The Tough Guide to Harry Potter

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Mad-eye Moody See Alastor Moody

Marauders: the true number of this select semi-secret society is somewhat in doubt. There can be as many as seven (when combined with the marauders female auxiliary. (see Lily Evans) or as few as three. James Potter is the commander and chief with Sirius Black as a second in command/court jester. Remus Lupin is the oft disregarded voice of reason and Peter, if he exists, is the quartermaster whose duties seem solely to include snack runs and, in the hands of your more sophisticated tour guides, lending bitter irony to certain scenes. However little more can be said about them here as the group tends to be less than the sum of its parts. In keeping with this, marauders tours tend to be very focused in nature. We highly recommend them to the tourist who is irritated by side trips or who has a hankering for broomsticks, duels, or librarial confrontations. Even though these tours inevitably occur in the height of Voldemort’s rise to power, you will not hear very much about him. His bouts of evil seem to consist solely of kidnapping Lily Evans and attempting to recruit Remus Lupin. See pranks, Severus Snape

Marcus Flint acts as the voice of temptation for virtuous male Potterians and is a staunch member of the Death Eater Youth League. His life has been something of a trial since the advent of the amazingly skilledHarry Potter. Marcus’s vengeance and quest for personal satisfaction comes in the form of luring Harry’s friends into transgression and deatheaterdom. He is also an excellent replacement petty villain following Draco Malfoy’s miraculous moral transformation. And occasionally tourists may witness him cavorting with OliverWood. See Ron Weasley, Percy Weasley, jealousy, and Quidditch

McGonagall, Minerva is the only female character not used to solve female characters, lack of. In the rare cases where she engages in romantic activity it will be with Sirius Black who is half her age or Dumbledore who is twice it. A factor of two is also present in the debate over her number of years. Despite bountiful evidence from the creator, the age of this estimable witch is either 70 or 35. She is destined to become the slightly overburdened headmistress of Hogwarts after Dumbledore’s unfortunate demise. She is also extremely protective and supportive of the very weak, or very intelligent. See Severus Snape, Hermione Granger

Mercy Killing see Severus Snape

Mobili etc is a spell ubiquitous to HPFH. Its most common forms include Mobili Corpus (move the person who has just been knocked out) and Mobili Arcum (move the awkwardly large box/luggage) We credit tour guides who use it with a firm grasp of Latin or a great deal of luck. See Language

Ministry of Magic is a largely ineffective agency. It does not enforce its numerous rules except with terrifying ferocity upon SiriusBlack. It has an unfortunate tendency to perform absolutely nothing in the fight against Voldemort or to become incredibly corrupted. However it does provide a way to get Dumbledore out of Hogwarts so something truly ghastly can occur without his protection. It also provides boring jobs. Perhaps the impecunious tourist can find a part time job her to finance their tour. See laws, Arthur Weasley, Cornelius Fudge

Molly Weasley is more a template then a character. She provides the model for wizardly domesticity. Through her example witches learn to cook, clean, and yell furiously at their wayward progeny. She is beloved but strangely avoided by her offspring who never seem to visit home on holidays and flee the nest with startling alacrity after graduation. Note to injured tourists: her experience with the motherly healing of scrapes and bruises has apparently prepared her do deal with cruciatus and gaping wounds. See Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Percy, Ron and Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter.

Mudblood is a term reserved solely for the description of HermioneGranger by unpleasant forms of Draco. We believe that cannon gives us a slightly misleading idea of its connotations as it appears to be often used as an sort of endearment/verbal foreplay by Sort of Good Dracos. It is also sometimes used by deatheaters but this may be coincidental and no one has adequately disproved the theory that they are referring to HermioneGranger as well.

Muggles’ come in three species with vastly different characteristics. Make sure to categorize all muggles as soon as you encounter them. One variety is analogous to witches. They are very agreeable creatures. They tend to be very pretty, sweet tempered, gregarious, and fun loving. They make excellent mothers and muggles studies teachers. When you tell them about magic they will be delighted and fascinated. They will wish to learn as much as possible about the magical-you and will often be very disappointed when you inform them that they cannot do magic themselves. The second variety is outwardly similar to wizards. However, within this innocent exterior beats the heart of a savage and murderous beast. They are very abusive to their wives/girlfriends/lovers. When they encounter magic they will feel threatened by it and express this fear in the most upsetting and destructive way possible. Female tourists beware. If you are obliged to associate with these brutish creatures be prepared for confiscated or snapped wands and black eyes. Steel yourself for at least few months of this connubial anguish before your future wizardly love appears to vanquish the demon. We do not know why the well-educated witch should find herself unable to similarly vanquish one of these creatures. We can only assume that, while wizardly magic works quite well on them, they are strangely immune to the feminine touch. The third category of muggle exists to be tortured, raped and killed at LuciusMalfoy’sDark Revels. Your tour guides include this variety as local color which will prick your conscious as you flee or will give SeverusSnape truly horrific nightmares. See female characters, lack of, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and the Bloody Baron