Harry Potter and the Battle of the Sexes

Harry Potter had very nice breasts.

...Just how he had them, unfortunately, was another matter entirely. A girlish voice shrieked and jumped out of his mouth, yelling only one thing: "HERMIONEEEEEEEEE!"

Harry cursed his female friend. Or her female friend. He decided to stick with the male pronouns, just for simplicity. So, Harry cursed his female friend. More like ex-friend, he thought. He instantly understood the repercussions of Hermione's (and the other girls') actions. They had brought the Prank War of the Sexes to a whole new level with this one. Turning all the boys of Hogwarts into girls? How cruel could they BE?! Harry looked around at the other people in his room. They weren't awake yet. Against his will, Harry laughed as he thought of what Ron's reaction would be. He ran over and woke Ron up, who (sure enough) had acquired a rather nice rack. He shook Ron's shoulder to wake him up. "Ron. Ron? RON!"

Ron sat up. "Hermione? 'zzat you?" The redhead sat up slowly, blinked a couple of times, and looked at Harry. "Harry? What's wrong?"

Harry blinked at Ron for a second. "You mean you can't tell?" Harry wondered if there was more to this spell than he'd thought.

"Tell WHAT? You look perfectly--perfect--perf..." Ron trailed off as he suddenly noticed his companion's sudden additions on his chest. "Holy SHIT!" Suddenly Ron seemed to hear his own voice. "OH MY GOD!" Ron's hands found their way under his covers. "WHERE'S MY--"

"Stop SHOUTING! You'll wake the others up! The girls must have turned us into...into...well, girls!" Harry hissed at his best friend.

Ron was now eyeing Harry. "You know...don't kill me for saying this...but you don't look very different. Just the ti--" He was cut off as Harry grabbed Ron's pillow and smacked him with it.

"Don't even say it, Ronita."

"What the hell are GIRLS doing in our DORMITORY?" Dean sat up and blinked. "Who the hell are you? Where's Ron and Harry?"

"Dean!" Harry rushed over and looked him over. "You're...you're...you're a guy."

Dean looked at the pretty black-haired girl whose tanktop was slipping down off one shoulder. "Err...yes?" He looked closer at the green eyes of the strange girl. "...HARRY!?"

"Yes! Ron's been changed too! Why haven't you? Did they miss?" Harry started rushing to Neville's and Seamus's beds, who both yelped in fright as their blankets were pulled up and their chests inspected. Better chests than, er, other parts, Harry figured.

Ten minutes later, Neville, Seamus, and Dean had been filled in on the fact that two of the Gryffindor fifth-year boys were now girls. It took that long because Neville was panicking and trying to find some decent clothes.

"But why only us?" Harry pondered out loud. "If it was just me it would make sense, since I'm the house representative...but why Ron?"

"Isn't it obvious, Harry?" Seamus smirked. "Think about who's in charge of the girls."

Ron groaned. "Hermione's mad at me, isn't she?"

* * *

As it turned out, this seemed true. Only Harry, Justin, Terry, Draco, and Ron had been changed into girls. They wore their regular uniforms, very glad that the grey sweaters covered up their now bulging white button-up shirts. Seamus had suggested that they go to the girls to borrow bras, but Harry outright refused to give them the pleasure. It again appeared that the girls were using a potion, and again Draco was sent to ask Snape about a cure or how long its effects would last. This time the other boys went with him, anxious to discover their fates.

After Snape got up off the floor where he'd spent a few minutes laughing, he announced that he did have a cure for a gender-switching potion. Relieved, the boys waited as he doled out five goblets of a blue potion, which they drank.

It didn't work.

Snape, to say the least, was very surprised. "But...if they didn't use this gender-switching potion...then they must have invented their own!"

Ron and Harry groaned "Hermione," and at the same time Draco uttered the name "Pansy." Harry and Ron turned to Draco, surprised.

Draco lifted an eyebrow. "Pansy has a particular knack for creating potion recipes, though she she's no great shakes at the practical application of the potion. With her potion-creating, and Hermione's potion-brewing...they could have easily created and used something new!"

"So true, Mister Malfoy..." Snape sighed. "I suppose I'll have to give you access to my private stores to work out a cure, as we have no idea how long the effects will last." Draco's eyes lit up at the idea of having access to all of Snape's stuff. "However, I absolutely refuse to let Potter in," Snape continued with a nasty gleam in his eye. "He's made his way into my stores before, and I'm certainly not letting him in now. If you need an assistant, you can bring Boot in with you. But no one else!" Snape's tone had turned warning at this last bit, his eye intently on Draco's smirk.

"Of course, sir." A slightly triumphant glint was in Draco's eye as he glanced at Harry. "Boot would probably be a more useful assistant anyway."

Harry refused to retaliate in front of Professor Snape. Now was NOT the time to be starting petty arguments, he thought.

But as he left the room, he found himself staring at Terry rather jealously. Jealously? Why jealous? That's silly, he told himself. No more of that!

* * *

It had been three days. Three days since Harry and Ron had woken up with breasts and, well, other things. Hermione refused to tell anyone-- even the other girls --exactly what she had done to the five boys. Some of the girls were worried that the boys would try and start using the girls' bathrooms-- or worse, the girls changing rooms --as revenge, but when Ron brought up the possibility, Harry said no, Hermione probably already thought of that and has some way around it. "No, we'll get them back--but let's get us back first," he said. His voice brooked no arguments. Or at least he thought it didn't, because Ron hadn't argued.

It had been a rough three days. It took one entire day to convince Neville that just because their bodies had changed, their minds hadn't, and so it was okay for Neville to continue changing and showering with them. Unfortunately, Seamus had the opposite problem. The first time Ron and Harry tried showering, he sneaked in and tried to grope them. Ron, in sheer panic, had punched him, and he ended up with a black eye. But, Seamus being Seamus, the Irish boy remained quite cheerful about the whole thing. Said it was what he deserved. And it hadn't stopped him from grabbing Harry's ass every time they passed in the halls.

Dean just treated Harry and Ron exactly the same as he had when they were male. Which was very fair of Dean, and therefore very typical.

Harry found that while Terry, Justin, and Ron didn't make terribly attractive females, Draco looked quite all right as one. Draco had grown his hair out over the summer and was wearing it in a loose ponytail anyway, so he was the only one of the five new "girls" to have standard female long hair. His features were already quite effeminate, and his smirk had the same power as a boy or a girl. His chest was smaller than Ron's or Justin's, it was actually closer to Harry's size. But that made sense, as Harry and Draco had always been close to the same size. As such, it was hardly noticable that Gryffindor's Golden Boy and Slytherin's Silver Prince were now a Girl and a Princess, respectively. Except when they opened their mouths and spoke, of course.

By dinner of the third night, Harry had grown used to the awkward stares of his male year-mates and house-mates, and had even found a couple of advantages to being female.

"I'll say one thing for being a girl," he said quietly to Ron and the other House Representatives (who had decided to sit together to discuss their little problem), "and that is that I smell a lot better now." The other boys-turned-girls had burst out laughing at this, except for Draco, naturally.

"I'll have you know, Potter, that I smell quite good no matter what genitals I have!" he sniffed disdainfully.

"You sound like you've been a girl before, Malfoy," Harry retorted with an easy grin. He loved how he and Draco could taunt each other in a more friendly, open manner now. It was more like taunting Ron had always been.

Draco smirked. "Who says I haven't? Polyjuice Potion is interesting stuff..." Harry's eyebrow raised. He had never told Draco that he and Ron had sneaked into the Slytherin common room using polyjuice potion to disguise as Crabbe and Goyle their second year. Mostly because he didn't want to confess that he'd thought Draco was the Heir of Slytherin and trying to kill off the other students. That wouldn't be a lovely scene. He wondered when Draco had ever used Polyjuice potion.

"I used it once my third year. Turned myself into Granger." Draco's smirk widened into an evil grin. "I was hoping you would lay some secrets in my lap." At this, the grin faded. "But as it turned out, you weren't on speaking terms at the time."

Ron would have started to berate Draco for his attempt at subterfuge, but Harry quelled him with a look. "Third year was rough," he commented, and it was left at that.

* * *

Harry woke up in the morning and knew something was different. His immediate reaction was minor panic-- Voldemort? Death Eaters? A pause as he listened. Definitely not. The girls, then? Another pause, a little longer. No. The black-haired boy cautiously made his way from bed to the bathroom. He had been at the urinal for about ten seconds when he realized what he was doing.

"My....I've got...RON!" Harry finished up quickly and ran back into the dorm, making his way to Ron's four-poster. "RON! It wore off! We're boys again!"

Ron sat up, squealing out "THE CHEESE!" and clinging to his blanket. He glanced at Harry. "Huh?"

"We're boys again, Ron!" Ron gaped and felt around under his blankets again. His face fell.

"No...no I'm not. What on earth? Why did YOU change back!?" Ron glared at Harry accusingly. "Did dear old Draco give you the antidote and not me?!"

"What? No! I don't know what happened! I'll owl Draco right now!" Harry did. By this time, of course, his roommates had woken up (quite irritably), and were pondering over Harry's return to his normal state.

Draco wrote that he was still quite female, and so was Terry. He hadn't contacted Justin yet. Harry's brow furrowed, and he sat like that for some time. Then an inkling of suspicion trickled into his head. "It can't be..."

Ron tackled Harry. "What? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!?!"

"RON! GET OFF!" Harry flushed red as Ron's bosoms (only barely covered by Ron's now bulging pajama top) flew into his face. "Jesus! I think I know what they did! I know why Draco couldn't find an antidote to the potion! They didn't USE a potion!"

Ron sat back. "Whaaaa?"

"They wouldn't need to. Remember in Transfiguration earlier in the term, a couple of months ago, when we studied conditional Transfiguration? Like, making someone have to do something in order to turn back? What if the girls used something like that?!"

"But...but that's REALLY difficult stuff!" Ron gaped. "Even Hermione isn't THAT good!"

"Maybe not..." Harry's voice was grim. "But they've got McGonagall on their side."

* * *

At breakfast it turned out that Justin had turned back, too. The three former-boys-now-girls and the two former-girls-now-boys-again immediately sat together quietly discussing what could have happened. The connection was finally made.

"Justin...Justin!" Terry sat up straight. "Last night, before we separated and went to our dorms, didn't you say you were much more graceful as a girl than as a guy?"

Justin blinked rather stupidly. "Yeah? So?"

"And Harry!" Terry was grinning triumphantly now. "You said that girls smell better than guys!"

Things started to click in Harry's mind. "So the condition...is that we have to...appreciate something about girls? That's fucking brilliant! I hate it when she's good like that," Harry muttered this last bit mostly to himself.

Ron groaned in despair. "Something tells me that saying I appreciate breasts won't exactly suffice."