To Fred and George Weasley

To Fred and George Weasley: In Regards To Your Recent Proposal Concerning the Uses of Flobberworm Juice

Percy arrived home, to the Burrow, from a very tedious day at the Ministry of Magic. He kissed Molly on the cheek, sampled dinner, and climbed wearily upstairs to his room to regroup before dinner. As Percy put his briefcase by his desk, he noticed that the usually neat and orderly files had been disturbed. Indeed, they were in considerable disarray!

Percy thought about reporting this latest breach of trust to the family matriarch, but instead, sat on the edge of his bed in thought and dejection. "I had such plans for today. I should have returned to the Burrow in triumph! The family should be planning my victory celebration! Instead, it was a humiliatingly normal day at the office."

His brilliant plan for increasing the International Marketing of Flobberworm Juice was overlooked due to other "critical" Ministry issues. "This probably means that my proposal is destined for a file cabinet somewhere, unread... Where is Mr. Crouch these days? He would understand the value of my proposal... I certainly would never question Mr. Crouch, but I wonder what's wrong with him. He's been using a large number of sick days. I hope it isn't anything serious," reflected Percy.

Percy suddenly realized that the disarray of his files represented a potentially dangerous breach of security regarding important Ministry matters. He sprang up to his desk and quickly surveyed the debris. Scanning each file, Percy realized what had been taken: The Flobberworm Juice Proposal!

Immediately, Percy knew who the perpetrators were, although he suspected them at the outset: Fred and George. They wouldn't be in their room right now since Mum had told him that the twins were still out when he came home. Percy crept out into the hall, checked for other lurking Weasley's, and seeing that the coast was clear, entered their room.

He looked around for his Ministerial Proposal. "Oy," he said quietly. "What's this then?" He picked up a crumpled scroll that was located next to the rubbish bin and read, "To Percy Weasley, in regards to your report on The Economic Development of Flobberworm Juice: Sexual Uses."

Percy returned to his room with the scroll after he found his purloined government document. At first, he was angry that Fred and George took his vital Ministry document and mocked it. "What did they know about important International Economic Markets, anyways?" he thought. But after dinner, Percy returned to his room and reread the document. "Hmmm.... maybe the twins could offer some assistance to my Escape Plan."

While Percy loved his job at the Ministry and his family, he had bigger ambitions. Percy wanted to get ahead. He was tired of doing without what other wizarding families took for granted. Power was one thing, but having wealth and power was even better. He had created an Escape Plan from the current Weasley status quo.

First, Percy needed to get out of The Burrow. It's not that he didn't love his family. He did, dearly. But he needed some space, some privacy, some place that Fred and George (and the rest) weren't snooping. Then he had to have a Grand Idea such as a novel product or service. This idea would lead him down the path to riches. By working at the International Magical Cooperation Department at the Ministry, Percy was meeting many important and well-connected people. If Percy had a Grand Idea, these people would remember him and might even help with some venture capital.

Then the Grand Idea would have to make some money. "It didn't have to be a fortune, just enough to become noticed. Once people see that your ideas can make money, they're ready to invest in your next idea, and the next. This is where I'll make my fortune," Percy mused. "With a fortune I will be able to lead the Ministry." Having worked with the Ministry for a year and watching his Dad slug away for many years there, Percy realized that he couldn't achieve any meaningful changes by working his way up the ladder. "You've got to start at the top of the ladder! And that's where I want to be," decided Percy.

Sooooo.... Fred and George's proposal rang the bell of opportunity in his head. "I know, the Flobberworm Juice Lubrication Product can serve as my Great Idea! I can offer my business acumen and connections and use some of the twins' clever ideas. Maybe," he considered with a purposeful glint in his eye, " I should respond to their proposal." Percy sat down with a scroll and began to compose his reply.

To Fred and George Weasley: In Regards To Your Recent Proposal Concerning the Uses of Flobberworm Juice

Dearest Brothers,

Thank you for your vote of confidence in the Uses of Flobberworm Juice for Sexual Purposes Proposal (here after referred to as the Proposal). Since the Ministry has other, more critical issues to contend with, I believe they are no longer interested in this Proposal and have no plans to develop it at this time. Therefore, I believe that we could proceed, in a cooperative manner, to implement the Proposal.

In the spirit of cooperation, I believe we each bring valuable skills to the implementation of the Proposal (here after referred to as the Project). Fred and George, I agree with your assessment of your skills. You both have a talent for product enhancement, such as flavors, colors, and aromas, which would assuredly improve sales of Flobberworm Juice Lubricant (here after referred to as the Product). You also have talent for the artistic side of marketing, such as packaging, advertising, and displays.

As thoughts of advertising raced through Percy's head, he was suddenly lost in thought. "Fred and George thought that I had not considered the marketing of Flobberworm Juice to the slash community. They must really think I'm out of the loop. Merlin's Beard! Of course I've considered this market and how to reach them. But, hmmmm... good... they don't know about Oliver and I or they wouldn't have included this statement. Or would they?" He stopped and gave it some additional consideration and scowled. "Would they say it just to antagonize me? Have they been following me on Friday nights? Maybe I better play it stupid for a while yet... Can't let Mum know. hmmmm.... Oliver, I can't wait to try out our new product line with you!"

A wide grin spread across his face. Suddenly overwhelmed with this strong image, Percy had to open up the windows and get a face full of fresh air before he was composed enough to continue.

I, too, bring valuable skills. I have experience with the economic aspects of marketing, such as legal issues, monetary accountability, and tariffs. Through my current position at the Ministry, I am familiar with many producers and manufacturers who may be persuaded to help us produce our Product. I have connections to legal advisors, venture capitalists, and producers.

I suggest that we share the expenses and profits evenly. I do have a small amount of money to contribute to our initial Research and Development of the Product.

However, I have one request of you. I do not want to be an acknowledged partner of this venture. It would not be proper for an employee of the Ministry to be involved in a project with such sexual undertones.

Percy paused. "I wonder if I should explain this to them. Is it fair of me to let them bare the brunt of Mum's anger? She will be furious when she finds out what they ...," he chuckled and then thought, " rather, what we are doing. Maybe I should offer them a greater share of the profits? But that will only delay my ability to begin my Escape Plan.... No, I guess I will wait and see if the twins request a greater share."

Sincerely yours,

Percy Ignatius Weasley (here after referred to as Shadow Chief Executive Officer and Financial Officer)

Percy folded his letter along with the one that he had retrieved from Fred and George's room and placed them inside an envelope. He grinned in spite of himself and thought about Oliver, Penelope, and the endless possibilities that lie before him, now that he had made up his mind. Nothing would stop him. There was only one thing left to do. He leaned over, looked out the window, and watched his two identical siblings sneak through the garden and into the shed. They were holding two very large wooden crates and looking quite mischievous. Percy sighed and shook his head. "I sure hope I know what I'm doing," thought Percy, going down to the garden.