Amid My Solitude

The air was soft with many a wing.
They laughed amid my solitude
And cast bright looks on everything.
-- Anna Hempstead Branch

Remus Lupin woke to an empty bed, and enough light slanting through the bedroom windows to tell him that he had slept far later than he'd intended; the clock on the wall said it was two in the afternoon.

"Bollocks, the meeting," he said, with feeling, sliding out of the nest of blankets and stumbling towards the sitting room --

Which was full of people.

He blinked, realised that, in his boxers, he was wearing less than he had possibly ever worn in the presence of this many people, and stepped back into his bedroom, closing the door. After a second, he opened it a crack, and put his head through.

"You really aren't getting enough to eat," Molly said disapprovingly. "And you need a haircut."

"What are you doing in my sitting room?" he asked, trying not to think about being seen in his boxers by --

"Having a meeting," Dumbledore said, calmly. "Tonks suggested that this was a good way to keep an eye on you while we did so."

"Tonks, could I have a word in private?" he asked. She smiled and shook her head. Fred and George elbowed each other.

"Fine, just be a mo," he sighed, and shut the door again. He heard Arthur's low laughter as he fumbled for clothing, and gave his hair a despairing look in the mirror before deciding it wasn't worth trying to control it. When he emerged, squinting, into the sitting room, the talk seemed to be centred around Snape's experiments. Snape, he noticed, was not present.

"We were under orders to let you sleep," Tonks said, glancing at Molly.

"For fourteen hours?" he asked.

"You're still healing," Molly said, with the supremely unconcerned air of a woman who has raised seven children. "Sit down. We haven't managed anything useful since last night."

"Dumbledore seems to think you have a plan," Kingsley added.

"Does he now," Remus murmured, settling himself on the much-abused couch.

"You do have a plan, don't you?" Fred asked. "You sounded like you had a plan."

Remus examined the scar on his palm, thoughtfully. "Sort of," he said quietly. "More of a goal, really."

"Got anything to do with the fountains?" George asked.

"Yes...yes. We need to erm. Find them," Remus answered, slowly.

"That's your plan?"

"It's a step."

"How?"

"I don't know yet."

The twins looked pensive.

"It's not as though there's a big book in my bedroom on how to plot the downfall of the Dark Lord," Remus said shortly. "Do give a man five minutes to wake up."

"Got to write the book, don't you?" Arthur asked.

"Why've I got to do it?" Remus demanded.

"Well, you sort of locked yourself in after last night."

Remus rubbed his hands over his face, resting his chin in them eventually. "Right. Fine. All right...we have people in the Prophet, the Ministry, and we've got Snape in the organisation itself. Don't touch the two fountains we've found. Fred, George, I want you working with Snape to see if you can't track the other fountains through the first two. We need to know where they are. Ummm...Arthur, Kingsley, Tonks. Harry's told us who the big names are. Any of them we can find and track, we need to start doing so. Trip them up however we can. Keep tabs on the Malfoys, the Lestrange offshoots..."

Arthur smiled. "The usual suspects. Reports going back to you?"

"No, you and Molly handle that, and be checking in with Dumbledore. Gaps in the armor."

"Good as done."

"We need someone working with the Prophet to get as much trouble for the old families as possible. It shouldn't be hard to start aiming cameras at them, Muggles do it to their famous families all the time."

"What's going on in that devious head of yours?" Arthur asked.

"I'm not sure yet. Mostly the fact that I'm starving," Remus muttered.

"Suits you then," Arthur replied. "Makes you a bit keen, doesn't it?"

"I think a late lunch would do us all good," Dumbledore said, rising. "I believe there's some turkey still remaining..."

Harry and Hermione came in, flush from the outdoors, Harry with a smear of grease across his cheek, just as the others were slicing up the cold turkey and trying to find enough bread for everyone to have sandwiches.

"Sorting out some engine things," Harry said, by way of explanation, washing his hands in the sink. "Ron's gone off to the Burrow, he says Mr. Weasley's got some books on motorcycle maintenance."

Molly looked at Arthur, who blushed.

"Got a library of books on Muggle mechanics," he said. "Came in dead handy with the car."

"Think I want to take the motorbike out this weekend," Harry continued, accepting a plate of food from Remus, who was scrounging some cheese for his own sandwich.

"Not a bad idea," the older man replied. "Nice short first flight, too."

Harry looked at him quizzically.

"Got to take you to get your books and that. For school," Remus reminded him. "Erm...if you want me to, anyway. Reckon you could go with Hermione and Ron..."

"Wait till Malfoy sees Harry's bike," Hermione said gleefully.

"You can come if you want," Harry said to Remus, shrugging elaborately.

"Got it!" Ron's voice echoed from the other room, and he stomped in, looking cheerful. "Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance!"

Hermione turned a laugh quickly into a cough.

"Ta, Ron," Harry said, taking the book.

"We were talking about going to Diagon Alley this weekend, to get your school things," Molly said, as Ron sat and began unconcernedly eating half of Harry's sandwich.

"Hey, you go to Knockturn Alley, don't you?" Harry asked, turning to Remus.

"Yes I do, and no, you can't come along." Remus looked up to see forty percent of the Weasley family staring at him. "Research books," he said. "Flourish and Blott's won't carry the really interesting sort."

"I like resear -- "

"No, Hermione, you can't come along either. Ron, don't even try."

Hermione very nearly pouted.

"We'll take you," Fred offered.

"You do and I'll bite you both," Remus said, without looking up from his sandwich.

"Joykill," Fred muttered.

"Yes, my attempts to keep Harry from meeting a painful, premature end could be interpreted that way."

"I don't like him when he's been fed," George said, to his twin.

"I'm all for not dying," Harry put in.

"Glad we're on the same page there, Harry," Remus said.

"I do need new robes," Harry continued. "And my cauldron's gone rusty."

"And you need a new coat," Tonks said, to Remus. "And there's some books I could pick up."

Remus shrugged. He did need a new coat; autumn was coming, and his old trench coat was losing its sleeves beyond his ability to repair them. On the other hand, that was money he didn't have...thank god James and Lily had left Harry something to live on. He would have starved before letting Harry go without, but he was glad he didn't have to.

"Diagon Alley it is, then," he said. "Saturday?"

"And I can take the motorbike?" Harry asked. "And meet you there?"

"If you're careful, and don't flash it about," Remus replied. "Arthur...?"

Arthur looked up. "Oh, technically it's all right. It's been licensed, I remember handling the paperwork, and there's a special transportation clause when it's for individual use..."

"As opposed to a trio of troublemakers abducting the Boy Who Lived from his family home in a flying car," Molly said sternly. The twins winced.

"I want you to be careful," Remus said. Harry nodded. "And don't do any tricks, it's not a broomstick."

"I won't."

"And you'll wear the helmet. And make sure you're ready with a good levitation spell if something fails. And I want you to -- "

Tonks put a calming hand on his arm, and Remus subsided.

"Didn't spend all this time making sure he didn't die only to have him crash the bloody thing," Remus muttered.

"Seems to me I recall you crashing it, once," Arthur said with a grin. Harry, Ron, and Hermione all looked at him inquiringly.

"I didn't crash it, I just shifted the gears a bit hard. It was fine in a few days," Remus protested. "Sirius -- "

He stopped, abruptly.

"Well. It's Harry's now," he said finally. "And no riding it while you're in school," he added.

Harry rolled his eyes and agreed, before turning to Ron and Hermione to begin plotting his flight.

***

The afternoon, after there had been more talk and a report from Snape, was spent in enforced lassitude; summer was waning, but the sun was still out, and after a week inside a hospital room, Remus was more than happy to sit out on the back steps, and watch Snape and the twins tinker with the fountain, while discussing strategy with Arthur.

"Dumbledore's trusting you with an awful lot," Arthur said, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"Do you think it's unwise?"

"No. Though I don't think it's good for you. It's a lot for one person to carry. Mentally, I mean."

"I'll be all right," Remus answered. "It's not like I'm not used to it."

"Do you think you can..." Arthur glanced at him. "Do you think you're..."

"Able? To carry it?"

Arthur nodded. "I'd be terrified, if it was me Dumbledore was putting this on," he said, looking away.

"You've given your pound of flesh," Remus shook his head. "Nobody's asking you to take on anything more, Arthur. Ye gods, if I had children..."

"You've got Harry."

"That's different."

"Is it?"

"Harry's in this whether he wants to be or not. You had a choice. So did Molly and your lads."

"No, we didn't."

Remus shot him a small smile. "No. Perhaps not. The true noble family of the Wizarding world."

"Toujours Weasley, toujours poverty."

The pair of them laughed, quietly, as Tonks and Harry came down the steps. Tonks settled next to him, while Harry went to investigate what the twins were doing with one of the garden gnomes on the fountain.

"So what is the plan, if I can ask?" Arthur said, grinning at his boys.

"We kill Voldemort."

"That's a good plan," Tonks put in. "I'm behind it."

"When I visited...when I spoke with the pack's Alpha..." Remus said haltingly. He took a breath. "He said that there were wolves who had to battle with humans. In order to win, they had to become like humans. Thus, werewolves."

Tonks' thumb rubbed across the back of his hand, as she leaned on his arm.

"My ideals want to tell me that we can't be like them, that if the Order thinks like the Death Eaters, we don't deserve to win," Remus said softly. "And my blood and instinct is telling me that I would strangle Lucius Malfoy with my own hands before I'd let him touch Harry. So I'm going to make sure we can destroy the Crinons. All of them. At once. By the time we've found enough of them to make a dent, we'll have destroyed some of the bigger families. Some of them now are only sticking with the Dark Lord because they've got that bloody Mark. As long as he's got them Marked, he's got a grip on their minds and hearts. Destroy his power, destroy his people, and then..."

He looked out at Harry, who was laughing with George over a jet of water that had just hit Fred in the face.

"Then Harry is going to use what Severus Snape taught him," he said softly, "and he's going to go into the Dark Lord's head, because he's the only one who can...and twist."

Tonks shivered. Arthur looked pale.

"Why Harry?" Arthur asked.

"Because it's always been Harry. It'll always be Harry. It's what he was born for."

"That's hard on the boy," Arthur said slowly.

"I expect to die in the fight," Remus replied. "Harry's a survivor, he probably won't -- "

"Don't say that," Arthur said sharply.

"Nobody's going to die," Tonks added.

"In a perfect world," Remus answered, softly. Tonks pressed her face to his shoulder.

"Arthur, can we talk alone for a minute?" she asked. The older man smiled, and nodded, and walked down the steps, his red hair turning copper in the light of the sunset.

"I don't want you to die," Tonks said, when he'd gone. Remus smiled.

"Well, I don't want to. And you know, I probably won't. But I'm something of a cynic."

"Not really? You?"

"Be nice," he chided. She smiled, and picked up his right hand, spreading his fingers, running her own over the dark, jagged scar.

"I have something I need to tell you," she informed him. "I'm sorry Harry found out first, but he was in my head too, and he couldn't really help it."

He drew his eyebrows together, confused. She stood, and faced him, standing on a low step, and raised his hand to press it flat against her stomach, low and centred.

"I found out...just a little while after they brought you in. Nobody knows but you and me, and Harry, and Healer Smethwyck," she said, holding his palm there.

"Found out..." he trailed off, eyes widening. "Found out?"

She nodded, her smile widening slightly. "Apparently it was Harry's birthday party. I'd like to think it's that, anyway."

"Think it's...but we..."

"You're going to be a daddy, Remus."

There was a slight pause.

"I can't even afford to feed myself," he blurted, finally.

"Well, fortunately, you will not have to be a single father," Tonks replied, grinning. "Besides, I can afford to feed myself, and a baby, and maybe even his papa, too. If papa doesn't decide he's got to die in some fool battle."

Remus closed his eyes, feeling the pads of his fingertips on her clothing, the smooth flat skin beneath. He should be overjoyed; instead there was just the fear. The fear that any child of his was going to be abnormal, unnatural...

"What if it's -- " he began, but she stopped him.

"Remus," she said softly. "What if he is? Will you love him any less?"

"No, of course not -- "

"Then let's not worry until we have to," she said. "I love Daddy. I will love baby too."

"Oh god..."

"Hey, that's what you said when we were making hi -- "

"Dora, that's not funny."

"It's very funny," she whispered, and he felt her lips brush his. Eyes closed, he hadn't even realised she had bent over. Her heart-shaped face was inches from his, her eyes searching his.

"I'm too old for you," he murmured, looking down.

"Doesn't matter," she replied.

"Do you not remember me running off to get chewed to bits by ferals?"

"Well, you won't do that again. and if you ever really screw up, we'll call Harry in to be peacemaker."

He gave in, and let her kiss him, too tired to do more than kiss back, and stroke his fingers across her stomach.

"An April baby," he said, doing the math in his head, carefully. "Or early in May?"

"I love you more than is good for me," she replied. "Yes. A baby born in April. Or maybe May. A little boy."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do," she replied, nuzzling his cheek. "Harry told me so."

"My god, I love you," he murmured. "When did that happen?"

"You're just saying that cos you knocked me up," she answered. He laughed, weakly, and pulled her down to him. She curled against his shoulder again, his arm around her waist, fingers still stroking her stomach, gently.

"So you see," she said, against his sleeve, "You're not allowed to die. Battle or no."

He nodded. Next to him, she screwed up her face, and her hair changed from deep black to bright orange.

"Suits you," he said.

"Remus, you are not allowed to die," she repeated.

"Well, I'm not trying to."

"Aren't you?"

He glanced at her.

"Not anymore."

The sun slid behind a tree, and darkness began to encroach on the red sky. In the yard, Harry was earnestly explaining something to Arthur, while Snape listened in what looked almost like approval. The twins were flinging water at each other, and the gnomes grinned crookedly atop the birdbath.

"We're going to win, you know," Remus said quietly.

"I know."

"And I'm going to tell him."

"Harry?"

He shook his head.

"My son," he said, trying the words to see how they fit. "I'm going to tell my son what we did here."

Tonks snorted. "I wouldn't tell him everything we did here, Remus."

He laughed. "No. But he's going to know what we did for him. And for Harry, and Harry's children, if he has any, and all the rest of them. We're going to win. And after we do we're going to tell the stories. People should have stories."

"People should," she agreed, yawning. "Now. I think we ought to go inside and do something you can't ever tell your son about."

He smiled, and let himself be led into the house.

END