A Reflection of Himself

Somehow a week had already passed, and Harry was finding himself feeling adjusted to being back at Hogwarts. The unnerving thoughts of what this year would bring slowly were pushed to the back of his mind, where they remained untouched, and Harry focused on the mundane, everyday things that were much more welcoming: his friends, homework, classes, even professors. What really had him excited, however, was the fact that Quidditch tryouts would be the following week, and since all three Chasers and both Beaters were now gone, Harry knew that a whole new Gryffindor Quidditch team would need to be assembled. Professor McGonagall had already informed him that he would be the new Quidditch captain for Gryffindor, and upon hearing the great news, a smile spread across Harry's face. He would finally be able to play his favorite game again for the school, since last year he had been unfairly banned from the team by Professor Umbridge, the horrible curse of a woman she was.

As Harry's last class of the day ended that Friday afternoon, which was Defense Against the Dark Arts, Harry stood up from his seat and looked to the front of the classroom, watching as Lupin placed some papers in his bag.

"I'll catch up with you later," Harry quickly told Ron and Hermione. "I just want to talk to Remus for a bit."

"Sure thing, mate," Ron replied as Hermione nodded.

As his two best friends left the classroom, Harry overheard Hermione lecturing Ron about making sure he had completed such and such an assignment. Harry laughed silently and shook his head, thinking how some things never changed, Hermione's study habits and Ron's lack of them being one of those things. Lupin looked up from his desk and noticed Harry as he approached him, and he smiled graciously.

"Ah, it's good to see you, Harry," the werewolf greeted him. "How was your first week of school?"

"Fine," Harry replied automatically. "Er, Professor-"

"Harry," Lupin corrected him, "when we're not in class, it's okay to call me by my given name."

"Right. Okay, Remus... I was just wondering if you had a minute to talk."

"Of course," Lupin agreed. "Just follow me to my office, and there we can have some silence and privacy to talk over tea. Does that sound good?"

Harry nodded and followed Lupin out of the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and down the hallway a bit. Lupin unlocked the door to his office, and as Harry entered, he thought how strange it was to be back in this room. He had been inside the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor's office on numerous occasions. He had sought out Gilderoy Lockhart during the end of his second year in hopes of having his assistance with the Chamber of Secrets, only to find out that the man was a fraud. During his third year, Harry had sat in the office with Lupin on many occasions over tea, learning a few things about his father and godfather and how Lupin had gone to school with them. Harry's fourth year brought the imposter Moody to Hogwarts, and it was within this very office that Barty Crouch, Jr. had been keeping the real Moody hostage within a trunk. Harry recalled the horrid decorations Professor Umbridge had placed within the office during his fifth year and how he had used her fireplace to speak to Lupin and Sirius, but then Harry remembered the most terrible memory of all.

As he sat down in the seat that Lupin offered him, Harry's eyes wandered to the fireplace, and he felt like he was reliving the day when he frantically went into the office and tried to contact Sirius after he had had that horrible vision of Voldemort tormenting him within the Department of Mysteries. He had only been able to speak with Kreacher, who lied and told him that his master was not there, when all along Sirius had been upstairs in his house with Buckbeak. Harry's mind whirled into a complete disarray of cluttered, mixed thoughts, and all he could think was how if only he had known that Sirius was safe all along, he would still have been with him today.

"Harry?" Lupin asked. "Hello, Harry? You all right?"

"Huh?" Harry asked with a start, suddenly realizing that Lupin was saying his name. "Oh... sorry about that." He shook his head and reached for the cup of tea that had been placed unnoticed in front of him.

"What is it?" Lupin persisted.

"It's... nothing," Harry lied in a very quiet voice, his eyes drifting back to the fireplace.

Lupin sighed and placed his cup down on the saucer, bringing one of his hands to rest on Harry's arm. "You're thinking about that day, aren't you?"

Harry didn't have to ask what "that day" was, for he knew perfectly well that Lupin knew what was on Harry's mind.

"I just don't know, Remus," Harry said softly. "I mean, if only I had known... if only I could have reached him... if only... if only I hadn't gone to that bloody place to look for him..."

Lupin sighed again and regarded Harry carefully. "Listen, Harry," he said firmly. "That's an awful lot of 'if onlys' you're saying. There's no way you could have known; there's no way any of us could have known. You know that."

"Yeah? Well, that doesn't change the fact of what happened."

"No," admitted the older wizard, "but we did the best we could do. Nothing and no one could have kept Sirius from coming to help us that night. Even Snape tried to tell him not to leave his house that night, but Sirius would have no part of it. Once he made up his mind, well... you know that he had made up his mind."

Harry nodded in acknowledgment, for he knew full well that what Lupin said was true. Sirius Black had been stubborn, and he would have never allowed anyone to convince him otherwise once he had made up his mind. He had acted on impulse as a result of his decision, but to Harry, he simply couldn't bring himself to accept that actuality.

Harry suddenly released a dry, mirthless laugh and shook his head.

"What's so funny?" Lupin questioned.

"Heh, I'll tell you what's so funny," Harry drawled. "Dumbledore told me that same thing: Snape tried to tell Sirius to stay home. Now I'm hearing that same thing from you, so does that make it true, then? Because I have a really hard time believing that."

"Harry, yes, that is the truth. What more can I say?" Lupin's eyes searched Harry for any sign of understanding.

"But Snape baited Sirius!" Harry countered. "He called him a coward, told him he was of no real use to the Order, all because he was staying locked up in his mother's house!"

"If there's one thing you should have learned by now about Snape, Harry, it's that he takes pleasure out of baiting the other person. The trick is to not let what he says get to you."

"Yeah? Well, that's easier said than done," Harry spat. "Try sitting in Potions as he makes you feel like you're scum growing on a toad's liver, all for no apparent reason, and see how easy it is for you to keep your anger contained."

Lupin considered Harry's words for a moment before he spoke, recalling many of the occasions during his own lifetime when he had had dealings with Snape.

Finally, he began, "Sometimes if you don't say anything, you are better off for it, Harry. Do you remember when I told you not to take anyone at face value if you could help it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, don't take Snape at face value. He's just a man, isn't he?"

"Yes," said Harry impatiently. "So, what's your point?"

"My point is that he has just as many flaws and problems as the next person. His acid tongue and harsh demeanor are simply his defense mechanisms. Behind them, Harry, is a man who has experienced things that no man should have to experience in his life."

Harry nodded and took a last sip of his tea, draining the cup completely. He placed the cup gently down on to the saucer and stood up. As he walked by Lupin, he stopped and smiled at him.

"Thank you," was all he said, and then he exited the room and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

The students' first weekend back at Hogwarts was spent trying to return to study mode after being off all summer. During the week, many of the students had neglected their homework, but luckily for them, most of the professors gave them more time to turn in their first assignments than usual, for most professors understood that the students needed some time to adjust to being back in school again. Harry complained to Hermione numerous times about their Potions assignments, saying that Snape was unfair for not giving them some slack.

"What did you expect?" Hermione asked, not surprised at Harry's behavior. "You've had Snape for five years now, and it's an upper level class."

"Yeah, I know," mumbled Harry, crossing his arms over his chest, "but that doesn't give me that answer to the ten uses of serpent's tongue."

From one of the dark red leather armchairs, Ron eyed his friends who were seated on the floor by the coffee table in front of the fireplace. Hermione was bent over her homework, anxiously writing away, her parchment already two feet long, which was a foot longer than was necessary for the assignment. Harry was gazing at her with his arms across his chest still, and his parchment had only a couple of sentences written on it.

"That's why I'm glad I'm not taking Advanced Potions," Ron smirked. "Why don't you ask Hermione for the answers, Harry? It's always worked for me."

Upon hearing Ron's words, Hermione's head shot up, and she glared at Ron. "Ronald Weasley, you are the most insufferable prat I know when it comes to homework. Don't pull Harry into your snare. I won't stand for it any longer."

"What? Me?" Ron asked, aghast.

"Yes, you!" Hermione retorted. "Now hush up. If I can't concentrate here, I'm going to the library."

"Your favorite place in the world," teased Ron.

Hermione's eyes flared at him, and with a huff, she slammed her book shut. Gathering all the papers and books she had spread across half of the table, she placed into inside her bag, turned on her heel, and was out the door before either Ron or Harry could say a word.

"What was that all about?" Ron questioned Harry.

"Oh, just shut up, Ron," Harry replied, rolling his eyes. "If you haven't figured her out by now, you're never going to."

"Girls," Ron huffed, rolling his own eyes. "But hey," he began, changing the subject, "Quidditch tryouts are on Monday for Gryffindor, right?"

"Yeah," Harry replied, a smile creeping across his face, despite the fact he was trying to remain serious.

"Just think, with you as captain, we'll have the best team ever. You're gonna pick only the best players, aren't you?"

"No," Harry said sardonically, "I thought I'd pick Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil. Of course I'm going to pick only the best."

Ron nodded and went back to working on his Herbology assignment, while Harry worked on the dreaded Potions assignment with frustration etched across his face for the remainder of that Sunday afternoon. The rest of that day passed calmly enough, and Monday greeted Harry with another Advanced Potions class first thing in the morning. He actually managed to make the potion correctly and place it gently upon Snape's desk without the Potions Master deducing any points from Gryffindor. Strangely enough, Harry realized during his lunch that Snape hadn't even said any sarcastic or scathing remarks to him or any of the other Gryffindors. The dark man had been oddly silent most of the period, only speaking when he was giving out the lesson plan and homework assignment.

The afternoon passed in a blur, and before Harry knew it, he was heading out to the Quidditch pitch, Fireblot over his shoulder and the equipment bag in the other hand. His mind gave no heed to Potions or Snape as he approached the green field, where several younger Gryffindor students had gathered to try out for the team. There was much excited talking going on among the group, and as Harry stared at them, Ron came up from behind and said, "Look at them, all over-thrilled, thinking they'll all get on the team."

"Yeah," Harry mused thoughtfully, "'course you were in the same position a year ago."

"Don't remind me," Ron said sullenly, remembering the infamous "Weasley Is Our King" song that the Slytherins had taunted him with. He had seriously begun to doubt his abilities as Keeper the previous year, and when his brothers and Harry had been kicked off the team, Ron felt even more unsure of himself.

Harry patted his friend heartily on the back and went to stand near the crowd.

"I see you've all come here today to try out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team," he announced, taking them all in. "I'm the team captain, and in case any of you didn't know it by now, my name is Harry Potter. I play the position of Seeker, and Ron here plays Keeper. We have five spots to fill, so the chances of getting on the team are higher than is usual. We will be looking to fill the positions of three Chasers and two Beaters, so let's see what you've got."

Several boys and girls tried out that day, and Harry and Ron watched from the ground as they demonstrated their abilities at flying, making goals, working as a team member, playing both offense and defense, and just their general attitude during the course of the pretend game. Finally, after they were all done, Harry told them that he would need to discuss a few things with Ron, and then they would have their choices made.

Harry and Ron huddled together, and the group of Gryffindors anxiously awaited the outcome. After several long minutes, Harry turned to face them and said, "Our decisions have been made. The new Gryffindor Beaters are Andrew Kirke and Jack Sloper, and the new Chasers are Ginny Weasley, Natalie McDonald, and Dennis Creevey."

The students who had made the team cheered, and Ginny came up to Harry and embraced him, which came as a surprise to him. There were several sounds of disappointment among the others, and slowly, everyone dissipated from the field, leaving Ron, Ginny, and Harry alone.

"Er, I'll see you both inside," Ron said to Harry as he noticed how close Ginny was still standing to him.

"Sure thing, mate," Harry replied. "See you later."

Once Ron left, Ginny smiled at Harry, saying, "Thank you so much, Harry. You've no idea just what this means to me."

"Er," Harry hesitated awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. "It was nothing."

"Uh-huh," Ginny countered, not believing him. "You know, Harry, I've been thinking about how much you've been through... how much we've been through these past few years... and, well..."

She blushed as red as her hair and looked at her feet. Harry smiled in spite of himself at her, murmuring, "Yeah, we have been through a lot together, haven't we?"

"Yeah..." she drifted off. "Harry, I was just thinking..."

"Yes?"

"Thinking... that's all..."

"Er, okay..." Harry replied, quite confused as to just what was going on.

Ginny suddenly leaned forward and kissed him quickly on the lips, giggled, and retreated before he could say anything. He brought his hand up to his lips, a faint smile across his face, unsure as to what just happened... wondering if it was really even occurred. The sun was setting, and all Harry could do was stand there in awe, staring at the western horizon, lost to the world. He stared at the vibrant colors of the sunset that had been cast upon some feathery clouds, and the breeze blew gently around, mussing his already unruly black hair even more. For once, Harry's world seemed normal. He felt his heart pounding with emotion for a girl he had secretly adored from the moment he had laid eyes on her, and his mind was high above the Quidditch stands, flying with his broom as it chased after the Snitch, that small golden ball that would award him greatly... perhaps symbolizing that small bit of hope that would keep him going.