Longbottom's Big Mouth

Longbottom's Big Mouth, Ch. 3

"I wouldn't want to be the poor schmuck in his path."

Draco Malfoy tore down the hallways of Hogwarts in a frenzy. He had to find someone who could tell him what Longbottom thought he was doing. Fortunately it was a Hogsmeade weekend, so there weren't many students about. The Slytherin froze suddenly. There were Gryffindors in the area, he could feel them. Seven years living in the same school as those goody-goodies had trained him to feel their presence from several classrooms away. Draco, not being in the state of mind to deal with Gryffs, glanced around for a place to hide himself. He barely had time to hide himself behind a tapestry before the Golden Trio came around the corner.

He strained to hear their conversation, just in case one of them mentioned Longbottom's odd behavior. Weasley was whinging on about something or other, as usual. Draco was just tuning him out when he heard the mudblood mumble something he couldn't quite catch about "Neville's one and only major character flaw, what a shame." Then Weasley was off again about...about what? Cor, that boy should learn some proper diction, Draco thought to himself, leaning forwards to hear better.

"I thought for sure he would have chosen me this year! He knows I care; I flatter him constantly, send him flowers and cards, buy him sweets... How thick can he be? I just don't understand! And this was my last chance, too. I don't know what I'm going to do; I may plunge into a depression so deep no one will be able to help me. Oh the tragedy! Oh the humiliation of it all!" Weasley had to stop his ravings there, as he was beginning to tear up.

Behind the tapestry, Draco snorted. What a pansy. That boy is so flaming he matches that ridiculous hair of his. Meanwhile, the Boy Wonder was rolling his eyes and exchanging glances with Granger, obviously trying to communicate his disgust at Weasley's dramatics. For once in his life, Draco quite agreed with Potter. The Trio started walking again, in the general direction of the Great Hall. Granger was patting the Redheaded Freak on the back and attempting to comfort him while Potter tried to ignore his distinctly un-masculine friend.

Once they had rounded another corner and were out of sight, Draco stepped out from behind the tapestry. He was laughing so hard he would have teared up himself, had he not been sobered by a clock somewhere chiming 12:00. Damn, he had missed breakfast, practically half the day was gone, and he still hadn't the foggiest idea what was going on! The blonde headed towards the Great Hall, planning to watch the Gryffindor table during lunchtime. He would figure out what Longbottom was up to if it took him all day...which it probably would.

As Draco entered the Great Hall, he noticed that besides Vince, and Greg, the Slytherin table was entirely empty. The Gryffindor table was similarly deserted, with only Weasley, some shrimpy first year Draco didn't recognize, and Longbottom. Excellent, Draco thought. Now I can do some stealthy surveillance and see what he's up to. Mwahahahaha! He then realized he was still standing like a fool in the middle of the Great Hall, and a few Hufflepuffs were beginning to look at him oddly. He decided that sitting might be a good plan.

Without removing his eyes from the Gryffindor table, Draco seated himself between Vince and Greg, as he always liked to be surrounded by his "bodyguards." In reality neither of the bigger boys would hurt a fly, even a particularly vicious one. They were both highly intelligent and sensitive, enjoying such simple pleasures as fine art, Shakespeare, and long walks on the beach. Why they had been sorted into Slytherin was a mystery. They really would have done better in Ravenclaw. As it was, they were instructed by their parents to play it dumb and make Draco seem more intelligent and cultured.

Both of these boys sighed simultaneously, thinking of the things a different house would have had to offer them. Draco looked sharply at them. "Are you thinking deeply again? We've been over this! My father outranks both of yours, therefore I outrank you. Now stop that, it's distracting me." He turned back to the Gryffindor table where Weasley hadn't eaten a bite, but instead was staring at Longbottom with a thin strand of drool dribbling down his chin. Well that's it, he's finally lost it. Draco rolled his eyes at the redhead's inanity, until he realized that Weasley was drooling over Longbottom! That wasn't supposed to happen! What the devil?

"Er, Greg? Have you noticed anything...interesting about Longbottom?" Draco poked at his omelet, feigning idle curiosity. Greg shot Vince a Look that clearly said "Oh, so it's him this year." Vince's eyes widened as it dawned on him that Draco was unacquainted with Sexpot!Neville. Both boys gave each other one more Look and a nod as if to say "We definitely need to bring him up to speed." Draco was getting dizzy looking back and forth between them as they exchanged Looks, and was relieved when Greg turned to him and spoke calmly and slowly, as if explaining something very simple to a very young child.

"Neville Longbottom is a very intelligent, talented young man with the sex appeal of Adonis. He could have anyone he wanted, and every Valentine's Day, he does. He has a rather unfortunate weakness in Potions, but he's the top of his class in Herbology. Well, aside from Granger, naturally." Draco's eyes bugged out at hearing this. Why had he never known about this side of Longbottom? Greg looked him up and down before continuing. "I'm surprised he chose you this year, really. He usually chooses people for their inner beauty to let them know they're appreciated. That's why Vince and I were chosen last year. You should definitely take him up on this. He's amazing in bed, isn't he Vince?" Vince looked up from his plate and nodded enthusiastically.

Draco was in shock. "You mean...you both...with him...together?!?!?!?" Vince and Greg chuckled at the blonde's lack of coherent speech. Then Draco realized something. "How did you even know he...propositioned me? I never said that!" The other two boys just rolled their eyes and went back to eating. "I didn't! You don't know what you're talking about." He sunk deep into his seat and deeper into denial of the obvious fact that Neville Longbottom was indeed one of the sexiest boys at Hogwarts School.

Next Chapter: What will Draco's answer be? How will Ron react when he discovers Neville's choice for this year?