Rating:
PG
House:
Riddikulus
Genres:
General Humor
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 11/01/2005
Updated: 12/18/2005
Words: 6,617
Chapters: 4
Hits: 1,241

We Very, Truly, Solemnly Swear That We Are Up To No Good

Rigel L.

Story Summary:
The (of course) humourous tale of four friends in their fifth year at Hogwarts and how they live at school with the invention of the all new Marauder's Map. Just what will they do first?

Chapter 04

Chapter Summary:
The Marauders finally put the 'Plan' in motion, but it doesn't turn out the way they expected it to. So how does it work out? Does it work out at all?
Posted:
12/18/2005
Hits:
199


'I think we need to rethink this.'

'I told you, Prongs! I told you he'd start thinking again!'

'Aww, don't chicken out now. We're almost there!'

'I know...but it's sort of going against my morals.'

'There's no time for this now! Shut up!'

In all honesty, Remus was quite ready to take revenge on the Slytherins at last. But his conscience bugged him, so he put up a mock fight towards going through with the 'plan'. Now he was able to say he was trying to prevent them from doing it and take part in it at the same time. It's funny, how innocent they make me out to be, Remus thought. The three of them crept along in the eerily almost silent hall underneath James's Invisibility Cloak. Wormtail was following close behind, judging by the claw-click sounds on the stone floor.

Sirius had wanted to go as Padfoot, but they all knew he was far too noisy and would do something regrettable if he became overexcited. And Prongs was just absolutely out of the question.

James refused to tear his eyes from the map. 'Alright...good...coast is clear...nobody's up ahead...corridor is empty...hmm...Filch hasn't moved for ___ minutes now...' he kept mumbling on their way. Sirius began humming under his breath just so he could tune out James and Remus was forced to carry Wormtail when he got tired of running. This went on for a bit until they finally came to a halt in front of a large stone door, which they would've passed if it weren't for the Marauder's Map.

They quietly shook off the cloak and stared at the strange looking knob on the door while waiting for Peter to *pop* back. It wasn't an actual knob. It was a hanging steel ring; what appeared to be a knocker.

James smirked. 'I bet this thing's got a code. We'll just have to break it.'

'What kind of code?' Sirius asked.

'You probably have to knock a certain amount of times, or in a certain way,' James replied knowingly. He sat down for a few long minutes and did something weird with his fingers, like he was counting. When he stood up again, he started knocking (in a very quiet way) at precise unknown intervals. Nothing happened. 'Fine...' he grunted at the door and swept his cloak back on.

Sirius raised his eyebrow.

'I tried spelling S-L-Y-T-H-E-R-I-N,' James answered the look. Sirius was actually just making it clear that his head appeared to be oddly floating in midair.

Remus smiled. 'That was pretty clever, James. Only I expect that they might've used that one at least once in the thousand-odd years of passwords before being changed numerous times.'

Sirius laughed (roared, was more like it) before James threw his hand over the other boy's mouth.

Peter blinked blankly for a couple of seconds before demanding, 'How do you spell something by knocking?' James fixed him with a somewhat astounded and appraising stare, then released Sirius's yap. Peter backed up into a wall as James suddenly thrust his wand out and aimed it at Peter's head. A light purple burst of wind hit Peter in the middle of his temple. He blinked again. Sirius and Remus were both slightly (wholly) confused and showed it.

'Oh, okay. I get it,' Peter said, and he walked over to the stone door. He thought a bit and apparently decided on what he wanted to spell out. After a minute of knocking, he stood back and gaped as the grey door creaked open for them.

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'Cool,' Sirius breathed out in a puff, as they entered the cold Slytherin common room. It was filled with equally cold-looking black leather furniture. There was a fireplace, like in their own common room, but this one didn't seem to be used as often.

'How on earth did you do that?' James asked in a whisper.

Peter shrugged casually. 'Dunno. Guess it's just skill. Detective skill or something.'

The other three coughed suspiciously and said that the freezing air must be getting to them when Peter stared. Their heads snapped around when footsteppy sounds began coming down some stairs that went previously unnoticed.

'Quick!' James hissed. He threw the cloak up and pulled it down over them. They huddled uncomfortably, waiting for someone to come down and announce that the jig was up.

When they had decided ten minutes was more than generous to allow a person to corner them, they leapt up and gasped. Wow, it can get stuffy under a featherlight, invisible piece of fabric.

Sirius punched his fist into his palm. 'Bet it was Malfoy, that sneaky little ferret... Let's get him first.' His knees were aching terribly and he needed payback to feel better.

'Alright, then,' James said, grinning.

Oh no, Remus's brain groaned. He's stolen Padfoot's evil smile. Besides, Malfoy is older than us...but when has that ever stopped them...

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'Hmm, hmm, ho-hmm, hmm...'

Severus Snape was whistling a favourite Muggle tune of his while he read a book that was assigned as homework for Defence Against the Dark Arts under his blankets. His wand was sitting on top of his ear as it cast a small beam of light onto the pages. He never whistled, or hummed, or sang while anyone else was around. Even his fellow Slytherins. It just didn't seem like a very Snapey thing to do. Since it was nearly two o' clock in the morning, he figured he wouldn't be overheard by the other fifth years.

BUMP.

Snape looked up from his book at once, but didn't see anything because his emerald comforter was blocking his vision. Under his breath he muttered, 'Nox', and slowly emerged from out of his bedsheets. Except for a small amount of moonlight filtering in through the window, there was absolutely nothing in the room that wasn't always there. That he could see.

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Oh Lord, Remus thought. He's spotted us. He has to have. Why else would he be looking around like that?

Sirius sneered in Snape's direction. This isn't Malfoy's room...he thought to himself. Oh well. We can get these idiots while we're here already. Heh.

James held onto Peter's shoulders so he would stop trembling and knocking into things. Just when I thought he was growing up. Maybe it's just part of his charm. 'Hah.'

Snape's head snapped toward the tiny, but distinct noise. 'Who's there?! Show yourself!' He pulled out his wand and began aiming it in all directions.

James turned a violent shade of red and put his face in his palm. Damn.

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'I get it!'

'No, I do!'

'It's mine!' shouted James, gasping for air.

'It wasn't always!' yelled Sirius, running like never before.

'Why can't I take it?!' pleaded Peter. He almost tripped over his trainers as they made their way up a staircase.

'BECAUSE YOU CAN TURN INTO A RAT!!!' screamed James, Sirius, and Remus, skidding their way around a corner.

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'AHH! They've gotten away! It was those Gryffindors, I know it! Potter's gang!' exclaimed Snape, frustrated. He stamped his foot on the floor.

Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year, sneered. 'Did you actually see them, Severus? Their faces?'

'What does it matter? It was them, I know it!' Snape paced the area where he saw "Potter's gang" disappear. How did they escape? And why were they there in the first place? 'They were here to do something!' he snarled. 'How were they able to get AWAY?! I was right behind them!'

Malfoy waved him off and made to walk back to their dormitories. 'Well, do something to them before they get another chance to do something to you. That's my advice,' he said silkily. 'And please make this a private matter from now on, hmm?'

Snape followed Malfoy, glancing here and there out of sheer suspicion. 'That's just fine with me,' he angrily muttered.

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'Crumple-Horned Snorkack.'

'...'

'I said, 'CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACK!'

'...skyahh?!...What? Hmm?'

'Just let us in!' demanded Sirius. He started pounding on the painted portrait.

James grabbed his collar and pulled him back.

'Please, madame. We really need in,' begged James in a polite, charming voice. In the hand that was not clutching Sirius, he held the Marauder's Map. And currently it was warning that Filch had heard their cries and was coming to investigate.

The Fat Lady drowsily swung open to admit the four boys. Her eyes were still closed and she started snoring again.

Sirius slammed the portrait behind him. 'Bloody paintings...think they know everything... I mean, what kinda password is that? Crumple-Horned Snorkack. No such thing.'

He spotted a fourth-year boy that, for some odd reason, was still up in the common room. Reading, of all things. 'And why didn't you open the door? Surely you heard us?! We barely escaped Filch!' He led the other three stamping up the stairs to their dorm, shooting dirty looks at the fourth-year. Sirius Black did not take to foiled plans, if it were his plans that were being foiled.

Remus patted the confused boy on the back on his way up. 'Never mind him, Mark. It's late. You should probably get some sleep too.'

Mark yawned and then nodded.

'Yeah. Sorry, Birchfield!' said James tiredly as he dragged himself up the steps.

None of them could remember the last time they had run so fast. At least as humans.

Remus jogged the length to his bed and neatly collapsed on top of it with his arms spread out. 'Uhh... And I thought Snape couldn't look more terrifying...Have DADA with him too...' He proceeded to bury his face in a pillow.

Peter pulled back his sheets and wriggled himself in. 'If you ask me, it was Malfoy that was really scary. Did you see the way his eyes looked?'

Sirius was so tired he sat on the foot of James's bed instead of his own without noticing. 'Did you see the way his hair looked? A guy cannot have that well-groomed hair, it's just not possible. I'd say he was a poof if I didn't know for a fact he was going with Cissy.' He stuck his tongue out at this name.

James ignored Sirius on his bed and got in anyway. 'Yeah, well, good night everyone...err, good morning now, I suppose.' He charmed his glasses into the air, as he always did, before letting his head drop on his arm.

They all fell asleep where they were: Remus, not even under his blankets; Peter, forgetting all about the tradition of hugging his stuffed toy rat until morning. Sirius was curled up, still at the end of James's four-poster. He snored and muttered in his sleep. '...Mmm...get 'em next time...great greaseball...'


I beg of you: please, please review. I almost don't care what it says. Also, I apologise if I've let anyone down. But the good stuff needs to come later.