The Dream of One Night

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Avrille

I forced myself out of bed at seven the next morning, even though the residual effects of Severus' potion could have let me drowse for another hour or four. Severus wanted me back on a normal sleep schedule for the Legilimency sessions, and there really was no point in getting into the habit of sleeping late when I would have to start getting up early again in a week when classes resumed. I was still not totally comfortable with the idea of having visions again, but at least this time I wasn't alone. If I had a strange dream and I was worried about it, I could tell Severus.

It being the weekend, breakfast wasn't for another two hours, so I laid around my parlour munching on chocolate biscuits and candy canes while throwing Caligula's mice for him. He was still angry at me for leaving him alone, but I told him it was going to be a regular occurrence from now on, so he better get used to the idea. After hearing this he slunk along the floor away from me to sulk under the armoire.

I ate breakfast with Lavinia, who kept shushing me when I talked too loudly since she had a massive hangover from all of the previous night's drinking. Severus wasn't at breakfast, so I assumed he had already gone to London. After eating I decided to take a short walk around the grounds for some fresh air. As I walked slowly along the lakeshore, thinking about Severus and wondering what he was doing right then, I noticed two small figures a couple hundred feet out on the ice. Knowing that the last thing the school needed at the moment were two drowned students to add to the mounting troubles, I carefully slid my way out to see who they were and what they were doing. Once I was three-quarters of the way there, I was able to tell that they were two first years, Luna Lovegood from Ravenclaw and Nan Cobble from Hufflepuff. They were both squatting on the ice and focused on something in front of them.

"Hello, Mistress Asphodel!" Nan called out as she saw me approach. She waved a mittened hand at me.

"I don't think you two should be out here," I began before being stunned into silence by the sight of what they were doing. In front of them was a roughly hewn out hole created by what looked like a combination of magic and two steel ice picks. Luna was sitting on a royal blue cushion, probably borrowed from her common room, and mashing apples to bits with a hammer. Nan was picking up pieces of apple then dropping them in the hole all the while making kissing noises.

"What exactly are you two doing?" I asked slowly.

Nan turned her large brown eyes to me and said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "We're feeding the grindylows!"

Luna nodded solemnly without looking up from her task and added, "They'll become very malnourished if they don't add some fruit to their diet..." and continued with her vigorous pounding.

"Come here widdle baby gwindywows!" Nan crooned lovingly at the hole, leaning over so that her chestnut curls were nearly touching the ice.

"It's not safe being out here alone. I think you two should come back inside now," I said firmly.

"Oh no, we're much safer out here," Luna replied, brushing back her long dirty-blonde hair with gloved fingers and leaving it coated in bits of crushed apple.

"Yes, I'm a Muggle-born so it is actually safer out here," Nan added, sitting back on the ice on her scarf which she had folded up. "All of the attacks happened in the school. No one who's been petrified was feeding grindylows, so the odds are with us."

As I tried to wrap my mind around the girls' logic, Nan suddenly turned to me and said, "I've been thinking lately," Uh oh, I interjected silently, "and, you know what, Mistress Asphodel?! I was thinking that there are two kinds of people in this world and you are definitely one of them!" Nan stared up at me with the sweetest smile on her face, her brown eyes almost completely round as she opened them wide in earnest goodwill.

"Um, thanks, Nan. I think..." I replied.

"No, really!" she insisted. "You are! Cause like, you know, someone like Professor Snape, he'd be the other kind-"

"-Nan..." Luna interrupted in quiet warning. Luna's face took on the expression as though what Nan had said suddenly reminded her of something. She stopped pulverizing apples and abruptly stood up so she was facing me.

"Is Professor Snape nice to you?" she asked, scrutinizing my face with her orb-like blue eyes squinted, making them seem almost normal size.

"Excuse me?" I asked, incredibly taken aback.

"Yes, is he?" Nan added and looked up as well, her face one of deepest concern.

"I suppose so..." I replied.

Luna continued to stare at me for an uncomfortable moment before remarking, "He told Nan and me that we're dotty. I really don't understand why." She paused then said, turning to Nan, "Perhaps we'd better go inside now."

Nan sighed. "Yes, we'd better." She scooped up the rest of Luna's apple mess and dumped it into the hole. "Eat up and become big and strong, little grindylows!" she yelled into the lake. With that she rose and shook out her scarf as Luna picked up her pillow, hammer, and ice picks.

"Bye, Mistress Asphodel!" Nan and Luna said together before sliding away back toward the shore, leaving me alone and feeling rather as though I had missed a few vital points in the conversation. Shaking my head, I took one last look down the icy hole, and I could have sworn I saw a small green hand snatch an apple core down into the dark oblivion.

That strange encounter was certainly the most interesting thing to happen to me for the rest of the morning. Without classes to attend or work to complete, I was beyond simple boredom. I moped around the library all afternoon, annoyed at myself for acting like a stereotypical female who was useless without her man there. I couldn't help it though; now whenever I wasn't around Severus, everything else seemed so utterly mundane.

Finally driven to the point where I was so bored I almost picked up one of Lockhart's books to flip through (he having his own shelf placed ostentatiously by the library entrance), I decided to go down to Severus' room to await his return from London. I had to go to my own room first to take the Floo down to his, so before I left I got down on my hands and knees to visit Caligula under the sitting room couch. I told him that I was very sorry, but Severus would not appreciate having a jealous cat purposefully throw up all over his nice, pristine furniture. Caligula grumbled and squeezed himself around so his bum was in my face. After sticking my tongue out at him, I rose and stepped into the green flames.

Severus had not returned yet, but he had left some candles lit for me. I walked lazily through the few rooms of his apartment, running my hands over the cracked leather spines of books and taking time to look more closely at some of the paintings. Shoved in the corner of one of the bookcases was a copy of each of the books Severus had published. I pulled one out at random and flipped through the pages. The binding was still stiff, and it didn't seem like it had ever even been opened. Severus' modesty regarding his genius always amazed me, especially in contrast to the way Lockhart flaunted his ignorance.

Something unusual I noticed, though knowing Severus, I suppose, not unexpected, was that he had virtually no personal effects on display. No photographs adorned the top of his highly polished desk, his walls were bare of the degrees and awards which I knew he had been granted over the years. The atmosphere of the apartment was one of dignified orderliness. However, I did find one thing out of place with the outwardly appearance of the surroundings that nearly made me melt.

I had been lounging against Severus' desk, staring out of the window at my own reflection swimming in the absorbing blackness of the lake. I thought I saw something dart past the glass in front of me, and as I leaned forward quickly against the desk chair to try and see if it was a mermaid, I heard the dull thump of something hitting the floor. Kneeling down to investigate, I saw my movement had dislodged a book that had been left on the seat cushion. Holding it up in the candlelight revealed it to be a book of nineteenth-century love poems. I opened the book and saw it appeared to have been read often, the pages of certain poems dog-eared or marked with thin strips of black velvet. As I read through one of the bookmarked poems, my face grew hot. The poem wasn't specifically graphic or shocking, but the writer put forth such a powerful feeling of unrequited desire that it made me flush with the thought of Severus reading such things and thinking about me.

As I was reading a third poem in the book, I heard the lock in the outside door click. I quickly stashed the book back on the chair seat and turned toward the door just as Severus opened it. He was wrapped in a heavy traveling cloak which he promptly removed as he stepped over the threshold. He smiled brightly when he saw me.

"It's shaping up into another blizzard out there," he commented as he shook his cloak out. I ran toward him and kissed him long and hard on his chilled lips, making him drop his cloak in surprise at my assault. Thick clumps of snow matting his hair melted as I ran my fingers through it.

"You're freezing!" I said as I wrapped my arms around him under the cold, black suede of his frock coat.

"I noticed," he replied good-naturedly as he clasped me tighter to him. I pressed my face against his soft woollen shirt and deeply inhaled his wintry scent.

"Did you get everything that you needed to done?" I asked, looking back up again.

"Yes, thankfully," Severus replied with a sigh, then kissed the top of my head before bending over to retrieve his cloak. He hung it on a hook by the door then hung his coat next to it. He placed an arm around my waist and led me back into the parlour so he could stand in front of the fire. I sat on the couch as he crouched by the fireplace and warmed his hands.

"What did you have to do?" I asked curiously.

"I had to speak with my publisher who wants me to contribute to a monthly potions periodical he's thinking of starting," he replied over his shoulder. "Also, since it's almost the new year, I had to go to the Ministry and pay my taxes."

"Taxes?"

"Yes," he said as he joined me on the couch. "Since both of my parents are dead, I have inherited my childhood home. I don't live there but still have to give the Ministry something for it each year."

"Oh," I replied simply. I knew Severus didn't like to talk about his family, so I felt bad I had inadvertently brought up the subject. He had said before that he didn't have any family he kept in touch with, but I hadn't been sure if his parents were still alive or not until then. I wondered what sort of people they had been. But knowing Severus would unlikely want to talk about them, I decided to quickly change the subject.

"I was thinking, maybe I should talk to the Divination teacher here about my visions. I've never met her, but I think her name is Professor Trelawney? Maybe she has some experience in the matter..."

At this comment, Severus actually snorted.

"What?" I asked. I thought it had been a good idea.

Severus placed a hand over his mouth to try and cover his sardonic smile. "Ah, well, I don't like to speak badly about my work colleagues, but let's just say that even with no experience, you are already far more qualified to teach that subject than her."

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, still confused by Severus who was trying his hardest to put a serious expression back on his face. He took a few moments to answer, as though he were trying to find tactful words.

"As far as I know, Professor Trelawney has only ever made one true prediction in her life, something I believe you were probably already doing by the time you were five years old."

"But, surely, if she wasn't qualified for the job, Professor Dumbledore..."

"-Professor Dumbledore only keeps her in the post for her own protection, a fact Professor Trelawney is unaware of. I'm sure she's a nice enough woman, but, believe me, there's absolutely nothing you can learn from her. Whereas I, on the other hand..." Severus trailed off and leaned in to kiss me.

By now his lips had warmed, and I let myself be washed away by their hungry power. I had the vague thought in the back of the mind that no Legilimency was going to be accomplished tonight, which I ended up being correct about. I don't know how much time actually passed. Since our first kiss a few nights before we had spent very little time simply enjoying each other physically. Of course I loved Severus for his mind, but his body drove me just as crazy. I ran my fingers across his chest and shoulders, exploring him through his softly woven shirt. However Severus, though he kissed like a demon, was otherwise an absolute gentleman, something which was actually a little annoying. He kept his hands only on the respectable areas of my back and face, making me wonder if I was a total slut for wanting to drag him into the bedroom and tear his clothes off.

Nevertheless the night was pure magic. After several kisses that made me sure I was going to actually swoon, Severus pulled me close against him and held me for the longest time. He didn't have to say a word. He made it perfectly clear through his embrace how lonely he had been for a very long time.

Later, without having to be actually told, I returned to my room to sleep. I lay in bed, Caligula finally gracing me with his presence and curled up at my feet, thinking about Severus and how fiercely I loved him. I obviously wanted to marry him, but I knew it would be at least a few months before conventional dating procedure allowed me to tell him without the possibility of scaring him off. If it was up to me, I would never return to my own rooms at all, but I knew that for some reason Severus was still uncomfortable with the thought of us spending the night together, even if only to sleep innocently. I know he had given his reason about wanting to avoid being found missing if someone were to go looking for me in the middle of the night, but I felt there was something else there as well. I didn't know if it was because he was British, or just his own personality, but I knew that Severus wanted to take things very slowly with me.

I rolled over onto my stomach and huffed impatiently into my pillow. I was rapidly approaching twenty-five, and I was still a virgin. I had dated here and there as a teenager, but with all of my magical problems and then attending two all-girl schools, there hadn't been much time to form a serious attraction to any one guy. I wasn't so unrealistic that I wanted to save myself for after marriage, but I had always known I would only make love to the man who I would truly love forever. I knew I had him now, but it seemed like it was going to be more waiting for me. I wondered what was going to happen to us once the school year was over... Maybe I could get a job tutoring and find a small place in London to live. The thought of returning home and leaving Severus behind was inconceivable. I really just didn't know how everything was going to resolve itself smoothly. And I hated waiting...

The next morning Lavinia banged on my door at eight. She had fully recovered from her post-Christmas hangover and was determined to spend all day with me milking each school-free moment for everything it was worth. She was so incredibly perky I thought I was going to die. It had taken me a long time to fall asleep the night before, simply because of thoughts of Severus and not, miraculously, because of any fear over visions, so I had been really counting on staying in my cozy bed all Sunday morning. Lavinia wasn't having any of it. She shoved me back into my bedroom to dress and talked loudly through the door about this amazing man she had met in the village the day before. She had tried to find me to tell me about it but hadn't been able to... and I had better not have gone back to sleep or else she was going to transfigure my bed into a swimming pool.

Finally dressed and semi-coherent, Lavinia dragged me down to breakfast. Severus was already there, drinking a wonderful-looking cup of coffee while reading The Sunday Prophet, and stared at us as we entered. Lavinia still had me firmly by the wrist and only let me go once we were settled at the table. I discreetly gave Severus a look of pure misery, and he had to hide his smile behind his newspaper. After slamming down in front of me the largest cup of coffee I had ever seen, Lavinia launched once more into the whispered details of her newly discovered crush. His name was Henry, and he was the only son of old Mr. Hereford, the owner of Hereford's Haberdashery (Impeccable Clothing for the Discerning Wizard) in Hogsmeade. He was just thirty-three and recovering from a very messy recent divorce where his cold-hearted trollop of a wife took all that he had, forcing him to return to work in his father's shop. He had no children and a Grecian nose that was to die for.

"So, you've talked with him?" I asked, more interested now that I could open my eyes fully.

"No, I had all of that from his mother," Lavinia whispered excitedly. "But she also told me he always takes his lunch at the Three Broomsticks every Sunday, so I thought maybe you could come with me later, and I could, you know, accidentally run into him." I nearly choked on my pancake trying not to laugh at her choice of words. If only she knew how good I was at finding love after running into someone.

After a further five minutes of incessant pleading, I agreed to go down to Hogsmeade with Lavinia for lunch later, but only if she paid. After breakfast I rose from the staff table, hoping to maybe catch Severus' eye to indicate that I wanted to come down and see him before I had to go to Hogsmeade. However, Lavinia grasped my arm firmly and declared that she needed my help to choose something to wear since she only had four hours to get ready.

Heedless to my insistence that she looked lovely just as she was, Lavinia dragged me up the seventeen flights of stairs to her rooms in the Astronomy Tower where she did indeed take almost three hours to finally decide on the perfect purple dress. The last hour was spent on her make-up and hair. As much as I cared for Lavinia, and was genuinely interested in her new love, all I wanted was to go be with my love. However, that was not to be. At least Lavinia insisted on taking one of the school carriages down to Hogsmeade because she couldn't bear to have her silk shoes ruined in the snow.

In actuality, lunch turned out to be quite interesting. Lavinia was, amazingly, too shy to go talk to Henry directly, so I agreed to do the old bit of, "Hello! Oh excuse me, I thought you were someone I knew," to Henry for her. Once I had "realized my mistake," I was able to introduce Lavinia to him as my dearest friend and the most brilliant teacher at Hogwarts. After that there wasn't much to do but sit back and watch with amusement what I'm sure Severus would have referred to as something like "the quaint intricacies of human mate-selection rituals."

Henry Hereford was indeed quite nice looking, though not really my type. He did have the aforementioned praised "Grecian nose," above which sat a pair friendly hazel eyes and a dishevelled mop of sandy hair. Fortunately for Lavinia, he seemed just as taken with her as she was with him. He laughed loudly at all of her jokes and leaned his face on his fist, staring at her in amazement, as she talked about anything that came to mind. We ate a leisurely lunch which, unfortunately for me, was extended into a leisurely tea and cakes at Henry's parents' house. I thought maybe once we left the Three Broomsticks Lavinia would prefer to go with Henry alone, but she gripped my hand with brutal strength at the suggestion and insisted in a panicked whisper that she would simply drop dead of nervousness if I "abandoned" her. So, unable to desert a friend in such dire need of a third wheel, I accompanied her and Henry on their little soirée.

While Lavinia and Henry ate cake and whispered flirtingly together, I talked a little with Mrs. Hereford, who was very kind. She mentioned she herself had gone to school with Lavinia's mother and couldn't be more happy that her son had taken a liking to her. It was nice to have a motherly figure to speak with for a little while, and it sure beat having to sit alone and watch Lavinia bat her lashes so much at Henry she looked like she had a piece of dust stuck in her eye.

Finally, when it was nearly sunset, Lavinia was able to tear herself away from her new beau and consented to return to the castle. I was incredibly glad when she informed me she could surely manage on her own from now on. She had already made plans to have dinner with Henry the following night once he closed up shop. We sat in the carriage, Lavinia grasping both of my hands in hers, almost in tears with gratitude for having such a wonderful friend like me. I had been happy to help her, but still relieved when we entered the castle and Lavinia took off like a shot upstairs to write to her mother.

I myself went straight into dinner for a light meal. Severus was not there, which was too bad because I wanted to speak with him to see if we could begin with the Legilimency sessions that night. Nevertheless, I decided to just go down to his rooms, assuming he would not mind if I popped in. And indeed he did not.

As I stepped out of the fireplace, I saw Severus turn to me, having been sitting at his desk with some paperwork.

"I was hoping I might get to see you before the end of the week," he said sarcastically.

I flung myself down on the couch headfirst and melodramatically screamed into a cushion.

"That bad, was she?" he asked as he walked over. I moved my feet and sat up so he would have some room next to me.

"She had me in Hogsmeade with her all day long so she could see this new man she had met. He was really nice, but it was ridiculous having to stay with Lavinia like she was a fourteen year old," I said. "He's around your age, so you might have gone to school with him. Does the name Henry Hereford ring a bell?"

Severus thought for a moment then replied hesitantly, "Yes..."

"Was he alright?" I asked, hoping that Henry hadn't been some kind of axe-wielding maniac in school.

"He was in Hufflepuff," Severus replied, as though that statement alone was all that needed to be said on the matter.

"Yeah... and?"

"Well, you know Hufflepuffs," Severus said with a derisive air and tried to distract me by kissing my ear.

"There's nothing wrong with Hufflepuffs," I stated firmly. I personally thought the Hufflepuff students were absolutely sweet. There was cute little Nan Cobble after all... Which reminded me of something.

"Did you tell Nan Cobble and Luna Lovegood they were dotty?" I asked suddenly.

"What?" Severus asked softly without removing his lips from my neck. I don't think he had actually listened to what I was saying, so I repeated myself.

"I don't know, probably," he said, surfacing with a shrug.

"That's not a very nice thing to say to first years," I reproved. "You could scar them for life or something."

Severus shrugged again. "Well, they are!"

"How would you like it if a teacher called your daughters dotty?" I asked staring Severus in the eye, only really half-serious.

"Our daughters wouldn't be," Severus replied simply and rose from the couch to go back to his desk. I sat there, and it took a moment for what he said to sink in. I couldn't tell if he had said it on purpose or if it had been a slip of the tongue.

"Are you feeling up to trying some Legilimency tonight?" Severus asked as he filed the papers he had been working on into a drawer.

"Yes, that is a good idea, actually," I said, still thinking about his last comment, my heart pounding.

"I want to start extremely slowly," Severus said as he retrieved his wand from its case. "If you are uncomfortable with the sensation, and we press on anyway, it could result in a further suppression of your memories." He walked back over to me and Summoned over one of the armchairs so it was right in front of the couch.

"Why don't you lie down," Severus suggested, motioning for me to place my head near the end where the chair was. I followed his direction and rested my head on a small pillow that he Conjured for me. He sat in the arm chair and leaned over so his face was near mine. "Legilimency is dangerous magic. I must admit that, though it is certainly possible, I have never personally seen it used benignly. I am, however, confident it is the best way for me to help you. But I want you to tell me immediately if anything I do feels uncomfortable, and I will stop."

"Alright," I agreed with a nod.

Severus placed his left hand on my forehead and sat back slightly. "I want you to close your eyes, listen to my voice, and relax as much as possible," he instructed. That part I found easy since he certainly had the most relaxing voice I've ever heard in my life. I closed my eyes and willed all of the stress to leave my body. I focused on the gentle weight of Severus' hand on my forehead and tried to allow the warmth of his touch spread throughout my limbs.

"Now, to begin with, I want you to try and focus your mind on a very recent memory, preferably something having to do with me so that you'll be comfortable with me seeing it." I nodded beneath his hand and directed my thoughts to the recent night where we had gone into the Shrieking Shack together.

"Do you have a memory?" Severus asked quietly. I nodded again. "Good. Let it flow through you. Without straining yourself, try to recall every detail as best as you can. Let me know when you are ready."

Still trying to relax myself, I let my mind wander over that night. I remembered how cold it had been and how nervous I was being all alone with Severus away from the village.

"I'm ready," I said.

"Very well. Legilimens," he whispered and instantly I felt as though Severus had entered my head through his hand which physically connected us. Before my closed eyes, I could actually see the two of us sitting on Severus' cloak in front of the fire in the Shack. It was like viewing the scene through a Muggle television where I could distinguish every detail from the room, even things I had forgotten about like how shafts of starlight coming through the boarded windows had made pale stripes across the floor.

I heard my remembered-self remark, "Well there's not much to see," then the past Severus reply mysteriously, "Not much now anyway." I watched his posture tense after he said this, now knowing what he had been thinking at the time. In my mind I could feel the real Severus almost bristle uncomfortably, also remembering the thoughts that had been running through his mind just then. Then, before I could hear any more of the past conversation, Severus released my memory from his hold, and we were back in his room once more. I opened my eyes.

"That is the strangest thing I've ever felt..." I remarked. "Not uncomfortable," I added hastily, "just strange."

Severus smiled. "I know. It will take some getting used to. Do you want to continue?" he asked.

"Yes, of course."

"Why don't you try to remember a little later that same night," Severus said. Once he saw I was ready again, he repeated the incantation of, "Legilimens."

We were at the bottom of the hill outside of the Shrieking Shack. My hands were freezing cold because they were clutching the last remains of two snowballs. Severus was holding my hands in his and the dim moonlight illuminated our faces. I could actually see the conflicting emotions in my eyes before I closed them and slowly leaned into Severus, kissing him lightly then pulling away. Before I could see him kiss me in return, the real Severus pulled us back again.

"Very good," he commented. "Your concentration is excellent."

"I was so scared..." I murmured, my eyes open but still seeing the ghosts of the two of us and Severus' confused expression after I had kissed him. I had really thought then I had just ruined the friendship between us.

"I know..." Severus replied quietly. "I think we should stop now."

"Why?" I asked, bringing myself back to the present.

"I only wanted to give you a taste of what it feels like. I think you should sleep on it and see how you are tomorrow. If you still feel completely comfortable, we can go deeper the following day."

I sighed. "I'm sure you know what's best." I sat up quickly, which was a mistake. I was instantly hit with a wave of dizziness and had to drop my head back down onto the pillow.

"Don't rush yourself," Severus directed, moving his hand to my shoulder to keep my lying down. "It might feel like I did nothing, but your mind is disagreeing with you. It's against nature to have another enter your thoughts, and it will take time until you are able to transition back into the present seamlessly." Bidding me to remain prone on the couch, Severus stood and retrieved a shot glass from a sideboard that contained a few measures of frothy, mint-green liquid.

"For your stomach," Severus said, holding it out. I took the glass from him, and he helped me to sit up slowly. I downed the potion with a little difficulty, it was like swallowing toothpaste foam, but as soon as I had, the nausea vanished. Severus Conjured a glass of water for me to wash away the taste. I laid back down.

"You're right," I said, passing a hand over my eyes. "It is harder than it seems at first." Severus took my other hand in both of his and sat quietly, watching me.

"Have you ever had this done to you?" I asked curiously.

Severus' eyes narrowed for a moment before he replied, "Not exactly. That is, I've never agreed to Legilimency willingly and when it was forced, I had Occlumency to protect myself."

"It was forced on you?"

Severus smiled grimly. "Yes. The Dark Lord used it indiscriminately to discern who was lying to him. Fortunately for myself, I was more skilled in Occlumency than he believed me to be."

Neither one of us said anything more about the subject. Every time Severus mentioned something about his past, I realized more and more how dangerous it had been. I was almost sick at the thought of You-Know-You trying to enter Severus' mind and he only having his own concentration to protect himself. That would be the mental equivalent of rape. I wondered if it was upsetting Severus having to perform Legilimency on me, even though I was a willing participant.

Without even needing Severus to recommend it, I soon returned to my own rooms to collapse on my bed. I ended up falling asleep without even changing into my pyjamas. I slept completely soundly, comforted by the residual feeling of Severus' calm power within my mind. I knew it might be bothering Severus to use Legilimency on me, but I also knew that he had probably never performed it on anyone else. It made me so happy that he was sharing something so personal with me.