The Tough Guide to Harry Potter

V

Valentine’s Day is the favorite holiday of everyone who is not the main attraction of the tour.  Lots of shallow Potterians will be enjoying themselves, so being dateless can be seen as a mark of depth of character.  However those lacking a partner for the traditional activities of the day need not fear, as they will be furnished with a soul mate by the end of the evening.  The most reliable method of finding this person is to wearily wander away from the main party to take a walk by the lake or star gaze in the Astronomy tower.  See all relationships, love, sex, and jealousy

Veela do not appear except as ancestors to mixed bloods.  Such individuals suffer due to the reputations of their forbears and the prejudices of the wizarding world.  The word may also be used as a vague sort of complement regarding a Potterian’s beauty and/or ability to beguile into existence an admiring crowd.  See Fleur Delacour and Ron Weasley

Vengeance:  It is considered unseemly for persons aspiring to rigorous morality to seek after revenge by its name.   High minded Potterians and tourists should disguise their thirst for vengeance behind a clamoring for Justice, by appealing to Harry’s need for protection, or simply expressing their firm belief in the necessity for the extermination of annoying rodentia.  Only the Azkaban maddened Sirius Black is allowed to froth at the mouth regarding former friends.  Tourists who have adopted the world-weary air of the jaded Slytherin, and thus practice honesty regarding their motives and moral shortcomings, are allowed, at the very least, a private frankness regarding their craving for bloody retribution. Voldemort, having no ethical pretensions, will be forthrightly and unashamedly hunting Harry’s head.  See Peter Pettigrew, death eaters, torture, rape, killing, torture, and Lucius Malfoy

Veritaserum is a potion of such far-reaching destructive potential your tour guides couldn’t help but be fond of it.  Due to their general disrespect for laws of the Ministry of Magic, they will be splashing it about with a liberal hand.  Among people who will be partaking of it are Peter Pettigrew, disguised death eaters, Sirius Black, witnesses at trials, and any secretly besotted Potterian.  Luckily for the spies on your tour, Voldemort has such arrogant faith in his ability to judge his followers that he will not administer veritaserum until after Snape has switched it with a harmless substitute.  The flavor seems to be similar to dishwashing detergent.  You are required to grimace after choking it down.  See secrets, Severus Snape, poisons, and spy

Victory looms over most regions.  Primarily because it is unattainable.  Even when Voldemort has been tossed into a volcano or incinerated by positive feelings, his minions will still be running about wreaking minor havoc on the exhausted but respectable citizens of HPFH.  And if someone(s) important has died, the triumphant remnants of the Order of the Phoenix will be dealing with crushing guilt and devastating grief as they helplessly try to reassemble the shattered pieces of their lives.  Potterians will be filled with an obsessive desire to exercise constant vigilance against a reoccurrence.  They will also be filled with bitterness and despair that the battles aren’t over even after they have all been fought time and again.  Warning:  If the b and d becomes excessive it may touch off an exile to live as a muggle or the renunciation of all previous friendships.  Oh, and since HPFH exercises rule of law, you will have to put every single death eater on trial.  See Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Lucius Malfoy, death eaters, Albus Dumbledore, death, and tragedy

Viktor Krum:  Although this Potterian rarely makes personal appearances during the tour, his existence can be inferred by numerous letters or memories.  He comes in two forms:

I EXIST TO ANNOY RON:  This version of Krum is often known as Vicky.  His innocent and platonic correspondence with Hermione will have a dreadful affect on Ron’s temper and inspire a melodramatic but advantageous state of jealousy. 

THE MALIGNANT SPIRIT is a specter in historical and epistolary form.  Although he is never seen in person, he is the perpetrator of unsatisfactory sex for Hermione or a rather harsh breakup.  The latter will be announced through a blunt and callous letter, which causes her to doubt her femininity.  After a suitable recovery period, she will not mourn the loss of his amatory attentions, as his performance will now be able to be unfavorably compared with his replacement’s.

            See Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, or Severus Snape/Hermione Granger, nicknames, accents, and Durmstrang

Virginity is fairly gender specific.  Because male virgins are extremely rare, we know there must be experienced females wandering about.  But some regions may cause tourists to believe that all Hogwarts boys go knocking on Pansy Parkinson’s or LavenderBrownParvatiPatil’s door.  Ron and Harry are, from time to time, allowed to have a first time experience, but only when they are healthily involved in relationships with Hermione and Ginny respectively.  The ONLY grown man permitted to not be extensively experienced is the nobly though unwillingly celibate Remus Lupin.  Witches are allowed much more latitude.  Though student age females are generally expected to remain chaste until they find their true and perfect love in their fifth, sixth, or seventh year.  The only thing to keep in mind is that, no matter the age of the woman, tourists should not be surprised to be treated to a romantic how-to scene.  See Severus Snape, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin/Original Character, Draco Malfor and Ron Weasley/Hermione Granger, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, sex, Shrieking Shack, beds, and secrets

Voldemort is certainly fearsome but is only a direct threat to his death eaters and Severus Snape.  He wiles away his empty hours crucioing his incompetent underlings and masterminding byzantine plots.  Which he then leaves in the hands of said incompetent underlings.  Even kidnapped victims presented to his throne will probably end up being tormented largely by Peter Pettigrew or Lucius Malfoy.  Voldemort being much too busy lounging around, toying with his wand to bother with more than a crucio or two.  He is highly skilled, however, at expressing polite threats and megalomaniacal ambitions.  The only person he directly fights is Harry.  And given his record in that area, you shouldn’t be surprised when he loses.  But your tour guides might let him kill Dumbledore first as a consolation prize.  See spy, Order of the Phoenix, Unforgivable Curses, Draco Malfoy, and Slytherin