Longbottom's Big Mouth

Longbottom's Big Mouth, Ch. 1

Draco Malfoy hated Valentine's Day. It wasn't that he was bitter or anything, oh no. Why should he be? Everyone loved him, with his perfect hair and perfect skin and perfect clothing. In fact, this was just the problem. Every year, at least one person made an utter fool of themselves fawning all over him. This would normally be pleasurable, but it was always someone embarrassing. One year it was that shrimpy Creevey kid, another year it was a Hufflepuff, for Christ's sake!

The moment he opened his eyes he regretted it. "Fuuuuuck," he groaned miserably as the light hit his eyes. He pulled the duvet back over his face and hoped no one would notice him. There was no way in Hell he was getting up, especially with this massive hangover. What the hell did I drink last night? He groaned again as someone pulled his covers off and swore to himself he would rip the spleen out of whoever this was and carve the initials DM on it with a rusty dagger. With this comforting thought, he opened his eyes.

"Oh for fuck's sake, what are you doing here Parkinson? This is the gents' dormitory, if I remember correctly." Draco squinted up at the rather unattractive girl who followed him around like the dog she so resembled. "Get out and leave me alone woman."

"But Draco baby, it's Valentine's Day! You promised me a romantic day!" Oh God, the girl was practically bouncing. No one should be allowed to bounce around him this early, it was just not acceptable. Suddenly her inane ramblings caught up with him and he sat up straight in bed.

"No. Nononononono, it can't be..." He gave her a glare that would make any person with sense cringe. Pansy stood there and stared at him blankly. She didn't seem to get the point. "Pansy, if today is indeed Valentine's Day, there is no way I'm going anywhere today. And I never promised you anything!" She pouted at him, which was not at all appealing, despite what she may have thought.

"You implied, and that's as good as a promise to me. Now get up, Pumpkin! I'm sure you have all sorts of fun things planned for us to do today! I'll just go make myself all pretty for our big day!" She scuttled out of the room giggling like it was her fucking wedding day. Draco groaned once more for good measure and reluctantly pulled himself out of bed. He cast a locking charm on the door in case she came back, and dressed himself quickly. The thought of dressing sloppily and not doing his hair came to his head, but was quickly pushed aside as he realized it wouldn't make a difference. He was beautiful no matter what.

After clothing himself as impeccably as usual, he peeked into the corridor. When he was assured that Pansy was nowhere in the vicinity, he ran for the portrait hole, out into the main corridor of the Slytherin dungeons, and into a rather pudgy boy holding a large bouquet of flowers and a ghastly pink thing Draco could only assume was a Valentine. His heart dropped into his stomach. He knew what was coming, the same as every year. And sure enough, Longbottom opened his big fat mouth and spoke.

Next Chapter: What does Neville have to say for himself, and how does Draco react? Since when are Crabbe and Goyle intelligent?