The Woes of Lavender Brown

*****

2: Preparation

"We've decided," Ron Weasley announced, indicating himself and Harry, who looked like he wanted to crawl under the common room sofa and hide, "that we want some insight to the female mind. We're coming with you."

"No," grumped Parvati sternly – she hadn't had breakfast yet, and Lavender knew well that her friend wasn't a morning person. Ron should have waited at least an hour. Parvati grabbed Lavender's wrist in one hand, Hermione's in the other, and dragged them past indignant Ron and jubilant Harry.

"That went well," Hermione thought aloud.

Lavender thought Hermione ought to wait an hour after breakfast before talking to Parvati, too. Hermione should have known this already, sharing a dorm with them, but Hermione had never been too bright, so Lavender tried to forgive her while stifling the conversation with a brief agreeable nod of her head. Hermione, thankfully, drank in Parvati's stony and breakfast-less expression, and fell silent.

After breakfast – during which Ron wheedled at less-pre-breakfast-unpleasant Lavender to allow him and Harry to accompany the girls on 'their journey of discovery' and was consequently denied, Hermione kicked him in the shin, Harry buried himself behind Hermione's Daily Prophet and refused to emerge or participate in the conversation, and Parvati bit Seamus' head off for momentarily transgressing on her early-morning, self-imposed silence by asking for the pumpkin juice – Lavender, a slightly more cheerful Parvati, and a thoroughly put-out Hermione lined up to sign out for Hogsmeade. Hermione took the opportunity to have a rant about Ron (and Harry by extension), despite the fact the five Gryffindor boys were directly behind them. Apparently, none of the boys had thought Hermione was a 'real' girl.

"Honestly," started Hermione, "you'd think I went around in trousers twenty-four/seven, and talked non-stop about Quidditch, and – and acted like a boy!"

Lavender nodded sagely. Parvati frowned at Seamus, who was not yet forgiven for asking politely for liquid sustenance. Seamus hid behind Dean and Neville. Parvati frowned at them instead.

"It's so true," lamented Lavender. "Just because you hang around with boys doesn't mean you're not a girl, or even a tomboy."

"Exactly. And now they think they can intrude on my girl-time because they've never seen me have any before. It's not like I haven't." Behind them and listening avidly, Ron muffled a squawk of surprise. Parvati frowned at him, to no avail. "I'm a girl. I wear skirts, not that wearing skirts is what defines a person as female. I know lots of girls who don't."

"I know men who do," Lavender agreed.

"And sometimes I need some space without boys in it!"

"Everyone needs space sometimes." Lavender glared back over her shoulder at Ron as the line shuffled up. "Even nosy gits of male friends."

Parvati nodded strongly. Harry had gone bright red with embarrassment. Lavender felt sort of sorry for him; it hadn't been his idea, by the looks of it. Ron just looked mad. Seamus peeked out from around Dean, decided it was safe, and emerged. He was promptly glared at.

Out in the morning sunshine, Parvati took a deep breath, then smiled, and Seamus was consequently let off the roasting spit. Lavender's spirits perked up as Patti's did. She was with two good friends, they had the whole day off, and they were going shopping!

"First stop," Lavender announced, "will be Gladrags. We'll start there and work our way around."

"I thought that was the only clothing shop in Hogsmeade?"

Lavender and Parvati exchanged knowing looks over Hermione's head and shook their own sadly. "You just haven't been looking right," Parvati told her mournfully. "You needed a day without your boys long before this."

"There are more? Where?"

"Not in Zonko's," Lavender said, and she and Parvati giggled. "Or in Honeydukes."

Hermione's expression flashed briefly to irritated, then changed back to curious. "Where?"

"Well, there's the cutest little 'witches' only' clothing shop across from Madam Puddifoot's and down a bit," Parvati told her. "They sell accessories and so on there, too, so we'll spend a fair bit of time in there. But we want to go somewhere else first."

"Why?"

"Hermione, you know so little," Lavender told her kindly. "There's also a tailor down the side street that goes 'round Honeydukes."

"Why would we need a tailor? Aren't they awfully expensive?"

"You want to do this right or not?" grated Parvati, morning temper worn thin.

Hermione nodded quickly. "I'll leave it in your capable hands."

Lavender clarified their expedition. "It's true that there isn't a big range in Hogsmeade, but this is the short-term solution, and Gladrags is an international company. For the long-term, we have owl-order catalogues."

Hermione gaped at her. "I'm not changing permanently for a guy!" she exclaimed.

"That's as it should be, but you're not changing for a guy. You're doing this because you want to. And you're not changing. Just your wardrobe, some of it."

"Lavender, that is such twisted logic –"

Lavender just grinned and linked an arm with Hermione, happily towing her down to the village.

*****

Hermione stood in Gladrags like she had never been in a clothing store before. Then again, mused Lavender, maybe she hadn't. Hermione did dress a bit like her mother approved all her clothes before she purchased them.

"Right, Lav, you take that side of the room; I'll take this one," instructed Parvati.

"What do I do?" Hermione asked helplessly. Parvati gave her a funny look. Lavender took pity on the poor, confused, fashion-challenged girl.

"Come with me for a bit," she said, "and we'll get you the first couple outfits to try on. Then you'll try on the clothes in the changing rooms, show us your outfits, and wait for us to bring you more." The witch behind the counter beamed and nodded.

"Who's this one, girls?" she called to the front of the shop.

"You know the shopkeeper personally?" hissed Hermione.

"This is Hermione Granger, Madam Quickpinns," Parvati introduced her.

Madam Quickpinns eyed Hermione critically. "Got your work cut out," she said finally. Hermione opened her mouth to reply indignantly, but Lavender overrode her. It didn't do to antagonise this shopkeeper. Lavender had worked for her over the summer, and knew the woman held a grudge well.

"Oh, not too bad."

"If you say so," Quickpinns grunted, and went back to perusing the latest issue of Witch Weekly. "Says here that bloke, Stubby Boardman, his marriage broke up."

"Oh, no," breathed Lavender, pulling out various tops, holding them against Hermione, and then either discarding them or giving them to the girl to hold.

"That's terrible," agreed Patti. "They were such a good-looking couple. Lav, think I got one for you here." Parvati held up pale green underrobes. Lavender considered for a moment before nodding her head. Patti put them over her arms and kept looking while Hermione went on in horror once more.

"You can't wear green! That's Slytherin's colour!"

Lavender stared at her in amazement. "I can too wear green. It goes wonderfully with my complexion."

"But – but – interhouse rivalry –"

"Oh, stop being such a Quidditch player," Parvati called.

"A Quidditch player?!"

"Too much red is not good for the digestion," Lavender advised. "Plus, ruling out three colours from my wardrobe just because other people wear them doesn't make any sense to me."

"If you're not wearing exactly the same outfit, what's the problem?" agreed Parvati.

"Have you not noticed we wear uniforms?"

Lavender and Patti's eyes met. Both had the same mournful thought. Poor Hermione just didn't get it.

"You don't have to wear green," said Lavender, waving around a forest-coloured top she had been going to add to the pile before Hermione's outburst.

"Good, 'cause I'm not! I hardly think it would impress Ron, and I believe that was the point of this excursion?"

Lavender sighed, put the blouse back, and dragged Hermione over to the first rack of trousers and skirts. Mrs Quickpinns turned a page. "Good dessert recipes this week, girls."

"What is it?" Parvati asked eagerly.

"Caramel mudcake and profiteroles."

"Mmm, caramel," dreamed Lavender, "that sounds tasty."

"When's next Hogsmeade weekend, girls? I'll have a go at one and you can have a piece or two each."

"Don't know," Patti answered. "Hermione? Do you know? You're a prefect."

"Umm, few weeks before Christmas break," Hermione said beneath the mound of clothes.

"Right, that's enough for the minute." Lavender steered the girl into the changing rooms. When there, she found herself pushed into one by Parvati, who handed over a stack of robes.

"Ooh, I like this one!" said Lavender, inspecting a floaty turquoise set with some embroidery around the sleeves and chest.

No sound came from Hermione for a while, and Lavender peppered the air with comments, stepping out in a set of robes that fit nicely, she thought. Without announcing herself, she opened Hermione's door.

"Hey!" protested Hermione. "What if I had been naked?"

"Well, you're not, and we're all female," said Lavender complacently. "It's not like we haven't ever seen each other in various states of undress, Hermione. We share a dorm. Besides, you're fully clothed, and that looks nice."

Hermione was wearing Quickpinns' own brand of Muggle-style jeans, black with little silver asterixis fanning out below her knees on the sides, and they hugged her slender figure closely. A deep blue top that set off Hermione's hair (Lavender had selected it in mind of Hermione's fourth-year dress robes) complemented it nicely. "I feel half naked, and I'm not sure I can walk in these trousers."

"Squat," ordered Lavender. Hermione did so easily. "Stand up, touch your toes. Pretend to sit. Right, comfortable?" Hermione nodded reluctantly. "Now, the top…you'll have your robes on over it, anyway."

"That doesn't help with the, uh, plunging neckline."

Lavender sighed. "Hermione, that is a very chaste neckline."

"I have cleavage. That is not school-suitable."

"But this is for weekend wear and after hours," Lavender pointed out. "Trust me, eyes are going to be drawn to that." Hermione immediately crossed her arms over her chest.

"I can't possibly wear this top. And these jeans are practically painted on."

"Did you have to lie down to do them up?" Lavender asked practically.

"No, but –"

"Then they're plenty loose. Now, tops…" She rifled through the ones Hermione hadn't put on the 'no' rack. "Try this." She shoved a garment at Hermione and left the girl to it.

Parvati came to inspect how Lavender was doing and pass another armful over to Hermione. "Nice robes," she told Lavender, who twisted to see her bottom in the full-length mirror.

"I like the fit, but they aren't quite the right colour." The robes were a shade of pink that would have suited Parvati nicely, but it was a tone too dark for Lavender.

Parvati considered the sleeveless underrobes. "I don't think they're quite casual enough, either."

"I wondered that," Lavender said grimly. "I feel much too done up."

Hermione stepped out from her change room. "Okay,' she admitted, grinning and blushing a little, "this I think I can wear."

Parvati eyed the jeans and the deep red top critically. "Yes, I rather think you can, too."

*****

Later in the day, accompanied by several bags of varying sizes, the three girls stopped off at the Three Broomsticks for lunch, managing to settle at a table just before the five boys walked in.

"Must they travel in packs?" complained Parvati over the noise in the pub.

"I want some chips," replied Lavender.

"You'll get fat," warned Parvati.

"Will not. I'll do an extra lap to get it off."

"Extra lap?" wondered Hermione.

"Better make it two."

"One today, one tomorrow," decided Lavender.

"Extra lap of what?" Hermione asked again.

"Oh, didn't you know?" Parvati returned innocently, but Lavender thought her best mate might be a bit annoyed on her behalf. "Lav runs laps of the lake every evening."

"I want some chips. I'm going to get chips," announced Lavender. "Anyone else want chips?"

"I want chips," said Dean, pulling up a chair between her and Patti. "Can I see what's in the bags?"

"I bought some new knickers," Lavender told him seriously.

"Can I see? While they're in the bag, I mean?"

"Go for it. Money for chips?" She held out her hand. Dean put some Knuts and Sickles in it.

"Butterbeer, too," he told her. Patti and Hermione passed over their money as well.

Lavender returned quickly with a tray, bearing two minimum chips, three butterbeers and a bottle of water. "Lav, there's no underwear in here," Dean complained, stowing away her shopping once more.

"Did you really think there would be?"

"Yes. I'm very hurt that you lied."

"Dean, I'm just worried that you wanted to see them while in the bag," Seamus said, coming over with Neville. Ron had dragged Harry to sit at a separate table and was sending Hermione dark looks. "I mean, really, you should have asked Lav to model them."

"She bought a new dress," Dean told Seamus.

"New boyfriend, then?" asked Seamus immediately. Neville stole some of Lavender's chips since Dean was guarding his ferociously.

"You think you know us so well," Parvati sneered, helping herself to a handful.

"I think we need more chips," Seamus told Lavender seriously as he took some, too.

"Your turn, then. And ditto on Patti's comment."

"I'll get them," volunteered Hermione, standing up. Seamus, Neville and Parvati chipped in, and before long Hermione returned with many chips and some chicken nuggets. "We can't just live on chips," she told them all sincerely.

Lavender wrinkled her nose. "Four laps, then."

"I'm not coming with you on all of those," Dean, her running partner, protested.

"One extra per night for a week, then," Lavender said.

"You can't punish me for your chips," he complained.

"How is it I didn't know about this fitness regime?" Hermione asked, bewildered.

"You forsook us for Ron and Harry," Seamus said. There was no sting to his words, but hurt flashed in Hermione's face. Lavender thought it was perhaps a little harsh. Hermione hadn't excluded them - she just wasn't in the loop.

"Never mind." Lavender reached across to pat Hermione's arm gently.

Neville diffused the situation, producing a bag of Fizzing Whizzbees. "Anyone?" he offered.

*****

"Do I really ignore you that much?" Hermione asked Lavender on their way back up the hill to Hogwarts. Parvati had elected to stay in town a while longer, hanging around with Dean, Seamus and Neville, but the other two girls had had enough.

"No, it isn't that, you just…have other things to do," Lavender finished lamely.

Hermione sighed. "I'm sorry, Lavender. I guess I don't pay enough attention to you and Parvati."

Lavender shrugged. "It's all right. You've got Ron and Harry. We have each other and the rest of the boys. The two groups aren't mutually exclusive, they're just not super-integrated, that's all. We have different hobbies. Diversity…makes things interesting."

"That's nice of you to say, Lav."

"No, it's true," she insisted. "Look, if you really had offended me and Patti, do you think we would have asked you shopping?"

Hermione laughed. "Asked me shopping? You practically ordered me!"

"Well, there you go," Lavender returned placidly. "No worries."

The other girl became serious again. "But you don't, usually."

"You never seemed very interested in that." Lavender shrugged again, uncomfortable. "Like I said, we have different hobbies. You have saving the world, and Patti and I have saving the fashion industry."

"You make it sound shallow. You're not shallow, Lavender."

"Yes, I am. I'm so shallow I'm surprised I don't reflect myself," Lavender replied, half mocking and half serious. "Honestly, though, you're a bit intimidating, Hermione. You and Harry and Ron are always off doing great deeds and that sort of thing. Neville, now, too. Dean and Seamus and Patti and I – we're just, well, us. We're not heroes. We're just back-up violins in the orchestra. But the orchestra wouldn't sound as good, or the same, whatever, without us. So it's okay."

Hermione seemed to think about this for a while. "You're really okay with it?"

"Yeah, well, not all Gryffindors can do what you all do, and be glad of it. If we all did have to act like that, think of all the horrible things that would be happening!"

Hermione smiled, and said again, "You're not shallow, Lavender." Like Lavender was the one in need of reassurance. Right. Mmm-hmm. Absolutely.

*****

Parvati lay on Hermione's bed, and watched while Lavender made Hermione sit in a chair in front of a mirror. "Now, I'm only going to cut it a little bit to get it all even," Lavender told the nervous prefect, "and then we're going to work on styling it. Make it easier to manage." Before Hermione could protest or wiggle away, Lavender attacked her with a Trimming Charm and a comb. Brown locks fell to the floor around the back of Hermione's chair. Parvati sneakily Vanished them before Hermione could see just how much Lavender was taking off.

Two inches later, Lavender brushed Hermione's unruly hair out and regarded it solemnly in the mirror. "Now for styling and setting," she said, meeting Hermione's eyes in the reflection. They widened with half horror and half anticipation. Lavender wondered whether she had ever had her hair styled before.

"Right, first thing, I need you to go wash your hair," Lavender commanded sternly. Hermione nodded and hurried off to the showers. Lavender and Parvati took the opportunity to rip open her wardrobe and trunk (with Hermione's permission, of course) and drag out everything she owned, dumping it on Hermione's bed for starters.

"Here are the two outfits we got her to buy yesterday," Parvati said, setting them out on Lavender's bed with a sense of accomplishment. Lavender scrutinised the rest of the clothes, sorting them into outfits. Honestly, if Hermione just coordinated her clothes, Lavender might have thought she owned something worth her wearing. Or something worth Lavender borrowing.

"Everything has ink stains on it," observed Patti, coming over to join her.

"If we take them out, Ron won't recognise her," Lavender pointed out.

"He will. She'll still have six tonnes of books and fresh stains to identify her." Parvati set about trying to remove them. Both girls had made themselves learn powerful cleaning charms, in case of something like this. No one looked good in grubby clothes.

When Hermione came back, freshly scrubbed, Lavender set about charming her hair into sleeky curls. There was no point straightening Hermione's frizz – it would spring back overnight unless Lavender used a super-strength Ironing charm, and then they might never get it curly again. Besides, Hermione's curls were a blessing; she just needed to treat them better, and they would do the same by her.

"Hermione, I think you need to change your shampoo."

"Oh, do I? What do you recommend?" Hermione asked. Lavender was a bit suspicious of her innocent tone, but let it go anyway.

*****