Diaries of a Reluctant Hufflepuff

You are forewarned: The following entries are bursting with the highly sarcastic and negative views of Courtney Carson.

Dear Diary, (Belonging to a reluctant Hufflepuff.)

Wednesday, September, 3

10:41 p.m. ~ Common Room

Yet another overly long Sorting Ceremony over and done with. After all these years, you would think Hogwarts could invest in a decent sorting hat?

Yeah, so the old and soiled one can talk and say fancy poems?

I still don't think any innocent first year student should be forced to put on a filthy, lice infested wizard's hat that isn't even good enough to be put in a muggle thrift shop! I'm not exactly sure what hallucinogenic drugs that hat was exposed to in Professor Dumbledore's office, but I do know that that low talking "son of a bonnet " made a mistake when he put me in the worst house imaginable. Sorry Helga, but what are " Huffley Puffleys " famous for any ways? All we had was Cedric Diggory - and he's dead.

All right, I'll let you in on a little secret.

(Don't you just feel special?)

I am a fifteen year old genius who's talents are going to waste because I am doomed to the stereotypes that I am an airhead, full of gossip and laughter because I belong to the fuzzy yellow, warm and smiley Hufflepuffs. My inner beauty is tossed aside because everyone tends to ignore me when they have the rivalries of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy to entertain themselves. Therefore, I blame then world because I have no one other than Jade to occupy my time.

* Tear, sniffle * (with plenty of sarcasm, which of course, you are unable to detect through writing)

It's all right. I'll live. I still have the occasional reminder that I'm still alive.

My faithful sidekick Jade, the equivalent of Potter's Weasley (without the awful orange hair, thankfully), are deeply fascinated with " Harry Potter Mania, " as well as the intimate details about the terrible trio themselves.

Well Known Fact:

Many teachers at Hogwarts are known for having their favorite students. It was painfully obvious ~ from the moment our famous, evil-fighting hero, Super Potty, stepped foot into Hogwarts, that he had warmed the dried-out heart and soul of our ancient Headmaster. (Just like a good chicken soup book, eh?) Dumbledore had a smile plastered on his wrinkled face and they kept making eye contact. It was very creepy.

I'm not sure if anyone else noticed this, but while us everyday ordinary (and non-scarred) children were getting sorted, (Synonym- the end of the world, as far as I'm concerned) good old Albus couldn't be bothered to clap. He was just lightly tapping his hands, as if he had osteoporosis or something. But when Harry Potter got put into Griffindor, Dumbledore was clapping like you spank the monkey.

My mission is clear: to convince the world that Harry Potter is nothing but a speccy little git with a lightning shaped scar and dead parents.

At this moment, however, I am so incredibly tired. I think I gained three more pounds after that massive feast I think Hagrid is getting ready to eat us.

TA TA, for now, Harry Potter fans,

Love, a 125 lbs. Courtney

Tuesday, Sept. 4

10:31 a.m. ~ Potions Class

Holy Helga. Who hired this ashen-faced grease bag?

He drones on and on, when no ones really listening.

And if they're anything like me ~ they can't take their eyes off of the man's stomach. (Which by the way is getting so enormous that he's practically coming out of either side of his shirt.)

Another example of a Hogwarts teacher being guilty of favoritism. (Big time.)

He's surely a pedophile. He has to be. From what I've heard, he and Draco Malfoy spend a lot of quality time together after class. (How much extra help can you get with " The Art " of Potion Making?)

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Seriously though, has anyone noticed Alan Rickman's ever-growing belly?

Or is his excuse, " all the layers of clothing " the costume people at Warner Bros. make him wear?

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But let's not make the finer points of this entry about Ickle Severus and his boy toys, all right?

This morning, on the way to the Great Hall, Jade and I couldn't help but overhear weasel face and the pothead discussing secret passages out of Hogwarts.

Point for me. I am getting rather good at following people unnoticed. (Especially considering they don't bother to acknowledge my existence when I'm sitting, rather noticeably, in the same damn room!)

*Breathe* calm down.

I have to look like I'm copying detailed notes for my O.W.Ls.

(Ordinary Wizarding Levels, for those of you who remain utterly clueless about the Wizarding world.)

Back on track,

They said something about a Marauders Map.

Very suspicious, Harrykins.

He's quite the lucky one that teachers repulse me, or else I'd have some very nasty evidence against them that could send them back home on their asses. Dare I give Snape and Filch that immense pleasure?

I think...not.

And where was Hermione during all of this?

Probably off reading a book on how to be a real woman.

Or,

"How I Finally Made Harry Notice I Wasn't Just One of the Guys ~ A 20 Thousand Word Essay By Hermione Granger. "

Well cactus, that's probably what I'd be like, if I didn't put so much effort into not turning out like her.

I can just imagine it now...

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" Hi, my name is Hermione Granger. I am a 47-year, fully qualified witch, who graduated with honors from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as Head Girl. (With a record number of N.E.W.Ts.) I work a lot, with the Ministry of course. My favorite thing to do is to get cozy with an encyclopedia by the fireplace. My perfect date would be with Harry Potter, but he married his best friend after he graduated, so I'm willing to settle down with one of you as a last resort. As a bonus, I'm too old to even think about having children! (I did adopt nine house-elves that run freely about my shack, destroying every piece of literature I own.)

So love me, please! (My butt's not that big!)

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Muha-hah-ha-ha!

Oops, Better be going then, Sickly is checking notebooks.