Between Love and War

Chapter 18

August 1980

It turned out that Evan had taken the time to make out a will before he died, and he had left everything to his "wife, Vivian." Mrs. Rosier had taken it upon herself to contest this will on the grounds that Vivian was not his wife at the time of his death. Vivian would have been glad to let it go, but Narcissa insisted that Vivian fight to protect her interests. Before Vivian even knew what was happening, there was a hearing set for the first week August.

In these troubled times, the courts were tied up with criminal cases, and probate disputes were handled by a Ministry appointed arbitrator. The case would have been fairly straightforward, except for the fact that the Ministry arbitrator was a longtime friend of the elder Rosiers. In fact, much of the Ministry was either associated with or indebted to the wealthy families of wizarding England. So, while Mrs. Rosier's claim was tenuous at best, the arbitrator was determined to find a loophole for her.

They sat at a large table, with the arbitrator at the head. "Anatola Rosier, as the plaintiff, the burden of proof falls to you. If you concede that this woman is the Vivian referred to in the will, you must prove that your son was unduly influenced or mentally incapacitated at the time he drew up this will. This most often happens when there is an issue with a love potion. Miss Snape, you are quite the potion mistress, are you not?"

Vivian rolled her eyes. "I am. I specialize in legal, medicinal potions."

"Can you prove that Evan Rosier was not under the influence of a love potion or any other 'medicinal' potions?" He made air quotes.

This was a ridiculous question. It was impossible to prove a negative, especially in this case. "Doesn't Mrs. Rosier have the burden of proof?"

The arbitrator adjusted his glasses. "That is a good point. Mrs. Rosier has presented evidence that you have a pattern of seducing wealthy men for their money."

Vivian did not bother to ask when she had presented this evidence considering that the proceedings had just started. She knew that they had discussed this case beforehand. "I'm twenty one; when did I have time to set a pattern?"

"Miss Snape, being belligerent is not going to help your case."

Vivian wondered again why she was even there. There were a lot of reasons and the money was the least of them. It was mostly because she hated Anatola Rosier enough to want to stick it to her and because Narcissa had insisted. Vivian noticed the court reporter in the corner for the first time and a thought came to her. "Okay, let's talk about my pattern. I can only assume that you are referring to my relationship with Lucius Malfoy."

Mrs. Rosier nodded smugly and the arbitrator, Mr. Derrick, took his cue from her. "That is exactly the relationship to which I refer."

"Well, it's true; I am a close personal friend of the Malfoys."

Mrs. Rosier made a noise of disgust to show what she thought of this obvious attempt to trade on the Malfoy name. However that was only the first part of Vivian's plan. She looked clearly at the court reporter. "Let me ask you this, Mr. Derrick: will anyone review the transcripts of these proceedings?"

Mr. Derrick and Mrs. Rosier also found this to be a laughable attempt on Vivian's part. "It's very unlikely," he said.

Vivian smiled. She was going to enjoy watching the bottom fall out of their plan to railroad her. "What if Lucius Malfoy makes an allegation of impropriety? Would they review them then?" Vivian knew that he would do it if Narcissa asked him, and Narcissa was the one who was adamant that Vivian do this in the first place.

Mr. Derrick cleared his throat. "Mrs. Rosier, can you provide evidence that Evan was under any undue influence?"

Mrs. Rosier was clearly disturbed by this development. From that point on the proceeding went grudgingly in Vivian's favor. Mrs. Rosier had no evidence and no claim, so in the end, Vivian was granted half of Evan's estate.

Seeing the irate look on Mrs. Rosier face, Vivian hurried out of the room once the appropriate papers were signed. She had no doubt that Mrs. Rosier had already cleared out several of the more valuable possessions from Evan's flat, which did not bother Vivian that much. It was more of a moral victory, as Vivian was sure that she would actually receive much less than half the estate.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry James Potter was barely more than a week old, and Sirius was spending every spare minute at the Potters' house with his new godson and the proud parents. After watching the baby sleep for a solid half hour, Sirius went downstairs to have a talk with James. Lily stayed with Harry, which suited Sirius' purposes perfectly.

James brought in a couple bottles of butterbeer from the kitchen and sat next to Sirius on the couch. "So, what's going on?"

Sirius had thought about this for a long time before deciding to talk to James. He needed to be able to discuss the breakup, and James could certainly be trusted. Besides, it was really only a matter of time before he told James anyway. Now, he just had to figure out how to approach the subject. "I'm actually going through a bit of a break-up."

James raised his eyebrows. "I didn't realize you were dating anyone."

"I know. First of all, let me just say that I never wanted to keep this from you. I've been seeing Vivian Snape. And... and I have been for a while now."

James took a sip of his butterbeer. "It couldn't have been that long; her fiancé only died last month."

"No, it's been quite a while." He put an emphasis on "quite." "You remember that time she showed up at my house?"

James nodded with understanding. "Since before that, then?"

"Yeah, and there's actually a little more set up for what I need to tell you. Well, what I want to tell you." He paused. "I'm about to tell you things that I swore I'd never tell another soul."

James shrugged. "But she had to know that doesn't apply to me."

This was a good point. Everyone who knew them knew that if you told Sirius something, he would tell James, and vice versa. "Apparently she doesn't understand that. She and Narcissa don't have that kind of friendship. But, honestly, it's amazing how long I managed to withhold this information from you."

James took another long sip of his drink. "So, tell me already."

Sirius looked up at the landing to make sure Lily was not listening. She wasn't, but he lowered his voice anyway. "Vivian has been passing information to the Order for over a year."

James sputtered a little. "I didn't see that coming. Has any of it been useful?"

"She was the one who told me that Rosier was involved in the murder of Benjy Fenwick, which led to the arrest he died resisting."

James grew pensive. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Vivian just win a settlement allotting her half the Rosier estate?"

Sirius held in a laugh. Had he still been speaking to her, Vivian would have appreciated how resistant James was to the idea that she was a good person. "If she was trying to get rid of him for the money, wouldn't she have waited until they were married?"

"Well, if she saw an opportunity to have her secret lover arrest her wealthy fiancé, who she clearly didn't love, she might have taken it. Maybe it would have been better if they'd been married first, but when opportunity is knocking at your door, a cunning person--"

Sirius cut him off. "Other information has proved useful as well. Information that did not benefit her."

"In any obvious way, anyway," James finished.

Sirius laughed out loud. "You're just judging her because you hate her brother. I'm nothing like my younger brother, why is it so hard to believe that she could be worthwhile despite hers?"

"So she's that good? I mean you guys have been at it for more than six months."

This was getting nowhere. Sirius decided to move on. "Anyway, so we were seeing each other behind Rosier's back for actually over a year, and--"

"And she dumped you when she got the money?" Sirius started to respond, but James spoke up again. "A year, Padfoot? This is really serious, isn't it? Or it was, anyway."

"Yeah, it was. And she dumped me before Rosier was killed. Actually, I think I was the one to break it off."

"You think?"

"Okay, I technically walked out on her when she was begging me to stay. But she was..."

James leaned forward. "Don't stop. It was just getting interesting."

"Vivian had a really messed up childhood, and--"

"Don't do that. She had the same childhood as Snivellus and I refuse to feel sorry for him."

This had actually been bothering Sirius, as well. If he sympathized with Vivian, it was only a short leap to feeling bad for her brother, and that was the last thing Sirius wanted. "No, it had nothing to do with him. It's just that she's adopted, and her real parents wanted nothing to do with her and abandoned her, and it's really screwed her up."

"So, let me see if I have this right. She's screwed up about being abandoned, and you walked out on her?" James managed to keep a straight face as he said this, but afterwards a smile crept onto his face.

Sirius had not thought about that. Not only did he do that to her on two separate occasions, but one was right after her fiancé had died. He sighed heavily. "When she got engaged to Rosier, it just..." Sirius took a long pause, and James, to his credit, waited for Sirius to compose his thoughts. "You know, when Dorcas died, I really never thought that I could have deeper feelings again for anyone after her. The first time Vivian came to my house, she just wanted to cheat on Rosier, because she hated him."

James took advantage of a small break. "So you'll admit that she was only with him for the money?"

"She was with him to gain information that could help the Order." He held up a hand to stop James' next comment. "I believe that, but you can believe whatever you want. She hated Rosier, that much is clear. And she came to me for that reason, but it didn't happen that night because... because it was too soon after losing Dorcas for me. But something started that night. We began seeing each other, for lack of a better word. And actually, we didn't have sex for a few months, not until she and Rosier broke up, which bothered me."

"So why did you walk out on her?"

"I..." Sirius did not want to say. As much as he felt the need to talk about it, he felt that rehashing it would be painful. "Well, like I said, she and I were heavily involved when she got back together with Rosier. And after that, she started shutting me out in a way she never had before. And..." Sirius did not know where he wanted to go from there.

"Oh my god, you fell for her. You actually fell in love with Vivian Snape."

He was glad James had said that because he wasn't sure he could say it himself after everything that had happened. Now Sirius had the luxury of just nodding to convey that he had in fact fallen in love with Vivian. "And I told her so the day she told me Rosier had asked her to move in with him. I'd been thinking it for at least a month, but I didn't want to say it first. It kind of popped out that day. I mean if she was going to move in with him, I needed to hear it, so I said it. And not only did I say it first, but she did not say it back. She never said it back. And then she got engaged when I specifically asked her not to."

"And--" James cut himself off, clearly feeling that his next comment was too brutal.

"And what?"

James was silent for a moment. Then he said, "And yet, you still believe in her? Sh-she didn't love you, and she got engaged to another guy. She was pushing you away, holding you at arm's length. Wasn't it a little obvious what was going on there? What you were to her?"

Sirius shook his head. "It wasn't like that. She was doing it for the Order."

"Sirius, people don't do that. I like to think that I have a pretty successful marriage. I would put Lily and my son ahead of any cause. Your theory doesn't make sense. No matter what you say, I don't believe a girl like that would be that devoted to this cause. What's in it for her?"

Of course, knowing Vivian better, Sirius did not find it odd that she would be that devoted, but James's comments had made him think. "Come to think of it, she changed. I knew something must have happened, but she changed a lot. It must have been profound. She never told me."

"Tell me about the break up."

"Yeah, well, if she was going to marry another guy I needed to hear her say that she loved me, right? So, I forced the issue and--"

"And when she said it, you didn't believe her?"

"She didn't say it. She refused." Sirius was sure he already knew what James was going to say.

James sat there, stunned. "Why wouldn't she say it? Why--why wouldn't she lie?"

This had not been what Sirius expected at all. "Because she--" He was going to say it was because she loved him, but that made no sense. If she loved him then she did lie. "Because she cared about me enough to be honest."

"So it was too soon for her." This was a statement not a question.

"Er, well, no. I wouldn't have ended it if she needed more time. She, er, doesn't believe in love. She's a bit of a cynic, and I'm not okay with that."

James shook his head. "That isn't making any sense. Are you telling me that she never told Rosier that she loved him?"

"No, she told him. She... lied to him, but not to me." Sirius was starting to see that perhaps it was possible that he had in fact been a little bit in the wrong.

Sirius was lost in his thoughts when James spoke again. "What kind of person doesn't believe in love?"

Sirius did not really know how to answer the question, but it did not matter because at that moment Lily called out from upstairs. "He's awake! James, get up here."

The proud father was up in a shot, but Sirius hung behind. "I'm going to go. I have something I need to take care of."

Sirius went to Vivian's flat again, despite the fact that their last two encounters had ended rather badly. He was not sure that anything had actually changed, but his conversation with James had gotten him thinking about some of the things that had happened between him and Vivian.

In the past, Sirius had always Apparated directly into Vivian's flat, but after she got engaged it had not seemed appropriate. When he showed up at her flat the first time afterwards, it seemed to him that they were already well on the path to a breakup. The next time he went there, they were technically broken up, and it was the same this time. He knocked on her door and waited for the answer.

When Vivian came to the door, it was clear she had been drinking. She did not even let him say a word. "Oh god, what are you doing here? I don't love you! Leave me alone." With that, she slammed the door in his face.

Sirius debated knocking again or even just Apparating directly in, since she probably had not changed the charms. He heard the slur in her words, and he knew that anything she said was tainted by the drink in her. Still, he wondered how many times he needed to hear her say that she didn't love him before he would believe her. If they talked now, it would all end up the same way as before, except it would probably be more volatile, judging by her mood. Even if she did say everything he wanted to hear, it wouldn't mean anything because she was drunk. Sirius was done. It was almost freeing that she had put this definitive ending on it. Almost.

~*~*~*~*~

Vivian awoke the next morning, and after she took her hangover cure that was moderately effective, she vaguely recalled a dream she'd had. All she could remember was that Sirius was in it and something had happened. It was on the tip of her memory, which was quite annoying, and she wished she had not remembered anything.

Thinking about Sirius was painful for Vivian. She had replayed their last conversation over and over in her mind since the night it happened. What kind of person was so obsessed with the word love that they could not recognize the strength and depth of emotion in a phrase like, "I need you in my life?" So she had not used that one stupid word, so what? Vivian was glad she had not said it. It was clear to her now all that mattered to Sirius was the word love; he was not at all concerned with the emotions. She had been honest with him. At the end, when she asked him to stay, that was the most vulnerable Vivian had ever been with a man, and he still walked out on her.

Many times during the subsequent weeks, Vivian thought that she should have just said it. She should have given Sirius what he wanted. There were lonely nights when she knew she had only her pride to blame. She was an accomplished liar, and to say that to him would have just been a fudging of the truth at worst. She did not want to be alone anymore. Every day that passed without Sirius was more painful than the last.

Then she would remember the end of the conversation. As far as Vivian was concerned, she had told him that she loved him in her own way. Love was just a word; it only had the meaning a person attached to it. If what she said did not convey the meaning that Sirius attached to it, then she did not want his love.