snape had thrown him out of his classroom yesterday.

"I swear it, Harry," Sirius growled, baring his teeth, "if I weren't just a portrait, I'd give that- (Sirius grated out a few choice words that Harry was shocked to hear) -something to get upset about!"

"Sirius," Lupin said, shaking his head. "That's not going to do any good, and you know it. Harry, have you talked to Dumbledore yet about this?"

"No," Harry responded, "but I'm not sure if I even want to. I mean, why should I go begging to be allowed into his class again? I'll- I dunno, I'll find some way or another to become an Auror," Harry continued, trying to convince himself that he could still pursue his dream profession.

"Harry, listen to me," Lupin said firmly. "Before I was even a professor, and before Sirius was unfairly thrown into Azkaban, and before your father... died... we were all Aurors for the Ministry and worked with the Order. I can tell you from experience that the requirements are very strigent for being admitted into the three-year program for Auror training. Unfortunately, you will need Advanced Potions and at least an E on your N.E.W.T.s."

"Then it's hopeless," Harry muttered, hanging his head. "I guess... I guess I'll just have to look for another career, then... that is, if I even survive this war."

"Don't say that, Harry!" Sirius exclaimed, obviously unnerved by hearing such a time. "You're the only one who can stop Voldemort. You won't be like me, Harry... I know you'll live on."

"How can you be so sure?" Harry asked shakily. "I just don't feel so sure about much of anything any longer..."

"No one knows anything for sure, Harry," Lupin gently explained, "but you've got friends who would give their lives for you if they had to.... I'd do it if it meant saving your life."

"No!" Harry cried instinctively. "No, Remus! I don't want you to wind up like-"

"Like me?" Sirius whispered. "Harry, if there was any other way to die, I wouldn't have wanted it. I died fighting... fighting against the Death Eaters... and fighting for what's right... fighting for you, Harry. I couldn't just have stayed at home that night, knowing that your life was endangered."

"But, Sirius," Harry replied desperately. "If I hadn't been so foolish as to allow Voldemort to- to trick me into thinking you were at the Department of Mysteries, you'd still be here... It's because of me that you're dead. It's my fault; it's my fault," Harry uttered, tears beginning to well up in his eyes. He dashed them away furiously. "I blamed Dumbledore... I blamed Snape... I of course blamed the Death Eaters and Voldemort... but it all comes down to it being my fault..."

"Stop it, Harry," Sirius said firmly yet gently. "Don't blame yourself for my actions. I chose to leave my house that night, even though it was going against Snape's words. It was an honor to fight alongside you, Harry. The only thing I regret is that I couldn't have been there for you more... and now, I'm barely here as it is."

"Harry," Lupin sighed heavily, "situations like what happened last summer are never easy for us to bear, but what choice do we have? You're not alone, Harry; you're not alone."

Lupin meekly embraced Harry, while Sirius looked on with desperate, longing eyes. If he could have, he would have reached out of that portrait and taken his godson into his arms.

For once in his life, Snape had slept in. He rarely got more than five hours of sleep, and to have the opportunity to push for six hours was a rare treat indeed. There was nothing to really wake up for, anyway, and the moment he opened his dark eyes, the Head of Slytherin knew that he would be in for a headache.

As he lay in his large four-poster on the dark green silken sheets, Snape quickly recalled the words Dumbledore and he had exchanged the previous night. He knew the inevitable would happen before the day was done: Dumbledore would summon him to his office to "discuss" Harry's performance in Advanced Potions.

"More like he'll tell me that the celebrity child must be allowed back in, no buts about it," Snape mumbled, finally sitting up in the bed. He rubbed at his eyes, as if that might push the drowsiness away that he was currently feeling. A long, hot shower was definitely a necessity at the moment, but before Snape stood up from the bed, Dumbledore's head appeared in the grate, surrounded by green flames.

"Good morning to you, Severus!" the old codger exclaimed, smiling benignly.

"Merlin, Albus!" Snape admonished. "Don't you know how to knock? Haven't I the right to some privacy?"

"Ah, good to see your bright and cheery self is quite well and awake, my boy," Dumbledore beamed in a manner that Snape found particularly unnatural and disturbing.

"Yes, well... I do try to make an impression," Snape drawled sarcastically. "What is the meaning of this 'happy calling,' Headmaster?"

"Care to join me for lunch in my office in a half an hour, seeing as it will then be noon and you have already slept too late for it to be breakfast?"

"What choice do I have?" Snape grumbled. "Fine, fine... I'll be there, sir. Now, kindly remove your all-seeing eyes from my chambers."

"But of course," Dumbledore mused and then disappeared.

With a groan, Snape stood up and proceeded to the bathroom, where he quickly showered, including washing his hair (yes, the "greasy" Potions Master does wash his hair), shaved, and dressed in the usual black ensemble. He didn't bother to examine himself in the mirror, as that was hardly necessary when he wasn't concerned in the least about vanity. Snape warded the door to his chambers and walked through the dingy dungeons, nodding curtly to several Slytherin students as he walked past them.

Making his way up to the main level, Snape felt the temperature rise slightly, for the castle was oftentimes quite drafty and cool in the winter. He wasted no time in making his way to Dumbledore's office, where he almost reluctantly muttered the password: "Pixie Stix."

After ascending the stairs, Snape entered Dumbledore's office and took the proffered seat opposite the old man. The food was already laid out on the table between them, and feeling quite hungry, Snape picked up a sandwich and began nibbling on it.

"Thank you for coming, Severus," Dumbledore began. "Delightful day, isn't it?"

"Do get to the point, Albus," Snape muttered in between bites.

"Of course," the aged wizard conceded. "Well, I'm sure you know why you are here, Severus. We are to discuss Harry's performance in your class."

"As if I hadn't expected this," Snape sneered. "What of it, sir?"

"Severus," he said sternly, "I know the boy and you do not get along, but was it fair of you to permanently remove him from your class? On what grounds was this done?"

Snape placed the half-eaten sandwich on the plate in front of him and sighed, shaking his head. "Fair, Headmaster? Do humor me and give me an ample definition of what it fair in your eyes. You would no doubt do anything in your power to ensure that the famous Harry Potter is granted special privileges. The boy is a law unto himself. I've seen it since the day he arrived at Hogwarts, and mark my word, Albus, I knew he would be exactly like his father."

"Is this what this is about, Severus?" Dumbledore inquired. "Please tell me that you have finally managed to place aside your differences regarding James Potter and his friends and stopped making Harry suffer your indignation."

"It is hardly that simple," Snape growled, turning his face away from the Headmaster. "I will not sit here and be scolded like a damn child, Albus."

"No?" Dumbledore implored. "Then I suggest you stop acting like one, Severus. This grudge you've held against Harry because of his father's actions toward you as a youth has gone on for too long."

"It's not just a grudge!" Snape barked, clutching the arms of his chair fiercely. "We all depend on that- boy... as our salvation from the Dark Lord! You know this, Albus; you know this. Before he came along, I- I thought... that I would be the one to-"

"To defeat him?" Dumbledore asked softly.

"Yes," Snape sighed resignedly. "It was the least I could do to- make up for the past."

"It is not your battle to fight," Dumbledore stated gently.

"No?" Snape questioned, glaring at Dumbledore. "Then why do I have to feel this... this accursed guilt resting on my conscience? Mr. Potter never did anything to deserve such a burden as the one he bears... Why not let someone else take it, someone who has a penance to pay?"

"That was and is not for me to decide," Dumbledore replied, shaking his head in defeat, "nor is it for you to decide, my boy. There are greater powers at work here, above and beyond our understanding and control. You know what the Prophecy speaks of, Severus, and there is no other way. Harry must destroy Voldemort, or else Voldemort must destroy Harry."

Snape visibly cringed upon hearing that last statement. "Don't say his bloody name," he muttered. "I know the Prophecy, yes... but that doesn't change how I feel."

"Well, only you can change that," Dumbledore said somberly. "As for Harry, what say you, Severus? Will you allow him back in your class?"

"Very well," Snape muttered, "but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

After a few minutes, Harry had settled down some. He wiped any stray tears from his face and regarded his two friends.

"What now?" he asked.

"Do you want to talk to Dumbledore about it?" Lupin suggested.

Harry sighed, "Maybe... maybe I should, but I don't want to go alone."

"I'll be happy to come with you, Harry," Lupin supplied.

"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed from his spot on the wall. "What about me?"

"I suppose you'll be wanting us to carry you there?" Lupin smirked.

"Well, as Harry's godfather, I think I have a right to be there," Sirius said smugly.

Harry smiled slightly and said, "Of course you're coming, Sirius, and thank you, Remus... thank you, both of you."

Together, Lupin and Harry removed Sirius's portrait from the wall and left Lupin's office. They headed for Dumbledore's office, and once they arrived, Lupin gave the password, and they proceeded to climb the stairs. When they stepped into the office, though, they were all surprised to see that Dumbledore wasn't alone.

"Severus!" Lupin exclaimed, while at the same time Sirius remarked in disgust, "Snivellus!"

Snape glared at the newly arrived group and stood up from his chair, saying hastily, "Excuse me, Headmaster, but I believe our meeting is over."

"Sit down, Severus," Dumbledore instructed firmly. "Do come in," he told the others, "and have a seat. I believe we have much to discuss."

Lupin agreed easily enough, but Harry stood off to the side at some distance, gripping onto Sirius's portrait for his life.

"Harry," Dumbledore repeated, "please, lad. Join us. And you, too, of course, Sirius."

Harry glared at Snape for a moment and then sat down.

"Am I correct in saying that you have all come here to discuss Harry's placement in Potions class?" Dumbledore asked.

Lupin nodded, but Harry and Sirius just remained silent and didn't barge an inch.

"Interesting," acquiesced Dumbledore. "Severus and I were just discussing that very topic."

"And?" asked Sirius impatiently.

"Well, why don't you tell them, Severus?" Dumbledore asked, feigning innocence.

Snape glowered at Dumbledore, feeling as if he were being punished in a cruel and unusual way. "As per the Headmaster's request, you are being admitted back into Advanced Potions, Mr. Potter," Snape said coldly, not even looking at Harry.

"'As per the Headmaster's request?'" Harry questioned angrily. "If that's the case, then maybe I don't wanna be in your class at all, Snape!"

Sirius couldn't help but to smirk, but both Dumbledore and Lupin appeared unnerved by Harry's outburst.

"You insolent child!" Snape barked. "You dare-"

"Enough!" Dumbledore yelled. "This is absolutely absurd, do you realize? Harry, Severus... please," the Headmaster practically pleaded, "can we not just set aside our differences and work together?"

"I would gladly do so, sir," Harry said between clenched teeth, "if he would cooperate." Harry gestured toward Snape.

"I completely agree," Sirius backed Harry up.

"No one asked your opinion, Black," Snape barked.

Lupin and Dumbledore were both shaking their heads, thinking a resolution hopeless, when Harry stated evenly, "Just let me speak, all right, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded quietly and backed off. Dumbledore glanced from Snape to Harry, from Harry to Snape, and remarked, "I believe we should give you both some privacy. Then perhaps you can discuss things more openly without an audience."

Sirius was about to protest, but Lupin had already picked up his portrait and was out the door. Dumbledore paused briefly by the exit and said, "You may take as long as you like. My office is yours for the afternoon."

Dumbledore left, and Snape and Harry found themselves alone. Harry tried to stay calm and focused and recalled Lupin's words regarding how to handle Snape. It was unlikely that Snape would back down or be the first one to work toward reconciliation, so Harry decided to try to take the first step in what he hoped was the right direction.

"Professor," Harry began in a forced calm, "please hear me out. First of all, let me say... I'm, well... I'm sorry about what I said yesterday."

Snape thought his ears to be deceiving him. Was Harry apologizing to him?

The Potions Master sighed heavily and said, "It's nothing I haven't been accused of before, Mr. Potter. I assure you that your words left no remaining impression."

"But-" Harry hesitated, "but that doesn't make it right... that you should have to be accused, I mean."

"When you have lived the life I have, Potter, it comes as no surprise to hear such things. You were angry. Those words were your daggers, your defense... plain and simple as that."

"Yes," Harry muttered, feeling some residual anger flare inside him, "I was angry. And why to you suppose that was, sir?" Harry sneered.

"Don't use that tone on me," Snape growled.

"Oh?" Harry asked sardonically. "As if you haven't done the exact same thing to me... how many times now? I think I've lost count."

"Fine, fine!" Snape barked. "Enough! I am not wasting my time this afternoon to sit here and argue with you, Potter, but-"

"But according to you, I was already wasting your precious, valuable time by even taking your class... by even existing."

"What did you say?" Snape asked incredulously.

"You heard me," Harry scowled.

"No," Snape interjected adamantly. "That last word you spoke."

"What? 'Existing?'"

"Yes!" Snape hissed. "Do you enjoy your games, Potter? Your father taunted me for merely existing. Like father, like son."

"Stop it!" Harry yelled. "Stop saying that I'm like my father, all right? Because I'm not! I saw how he acted when he was my age, and you were right. Happy? You were right! I saw how he treated you-"

"Oh, yes," Snape sneered. "You saw, all right, Mr. Potter, when you sneaked into my private thoughts. How very Gryffindor of you to act on impulse, hoping to find out something about your nasty Potions Master, eh?"

"Don't you get it, Snape?" Harry implored, losing his temper. "I saw how my father acted toward you... what he said to you... what he did to you... and you know what? I actually felt sorry for you for once."

"Oh, how nice," Snape retorted sarcastically. "Pity."

"No," Harry disagreed. "It's called understanding... or at least partially. I didn't want you to be right about my father, but you were... and now..."

"Now?" pressed Snape impatiently.

"Now I'm hoping you will put down you own daggers and accept my apology."

That was the last thing Snape had been expecting to hear, and he was at a loss for words for a moment. Sighing, Snape said, "Fine. Apology accepted."

"And what about class?" Harry inquired.

"You heard the Headmaster; you're allowed back into Advanced Potions."

"Oh," Harry said resignedly. "All right, then... I guess- I'll see you in class, then, Professor."

Harry stood up to leave, and as he turned his back toward Snape, some strange, nearly foreign feeling called remorse caught in Snape's embittered heart. Standing up, Snape hastily went toward Harry and touched him on the shoulder.

"Harry, wait," he said softly.

Harry froze.

"Wha- what did you call me?" Harry asked, unsure of what else to say.

"Har- I mean, Mr. Potter," Snape corrected himself, "I-"

Harry's bright green eyes were fixed directly into Snape's endless black eyes, reminding the Potions Master of Lily. His voice caught in his throat, but then trying to clear it, Snape whispered, "I'm sorry."

"It's- all right," Harry hesitated, still stunned by Snape's display of openness. "So, is everything all right now between us?"

"I can't say," Snape admitted. "I cannot guarantee that I won't lose my temper at you in the future, Mr. Potter, but I will try to be more... reasonable."

Harry nodded. "And I'll do the same. See you in class, then, sir."

Snape merely nodded and watched as Harry left. As soon as the boy was out the door, Dumbledore returned to the room with a ridiculously huge smile on his face.

"Don't even say it, Albus," Snape warned, fixing the Headmaster with what was supposed to be a menacing glare.

"I'm proud of you, my boy," Dumbledore chimed.

Snape groaned, and, shaking his head in dismay, left the office.