Between Love and War

Chapter 15

April 1980

Vivian walked up the steps to Malfoy Manor. As usual, she was there because she had been summoned by Narcissa. She had said that it was a matter of utmost importance and told Vivian exactly what time her presence was requested. Vivian was used to summons like these. However, when the chattering house elf showed her to the sitting room, Vivian was surprised to find Severus there.

Vivian had not seen her brother since the night they fought, and honestly, in those six months she had never once had the desire to seek him out. The last time he had come up in conversation, Narcissa had been snide and critical. Although, Vivian now reflected, that was years ago, before her affair with Lucius. She inclined her head in greeting. "Narcissa, Severus."

Narcissa missed the death stare the siblings were giving each other. "Vivian, dear, please have a seat."

Vivian took a seat near Narcissa, as far from where Severus was standing as possible. "What is he doing here?"

"Nice, sis."

Narcissa looked back and forth at them. "Is something wrong between you two?"

"Severus and I have not been getting along so well as of late."

Narcissa's eyes went doe wide in a way that put Vivian on alert. "Well, I can't imagine why. I've gotten to know Severus and he is just delightful."

Vivian looked at Severus and he smirked at her. "I don't think that word has ever been used to describe him before."

"Well, I hope that you two can put aside these petty differences for my sake. I know that it's a bit short notice, but I want to ask you two to be my son's godparents." She placed her hand on her swollen stomach.

Vivian looked at her friend in disbelief. "You don't even like Severus. You only invited him to your wedding as a favor to me."

Narcissa continued to smile pleasantly. "That's all changed. Severus has grown very high in the Dark Lord's esteem."

Vivian laughed loudly. "So, that's it? You want to take advantage of the fact that he has your lord's favor to make yourselves look better?"

That caused Narcissa's eyes to narrow a little. "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

Vivian was not afraid of Narcissa; she never had been. A little narrowing of the eyes was not going to make her back down. "I am not going to let you exploit my brother."

Narcissa smiled and it looked sincere. "Right. Well, before we get to that, is that a yes or a no on the godmother question?"

"You're my best friend, and I'd be honored to be the godmother of your child."

Narcissa waved her hand in front of her face as though she were getting misty. "Thank you." Then her tone and expression turned businesslike. "Now, I thought you wanted Lucius and me to get along better with Severus. That's happening and you're upset suddenly."

"It's his choice. I just think he should know that you only chose him because you want the Dark Lord to approve of your decision."

"You know, Vivian, I was well aware of that when she asked," drawled Severus, lazily.

"That's not why I asked!" Narcissa calm demeanor slipped a little.

"Oh, right, it's because he's 'delightful.'" Vivian made air quotes around the word. "I got to be honest, in the nineteen years I've known him--"

"Twenty," interjected Severus.

"In the twenty years I've known him, he's never come across as delightful."

"What has gotten into you?" Narcissa asked. "You're normally so defensive and protective when it comes to Severus."

"I am protecting him," said Vivian at the same time Severus said, "I don't need her to protect me."

He shook his head as if to undo the jinx. "Narcissa, I am very flattered that you and Lucius would think of me, but I think that there must be someone better for the position. I'm afraid I have to regretfully decline."

Vivian could not believe she had heard him say that. Ulterior motives or no, it was not like Severus to turn down an opportunity to get closer to Lucius. Narcissa smiled, looking possibly relieved. Severus said his goodbyes and was out the door, while Vivian still marveled at his actions. "I'm sorry, Narcissa, I need to talk to my brother. I'll be back soon to discuss the christening."

Narcissa waved her assent, and Vivian hurried outside to catch up with Severus.

"What was that all about?"

Severus turned to see her. "It seemed to me that you had a handle on what was going on."

"No, the Narcissa I know would not have done that just because you are held in high regard by the Dark Lord. She'd still think you were too low class to associate with."

Severus smirked again. When had he started smirking so much? "I'm no lower class than you, and Narcissa has been associating with you since first year."

"No, what did you do to her?"

"Nothing, she's just been nicer since her miscarriage, or maybe since she got pregnant again, but it's all made her reevaluate her priorities."

Vivian could not deny that there was some truth in that. Narcissa had reevaluated her priorities and found a few things wrong with them. Still, if that had coincided with his rising in the organization, it did make a little more sense. "Why did you say no?"

"I think the question you should ask is why did you say yes?"

Vivian was truly starting to believe that he was being maddening on purpose. "What are you... Narcissa has been my best friend for ten years."

"Except for that nasty period when you were sleeping with her husband."

She was still angry with him for what had happened all those months ago, but she decided to try a different tactic for getting answers. "What's happened to us, Severus? When did we become like this?" Her voice caught in her throat.

"Oh, that is beneath you, Vivian."

She scoffed. "Okay, seriously, what happened here?"

Severus eyed her cautiously. "Actually, I have questions for you too, so I'll stop being cagey. I said no because I don't think she asked for the right reasons and I don't think I'd make a good godfather. And because Lucius' friendship just isn't as important to me as it used to be."

Vivian saw him clearly then. Here was a man standing in front of her. Severus had grown up and it still took her by surprise when she saw it. This time, though, it was not tinted by the disgust of the last time. This time she saw a man she could almost feel proud of. This was why he had grown so high in the Dark Lord's esteem, and although Vivian did not approve of his choices, she actually felt happy for him. "Thank you. What did you want to ask?"

"Why did you defend me in there? I thought you were done with me."

Vivian sighed deeply. "I have not forgiven you. I want that to be clear, but I can't stop trying to protect you. It's in my nature. It doesn't matter how much you grow up; you're still my little brother."

"Actually, I'm your cousin. Your younger cousin, but cousin nevertheless."

"Actually," Vivian said, mocking his tone, "I was legally adopted, so I'm legally your sister."

"Wow," he chuckled. "I can't believe you're fighting to stay in this family. If I were you, I'd take the out."

"And go where? Without you all, I don't have a family."

"And that's worse in your eyes?"

She nodded. "Yes, I was certainly better off that I would have been as an orphan."

"He beats her, Vivian! He is a drunken, pathetic man who takes out his insecurities on our mother. My mother," he corrected.

"After our last encounter, I wouldn't think you'd have a problem with hurting a woman."

"That makes it worse. I couldn't even stop myself. That was my reflex when I was angry."

Vivian was silent for several seconds. "They didn't want me. Do you remember Uncle Alistair? He barely ever looked at me. He knew that Dad was abusive. When he gave me to Mum, he already knew. He didn't bother trying to pick out a good home; he just dumped me off at the first place he thought of."

"Right, boo hoo for the poor little orphan girl."

"There was that one time, the only time Dad really hurt me. Do you remember that?" Vivian never spoke of that time. In fact she did her best to never think about it, but it was important that Severus remember because that was the only way he would ever understand what she was trying to say.

"Yeah, he hit you in the face with a vodka bottle."

"Is that all you remember?"

Severus shrugged. "He broke your nose."

"He was aiming at mom and caught me on the back swing. So it was an accident, but that's not the point. What I really remember was that Alistair came over the next day, and I had a splint and black eyes from the broken nose, and he said that wasn't an attractive look for me." Without really realizing it, she rubbed the bridge of her nose while she talked.

"I don't remember that."

"Do you remember what Dad did when it happened? He cried, and he ran me to the hospital. He wasn't a good man, and he wasn't a good father, but he cared about us. I can understand why you don't see that, but maybe you need to try and understand why I can see that so clearly."

"Yeah, fine. I don't need to get dragged into some touchy feely conversation on the Malfoys' front lawn. You win. I'll even still call you my sister for now. But, hey, can you do me a favor?"

Vivian did not want to hear his next sarcastic comment, but she said "What?" anyway.

"Don't keep telling people about our father."

"I haven't told anyone."

"That's not what I meant, although I know you told Sirius Black. I want to rewrite our history, so don't go around telling people we're halfbloods. That'll really put a damper on my career with the Death Eaters."

"Fine." She smiled broadly. "I know my story got to you. It's just digging its way into your soul and eating at you." She poked him in the chest. "'How could I have been so insensitive to her plight?' But, Severus, you don't have to throw yourself off a building, because I forgive you."

"Shut up, Vivian," said Severus, but she could see him fighting a smile. She giggled unbecomingly. "Listen," he continued, "I know that other than the nose thing, the worst thing he would do is shake you. I'm really sorry I shook you like that. It was wrong."

Vivian sighed. "I really want this conversation to end, but I have to ask, do you really think that I'm a blood traitor?"

"I'm trying not to."

"You know, I moved in with Evan," Vivian said, as though that would make her above reproach.

Severus drew his wand. "I really must be leaving now, but, Vivian, if you are a blood traitor... I guess that's your choice."

"I'm not."

"It's okay to have doubts. Moving in with Evan, that shows that you're trying to be good. As long as you don't do anything stupid, it doesn't really matter. But if you do, I won't be able to protect you." With no goodbye, he Apparated away.

Vivian sighed. "Right back at you, Severus," she whispered to the empty place where he had stood. Then she turned around and went back inside to talk with Narcissa about the baby.

~*~*~*~*~

Vivian sat nervously in the living room of the Rosier family estate. Evan had said that it was way past time that she met his mother. Vivian suspected that he had come to this decision he had been told by his mother that she expected to meet the gold digger who was now sharing her son's home. Evan chatted casually while Mrs. Rosier scrutinized Vivian's every move.

Vivian took another cookie from the plate on the coffee table. She wondered why Mrs. Rosier had even invited her considering that she had not said much to Vivian. As though in response to this, Mrs. Rosier said, "That's your fourth cookie, dear."

Vivian chewed awkwardly as all eyes turned to her. She had the uncontrollable desire to spit out the cookie, but she kept chewing for what felt like an interminable amount of time. She understood what Mrs. Rosier thought of her, but she was not giving her the chance to prove herself. This was the first time Vivian had ever had to meet the boyfriend's parents and she wondered if it was always this hard.

"Mum, don't be rude."

Mrs. Rosier's eyes went wide. "No, I was just observing her appetite. I personally admire a woman who doesn't worry about her figure. Tell me, Vivian, what is that do again?"

Vivian was finally able to swallow. She surreptitiously licked her teeth to clean them. "I am a potions healer."

"Oh, that must be how you keep that figure. You use potions."

"Yes, and as a side project, I also use them to cure sick people and save lives."

Evan snorted with suppressed laughter. Vivian just lamented the fact that she had further alienated Evan's mother.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Rosier. It's a bad habit of mine to resort to sarcasm."

She smiled back serenely. "That's no doubt one of many bad habits you picked up in your upbringing."

Vivian wanted so badly to say something about not needing to be judged by blue-blooded bitches who had never worked a day in their lives. Did it really even matter if Mrs. Rosier liked her? What was the worst thing that would happen? Evan would be cut out of the will just so that Vivian would not get her grubby hands on their money? On the other hand, she should at least pretend that any of that mattered to her, and she was trying to. If not for that, she would have gone farther with her comments.

"You were poor growing up, weren't you?" She whispered "poor" as though it was not a word to be used in polite society.

Vivian tried to smile, but she feared it was more of a grimace. "Yes, Ma'am, we were."

"Well, then it was quite fortunate for you that you caught Evan's eye."

"I do feel fortunate."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you have a bit of a track record for dating wealthy men?"

It frustrated Vivian to no end that the gloves were coming off, but she could not respond in kind. In order to keep her sanity, she promised herself that if Mrs. Rosier's comments became any blunter, she would slide in a few snide comments of her own. For now, she only said, "I suppose you could look at it that way." After a moment, she added, "I'm not sure what you're getting at."

"Oh, just that you tend to sleep with wealthy men, and now you've actually convinced one to let you move in with him."

Vivian glanced over at Evan to see how he was reacting to all this. He coughed and excused himself from the room, which did not surprise Vivian in the least.

Mrs. Rosier seemed pleased that they were alone. "I suggest that you leave my son alone and sink your fangs into another unsuspecting fool."

"Or what, you'll cut him out of the will? Why do you care what happens to the money after you're dead anyway?" Vivian did not think for a second that would help her cause, but she was really curious.

Mrs. Rosier raised her eyebrows. "Because he's my son, and he deserves better than that."

"Do you even know him? Evan does not care about anything but sex."

"That's something most young men grow out of."

"No, you misunderstood. He uses women for sex and he throws them away like garbage. He absolutely deserves to be sucked dry of his fortune. And you know, it's not his fortune, or yours. Somebody back in the Rosier family history started with humble beginnings and amassed that fortune through hard work. And that great-grandfather or whoever would have simply hated all of you with your senses of superiority and entitlement."

Mrs. Rosier stared at her with her mouth agape, but Vivian only continued. "You worry about me wasting the family fortune? How much money do you spend on a shopping trip? And you are lucky that Evan met me, because I'm not some gold digger. I will happily sign a prenuptial agreement if we ever get that serious. I am a mostly good person, who yes, had an affair with a married man, a wealthy one. I have been paying for that mistake ever since. I don't care what you do or say, because it won't affect me one bit. Go ahead, convince Evan to dump me, and see who ends up on this couch next."

Vivian sat back in shock. She felt that she had definitely overplayed her hand, but Mrs. Rosier just nodded shrewdly. "Did you know that Evan's father was one of the first Death Eaters way back when?"

Vivian was unable to speak, partly because she was a little out of breath from her speech, but mostly because this change of topic sounded ominous.

"In fact, he knew the Dark Lord in school. He was killed several years ago. In battle. Few people know that. It was a more subtle time in the cause."

Mrs. Rosier apparently decided to leave that hanging in the air, and she changed the subject again. "I knew your mother. Galina, I mean. She was a dreadful woman. You look just like her. But she had that sense of entitlement, too. The Dolohovs came from money, of course, but it was Soviet money, which is useless. She tried to seduce wealthy English men using her name and her charms. Unfortunately, for her, she got pregnant with a poor man's child and ran back to Russia, disgraced. It was quite the scandal in its time.

"When I look at you, I see Galina. You have that same scheming look behind your eyes. Because of that, I find it difficult to trust a single word that comes out of your mouth. Because of that, I am willing to take my chances with whatever floozy Evan falls for next. I prefer him with the dumb ones."

Vivian leaned forward. Now they were getting somewhere. "But you yourself seem like a very shrewd woman, Mrs. Rosier. Surely you don't think that your husband would have been better off without you."

"It won't work. As a woman, I can see your merit, but as a mother, I don't. And as I wife, I couldn't see Galina's. She specialized in married men."

"Evan isn't married!" That part came out louder than Vivian intended, and she lowered her voice considerably before continuing. "And I wasn't... All you people who judge me for being with Lucius, have you never made mistakes? Because I have, and I will readily admit to it."

"Dear, you can't win me over. That's all there is to it." Mrs. Rosier turned her head and called for her son. When he appeared in the doorway, she said, "You can take Vivian home now. We've said all we need to say."

As she left the house, Vivian wondered if she had made things better or worse with her outburst. As far as making Mrs. Rosier like and accept her, that was clearly a lost cause, but maybe now Mrs. Rosier would at least respect her on some level. Vivian decided that she actually would rather be respected by Mrs. Rosier than loved by her.

"You know, Evan, I never met my birth mother."

He took her hand and patted it as they walked down the path leading to the road. "I know."

"So I'm not like her. I didn't even know her; how could I be?" That was all the damage control Vivian cared to do at that time.

"That went about how I expected." Vivian wanted to point out that he had missed half of what happened. "I wouldn't be surprised if you dragged me off to see your parents next, to put me under the critical eye of your father."

"No!" Vivian exclaimed a little too quickly and too emphatically. "I mean there's no need for that. You know, I'm their only girl. My dad would not be... It--It's just better if we don't."

~*~*~*~*~

The only time Vivian ever went back to her childhood home was Christmas. Even then, she spent less than an hour there. For some reason, after hearing about Galina Dolohov, she really wanted to talk to her parents.

Except for the one conversation when she had been told about it, Vivian had never spoken to her mother about the fact that she was adopted, and, other than that one later conversation, she had never discussed it with her father either. Actually considering how drunk he had been at the time and that he never mentioned it again, Vivian figured he had forgotten the whole thing, which suited her fine at the time. She did not know what she wanted to say to them or ask them; she just knew that it was time to talk about it. That did not make it any easier to face.

Vivian stopped outside the door to the rundown house and looked at the neglected garden. She and Severus had been the only ones to care about the garden. As Severus always said, good ingredients come from healthy garden. Every year while they were gone, it would fall into disrepair, and every summer they would spend hours outside weeding and replanting, all by hand because they were underage. Of course, it had been years since anyone had worked on the garden and it showed. Without fully realizing it, Vivian sunk to her knees and started pulling weeds.

Fifteen minutes later, Eileen Snape opened the door to find Vivian working vigorously in the garden. Once she remembered that she could use magic, Vivian had done a lot to put the garden back in order. She was only pulled out of her reverie by the sound of her mother's voice saying that she had not been expected. She raised her head as her mother pulled her to her feet and gave her a hug.

"Come in, come in. What were you doing in the front yard?"

"I was just..." Stalling, Vivian realized. "It doesn't matter." She went into the house with her mother.

Vivian sat on the couch while Eileen fussed over her and insisted on making tea. "Your father isn't home. He'll be so sorry that he missed you," she called from the kitchen.

Eileen set a cup in front of Vivian and took a seat herself. She looked so happy that Vivian wanted to cry. It only took her ten minutes to get there. What kind of daughter was she that she was only willing to make that trek once a year? She vowed to come home more. "Does Severus ever come here?"

That wiped the smile off her mother's face. "No, we haven't seen him since he moved out. Are you two still... talking?"

"Off and on."

"I'm afraid that he's getting himself involved in some really bad stuff. Do you know anything about that?"

Vivian had never really thought about it, but it made sense that her mother, as the wife of a Muggle, would not approve of what Severus was doing. As a mother, she probably would not approve of what Vivian was doing either. Vivian lied to protect her mother. "No, Severus talks big, but I don't think he's actually gotten himself into any trouble." Eileen looked relieved. "I didn't come here to talk about Severus, though."

Eileen took a sip of her tea. "Why did you come?"

Vivian took a deep breath. "To talk about Galina Dolohov."

Her mother's face went white. "What about her?"

"I met someone recently who had known her, and I want to ask you some questions."

Eileen set the cup down hard. It rattled the saucer. "Vivian, I never wanted you to know about her. How did you find out?"

"Uncle Alistair told me years ago."

Eileen started to speak, but then squinted her eyes. "I don't know what Uncle Alistair told you," She emphasized the word uncle. "But I wouldn't put much stock in it. He didn't even--Ah, well, that's all in the past."

"I know that he's my father and--"

"No, he's not," Eileen said fiercely.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I know that he's my biological father." Eileen made a move to cut her off. "But I know that you're my real parents. Mum, I'm not... You know, Galina's dead and Uncle Alistair? I couldn't care less if I ever see that man again. I want to know more about my biological parents; I don't want to claim them as mine. They didn't want me and I don't want them. Please don't feel threatened."

Eileen relaxed visibly. "There isn't much to tell about Galina Dolohov. She was a dreadful woman."

"That's what Anatola Rosier said," Vivian remarked, mostly to herself.

"Why were you talking to Anatola Rosier?"

Vivian sighed. "Because I'm dating her son, and she thinks I'm a gold digger."

"Let me tell you something about Anatola--"

Vivian waved her hand. "She's not the point, Mum. She just said that Galina was dreadful, and you confirmed that."

"Galina Dolohov wanted to live in England, but not sacrifice the life to which she was accustomed. She... went after married men, one of whom was Anatola's husband. She was not the maternal type."

"So why did she start shagging Alistair?"

Eileen gave her a stern look. "Dear, that's not appropriate language for a young woman. You shouldn't think about such things."

Vivian rolled her eyes. "How was it that she and Alistair came to conceive a child, using whatever methods they did?"

"She... It's really not an appropriate story."

"It's the story I came to hear."

Eileen stood and collected the teacups. "Well, I'm sorry. I'm not going to tell it to you, and that is final."

~*~*~*~*~

After Benjy's death, a lot of alternatives for Vivian had been suggested and rejected. Dumbledore wondered, through Sirius, if perhaps this should mark the end of Vivian's spying. Vivian said no; she was not done yet. She had goals that she had yet to accomplish. It was proposed that Carl Roth, a new member of the Order, could fill Benjy's shoes. Vivian said no; using Carl would not work for her. Carl had years of disliking her under his belt, and she did not want him to know about her. Besides, he was too new. Dumbledore agreed on this point. It was decided that, as a temporary solution, Vivian would pass information to Sirius. After all, the two were successfully having a secret affair, about which Vivian was horrified to discover Dumbledore knew. If they were found together, they already had a prearranged cover story in place. The solution was less than ideal, since Vivian had seen Benjy at work nearly every day and she only saw Sirius once a week, if she was lucky.

"Did you know that Evan's father was one of the first Death Eaters?" she asked Sirius upon arriving at his house.

Sirius shook his head. "That's not much of a surprise, though. Did Rosier tell you that?"

"No, his mother did," Vivian said contemptuously.

Sirius laughed. "You met his mother? How did that go?"

Vivian walked into the bedroom. "I insulted and yelled at her."

He laughed even harder as he followed her. "Wow. I would have loved to see that. Do you want to meet my mother?"

Vivian scoffed. "No, I've had quite enough of lazy, wealthy women looking down their noses at me."

"It's just as well. I don't think she'll accept my invitation."

Vivian lay back on the bed. "Why are purebloods always so wealthy?"

"They're not always. There's the Potters, the Meadoweses, the Weasleys..."

"Yeah, and there's the Longbottoms, the McLaggens, the Bobbins..." Vivian wanted to bring up other names than the ones they usually discussed, but no more came to her. "The Malfoys, Blacks, and Rosiers."

Sirius sat near her on the bed. "Six families, it must be a conspiracy."

Vivian made a face. "How did the Rosiers make all that money anyway?"

"I have no idea."

"I hope it was in industry." Sirius did not respond, and Vivian knew that it was because her comment had made no sense to him. It was fine; Vivian was ready to move on in the conversation. "Narcissa asked me to be her child's godmother."

"That's surprising."

"No, it's not. I'm her best friend."

"Yeah, but..." Sirius paused. "But you slept with her husband."

"Why does everyone keep bringing that up? It clearly doesn't bother them, and that just means I'm very close to both the parents. I'm practically family."

Sirius smiled. "Okay. James and Lily have asked me to be their son's godfather."

"That actually is not a surprise at all."

"Yeah, they did it months ago, pretty much as soon as they found out they were pregnant."

"Who did they ask to be the godmother?" Vivian did not really care, she was only asking because it seemed to follow.

"Laura Brooks."

"From Bobbin's? That twit is friends with Lily? She couldn't even make an anti-conception potion if..." Vivian's mind suddenly drifted back to her conversation with her mother the day before. "Do you know how I was conceived?"

Sirius waggled his eyebrows at her. "I have a fairly good idea."

"I meant how those two people conceived me." Sirius shrugged. "It was quite the scandal in its day."

"Which was before I was born, in case you don't remember."

Vivian rolled onto her stomach so she could see him better. "My mother flat out refused to tell me. I wouldn't even care exactly, but she's piqued my interest. Mothers just have a talent for things like that."

"I thought you weren't that close to your mother. You blamed her for what happened."

Vivian pushed herself onto her knees and sat back on her heels. "That's not really fair. I blame her--I think she is partly responsible for her continued abuse. And I guess we're not very close actually, but I do love her. She's my mother."

"And your father never hurt you personally?"

Vivian instinctively scratched the side of her nose. "No. He shook me from time to time, but that was about it. Oh, that reminds me; if anyone asks we're purebloods from now on."

"We actually are purebloods."

"No, Severus and I are. He's reinventing himself." She put up her hands. "And I know that I shouldn't be helping him with that, but he'll be safer if they believe that he's pure."

"I think when you're in Slytherin, people just assume. You know, me doing favors for your brother is a really bad precedent."

Vivian kissed him lightly on the lips. "It's not for him; it's for me."

Sirius shook his head playfully. "You're going to have to do better than that."

"Like what?"

In one fluid movement, Sirius had flipped Vivian onto her back. She smiled but said, "See, I think this sets a bad precedent."