A Change'll Do You Good

Hermione followed Draco's trunk downstairs where Lucius and Narcissa were waiting for her...well, Draco anyway. "Now, Draco, be careful," Narcissa gushed. "No splinching yourself. Oh, I'm so happy for you, darling! My little boy!"

Hermione felt her -- well, Draco's -- face heat up at Narcissa's praise. Lucius rolled his eyes. "Pull yourself together, dearest," Lucius ordered, not unkindly. "He's a man now."

"My baby's all grown up," Narcissa murmured tearfully, kissing Hermione's forehead again.

"Mum..." Hermione whined. This was getting outlandish. Not only were Draco's parents nice, but they seemed to be very much in love. It was like entering an episode of that show her parents used to watch, The Twilight Zone. She would have expected Narcissa to be under the Imperius to stay with Lucius Malfoy. "I'll be fine, promise." She Disapparated with a small pop.

"Really, Narcissa, don't you think you overdid it just a little," Lucius sighed, kissing his wife's forehead.

"I had to make her realize that we weren't as bad as everyone thinks. It's all your fault, anyway, Lucius. Had to preach to Draco about being a Mudblood-hater," she shuddered at the word "Mudblood." "Honestly, Lucius, that wasn't very kind of you." She smacked her husband playfully.

Lucius rubbed his arm melodramatically, his silver eyes shining with amusement at Narcissa's antics. "I had to make the Dark Lord believe I was still one of his followers," Lucius stated and Narcissa scoffed.

"And you're doing such a wonderful job that not even Dumbledore knows you're against the Dark Lord's policies," his wife stated. "And...you just utterly enjoy being a despicable bastard."

"Narcissa, my love, you wound me," he pouted. He stared at where Hermione had been standing. "Do you really think we had to go to such extremes to get Draco to appreciate Granger?"

"Lucius, darling, of course," she said. "Our son is madly in love with her...he'll never admit it...because of your stupidity."

Lucius ignored his wife's comment. "But did you really have to switch their bodies?" Lucius inquired.

"Of course," Narcissa said flippantly. "Truthfully, I'm rather tired of his incessant groaning about this Granger girl. He talks about her more than anyone else." He sighed. "I'm surprised that Vincent and Gregory haven't picked up on it already."

Her husband examined her curiously. "We are talking about Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle, aren't we?" he said.

Narcissa paused and thought this over. "Very well, of course those two wouldn't notice an attraction if it danced naked in front of them wearing a tea cozy and looking like Dumbledore," Narcissa stated. Her husband blinked several times in a vain attempt to rid his mind of the horrid vision of Albus Dumbledore dancing naked in a tea cozy. "Why did you encourage our son to spend time with them in the first place?"

"They're Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle," Lucius said. "Sons of Victor Crabbe and George Goyle. They could crush me to death if they wanted to. I'd rather stay in my one perfect piece."

Narcissa arched a thin, blonde brow. "You're so humble, dearest," Narcissa said.

"And you're so devious at times, darling, I love that about you," Lucius smirked, kissing his wife passionately. This successfully took his wife's mind off of all thoughts of Draco, Hermione, Crabbe, Goyle, and naked Dumbledore in a tea cozy.

"You're not so bad yourself," Narcissa smirked as the kiss ended. She gave him a look and then raced up the stairs with a giggle. Lucius grinned and chased his wife to their bedchamber.

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