Solstice

Chapter 2 - Accountability

Snape's gaze turned on Draco, who glared defiantly back at him. "Why did you stop me! Potter had it coming to him!"

Snape's anger threatened to overwhelm him. He literally had to take a few calming breaths before continuing. "The Cruciatus Curse is, as you well know, an illegal curse and it is unforgiveable for a very good reason!" Snape spat, his dark eyes boring into Draco's. "Technically, you should immediately be expelled and sent to Azkaban. Is that what you want? Do you want to be locked in a cell with your father?"

Draco didn't respond and his gaze dropped to the floor.

"Well, Draco? Speak up!" Then Snape added in a low hiss, "are you missing the beatings? Is that why you are so mad at Potter for getting your father locked up?"

Draco's head shot up and his eyes narrowed into an icy glare. "He would be proud of me for cursing Potter!"

Snape smiled maliciously. "For how long? Think about it, Draco. How long have his moments of being proud of you ever lasted? An hour? A day perhaps?" He raised an eyebrow. "Or, if you're extraordinarily lucky, maybe as much as a week? But then what would happen? Perhaps word would come through that Mr. Potter had won a Quidditch match or Ms. Granger had excelled at her studies and you? Well, you would be twiddling your thumbs in Azkaban being utterly useless. What do you suppose Lucius would do then?"

Draco's gaze reverted to the floor.

In a cold dry voice Snape added, "in retrospect, you really should be quite grateful to Potter for removing that man from your life for awhile!"

Draco's head snapped up, a cloud of anger darkening his eyes. "What? Are you standing up for Potter now?!" he yelled at Snape.

Snape narrowed his eyes, disgust heavy in his voice. "What's wrong with you? Have you lost the capability to use your brain like an arrogant Gryffindor? Your behavior has gotten so far out of hand. If any other teacher had come across this scene today, you would be expelled! End of story."

Snape paused and took a thoughtful breath. "Since your punishment rests with me now, tomorrow in the luncheon hall you will apologize to Potter!"

Draco's mouth dropped open in shock. "Are you mad?" he exploded.

Snape's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What did you just say?"

Draco's mouth went dry. "Professor Snape, you can't be serious." He paused then, thinking of the humiliation such an action would bring. His gray-blue eyes narrowed and he snapped defiantly, "YOU can't make me!"

Snape smirked wryly as the spoiled prince in Draco acted up. He hated what he had to do next, but he had to be tough; it was the only way to get the upper hand with him. He steeled himself inside, knowing how wrenching it would be. He stared hard at Draco, and then, very slowly and very deliberately, he unbuckled his belt and pulled it off with a snap. Draco, his eyes widening in unconcealed fear, turned even paler than his normal pallor. With an expression mixed with horror and disbelief, he backed against the wall. He couldn't believe Snape would do this to him, but he braced himself for what he thought would come regardless. He clenched his teeth but never once broke eye contact with Snape. When Snape folded the belt in two and lifted it in the air, Draco cringed and slowly shook his head, his eyes wide and pleading. A small gasp escaped his lips as Snape stepped closer and his gray eyes unwittingly filled with tears of hopelessness.

Rather than striking, Snape very deliberately threw the belt down onto the floor in front of him. It had been gut-wrenching for him to frighten Draco into thinking he would act like Lucius, but he needed for Draco to identify the difference. Draco exhaled loudly, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

"If I were Lucius, I would make you do as I wish, and you know, even better than I, how! Since I am not your father and because I am someone who cares for you yet finds your behavior increasingly worrisome, I will give you an option: either you will apologize to Potter tomorrow morning like I have requested, or you will find yourself in detention for a month doing the most menial jobs Filch can dream up for you. Additionally, all privileges of attending Hogsmeade weekends and other special events will be revoked. Do I make myself clear?" Snape growled in a tone that caused knots of fear to curl in Draco's stomach.

He swallowed and blinked rapidly, his heart feeling heavy. He felt betrayed, but also relieved that Snape hadn't gone through with the looming physical threat. He nodded miserably while hoarsely responding, "Yes, sir."

"Good. I do hope you realize that your punishment this time is extremely mild in relation to your actions. If I ever see or hear of any further behavior such as this, the consequences next time will be far more serious. Do you understand?"

Silence.

"Draco!"

"Yes, sir," Draco responded in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Now go to your room and stay there for the rest of the night. Tomorrow, after you have apologized to Potter, you and I will speak again."

Draco took a step forward but his foot bumped the belt on the ground before him. He flinched, then slowly stepped over it. He glanced at Snape with a look so full of anguish that Snape's heart clenched in pain. Then Draco tore down the hallway as fast as he could. Snape closed his eyes; his hands were shaking. He had to get through to him, and if scaring him senseless at the moment was what it took to keep him in line, then he had to do it. He didn't know what he would have done if Draco had started to incant the Avada Kedavra curse at Potter. Thankfully, it hadn't come to that yet, as he would have been duty-bound to turn him in. After a minute, he wearily went to retire for the night, preparing a sleeping potion for himself this time.

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Harry was very weary. He made it to the Gryffindor common room and had found it deserted. Gratefully he collapsed on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Why did Snape have to be so mean to him? He had claimed that he didn't mean to hurt him, but his words always did regardless of intent. He kept reaching inside him and making him feel the things that he was desperately trying not to think about. He grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to him while watching the flames. Thoughts of Sirius and how, just months ago, they had communicated through the fireplace rushed back to him, making the ache in his heart even more painful.

"Harry, we've been looking for you." Ron and Hermione entered the room.

Harry gave them a small smile. "Well, you've found me."

Hermione sat down closely beside him. "Where have you been?"

Harry looked pale and tired. He glanced up at Hermione with a bit of a tortured look. "Snape's office."

Ron groaned. "Was it bad?"

Harry didn't want to talk about Snape. "I had a run-in with Malfoy on the way back here. He almost put the Cruciatus Curse on me."

"Bloody hell!" was Ron's startled reply.

"He WHAT!" Hermione sat up, furious. "That's an illegal curse! He should be expelled! I'm talking to Professor McGonagall."

"NO!" Harry interrupted. He shouted, "stop meddling in my life!"

Both Ron and Hermione froze. Harry's heart raced as he looked at them. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." his words faded off as he squeezed his eyes shut. "It's just that I'm not a baby; I can handle things. Besides, Snape stopped him."

"Snape? Snape stopped him?" Ron asked incredulously.

"Yeah. I don't think he actually heard Malfoy, but he ran into him by mistake, throwing him off balance," Harry responded, sounding very tired.

"How have lessons with Snape been?" Hermione asked, determined to get an answer from Harry.

Harry shrugged.

"Harry, please talk to us. What's wrong?"

Harry stubbornly responded, "I'm fine."

Hermione snorted loudly. "You've hardly eaten anything in the last few days."

"And you kept waking up from all those weird dreams last night," Ron chimed in.

"I'm fine, all right? Snape gave me some Dreamless Sleep potion, so I'll be fine." Harry got up.

"Harry, you've got to take better care of yourself," Hermione began as Harry moved away.

"Will the two of you just leave me ALONE," he practically shouted at them. He immediately regretted it. "I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean that but..." he stopped, not knowing exactly what he did mean.

He stood there looking so sad and miserable that Hermione leapt off the sofa and threw her arms around him. Wordlessly, Harry returned her hug and squeezed her tightly. Ron also got up and put his hand on Harry's shoulder. "Harry, whatever is going on with you, you can tell us, you know. We're your friends. We care about you."

Harry's throat closed at Ron's words. After a moment, he cleared his throat and stepped backwards out of Hermione's embrace. "It's okay, really. I'm just tired."

Hermione narrowed her eyes. "We've been through a lot together, and we are in this together whatever this is that's bothering you. Just because you lost Sirius doesn't mean you'll lose us too." She watched Harry and saw how, at the mention of Sirius' name, his eyes closed briefly. She knew he was still hurting badly and missing his godfather so much.

"I have to go now because it's late, but I'll see you tomorrow." She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, rubbing his arm in the process. "You know, you aren't the only one who misses him."

Harry blinked and his green eyes looked into her hers momentarily. He nodded slowly but didn't - or couldn't - say anything.

After Hermione left, Ron went over to Harry. "Um, I'm not going to hug or kiss you like Hermione just did."

His words forced a smile out of Harry. "You better not."

Ron grinned briefly. "But listen Harry, I just want to say if you want to talk to me, I'll listen and I'll help in anyway I can."

Harry looked into Ron's earnest face. "Thanks Ron. I'm really lucky that you and Hermione are my friends, but there's nothing to talk about."

Ron couldn't let it drop. "It's Snape, isn't it," Ron speculated with narrowed eyes.

"He's just being miserable, I think, but at least he gave me the potion." Harry picked up the bottle that he had put on the table.

"Are you learning Occlumency now? Is it going well?" Ron asked tentatively, never knowing when Harry might snap at him.

Harry didn't know how to respond. How could he tell Ron not only that he was failing, but also that almost every time Snape said Legilimens, he felt like dying. He didn't want to do it; he didn't want to go back there; he didn't want to talk to anyone about how he was feeling. He just wanted to be left alone, but things never seemed to work out the way he wanted them to.

So he did the only thing he could think to do. He lied. "Yeah, it's going fine. I'm getting the hang of it."

"That's what you said last time. Are you sure it's really happening?" Ron asked with a note of suspicion.

Harry's eyes narrowed at Ron, "Knock it off with the interrogation! I'm tired and I'm going to bed." With that, Harry left.

Ron flinched at the abrupt departure. He was certain that Harry was lying, but he was also worried about making him angrier because that would cause Harry to withdraw even further.

In the dormitory, Harry crawled under the covers and quickly took the sleeping draught, grateful that for one night he wouldn't have any disturbing dreams of Sirius and Cedric's lives ending. As he drifted off, he wished he could get his hands on more sleeping potion so he could take it every night.

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Harry awoke to an empty room. He glanced at the clock and realized it was almost 10:00. The sleeping potion had worked very well. Since it was Saturday morning, there were no classes, but he was scheduled to meet with Snape again at 2:00. Snape will have expected him to have started meeting with Lupin, but Harry had no real plans to do so. He would just have to block out Snape's spell, which meant he would have to stay calm. He kept thinking about the dreamless sleep potion; if he only swallowed a few drops of it, it should make him calm and sleepy. Then he could handle whatever Snape threw at him.

He resolved to sneak into Snape's office sometime before 2:00 to get more potion. He decided to skip breakfast and have a big lunch, partially because he wanted to avoid Ron and Hermione. They would just ask him questions and want to talk about Sirius. They both had their parents; they didn't know how it felt to be alone. He got dressed and went out to the lake.

Severus Snape woke up when a heavy weight landed on his chest. He rubbed Loki under the chin. The large, black, hairy cat with pumpkin-colored eyes purred at him loudly. He pulled back the covers and got up reluctantly. Today he would see if Draco respected him enough to apologize to Potter or if he would be forced to inflict further punishment on him. Today he would also see if talking to Lupin had helped take some of the grief and guilt off Potter's shoulders so he could finally make progress in Occlumency. Dumbledore counted on him to work with Harry and he had promised to try and put the past behind him and concentrate on Potter as an individual, not just as his father's son. He saw shades of Lily in him more and more, and that was making it easier to care about what happened to him.

Draco had hardly slept that night. The thought of apologizing to Potter almost made him sick to his stomach. Prince Potter, the Golden Boy, who got all of the attention. Everyone loved him. Potter the savior. It was enough to make him want to run to Voldemort and beg to become a Death Eater. Potter. He mentally spat out the name, hatred welling in his heart. He hated Snape for making him do this. How could Snape do this to him? Snape had always supported him. Snape had helped him when Lucius had hurt him so badly he could barely move. Snape was the only person in the world that he trusted and thought would never hurt him. Draco bit his lip, suppressing the fear that threatened to overwhelm him. Without Snape, he had no one. Crabbe and Goyle were two big, stupid goons who latched onto him like groupies because of the Malfoy name. How was he going to do this? How could he walk up to Potter and apologize? He tried desperately to think of a way out of this. Maybe he could pretend he was sick? It wouldn't be too much of a lie after all, as he was feeling quite queasy. Snape's dark eyes sprang to mind. It would only postpone the inevitable; he would just make him do it tomorrow. He could opt for the detention and denial of privileges, but spending time with Filch and doing his every bidding brought shivers up and down his spine; that punishment would just go on and on. So he resigned himself to apologizing. It would only take a minute and then it would be over. He sat back down on the edge of his bed, staring out of the window. He swallowed hard. He hoped Potter would accept it and wouldn't give him a hard time.

Harry was almost frozen to the bone when he decided to come back in. Sitting outside in the cold air, letting it chill him to a comfortable numbness, felt good. Sometimes he almost wished the cold would just freeze him over and he wouldn't ever have to feel again. It was time for lunch, and since he had skipped breakfast he decided he should at least attempt to eat something or Hermione would be on his case. He walked in and wordlessly went to sit beside Hermione and Ron, who looked at him with worried eyes. He hated it when they did that. He picked at a chicken potpie with little interest.

Snape was eating with the rest of the professors. His dark eyes lit on Potter as he entered and went to sit with his friends. He noticed that the boy hadn't spoken to anyone. He also realized, for the first time, that Potter didn't look well. Rather pale, but flushed at the same time. Was Potter ill and he hadn't noticed before? He glanced over at Professor Dumbledore, whose gaze was also on Potter. Snape was almost too distracted to notice that Draco had entered. Almost. Draco's icy gaze lit on him as if to confirm that he had no choice but to do as he had been told. He could almost feel Draco's anger. His eyes never left the boy as he headed over to Potter. He must have said something because Potter and the Gryffindors around him all turned to Draco. He could see the shock on Potter's face as well as the rest of them. Potter responded then Draco must have said something else. Potter shrugged, said something, and turned his back on the blond Slytherin. Draco, his face flushed, turned and threw an angry glare at Snape before leaving the room. Snape noticed Ron and Hermione get up and go after him. This wasn't good. Snape paused for a moment. Should he go after them or should he let them iron things out themselves? Worried over what Draco might do, he decided to interfere. He got up and hurried out.

Harry sat staring at the 3/4s of his chicken potpie that was still on his plate. What had just happened was one of the strangest things he had witnessed in the last few weeks. Malfoy had come up to the table, looked him in the eye, and said, "Potter, I just want to say sorry about last night. I hope you accept my apology." He had seemed very determined, yet a spark of anger lay behind his gray eyes. Harry expected a lot of things to happen, but Malfoy apologizing to him for almost placing the Cruciatus Curse on him was not something he had anticipated. Puzzled, he had asked, "Why are you doing this?" Malfoy's chin had raised a notch. "Because I have no choice." Malfoy had actually trembled slightly, much to Harry's surprise. His insincerity was obvious; someone had obviously forced him. "Fine. Whatever. I accept." With disinterest, Harry had turned back to his food. When Ron and Hermione had left the table, anger boiled up in him again. Hermione must have told Professor McGonagall, who forced Malfoy to say he was sorry. He wondered what she had threatened him with, because Malfoy wouldn't have agreed to this willingly.

Draco, heart racing, tore down the hallway. He had done it and Potter had nonchalantly accepted his apology. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't heard the advancing footsteps behind him.

"Malfoy!!! What the bloody hell was that all about?" Weasley shouted at him.

He turned with fury in his icy eyes and grinned maliciously. "What's it to you, Weasel? And oh look, you brought the mudblood with you."

"You should be in Azkaban with your father," Hermione snapped at him. "Don't you ever ever even think about using the Cruciatus Curse on Harry again! I will go straight to Professor Dumbledore if you do."

"Ooooo. I'm scared, mudblood. You better worry about your mudblood parents before someone hurls the Avada Kedavra at them. Maybe, if I get lucky, it will be me!" Malfoy smirked.

Unfortunately, right at that moment Snape had turned the corner. Draco's heart almost stopped. Hermione's hand had gone to her wand, but when Malfoy suddenly trembled and his smirk turned to a look of shock she stopped. She turned to see what had startled him so. She almost expected to see Dumbledore, but much to her surprise Snape stood there, his robes billowing around him like a dark, smoldering storm cloud.

"Draco! My office. Now!"

Malfoy stood there not moving. Snape went over to him, grabbed him by the scruff of his robe, and practically hauled him down the hall.

Ron and Hermione were left staring at each other in shock and confusion.

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Snape literally threw Draco into his office, sending him flying across the room, past papers and potions. He stood there seething with anger. "You seem determined to get yourself expelled," Snape said in steely, dangerous voice.

"I did what you wanted! I apologized to Potter!" Draco shouted angrily.

"That is true, but then you immediately threatened to perform yet another illegal curse - the killing curse no less - on Ms. Granger's parents! Am I to assume then, that my punishment on you was far too mild seeing that you apparently did not learn anything from it?" Snape said slowly.

Draco's gaze hit the floor. "They provoked me."

"Poor little Draco, can't take on Potter's friends without breaking the rules again," Snape's crooned softly.

"Shut Up! You don't know what it's like! I can't wait till I'm a Death Eater and the weasels and the mudbloods all cower before me." Draco yelled the words at Snape and turned away, but Snape's hand lashed out and grabbed Draco's arm, roughly yanking him back.

"So, you want to follow in daddy's footsteps?" Snape growled. "Do you honestly think being a Death Eater will make you all powerful and everyone will cower at your feet? Apparently Lucius never gave you a true account of the life of a Death Eater. First of all, the Dark Mark is burned, scorched into your skin. It hurts like hell. Then, no matter where you are and what you are doing, whenever the Dark Lord wishes, a blinding pain will hit you and you will feel the fire of the brand all over again. You will immediately drop whatever it is you are doing and apparate to the dark lord's side where, if the mood strikes him, he will put the Cruciatus Curse on you. Have you ever felt the Cruciatus Curse?"

Draco slowly nodded and whispered, "Once, that time when.."

"Ah yes, the time when you ran away and ended up here. Did you enjoy it?" he asked sarcastically.

Draco's eyes flashed ice as he gave Snape a seething look.

"I thought not. But what Lucius did to you is only a small taste of what the Cruciatus feels like from someone with the Dark Lord's powers. You will feel like you are dying. Your very core will catch fire, molecule by molecule and the burning will make you writhe and scream from the agonizing and unbearable pain. As a Death Eater, your loyalty is demanded by the Dark Lord. You will be his slave, you will not be allowed any thoughts or ideas of your own. The power rests with the Dark Lord alone and your sole existence is to please him." Snape released the tight grip he had on Draco's arm. He then added softly, "Is that the life you wish for yourself?" Draco swallowed hard, refusing to look at Snape; he had turned quite pale.

"Do you want to turn into your father? Incapable of feeling anything other than hatred? Is your idea of power torturing those who are weaker than you? Making them fearful of you? Beating them bloody so they will obey you?" Snape spoke the last words close to Draco's ear. Draco visibly trembled. Snape's hand came out and lifted his chin so he would look him in the eye. Draco flinched slightly, the gray eyes welling up. "Because that's not the life I would wish for you. I want you to experience happiness and love. To feel safe." He hesitated. "But apparently that isn't what you want. Do you want to be just like your father?" he asked gently.

Draco bit his lip, and with a soft sob he slowly shook his head. He then did something that shocked Snape to the core. He hurled himself at Snape, his arms wrapping tightly around the older man's neck as heart-wrenching sobs shook his lithe form. Snape swallowed heavily, his heart aching for the blond boy who clung to him like he was the sole lifeline in a turbulent, stormy ocean. He breathed a sigh of relief. There was hope for Draco - he hadn't lost him to the Dark Lord yet. One hand came up and gently patted Draco's back while the other rested on the back of his head. He said softly, "shhhh, it's okay, Draco. I promise you can trust me. I will help you."

Snape froze as he looked up. Standing there in the room in front of them was Potter, his eyes wide with shock. He looked fearful when he realized that he had been spotted. Snape's hand came up and indicated for him to get out while a dark scowl crossed his face. Potter nodded wordlessly, casting one more hesitant glance at Draco before departing.

What in the world was Potter doing in his office? It wasn't 2:00pm yet. Did he get the time wrong? Of all the people to see Draco like this. He just hoped that Potter would have the sense to keep his mouth shut. The look in Potter's eyes when his gaze had rested on Draco just before he left was encouraging; Snape was sure he had actually detected sympathy.

Harry leaned against the door outside of Snape's office, shivering slightly. Snape would be so furious at him for entering his office uninvited. He had just assumed that Snape was still in the luncheon hall when he decided to sneak into his office to where he knew Snape had stored more of the Dreamless Sleep potion. The door had been ajar and he had just walked in and over to the shelf when he suddenly heard Snape's voice softly saying something about torture and beating someone bloody. He grabbed the potion and hid it in the folds of his robe and then turned. He froze when he spotted the pair, unable to move. Then more surprisingly Snape's voice actually sounded gentle and Malfoy had thrown himself at Snape and started crying his eyes out. Harry shook his head in disbelief. Sneering, malicious Malfoy crying on Snape's shoulder? What could have happened to him? He wondered if maybe Lucius had been killed while at Azkaban. He must have just found out then because he had seemed rather controlled when he was apologizing. The apology flashed through his mind. He couldn't be that upset because he had been made to apologize, could he? Harry shook his head. Something major must have happened. Seeing Malfoy like that, so desperate, so hurt, had actually made him feel sorry for him. He uncorked the potion and quickly took a drink from it. He fervently hoped it would help because he knew Snape wouldn't be gentle with him. Not now. Not after that.

Draco eventually loosened his grip on Snape. He pulled away sniffing and frantically wiping his face. Snape's hand came up to the side of his head. "Are you okay?" he softly asked. Draco nodded, keeping his hand up to his face. He was still shaking and tears kept streaking down his face. He felt Snape's hand at his elbow directing him over to an old beat up sofa. "Sit, before you fall down."

Draco did as he was told while wiping away more tears. He looked up at Snape with red-rimmed eyes. "Sorry," he said hoarsely.

"For what?" Snape sat down on the sofa near him.

Draco was too embarrassed to explain. Snape smiled wryly, "It's okay. I'm glad, because that means I haven't lost you to the Dark Lord."

"But you're a Death Eater," Draco protested.

"Exactly. I know better than you what that is like and I don't wish this cursed existence on you."

"My father wants me to become a Death Eater," Draco admitted.

"That, if nothing else, should tell you something."

Draco nodded miserably.

"Draco, I have to teach Potter Remedial Potions again since he still hasn't mastered it. I think it would be a good idea if you went to the kitchens and got a bite to eat since I didn't see you at breakfast and you obviously didn't eat at lunch. That is assuming you'd rather not be here when Potter comes."

Draco looked alarmed and shot off the sofa. He headed to the door pausing to softly thank Snape.

For the first time in a long time, Draco's heart felt a little lighter. He hurried out of the dark hallway, never noticing that Harry was on the other wall beside Snape's door.

The door to Snape's office slammed fully open. "Potter! Get in here!"

Harry's heart thumped painfully in his chest. His eyes wide with fear and guilt, Harry walked in and looked up into the furious, scowling face of Professor Snape.