The Woes of Lavender Brown

1: Revelation

Professor Snape droned on and on, and Lavender tried to pay attention, she really did, but the stuffy dungeon combined with the monotonous sniping at various Gryffindors was really not interesting. He was just so boring. She dipped her quill in her inkpot once more and dutifully added a few more lines on her parchment about the sleeping potion he was describing. Lavender wished she had some. On the other hand, a few more minutes of this, and she might not need to make it, ever.

Glancing up again, she caught sight of Harry, sitting almost directly in front of her. His hair stuck out in all different directions, and her fingers, as always, itched to neaten it. A little gel, a good comb…she would have it styled neatly in no time at all.

Lavender liked playing with people's hair, but few let her. Parvati usually let her, and Seamus had asked her to help him stitch his hair into dreadlocks (she sincerely hoped she wasn't nearby when his mother saw him next). Some people never let her near their hair, no matter how nicely she requested to use them as a model. Hermione had been fending her off for years ("later"). Lavender gazed longingly at Hermione's curly brown hair. Such wonderful things that could be done with it, but the girl never allowed Lavender to so much as show Hermione some designs!

Ron was perched on a stool on the other side of Harry from Hermione. He seemed to be taking better care of his hair than he used to. It looked sort of windswept, which was odd, since this was the first class of the day and Lavender had walked down to breakfast with him, Harry, Hermione, and Parvati, and then to Potions. How strange. Maybe he had styled it. She wondered what he had used to hold it like that.

Now there was someone who took great pains with his appearance: Draco Malfoy. Malfoy might be a pest, but the Slytherin seldom had a hair out of place. It was so refreshing to see a boy who cared how he looked. Others might say it was effeminate, but Lavender thought Malfoy wasÂ…stylish. He certainly had flair.

She watched his platinum head bend over his parchment once more. She bet his handwriting was like the rest of him: neat and elegant. He wasn't pretty, Lavender thought; he was handsome. So cuteÂ…

WHAT? I just thought Malfoy was CUTE! Malfoy's not cute, he'sÂ…

Cute, stubbornly said a part of her mind that wasn't sensible. You know he's cute. There's nothing wrong with looking…

So Lavender kept looking, and only remembered to take notes again when Seamus elbowed her accidentally on the arm.

Two days later, in Care of Magical Creatures, Malfoy was holding a Kneazle up by the scruff of its neck, wrinkling his nose delicately and laughing. Pansy Parkinson, his partner for the lesson, was giggling gleefully at the Kneazle's obvious discomfort as she sketched its markings. As Lavender sneaked another peek at them over her own drawing, Pansy touched Malfoy's arm playfully.

Gosh, Pansy is such a toad; he could so do better.

All right, I didn't imagine that! That funny little twinge is called jealousy, Lavender Brown. You're jealous of Pansy and Malfoy.

Which is stupid, because he's not even interested in her. He never has been. His body language is entirely wrong, see?

No, which is stupid, because he's Malfoy. I do not have a crush on Malfoy! a teeny bit of her protested vehemently.

Parvati brought her sharply back to her senses. "Lavender, have you finished its ruff?"

"What? Oh, yeah…"

How am I going to tell Parvati I like Gryffindor's worst enemy?

Divination, in Lavender's opinion, was a very interesting subject. The textbooks always had wonderful swirling interpretations of dreams and the contents of crystal balls, and Lavender liked pretty things. There was nothing wrong with a spot of colour amongst all the greys and browns and blacks of Hogwarts. Besides, the whole idea of Divination was positively fascinating. Who wouldn't want to know what the future held?

Why, then, couldn't Lavender concentrate on deciphering her latest dream?

"Okay, so I was standing on the steps to Hagrid's hut, wearing a pink skirt with a red cardigan…the colours seemed important, but not really the location…ugh, obviously this means I'm going to wear a really horrible outfit in the near future! Or Hagrid will.…"

Becoming frustrated, Lavender picked up a throw pillow, contemplated throwing it somewhere else, decided that wouldn't be helpful, and hurled her now-offensive-but-still-pretty textbook across the room instead. It hit the door, fell open to the ground, landed cover-side up, and scooted sideways as Hermione Granger stuck her head in and looked around.

"Have I done something, or do you just not like books anymore?" she asked mildly, slightly confused but unconcerned. Lavender wailed and hugged the throw pillow, flopping back on her comfy bed. Satisfied that she wasn't going to have another solid object pelted her way, Hermione picked up the Divination text, uncrumpled the pages and shut it, going to sit by Lavender.

"Finally come to your senses about that stupid subject?" Lavender glared. "Oookay, maybe not." Lavender glared some more. "Look, help me out, will you? I'm dying over here."

"If you had a crystal ball, you would have seen the Grim and predicted that."

"I highly doubt it." Hermione picked up another of Lavender's throw pillows and began playing with a corner of it. "Anything I can help with?" she asked kindly.

"No," said Lavender miserably. "Not unless you know how to get stubborn boys to like you."

Hermione sighed. "No idea, sorry. Having that problem myself."

Lavender instantly propped herself up on her elbows to see Hermione better. "You are?"

Hermione reddened. "Forget I said that."

Lavender sat up fully, crawling over to the other girl. "No, no, no, I'm not forgetting that. Who?"

"Who's yours?"

"Will you tell me if I tell you?"

"No."

"Is it Harry?"

"No."

"Is it Seamus?"

"No."

"Is it Dean?"

"No."

"Is it Ron?"

"No!"

"I knew it!" crowed Lavender. "Yes! Parvati owes me ten Knuts!"

"What?"

"She bet it was Harry you'd fall for. Silly girl. Harry's too much of a tragic hero, and he doesn't do his hair nice."

"Careful," warned Hermione. "That's my best friend you're talking about."

Lavender's eyes widened eagerly. "How long have you liked him for? No, no, don't tell me.…since.…since just before the Yule Ball, Viktor asked you out, and you realised!"

"No!" said Hermione hotly.

"Ooh, this is so exciting! This calls for new clothes."

"Huh?"

Lavender thought the connection was obvious, but Hermione was a bit thick sometimes, and you had to spell things out for the poor girl. "Well, it helps attract attention when you do something different like that. You've liked Ron for ages; do something drastic."

"Like what? Stiletto heels, a sequined miniskirt, a bottle of Odgen's and some whips and chains?"

"Oh, no, that's way too bondage." Lavender thought for a bit. "Maybe.…maybe a shorter skirt, yeah. A less.…stiffly cut top," she suggested, keeping her tone light and briefly examining her roommate from head to toes. Hermione had a significant lack of visible cleavage. It just wasn't right. And the pleated knee-length plaid skirts had to go. Or at least be punked up. And shortened. "And I get to do your hair."

Hermione rolled her eyes and changed the focus of the conversation. "So, who was yours?"

"Draco Malfoy."

"WHAT!" shouted Hermione.

"Oh, yeah, you don't like him very much, do you?" mused Lavender.

"No, because he's a horrible git!"

"He's also completely gorgeous," Lavender returned seriously. She sighed the sigh of a lovesick teenage girl (which she was and thus had the right to sigh that way). "Have you seen his hair? He takes excellent care of his hair. I bet it's so soft and fine, like Father Christmases when you blow them in the wind.…"

"Dandelions, Lavender. They're called dandelions."

Parvati chose that moment to return from the library. "Why are we talking about flowers?"

"I like Draco Malfoy, Hermione likes Ron, you owe me ten Knuts, who do you like and do you think I should cut Hermione's hair?" Lavender summarised breathlessly. Hermione covered the ends of her hair worriedly with her hands, as though she thought Lavender might leap at her with a pair of scissors at any moment.

Parvati barely blinked, setting the books down on her trunk and coming to sit on the bed with them. "This is going to take a lot of work," she told them both gravely. "This is a serious retail emergency."

Hermione's mouth fell open, and she stared at Parvati incredulously. "That's pretty much what Lavender said. You two are definitely on the same page." She paused. "Wait, this means Lavender needs new clothes, too?"

"Of course," Lavender replied brightly, gesturing to her form-hugging Muggle jeans and pale pink top. "Can't dress like this for Draco Malfoy, can I?"

Hermione held the pillow up to her face and made a drawn-out, shuddering noise that was an odd cross between a wail and a moan. Parvati and Lavender politely waited until she was done.

"All right," said Parvati, taking charge, just like she always did. Lavender nodded approvingly, even though there was nothing said to approve yet. Parvati would have come up with a good plan by now, Lavender just knew it. Her friend was always willing to help and she was so good at things like this. "It's Hogsmeade this weekend, so we go to Gladrags, right? We get some new clothes for you girls. Lavender goes for a bit more formal wizarding look. Hermione.…" Parvati's mouth twisted in her consideration ".…does something new. We'll figure it out when we get there. Hermione, this means you can't go to Hogsmeade with Ron and Harry, you realise? You have other commitments now."

Hermione nodded retiringly. Lavender sighed happily again, eyes dreamy. All the new looks Hermione could have.…and hair to go with them.…she couldn't wait to sink her comb into those curly brown locks.…

Lavender managed to be in the common room when Hermione announced to .‘her boys' that she wouldn't be going to Hogsmeade with them this weekend, when the subject came up in its own time, of course.

"I want to go to Zonko's .– out of dungbombs," said Ron.

Harry put in, "Hermione, weren't you saying something about needing a new quill? Again?"

She took a deep breath. Lavender watched over her latest Potions essay. "Actually, I'm not going with you this weekend."

"Why?" demanded Ron suspiciously. "Got a hot date?" Lavender bit the end of her quill to keep from giggling. Oh, Ron was going to be such an easy target. The real trick was giving Hermione some confidence.

"Yes," replied Hermione without batting an eyelash. "Girls' day out with Lav and Patti."

Harry and Ron looked at each other. Lavender put their expressions in the .‘Hermione's gone completely barking' box, and wondered if she should feel insulted. She shrugged. It was all in the name of an excellent cause.

"But you never do that," Harry said. Hermione bristled.

"Yeah, well, once in a while I actually need some female company, you know?"

"So hang out with Ginny," Ron replied, like it was the obvious solution. Lavender felt vaguely miffed. She wasn't good enough for their friend?

Hermione defended her roomies shrilly. "Some other female company, Ron. We're going clothes shopping. We might even buy make-up. Lav's going to do my hair." Lavender nearly groaned out loud. Lucky her quill was still in her mouth. Hermione was giving everything away! Ron was supposed to notice, on his own! Really, Hermione just had no idea about how some things were done. The girl was daft. Too much hanging around with only boys, Lavender thought.

Lavender did the Gryffindor thing and leapt to the rescue.

"Harry," she wheedled, strolling across the room. "I was wondering the other day in Potions.…would you let me see if I could get your hair to sit straight at the back?"

Harry, very predictably, covered his head with both hands and quickly made an excuse to leave the room. Ron eyed Lavender and followed suit warily. She beamed at him benignly. His eyes widened, and he practically ran.

Lavender didn't really understand why that always happened when she asked Harry Potter about his hair, but it was rather useful at times like this. She rounded on Hermione, hissing quietly at the girl.

"You're not supposed to tell him!"

"Oops," said Hermione unconcernedly.

"Her-mio-ne!" Lavender crossed her arms, and pouted for a moment, thinking. There was something else, wasn't there, that she wanted to ask Hermione.…?

"Oh, and would you check over my Potions for me?" she begged belatedly. Because, for someone who was a bit dim, Hermione was really quite intelligent.

Then she realised Hermione had assented to Lavender doing her hair, and to buying make-up (which was a big step towards wearing some), and she nearly cheered out loud right there and then.