Percy's Bachelor Party

Author's note: The fluff factor in this one is high. This is something silly that I didn't have room for in the original story. Hope it makes you laugh...

Percy's Bachelor Party

September 2002

"Absolutely not!" Percy cried, arms folded across his chest. "I will not be moved on this! I refuse to participate if he is involved in any way." He jabbed his finger toward a smirking George.

Bill laughed at his little brother. "Lighten up, Perce," he teased him. "We all just want to see you have a good time, is all."

"Fine with me," George retorted, contradicting the eldest Weasley brother. "I have far better things to do with my time. Cleaning out the pygmy puff cages would likely be more entertaining anyway."

"You cretins might not care that we've all been banned from Wandwright Memorial Library, but I do!" Percy yelled. His brothers' resultant laughter only served to aggravate him further.

"Who could've predicted Ron would recite The Ballad of the Lusty Selkie... for twenty minutes straight... using a Sonorous charm... from the top of the second floor balcony?" Charlie barely managed to utter while laughing.

The memory was equally amusing to several other members of the group as well.

George chuckled himself. "Who could've predicted Ron could read? I was betting he couldn't, and that's why I dared him in the first place!"

"I did what?" Ron asked, a confused and disbelieving smile on his face. "Why am I only hearing about this now?"

Harry snickered. "You don't even know the half of it, mate," he taunted his best friend wickedly.

Ron blanched.

"You nearly ruined his wedding!" Percy snapped, glaring at George. "I'm surprised Hermione's even speaking to you. I'm surprised she didn't hex you into oblivion!"

"We got him to the ceremony, dressed and on time!" George protested, pretending to lose patience just to egg Percy on.

"He could hardly stand!" Percy shrieked.

"It's not my fault he can't hold his Firewhiskey!" George shouted back.

Bill held up his hands, urging the two of them to calm down. "You're exaggerating, Perce, as usual. Ron twisted his ankle that night on the steps and hobbled a bit, that's all. Ron and Hermione's wedding was perfectly fine and you know it."

"George is only yanking your chain," Charlie chimed in.

"I promise we won't force you to do anything you don't want to do," Bill continued. "But if you really don't want to celebrate your last night of bachelorhood..."

"I never said that, exactly," Percy countered, hedging a bit. "I'm just asking that for once we maintain an air of maturity. Is it really so difficult for you all to behave in public, for one night? I just want to do something dignified and decorous...."

"Dickish and what, now?" George interrupted, sounding perplexed.

Ron and Harry barely stifled snorts. Charlie chuckled openly. Bill rolled his eyes and cast a warning look at George.

"That's precisely what I'm talking about!" Percy cried, arms flailing.

*

The night of the party, five Weasley brothers and Harry assembled at Mole Hill. The twins and Merrie had just been put down for the evening, and Annie was directing the smartly-dressed young men to arrange themselves in front of the large hearth. She was standing behind the sofa, pregnant belly resting on the back of it while she took several photos.

"One for Molly," she said, and they all smiled warmly with arms around each other's shoulders.

"One for Percy," she said, and they all puffed up with solemn faces.

"And one for me," she giggled. Five of the six men pulled faces and flashed offensive hand gestures.

Percy then made a show of inspecting their respectably dressy robes. Several minutes later, he declared them all fit for the evening, to his surprise.

"Are you sure there isn't any other way you could manage to suck all the fun out of the evening? Perhaps we could all wear shoes a size too small?" Ron asked, tugging at his collar.

Percy glared at his youngest brother. "If George can suffer in silence, surely you can as well."

"Oh, I'm not sufferin' one bit," George said with a taunting smile, dangling the bait.

Percy glared at him with narrowed, suspicious eyes. "What are you up to?"

George slowly shook his head, setting the hook. "Nothing," he lied unconvincingly on purpose.

"Bill!" Percy warned.

"Relax, Perce. Can't you tell he's only winding you up?"

George snickered. "I don't know what you're complaining about, Ron. I'm comfy as a jaybird, myself. I find these robes quite liberating, I must say," he said, sashaying his hips from side to side.

Percy gasped as the realization hit him. "You wouldn't dare!" he hissed.

"When have you ever known me not to dare?" George baited him in a quiet voice with a diabolical grin.

"I must agree with George," Charlie said, rocking on his heels and patting his stomach. "Never realized how nice it feels to be so... unshackled."

"There's a new breeze blowin', that's for sure," Harry added, standing with his hands on his hips, legs shoulder-width apart.

"No!" Percy barked in a high-pitched squeak, nearly in a panic. "Absolutely not!"

"What's he complaining about now?" Ron whined, wiggling his rump as if shaking something loose.

Percy's face began turning an alarming shade of purple. "I cannot believe how utterly infantile you all are!" Percy shouted, nearly apoplectic. "No one sets foot outside this house unless they prove to me they are fully dressed!"

"Proof, you say?" George asked wickedly.

"Proof!" Percy demanded, stabbing a pointing finger an inch away from George's nose.

"Got the camera ready, Annie?" George called out, smiling.

Percy whirled around, a shocked look on his face. "Oh, er, Annie... I forgot you were here," he stammered.

Meanwhile, five robes flashed open behind him, the resulting breeze of which fluttered Percy's own robes, and Annie's camera clicked. "Got it!" she laughed, then looked apologetically at her flabbergasted brother-in-law. "Sorry, Percy," she said with a smile.

Slowly, reluctantly, Percy turned on his heels to face his brothers.

"I don't know why you never trust me, Perce," Bill said with a laugh.

All five men stood before him, robes open, wearing colorful silk boxer briefs and t-shirts emblazoned with a small green toy steam engine and the words, "Percy is a Really Useful Engine."

"You're going to give yourself a stroke some day, if you're not careful," Charlie warned.

*

It was nearly midnight when the group found themselves seated at a table, sipping drinks at the Cauldron. They had eaten earlier in a fancy restaurant in Diagon Alley, as per Percy's request, on their best behavior throughout. Not a rollicking time, George mused, but still enjoyable. The food was good, anyway.

The success of tonight's prank on Percy had restored George's reserves of goodwill to the point he was willing to be cooperative - for the most part. With the exception of several large belches, he'd been as good as gold, he reckoned. And it was good to spend a few hours with the family all together again. Now that everyone had lives and families of their own, such a thing was becoming rare indeed.

He'd been patiently waiting for a chance to use the image of the anthropomorphic little toy train for a whole year now, ever since the twins had discovered the popular muggle stories and playsets. Annie had helped him find a place that made customizable t-shirts on her computer a few weeks ago, and the idea had blossomed from there. The whole thing was pulled off to perfection, in his smug opinion. It helped to know he could always count on Percy to take any bait.

He couldn't wait to see that picture! The look on Percy's face was bound to be priceless. Add to that the chance to doctor it up a bit with that gizmo on Annie's computer (bloody useful thing, that computer!), and the possibilities for entertainment were nearly infinite. Percy would be haunted by that image for years, if George had anything to do with it.

Somewhat tipsy at this point, Percy leaned toward his eldest brother and asked the question that was now burning in his brain. "How did you know Fleur was the one, Bill?" Despite the mild inebriation, Percy's expression was intent and serious.

George shook his head. Was it possible Percy was second-guessing his choice of bride? Getting cold feet? He couldn't blame his brother for doing so - if he were faced with marrying into that family, he'd be running for the hills. He took another drink.

Bill was laughing, though. "When I stopped wondering what other women would be like, and started comparing them unfavorably to her. Fleur outshone them all. I knew then I was done messing around, and ready to settle."

"Hardly call life with a veela settlin' for anything," Ron said, snorting.

Bill looked at him with a glint in his eye. "Gabrielle still asks after you, Ron."

Ron's face lit up with a pleased smile. "She does?"

"Of course not, you git," Bill replied impatiently.

"Shame on you, Ron!" Charlie scolded him as Ron's face fell into a scowl at being duped once again by an elder brother. "I've half a mind to tell Hermione just what a little prick she's married to."

"Somehow I think she knows it all too well, poor girl," George added.

Ron sneered at him as the rest of the table laughed. George mentally patted himself on the back for scoring yet another zinger on his hapless little brother.

"Speaking of the union in question," Percy said with a sly smile, "What about you, Ron? When did you realize Hermione was the one for you?"

Ron shrugged. "Hard to say, really," he stammered.

He's actually blushing!? George marveled to himself. Oh, this is too rich for words! George was practically licking his chops, anticipating making the most of his brother's discomfort.

His brother's best friend beat him to the punch. "You ruddy fat liar!" Harry cried, exasperated. "It's been ages I've put up with the two of you, waiting for one of you to grow a pair and make a move. Remember which one of you did? I'll give you a hint: it wasn't the one with a dick."

The table erupted in raucous laughter - even Ron smiled sheepishly. "Shut up, Harry," he laughed. "Took you a bit of time as well, if I remember correctly."

"I had an excuse!" Harry protested. "Her army of older brothers all threatened to kick my ass every time I so much as kissed her on the cheek!"

"Too right," grumbled Bill.

"That's our baby sister, git," Charlie added.

"But when did you know it was Ginny and not someone else?" Percy asked after all the chests had been properly thumped and Harry had rolled his eyes several times.

Harry grew pensive and the group fell quiet. "Amortentia. Sixth year, in Slughorn's class."

George smiled while the rest of the table remained silent. "You were sitting in a dungeon, high on some potion fumes when you realized you loved my sister? How very romantic," he said sarcastically. But the true significance of Harry's confession was not lost on any of them, including him. Not that there was any question of Harry's devotion to their sister; but no one was going to argue with Amortentia, either.

Everyone took a few drinks from their glasses or bottles, waiting for the conversation to resume.

Percy sighed. "I shudder to ask, but... George, when did you know Annie was the one?"

George took one more long pull from his bottle as if considering Percy's question. For once, he decided to be openly truthful with his frequent family nemesis. "There was never anyone else, Perce. If you ask her, she'll tell you it was when we were sixteen. And in one sense, she's right. That was when we both finally realized it...."

"That was when the hormones kicked in, you mean," Bill teased him.

George shrugged, unable to refute the observation as the raging frustration of those last two years of school came back to mind. Had anyone at Hogwarts ever been more miserable than he had been during those months after he realized he wanted Annie, and she remained so far out of his reach?

"Go on," Percy prodded him. "Maybe it's the mead, but I'm sensing a rare moment of soul-baring honesty approaches."

George stared at the empty bottle in his hand. "The truth of it is: I think I always knew. Maybe even from the moment I met her."

Percy rolled his eyes, not believing a word of it. "At age seven?" he said dismissively.

"Now I'm gonna retch," Ron said, coughing theatrically. "Annie's the only one who would have you, and I can't decide if that makes her a saint or an idiot," he laughed.

The rest of the table chuckled with him, and George smiled. Who am I to argue? he mused. Ron's teasing comment pretty much summed up his own assessment of the situation.

"You have no romance in your soul, little bro," Charlie chided Ron, taking George by surprise. He gave George a tiny wink and the barest of nods. George wasn't sure if that meant he believed him, or was just playing along with what he thought was a joke.

"And you do, I suppose? Hiding out on a mountain top with a herd of dragons brings out the love poet within, eh, Charlie?" Ron retorted.

"Leave Charlie alone. Even dragons need love, too," Bill scolded him jokingly.

George felt an irresistible pathological need, an almost biological drive to chime in and heap abuse on his younger brother. "And you should know, Ron. I've seen Hermione when she gets a head of steam. I reckon she's roasted you alive more than once...."