Longbottom's Big Mouth

Longbottom's Big Mouth, Ch. 2

And sure enough, Longbottom opened his big fat mouth and spoke.

"Draco Malfoy, I probably don't need to tell you you're just about the most gorgeous creature on Earth." Draco shrugged. Of course he knew that, didn't everyone? He opened his mouth to cut Longbottom off, but before he could, the chubbier boy cast a silencing hex on him. What the fuck?!?!?!? Since when was he not a squib?

"Just because I think you're pretty doesn't mean I want to hear you talk. You're rather a nasty little bugger when you open your mouth, and quite frankly I don't care about anything you might have to say." Draco's perfectly manicured eyebrows shot up in shock. Was the pudgy worm actually asserting himself? This wasn't the way this was supposed to go down. Not at all! Longbottom continued his speech.

"I have an offer to make you. A proposition, if you will. I want you to be my lover. I have neither intention nor desire to see you socially. I don't want to be your boyfriend, or even your friend. I don't even like you. As a person, you deserve to be spat upon by the very waifs and street rats you look down upon. I will however allow you to entertain me in my bed for as long as you continue to amuse and please me. I suggest you think about this before you open that pretty little mouth of yours and say something you'll regret. Reply by the end of the day via owl, or I may bestow the honor of being my bedfellow upon someone else. Good day, Malfoy." Longbottom placed the valentine and bouquet in Draco's hands, removed the silencing hex he had placed on the fairer boy, and walked confidently down the corridor, around the corner, and out of sight.

For once in his life, Draco Malfoy found himself with absolutely nothing to say. He sat down hard on the floor of the dungeon, spluttering from the shock of experiencing backbone!Neville. It didn't even occur to him that someone might see him on the dungeon floor in such a state and tell people, thus ruining the reputation he had so carefully constructed for himself over the years. Fortunately the next people to pass by were Vince and Greg. They helped him up off the floor and escorted him back to his room thanking various deities that Draco was Head Boy and thus had his own room where no one could see him in cases such as these.

Back in Draco's room, his buddies were playing chess in the corner, waiting patiently for him to come back down from his hysteria and explain to them what he was on about this time. Vince and Greg were used to Draco's tendency to over dramatize, so they knew the procedure. Finally, Draco looked up at his friends and asked them quietly to leave so he could think. Greg checkmated Vince with a very clever play, stood up, and after a raised eyebrow at Draco, the two of them left without asking questions.

As soon as he was alone, a million thoughts and questions swirled about in Draco's mind. He couldn't for the life of him figure out where Longbottom could have possibly gotten the idea he had a chance with the Slytherin Sex God. What did he have to back up his proposition? Why the devil was he so confident? What was missing from this picture? He shot up off the bed in a sudden flash of inspiration. He would do some digging! He would find out why Longbottom thought he could have anyone he wanted. The smug little bastard would pay for confusing him so much and making him think on a Saturday of all the things to do! Anyone who had seen him right then would have been terrified by the determined, deadly glint in his eyes.

Everyone in the Slytherin common room watched as their resident divine being rushed through and out the portrait hole in a most un-divine fashion. They were all thinking one thing: "I wouldn't want to be the poor schmuck in his path."

Next Chapter: Is Neville actually the hot stuff he's acting like? Who all turns out to be a Neville-philiac?