Between Love and War

Chapter 11

September 1979

Vivian did not want to leave Sirius' house, but Narcissa had called for her. Actually minutes before Vivian left work, an owl arrived for her demanding her attendance at Malfoy Manor that evening. She had stopped by Sirius' house to let him know.

Now that Evan was gone, Lucius and Narcissa were all Vivian had left. She knew she had to go see Narcissa, but, as she stood in Sirius' living room, she realized how much she did not want to go back to that life. She hadn't seen any of those people since the night Evan had broken up with her. She had spent every minute outside of work at Sirius' house. It was time to come out of her self-imposed isolation. Resigned to the fact that she couldn't put this off forever, she wrote Sirius a quick note and apparated to the Malfoy grounds. As she rang the bell, Vivian put on her best "My boyfriend just broke up with me" face.

She was shocked that Narcissa answered the door herself. "Come in. Sit down." Narcissa started to walk away and Vivian followed her, bewildered. Narcissa glanced back. "You don't look so good, Vivian."

"Evan left me for Charissa Rookwood three days ago."

Narcissa stopped right in the middle of the hallway and turned around. "Oh, Vivian, I'm so sorry."

Vivian waved her hands. "No, no, I don't expect your sympathy. It's okay if you think I deserve this, that it's justice or karma, me being left for a younger, more--"

"You're actually older than me."

"Right. Well, that's not the point. I'll still understand if you're uncompassionate."

Narcissa put her hand on Vivian's shoulder. "Don't be silly. You're my friend. Besides Lucius never left me, so it's not the same."

Vivian snorted. "So, what was so urgent that you had to see me?"

"Oh. We should go sit down." She turned suddenly and walked away again. Vivian had to jog a little to catch up.

When they finally arrived at the drawing room of Narcissa's choice and sat down, she said, "I'm pregnant. Is it too soon? It feels like it's too soon."

"Er... You mean emotionally?"

"I mean in every way. I just lost a child; I can't go through that again."

Vivian's head was swimming. "There is no reason to think... er... to think that you will... I can't believe you're pregnant. N-no reason to think that you will miscarry again. I'm sorry. What did Lucius say?"

"I haven't told him yet." Narcissa did not seem to think this was at all odd.

"Why not?"

"I want to wait until we're out of the first trimester. There's no point in getting his hopes up."

"Narcissa, if you..." Vivian did not want to bring up the possibility of another miscarriage. "You won't lose this baby, but even if you did, you'd have to tell Lucius. I think it's better to tell him now."

"You don't get to make decisions about my husband," snapped Narcissa.

Vivian was taken aback. "Oh, okay. I thought... I thought you had forgiven me."

"That was when you weren't single."

"Yes, I'm going to cope with losing the love of my life by stealing your husband." Had she just called Evan the love of her life? Vivian decided to worry about that later.

"You were with Lucius longer than you were with Evan, both times combined."

"It's not the length of a relationship that determines... And need I remind you that it was your first pregnancy that ended my relationship with Lucius in the first place?" She paused. "Why are we fighting?"

"I can't lose him now." Narcissa's eyes started to fill up with tears. "I need him more than you do."

Vivian quickly moved to sit next to Narcissa on the couch and gave her a somewhat awkward but necessary hug. "I know. I wouldn't be able to take Lucius away from you, even if I wanted to. And I don't want to. I just want to stay single for awhile."

"I'm sorry for going off on you."

Vivian shook her head. "You were perfectly justified."

"If I lose this baby, I won't have to tell him. I can just pretend all the mourning is for just the one child."

"Why would you do that? To protect him?"

From the look on her face, that had never crossed Narcissa's mind. "No, to keep him. What if he decides that..."

"He's not going to leave you if you have another miscarriage."

"There has to be a Malfoy heir. That was the only reason for our marriage. I know that. You know that. What if there's a problem with me? What if I can't give him an heir?"

"There may be other options," Vivian said.

Narcissa sighed. "You're just saying that. There are no other options. If I can't have children, he'll have to marry someone else."

Vivian was silent for several seconds. She couldn't believe what she was about to say. "You and Lucius could kidnap a woman, a blonde, foreign pureblood. You'd lock her up in a remote part of the mansion and impregnate her with his child. If Lucius is adverse to rape, I can help you with that part. I know how to... You'd pretend to be pregnant. I'd be your primary caregiver. No one would have to know. And then, when the baby was born, you'd kill the mother." Vivian paused. "That's just one option, and there's no reason to think that you can't have children just yet."

"Wow. Now I feel really bad for bringing up the affair. Would you really do all that for me?"

She wanted to say no, but honestly, she was not sure. The truth was Vivian still felt unbearable, albeit irrational, guilt about the first miscarriage. "Possibly. I really don't think you're going to miscarry though. And if you give me time, I might be able to come up with a better plan where no one has to die."

"Well, I've already found a flaw in your first one."

Vivian did not doubt it. "Only one?"

"It's based on the assumption that Lucius would be willing to go through all that when he could just remarry."

"I can work him out of the equation. It'll just be harder to fake the pregnancy to him than to the rest of the world." Vivian wondered why she was trying to make this work. There had to be other options. "Or we'll form a new plan. A new plan sounds good."

Narcissa shook her head sadly. "We can't cut him out of the loop. He has to kill the girl."

Vivian was relieved to hear this. "New plan it is."

"I didn't realize we were this close."

Vivian laughed. "I don't know. I wasn't willing to kill the girl for you."

"That plan just to help me keep my husband? I don't deserve that. I haven't been a very good friend to you."

Vivian's eyes went wide. "You? What about me?"

Narcissa nodded. "I'm not going to lose this baby," she said resolutely.

"That's the spirit."

"So do we tell Lucius or not?" asked Narcissa.

"Tell him. That you're pregnant, not that we considered... what we considered."

"Okay, I'll tell him." Narcissa looked so happy that it made Vivian's heart burst. She crashing back to reality when Narcissa said, "So Evan left you for Charissa Rookwood? How old is she, fifteen?"

Vivian made a noise of disgust. "Eighteen. She just finished her last year at Hogwarts."

"Wasn't she a bit awkward looking?"

"Oh, she's blossomed."

Narcissa's voice dropped to a whisper. "I heard a rumor once that her parents were afraid she'd end up in Hufflepuff. I mean she's clearly one of the ones who skated in on their pureblood status." She continued at a normal volume. "You on the other hand... Well, that plan alone proves you belonged in Slytherin."

"Thank you." Vivian gasped. "Bellatrix could kill her."

"Charissa?" Narcissa was obviously alarmed that Vivian was upset enough for that.

"No, the girl having your baby." Vivian waved her hand. "It's a moot point. You're not going to lose the baby."

"Wait, if the plan's coming together, maybe we shouldn't tell Lucius about the baby."

"No, if he thinks about leaving you, ask him for one last chance. We'll tell him... that I know about an experimental potion. That would actually make it easier to obtain his... Don't let me think about this anymore. It won't be necessary. You'll see." She looked around. "Where is Lucius anyway?"

"He's off on secret business."

"That's what Evan used to call it. 'Business.' And Charissa would say, 'I didn't know that Daddy and Evan were in business together.' She's so stupid!" She knew she was obsessing, but it was difficult not to. She had just been dumped after all.

"It's his loss, Vivian."

"How could he choose her over me? I mean, Lucius not leaving you I can understand. But Charissa?"

"Vivian, I don't think Evan was ever really the man you wanted him to be. He is and has always been a womanizer. You'll find someone better. What about my cousin?"

"Sirius?" Vivian could not believe Narcissa would suggest such a thing.

"No, Regulus. The good cousin."

That made more sense. "He's still in school."

Narcissa shrugged. "He's seventeen."

"A grown woman dating a schoolboy? I'd feel creepy." Vivian's mind drifted to Dorcas's relationship with Sirius. She wondered if Dorcas ever felt creepy.

"What's creepy?" Vivian looked up and saw Lucius standing in the doorway.

"Dating Regulus."

"I thought you and Evan were... Oh, yes, I heard about that."

Vivian smiled. "Yes, well, I'm not really looking for dates right now anyway. I think that I'm just going to be single for a while."

Narcissa nodded. "That's a good idea. Maybe people will stop calling you a slut then."

"Narcissa!" Lucius gasped.

"Do you think that I don't know that they call me a slut? That's what happens when you sleep with a married man." Vivian stood. "Well, I need to be going now. I think Narcissa had something she wanted to tell you anyway." She gave her friend a pointed look.

Narcissa took a deep breath. "Yes, we do have some things to discuss."

~*~*~*~*~

Vivian drummed her fingers on the table. Her blood-replenishing potion needed to stand for seven more minutes before she could add the final ingredient.

"Could you please stop doing that?"

She looked up at Carl. "Doing what?"

"Making that noise. It's very distracting." He picked up his own potion and walked out of the lab.

"What is his problem?" she asked Benjy.

He did not look up. "I don't think he likes you very much."

"We have been working together in this laboratory for--"

"His friend is missing."

"What friend? He has friends?" Vivian supposed this should not come as that much of a surprise, but she had never really thought of Carl as having a life outside the hospital.

"Caradoc Dearborn. He's been missing for a while now. There isn't much hope left. He and Carl were very close."

The name meant nothing to her. "I don't know any Caradoc."

"He was a member of the Order. He was a good man."

For some reason it sounded like an accusation to Vivian. Without meaning to, she went on the defensive. "I'm not responsible for his disappearance. I am a member of the Order too."

"But Carl doesn't know that."

Vivian rolled her eyes. "So that makes it okay for him to be rude to me?"

"Maybe it does. It's time for you to add the comfrey."

Vivian looked into her cauldron. The potion had turned deep purple. She mentally cursed herself for not minding the time. She was lucky that Benjy was so attentive. She added the comfrey and scooped the potion into a goblet. Just as she was ready to take the potion to the patient, Carl returned.

"After I finish with this potion, I'm going to take my lunch break," she announced to no one in particular.

Benjy grunted something that she took to be "Okay."

Most of the time Vivian would take a longer way just to avoid going past Sara's desk, but she was so hungry on her way back that she didn't want to go through the hassle. When she heard Sara call out, "Vivian, wait!" she regretted her decision. Despite the fact that Sara had turned to Vivian a couple times in desperation, their animosity had continued just as strongly as before.

Vivian turned and saw Sara waddle out from behind her desk. At this point Sara was around six months pregnant and getting quite large. "I heard about what happened with Evan."

"And...?"

Sara's eyes went wide. "And I was wondering how you're doing. You must be crushed."

Vivian wasn't fooled by her false sincerity. "You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

"No! I can't imagine how I would feel if my Patrick left me for some eighteen year old floozy."

"When's the wedding?"

"This weekend. You're not invited."

Vivian gave a forced smile. "Does he know that you're a witch yet?"

Sara hesitated. "It hasn't come up."

"Yeah, good luck with that." At that, Vivian continued on her way to the cafeteria.

As usual, Vivian sat alone during her lunch break. She gazed absentmindedly at the door as she enjoyed her chicken salad. She saw Octavia Valetudo walk in, which wasn't surprising as Octavia did work at the hospital, but what was unexpected was that Octavia was accompanied by Laura Brooks, who did not.

Back at school, Laura, Octavia, Carl, and Vivian had all studied healing together. Normally, healer training at Hogwarts consisted of volunteering in the hospital wing during sixth and seventh year and soaking up as much knowledge from Madam Pomfrey as possible. However, since there was an unprecedented four students studying with her in Vivian's year, Madam Pomfrey had organized them into a class. The class met for an hour every Thursday night. Twice a month, they would also have a class on specialized potions with Slughorn. After school, Octavia, the star of the class, had secured a prestigious position working with incurable disorders and Laura had gone to work for the Bobbin family's apothecary chain. Vivian firmly believed that the only reason Laura, who had never show any interest in medicinal potions, had gotten the job was because her brother-in-law, Frank Longbottom, was a good friend of Nathaniel Bobbin, the heir to the apothecary fortune. Vivian, with her limited connections, had always been very bitter about nepotism, real or imagined.

Although they worked at the same hospital, Vivian hadn't spoken to Octavia once since they had finished school. So she was surprised when Octavia and Laura came over to her table.

"Hi, Vivian!" said Laura brightly. "It feels like I haven't seen you in years."

Vivian smiled. "It has been over two years."

"I know! It's so hard to believe that it's already been that long since we were in school. I feel so old." Laura sat down. "So, how have you been?"

"I have been fine. How's life at Bobbin's?"

"Oh, it's good, it's good. I really like it there." She looked up at her friend. "Octavia, sit down."

Vivian saw the reluctance in Octavia's face as she sank into a chair. "So, Laura, what brings you to the hospital? I hope everything's okay."

"Oh, no, it's going to be fine. My sister was just... I had to drag her here to get checked out. Aurors seem to think that they're invincible, don't they? So are you seeing anyone?"

Vivian cleared her throat. "No, not presently. You?"

"Oh, yes. Well, maybe. I'm not quite sure actually."

Octavia spoke up for the first time. "What do you mean you're not sure? Laura, I thought you were going to talk to him about that."

Vivian was only half listening as their conversation shifted from men to work. In fact, Vivian was starting to wonder why she was being forced to endure their mindless chatter when she heard Octavia mention werewolves. Everything happens for a reason, thought Vivian as she heard the words "Wolfsbane Potion." She hadn't thought of it before but she supposed lycanthropy would be classified as an incurable disorder.

"They say it's almost ready for human trials."

Vivian forced herself to sound light and conversational. "They've said that before."

"True, but this is Damocles Belby, not some inept--" Octavia cut herself off.

"Inept...?" prodded Vivian.

"Fine." Octavia shrugged. "I think our potion research department at this hospital is under-trained and not up to a task of this nature."

"But I'm sure the healer staff is much more capable, right?" Vivian said sarcastically.

"Don't get defensive, Vivian. It's not as if you work in that department. I have worked with those people. They are incompetent. I think it should have been handled by Belby or the Bobbin's staff in the first place."

"Oh, you can leave Bobbin's out of this," said Laura quietly.

Octavia continued. "St. Mungo's has a monopoly in England. I can't do my work anywhere else, but that doesn't mean I have to like or defend the staff."

"No, I think you have a point, Octavia. I don't work with experimental potions. I wouldn't know if the staff is capable or not." Vivian didn't know how she had let them get off the topic of the Wolfsbane Potion, and worse, she didn't know how she could casually bring it up again. She knew it was pathetic and a little irrational, but she was thinking that getting this information would show Sirius that she was a good, helpful girlfriend. "So, what were you saying about the potion?" Smooth, Vivian, she thought sarcastically.

"Oh, just that Damocles thinks it'll only be a matter of months at this point." She paused. "Do you ever think about the war?"

"Excuse me?"

"There's a war going on out there. I feel insulated from it when I'm here, in this neutral facility. I'm a pureblood; we all are. Maybe it's different for you, Laura, having Aurors in the family, but it seems like it has nothing to do with me."

"I know what you mean," said Vivian after a second. "I know that I'm very affected by this war and... I have a lot of close friends who are involved, but I still feel removed from the whole thing."

They both looked at Laura. "I'm rarely not thinking about the war," she said. "But, like you said, my sister and her husband are Aurors. Alice's been in the hospital three times in the last year. Vivian?"

"Yes?"

"Your close friends, they're Death Eaters, aren't they?"

Vivian thought about her public image. "I don't know any Death Eaters, Laura," she said in an obviously forced tone. "Maybe we shouldn't talk about the war anymore."

"That's probably a good idea. I'm sorry I brought it up," said Octavia.

"Actually, I should probably be getting back to the laboratory now." Vivian stood. "It was nice seeing both of you again." Both women seemed distracted and troubled as Vivian walked away.

~*~*~*~*~

When her day was over, Vivian rushed to Sirius' house. Without thinking, she Apparated directly into his living room. She froze when she saw that James was standing there talking to Sirius. James just stared at her. Vivian could feel her jaw moving but nothing was coming out. Distantly it occurred to her that she would have to actually form and vocalize an explanation before it could be heard. She looked over at Sirius standing on the other side of the room, then focused her eyes on James again.

Vivian cleared her throat and extended her hand. "Hello, I'm Vivian Snape."

James shook her hand, confused. "I know."

"I wasn't expecting you to be here, Potter."

Sirius crossed the room. "I thought you--"

"That's the problem; you shouldn't be thinking of me. I'm with Evan. You have to let go."

Sirius seemed amused by this. "What are you talking about?"

Vivian rolled her eyes. If it had been anyone else, Sirius would have gone along with what she was saying, probably. However, of course, he didn't see James as a threat. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. "This is what I'm talking about."

James grabbed the paper out of her hand, and his eyes grew wide as he read it. Vivian hadn't expected him to do that. She didn't even know what the paper said.

"This is a list of... of Death Eat--"

Vivian snatched it back, horrified. She looked down, and sure enough, it was her notes of things to tell Benjy. "Well, obviously that wasn't the actual letter Sirius sent me," she said, ignoring James's expression and putting the paper back in her pocket. "I don't have it on me. I was just being dramatic."

"Then where is it?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, I could go get it, but do you really want James to read it, as he apparently--"

"I am much less concerned--" interrupted James, "--with this alleged letter than I am with the fact that you have such intimate knowledge of Death Eater activities."

"Oh, James, I don't have any knowledge, about anything, but if I did, would you really be surprised?"

"Surprised that you have the ability to Apparate into Sirius' home? Yes. Surprised that you would blithely wave around a document like that? Just a bit. Sur--"

"I didn't know you were going to take it from me! Who does that?"

"It is normal to be curious since we're in a time of war." James responded.

"Fine. I just came to tell Sirius: leave me alone, I have boyfriend, and your attention is unwanted."

"I wasn't aware that you and Rosier had gotten back together."

"We got back together mon-- Oh. I don't have a boyfriend. Er, but the rest of it still applies. I'm going to go now." Vivian Apparated as a blush crept up her cheeks. That definitely had not gone as well as it could have.

The two men stood in silence for a few moments before James finally spoke. "I think you should reconsider, Sirius."

"Reconsider what?"

James hesitated. "I know that you like the thrill of the chase, but that woman is bad news. Have you thought about what happens after you catch her? Look, I get it. She's a challenge, and her quirkiness is attractive, and it'll just drive her brother insane, but you can't just ignore all her bad points. Have you thought about afterwards at all?"

"What if things aren't as black and white as you think they are, James? What if she's more on the fence than you realize?" Sirius kept his tone good-natured.

James raised his eyebrows. "Is that what she told you? Wow, is she selling you some line about being uncertain and thinking that big, bad Lucius just might be a monster? Because if she is, you can't fall for it. You have to see through it, through her."

"It's not about what she's said; it's what she's done. Look at how she's gone out of her way to help Remus. I just said, 'what if.' What if my reaching out to her could make all the difference? What if there's still a chance for her?"

James sat down on the couch and put his feet on the coffee table. "What if she's playing you?"

"Then why would she push me away? Why would she fight me so much if she's not really fighting against her own damned sense of morality?"

He dropped his feet to the floor. "So that you'll think that! You're rationalizing. That's not even why... This doesn't really sound like you, Sirius. You were never really the type to take in lost puppies. Don't start now."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"So you're reaching out to her, being nice to her, giving her access to your home, all so that you can save her? Why do you care about saving her soul? Or, I guess the real question is: why are you lying to me? You're rationalizing. You don't care about her soul; you just care about getting her into bed and sticking it to Snivellus."

"Maybe that's true. I will tell you this; I didn't send her any letter."

"Oh, so you think she was..."

Sirius shrugged.

"She's still bad news. She's still carrying around Death Eater plans in her pocket. Have you even checked her arm for the mark?"

"Actually--and don't get the wrong idea here--I have seen her bare arm and there's no mark. So, she's not a Death Eater, yet she came to my home with notes on their activities and made up a ridiculous excuse when she saw you. Aren't there any other conclusions you could draw?"

James smiled wryly. "No, not at this point. I don't trust her, Sirius, and I hope that you don't either. No matter what she says, remember, she was sorted into a house that is characterized by a talent for tricking people."

"And ambition."

"Exactly. Cunning and ambition. She has the ability to manipulate you and the motivation. I don't see the up side there."

~*~*~*~*~

Vivian had Apparated from Sirius' living room to his bedroom, and was listening to his and James's conversation with her ear pressed against the door. She didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, James really did have a proper opinion of her. It was good that he was resistant to the idea that she would bring Sirius information about the Death Eaters. On the other hand though, it bothered her that James, her boyfriend's best friend, seemed to hate her so much.

It felt like no matter how hard she tried to get accustomed to the oddities of the job, there was always another paradox. Here was James, reaching all the conclusions that he was supposed to reach, refusing to even consider that she would betray her "friends." That was the way it should be; it showed that she was successful as a spy, but it felt wrong. She wanted Sirius to tell James that it was all right to trust her and she wanted Sirius to keep his mouth shut and not blow her cover. More than anything, she wanted to get her back out of this contorted position, but she had to keep listening, to make sure Sirius didn't tell James that she was a spy and to make sure he kept defending her.

"Look, James, I don't trust her. It's not even really a matter of trust. You were right before. She's interesting, and it'll drive Severus crazy, not to mention Malfoy and Rosier. And, if I turn her, it'll bother them that much more. I don't see the down side there."

Vivian sighed. That was it. That was all she needed to hear. She sat down on Sirius's bed, feeling relieved and disappointed at the same time.

James and Sirius talked for another hour, and as far as she could tell, she didn't come up in the conversation again. When Sirius came into the room, Vivian was lying down on the bed with her legs dangling over the edge.

"Well, I didn't expect to find you here."

Vivian sat up. "I'm really sorry about all that."

Sirius shrugged. "About what?"

"About showing up unexpectedly and forcing you to lie to James."

He sat next to her on the bed. "I didn't lie to him."

"You tried not to."

Sirius grinned widely. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"Yes! Why do you think I'm here? I had to make sure everything was going to be okay."

"I didn't lie. James assumed that I don't care about your soul, but he's wrong. Obviously, I care or I wouldn't have suggested that you become a spy."

"Did you lie when you said that you don't trust me?" She was surprised when Sirius hesitated. "Oh my god, you don't trust me!"

"No, of course I trust you. I just... I was..."

"It's okay," Vivian said, although it wasn't. "You don't have to trust me. I understand; I really do."

"If I didn't think that you were trustworthy--"

She swung her legs a little and looked down. "There's a difference between thinking that I'm worthy of trust and actually giving it to me. You took a large leap of faith. I understand if you're still a little wary and guarded. Honestly, I respect that. It just took me by surprise is all."

"Vivian--"

She was afraid that if she looked him in the eyes, he would see that she was hurt. However, to not look at him after the way he said her name would have had a similar effect, so she met his gaze. "You don't have to say anything."

"Vivian,..." He seemed to be struggling to find the words, but she figured that he was determined to say whatever it was. "You're actually very easy to trust. The way you point out all the reasons not to, all the ways that you could be manipulating me, the way you insist that I don't trust you implicitly, all these things... You elicit trust, almost against my will, and if you're anything like that in the other realm, then you must be an amazing spy. But in a way that also makes it hard to trust you."

Vivian took a deep breath and blew it out. "That's not what I thought you were going to say."

"I'm sorry. It's just that--"

"No, it's... Don't apologize. It's better actually, because I know that you really mean that. And I do understand now. I was just saying that before, but I mean it now. I wish I could say that I really was like that with... the others, but I'm not. It really is crucial that they trust me completely. They're a dangerous group and I would never say, 'No, you can't trust me,' to Lucius and Narcissa. That just wouldn't be wise. You should know that when I'm with you, it's different. I'm not really employing my spy techniques. I'm just being myself."

Sirius visibly relaxed when he realized that she really did understand. "I think I trust you less now than I did a year ago. All I knew then was that you were out somewhere doing your thing. Now that I've seen you in action--"

"You haven't seen me in action. That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"I've seen your adorable, clueless attempts at seduction that are so effective."

Somehow Vivian didn't think that adorable and clueless fit her. "Now, wait. You seduced me."

"Yeah, and I'm sure that's what Lucius and Evan believe too. Good point. I'm sure you seemed very reluctant as you licked your lips and thrust out your chest."

Now Vivian had to admit to herself that he was right about that, but she certainly didn't have to admit it to Sirius. "That might have been true with them, but I didn't do th--"

"And back in school when you would let just a little vulnerability show through the ice princess act."

Vivian gasped and swatted his arm. "Why on earth would I be manipulating you way back then?"

"That's my point. How can I know when you're manipulating me? If you can fool Malfoy, you could fool me. So I find it hard to trust you."

"I told you I was okay with that. I understand."

Sirius snapped his fingers and pointed at her. "I have seen you in action. That night Lucius interrupted us and you turned around on a knut."

"But you know... You know who I was lying to that night, right?"

"Yeah. In fact I know you were lying to Lucius because you told him we had sex. How did you explain that anyway?"

"Oh, it was a horrible, drunken mistake." Vivian motioned as if she were trying to wave away the mistake.

"And me? Why would I want to sleep with you?"

"To bother Severus obviously. I mean he doesn't like when I sleep with his friends; imagine how he feels when I sleep with someone he hates. The only way it could be worse is if I slept with James."

Sirius looked amused. "Sniv--Your brother hates James more than me?"

Vivian had not thought that would come as a surprise. "Yeah, definitely."

"Why? I'm the one who besmirched his sister's honor."

"That may be, though as I'd been sleeping with a married man at the time, my honor wasn't so impeccable anyway. Severus has always hated James. He's a Quidditch star and he got the girl. James lives a pretty charmed life."

"Got the girl?" This seemed to fascinate Sirius.

"Well, Lily is pretty and popular and so freaking nice. I mean, she's a mud--muggleborn, so I don't think he'd ever want her specifically. But she represents the girl, lacking only in blood status."

"So you're saying that your brother had a thing for Lily?"

"No! I'm saying that she--she's a status symbol. Just another one of many that James obtained."

"So he objectifies women?"

"No, stop doing that. I don't know; maybe he does. We never talked about women. It was just... You know, I didn't... I didn't tell you this so that you can use it against him. I was just talking to my boyfriend, but you were gaining ammunition."

Sirius shook his head. "That was never my intention. Do you want me to talk about my brother so that you can gain ammunition? Because I have stories."

Vivian smiled in spite of herself. "I'm sure. I feel like I was just talking about your brother recently. When was... I think it was Narcissa... Oh, I remember." She unconsciously put her hand over her mouth.

"And what were you and Narcissa saying about him?"

"It doesn't matter." She waved the hand that had been covering her mouth. "Although I will say that now two members of your family have suggested that I get involved with Regulus."

"But you're not going to, right? I mean you slapped me when I suggested it."

"No, I'm not going after your brother. I am brokenhearted and celibate, remember?"

Sirius raised his eyebrows provocatively. "Ah, yes, it's all coming back to me. Celibate, huh?"

She clasped her hands in her lap and looked down demurely. "I'm afraid so."

Sirius smirked. "Well, let's see if I can cure you of that."