The Dream of One Night

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Avrille

After I had totally embarrassed myself in Severus' office, I returned to my rooms and immediately jumped into bed. I rolled over onto my side, pulling the down comforter up over my head. In the quasi-darkness I could just barely make out my hand resting on the pillow in front of my eyes, my useless wand held tight in my fist. Well, I suppose the wand was probably perfectly functional. It was rather hard to tell when the only thing I was ever able to get out of it was a feeble Lumos spell every third try. No, it was I who was useless, and no matter what Severus said to the contrary, today had confirmed it once and for all. What was the point of having prophetic visions if I never knew to act on them?

I heard Caligula yowl plaintively, then felt the impact of his strong paws as he jumped up onto the bed. Purring maniacally, he climbed over the pillow and shoved his nose under the blanket, checking to make sure I was ok. After sniffing my face and finding no more tears, he wriggled under the blanket and curled up against my stomach. I ran my fingers over his silky fur while thoughts whirled through my mind.

Before this afternoon with Severus, I had told no one in the world about my dreams. When I was a child, I had thought that my dreams caused the bad things to happen, so I never told my parents out of fear I would be punished. The first time I can remember it happening I must have been about four years old. I remember I dreamt something to do with my father's dog knocking over my fish bowl. The next morning, it happened; except the dog ate the fish as well. I remember crying all day, and my mother trying to comfort me by saying, "It's alright. We'll buy you a new fish," while I vehemently shook my head. No, I knew that I had already killed one. I wouldn't risk the life of another pet. I didn't know exactly what was going on, but I knew I was scared.

The dreams continued steadily as I grew. Every night before bed, I would chant to myself, "Please let the dreams go away. Please let the dreams go away." Often when I dreamt of an event happening in a certain place, I tried my best to avoid that place for as long as I could. Sometimes this kept the events from unfolding. Either that, or that dream had just been a normal one and could not come true to begin with. It was just so hard to tell. When I was older, say eight or nine, I started to understand that I was not the one causing the things in my dreams to come true. By then, I had heard of Seers and Prophets who predicted the future all the time. But, for some reason, I still hid my visions from my parents.

After my father was killed, the dreams stopped. I suppose it must have had something to do with my magic going away as well, but I honestly couldn't remember a whole lot from that time. But now, all of a sudden, I was having visions again. If I stopped and thought logically, I knew Severus was right about being too hard on myself. These things, like the attack on Justin, were going to happen whether I dreamed about them or not. I could only do the best I could manage.

I sat up in bed and flung the comforter from me, making Caligula growl for a moment for disturbing his nap. Now upright, I noticed for the first time that there was a tray of tea sitting on the table across from me near the door. Pinky must have brought it in while I was buried in bed. I could smell the sweet-smelling herbal infusion from where I sat: chamomile for relaxation and ginger root to raise spirits. I had not sent for tea, so someone must have ordered it for me who knew I had been upset.

I got out of bed to investigate. It was a simple spread; the pot, cup, tea caddy, and utensils all in shining silver with delicate scalloped edges. There was a dish in the center covered with a green linen napkin. I lifted the napkin and smiled at what I saw: an entire plate of Honeydukes' chocolate biscuits. I looked at the green napkin in my hand. Green and silver.

Severus.

He had been so wonderful to me in his office, even though as my supervisor, he had no duty to console me. I knew everyone was wrong about him. He was deeply caring and understanding, and it made me love him even more. I clutched the napkin against my cheek as I felt tears starting to flow once more. I loved him so fiercely that it just hurt so much. I sat at the table and had a good cleansing cry.

It was beyond unfair. If Severus was anyone else in the castle or village I wouldn't care and declare my love no matter what other people might think of me. I didn't like having to bottle up feelings. Better to get it all out, and if I was rejected, well, at least I had an answer and could move on. But the way that things were arranged with Severus, I couldn't even do that. When it came down to it, he was as much my teacher right now as he was to the students. I had been preparing for this apprenticeship my entire academic life. To confess my love to Severus would accomplish nothing. I would be risking my entire future career for the slimmest chance that he might have serious feelings for me. Sure he had tried to kiss me the previous night, but that really proved nothing. He had been drunk. And, even if he did love me, I couldn't live with myself if I was the cause of a scandal that could potentially cost Severus his job.

It was no use... I would have to suck it up and get through the next six months no matter how much pain I was in. Perhaps once I completed my apprenticeship, I could consider speaking to Severus about the way I felt about him; maybe after enough time had passed so as not to cast any suspicion over either of our work ethics. I had been through tough times before. I would survive this.