Between Love and War

Chapter 8

May 1979

It was the first day of May, and for the first time that year the weather was warm and pleasant. As Vivian walked the short distance from the hospital to Evan's flat, she wished she were headed anywhere else. She considered turning around and going home, but then she sternly reminded herself that she had put this off long enough. Tonight she would go to Evan and convince him to take her back. Tonight she would once again share a bed with a man that she could barely stand to be in the same room with. Unless he wasn't home. Please, thought Vivian as she approached his door, let him not be home. Then she knocked and heard footsteps destroy that last chance for further procrastination.

Vivian took a deep breath and prepared herself for the performance ahead of her. She thought back to their first date at Lucius and Narcissa's wedding. He had spent the entire night refreshing her drink, presumably trying to get her drunk enough to go home with him. She had been slightly flattered; no man had ever paid that much attention to her before. She wasn't flattered enough to even consider going back to his flat though. In those days it had been common knowledge that Evan Rosier was not particularly discriminating when it came to his conquests. As Vivian prided herself on not being the conquest sort of girl and had hated Evan at the time, she poured out several glasses of wine when his back was turned. If Vivian thought about it she would realize that she had always hated Evan. She hated him four months later when she ran into him and agreed to have dinner with him and throughout the subsequent relationship, and she still hated him now as he opened the door. At first, he did not look happy to see her, but then he smiled, though the smile did not quite reach his eyes. Vivian fought the urge to ask him if she was still the only black mark on an otherwise perfect record. She might ask him later, but that was not the way to start this conversation.

"Hello, Evan," she said solemnly. "I... don't know what to say. I don't even really know what brought me here today. I was just walking home -it's such a beautiful night that I decided to walk-- and I took a left instead of a right and ended up here. I... I guess I missed you."

"You mean now that Lucius is gone?" He was still smiling, but his eyes were cold.

Vivian felt a lump forming in her throat. "Yeah, Lucius. Oh, Evan, what was I... How could I... I don't know why I came here. I'm going to go." She started to leave, but suddenly turned back to him. "Wait, I... I want to talk about Lucius. There are things you need to know."

Evan seemed unsure about whether or not to let her in. Come on, Evan, invite me in. I sleep around now. Who knows what might happen? Finally, as if in response to her thoughts, he pushed the door wide open and stood aside. Although this had been the easy part, Vivian felt heartened by her success.

Like most worthless playboys, Evan had a large and beautifully decorated flat. After their first few dates, Vivian had learned that it wasn't fair or accurate to label Evan as a worthless playboy, but she still thought of him that way regardless. She sat gingerly on the loveseat and watched him sit in what she knew was his favorite chair. She was silent for a long time before she said, "I'm sorry. We haven't spoken since the break-up, so I haven't had the opportunity to tell you that. I didn't think that Lucius was going to... handle it the way he did. I never meant to hurt you, but he did. And I'm not just sorry that Lucius used me to hurt you. In a lot of ways I'm sorry that I ever left you for him. I mean don't get me wrong, I cared deeply for him, but... I think I fell in love with him and I convinced myself that it didn't matter that he had a wife or that it started as a revenge... thing. I thought I could..." She shook her head. "He wasn't good for me. He treated me... I threw away this beautiful, perfect relationship to be treated like a cheap whore. Of course he treated me like a queen in the beginning, but I should have been able to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. What kind of a fantasy was that anyway? He was a married man! I'm so stupid, Evan! None of that was what I meant to say. I just wanted you to know."

"What, that you're sorry?"

He wasn't giving her much to work with. "No, that since I left you my life has been falling apart. I thought it might give you some kind of satisfaction to know that you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Or at least that I realize that now. So you can go on having a wonderful life, and I'll go on being a complete mess." Vivian stopped, but Evan just stared at her as if waiting for more. She struggled for something else to say. "You know what, I don't even trust myself to handle my life anymore. I had a horrible, ill-advised one-night stand with Sirius Black. Yeah, Sirius Black. I wouldn't sleep with you because I wanted to wait, to be sure. And then I just throw myself at Lucius, hoping to hold onto him, lose him, and rebound with a blood traitor. I hate knowing that I gave Lucius my virginity. I wished I'd taken you up on one of your many offers. And I hate knowing that Sirius Black was the last man who touched me. I would almost try to do something about that, but like I said, I don't trust myself to find a suitable lover. I'm getting completely off-topic again. That's what I thought you should know, that you're better off now and I'm not. You win."

"It's not a competition, Vivian. And I don't win, because I still don't have you."

Now it was the moment of truth. She would sleep with Evan and find out if he only wanted to clear away that black mark or if she had actually managed to talk him into a relationship. "You... You want me back?"

"Yes, of course I do." He stood and held out his hand to her. "Come with me, Vivian. Let me wipe away the memory of Sirius Black's hands on your body."

Vivian's breath caught in her throat. "I would like that a lot." Actually Vivian was thinking that was the last thing she wanted. The thought that Sirius was the last man to kiss her and touch her was actually the only thing Vivian liked about herself at that moment. As she took Evan's hand and allowed herself to be lead to the bedroom, she spent those last few moments reveling in the memory of her last night with Sirius.

~*~*~*~*~

It wasn't so horrible, Vivian told herself as she left Evan's flat. She stepped out onto the sidewalk and started to walk toward her own building. Earlier she had decided to walk as a means of prolonging the inevitable, but now she wanted to walk to clear her mind. It was still a beautiful night. Vivian looked up at the stars and tried to think about a future without Voldemort, a future in which she would be free to date whomever she wanted, but she quickly realized that it wasn't Voldemort who pushed her into this life. She could be free now. She was a pureblood; she could sit back and stay neutral like so many others. She didn't have to fight; she chose this kind of life. Why? Why had she allowed herself to be talked into a life where she would have to have sex with men like Evan and Lucius? It scared her to realize that there was no self-serving reason for it. She had intended to be an opportunist. She had intended to use Lucius and Narcissa as stepping-stones to greatness, as Sirius had put it so long ago. Now she was betraying the very people who could have helped her in a quest for power and wealth. Why? She supposed she could say that she was trying to align herself with the winners, but if that were the case she would have waited until it was clearer who the winners would be. She could say that she was working both sides so that she could come out on top no matter which side won, but if she wanted to do that she would be a double agent playing one side off the other. No, if she was honest with herself, there were only two possible reasons that she was doing this. One was idealism and the other was to impress Sirius. Neither was an appealing thought and she knew both were part of the equation.

Don't think about that, think about Evan. The actual sex with him had not been that bad, which was slightly disappointing to Vivian. She would have preferred if her body did not respond to him at all. She hated herself for even that slightest bit of pleasure she derived from the experience and hated Evan even more for doing that to her. Vivian shook her head. She knew her hatred of Evan was irrational. In school, she had hated him almost from the moment she met him. He was the embodiment of everything that annoyed her. To her, he was the wealthy pretty boy who didn't care about anything enough to take it seriously. He didn't have to take classes seriously; he could just live off his family's money forever. She reflected that probably Lucius and Sirius were both the same way, but she had never had classes with them. Later, when she realized that there were things that he did take seriously and that he had put more effort into his schoolwork than she realized, she hated him for that too. Tonight, more than anything else, she hated that idealism and Sirius had caused her to let Evan touch her.

No, don't think about Sirius. And don't think about your hatred of Evan either. Think about the plan. The plan had gone well. After the sex, Evan had in fact shown interest in seeing Vivian again, which she supposed was a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, Sirius had assured her that Evan would be more forthcoming with information, but, on the other hand, this meant that she would have to continue sleeping with Evan. As Vivian tried again to push thoughts of Sirius and Evan out of her mind, she realized that she had arrived home. She climbed the stairs to her flat, surrendering to the sleepless night that lay ahead of her.

~*~*~*~*~

Vivian was amazed by how similar this situation was to when she went to see Evan three weeks before. Only this time, as she looked up at Sirius's house, she really didn't know why she was there. She looked around to see if anyone was nearby as she debated whether or not to knock on the door. When she finally decided to, she hoped no one would answer. However, just like Evan, he was home.

When Sirius opened the door he seemed surprised to see her. Vivian could understand his confusion; except for that one morning at breakfast in the Great Hall, she had never been the one to seek him out. She was a little confused herself. A moment later, her focus shifted to the actual house. How could Sirius afford a house like this?

"Hi, Vivian," he said cautiously. She didn't respond. "How do you know where I live?"

Vivian stepped into the foyer, barely hearing him. "I took out an ad in the Daily Prophet," she answered absently. "'Do you know where Sirius Black lives? If so please get in contact with Vivian Snape.' This is a really nice house. I thought you were disowned."

"I was, but then my Uncle Alphard left me some money. How did you really find my house?"

Vivian finally looked at Sirius. "Benjy told me. You're my other contact, you know."

"Shh. I'm not alone."

"Oh." Vivian was too distracted to let that bother her now. "Some money? It took more than 'some' money to buy a house like this."

Sirius looked up at the ceilings, as if trying to see what she saw. "Haven't you been to Malfoy Manor?"

"Yeah, and this is clearly no manor house, but still, it's not what I was expecting."

"It's a fairly modest house, actually."

Vivian snorted. It was bigger than her parents' house. "Right. No, actually, you're right, this is a modest house. It's just that I thought when you were disowned, you would be forced to join the working class. I'm not trying to... I make more money than you, and I could never afford a place like this."

"Well, you're just starting out."

"I know, and I thought you were just starting out too."

"How does this change anything?"

"It was just a surprise, that's all. Actually it does change things and not in a good way."

"In what way then?"

"We-- Who's here? Is it a woman? Did you actually move on?"

Sirius smiled. "Jealous? No, it's just Remus. And he can't hear you. He's sleeping off the full moon in the guest bedroom."

"Why doesn't he--"

"He's been having a little trouble holding a job because of the whole... werewolf thing. He's kind of staying here for a while. But back to you, how does the house change anything?"

This brought Vivian back to the task at hand. "Oh. We're going to have sex tonight. I think we both know that. In a minute, I'm going to pretend like that was the last thing on my mind when I showed up here, but... Anyway, now it looks like I've suddenly changed my mind because you have money."

"That wouldn't have even occurred to me."

"Are you kidding? When you combine the way I went on about the house with my relationship history, at some point, it's going to occur to you."

"Not now."

"No! You can't trust me; I'm very cunning."

Sirius chuckled a little. "Look, Vivian, if the house was a big turn on for you, I can accept that."

"What if I'm a gold-digging slut? Can you accept that?"

"I know you're not a gold-digging slut."

Vivian shook her head. "Oh, you poor naïve man."

"Vivian, I know why you were with Malfoy and Rosier. It wasn't about money. No matter what the rest of the wizarding community thinks, I know the truth. Besides, if you wanted money, you wouldn't stop here, you'd go after the real Black heir."

Vivian wrinkled her nose. "He's still in school."

"So? I started dating Dorcas the summer before my seventh year... but we're not talking about Dorcas."

"Oh, we will be. But that's later. Right now, I am explaining why you are a better mark than your brother."

"Or Rosier?" Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You're already dating Rosier. You're the same age. There is no obstacle to having the calculated power marriage of your dreams. Except you, because that's not what you want anymore, is it?"

"Why do you trust me so much?"

"Why do you always make this so difficult? You're always pushing me away and pulling me back in and pushing me away again. Even if sex was the last thing on your mind, you didn't come here to tell me that you're a gold-digger." Vivian stared at him, slowly shaking her head. "Okay, I trust you because you've never given me a reason not to, despite many opportunities."

"I told you right from the beginning that I would kill to have the Black name, figuratively of course."

"I think that you felt that way in theory, but life just didn't work out that way. You got a Malfoy into bed. Was it everything you thought it would be?"

Vivian's eyes went wide. "What-- Why-- Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Read my mind like that. Don't tell me what I'm feeling with frightening accuracy. Don't know me better than people with whom I've spent much more time. Don't... do that. So,... can I see more of the house or is the foyer really its high point?"

"Well, there's the living room right... past where the tile ends." Vivian looked at him expectantly. "Would you like to sit down?"

"Oh, you're such a good host! Yes, I would love to sit down." She pushed past him and sat gracefully on the couch.

Sirius stood in place for a few seconds with an amazed look on his face before following her into the living room. He sat next to her on the couch and said, "How exactly is this going to work?"

Vivian smiled. "You're going to tell me about your family, your childhood, Dorcas, everything."

"And why am I going to do that?"

"Because I've already told you all about my family, my childhood, my ex-boyfriend, now--" As she spoke, she counted things off on her fingers.

"What about your current boyfriend?"

"I will tell you anything you want to know about my current boyfriend as soon as you tell me everything I want to know about you. I want to... to know you, Sirius." Vivian emphasized this point with her hands.

"Can I ask you something?"

"No, not until you answer some of my questions for once. I mean it this time."

Apparently Sirius did not believe her. "When you were with Malfoy, an affair was completely off the table, but with Rosier it's not. Why?"

"Just tell me how you met Dorcas. How did you get together with a girl, a woman, four years older than you when you were still in school?"

Sirius hesitated. "It's a long story."

"So is the difference between Lucius and Evan or the story of how I became a Snape. I have time."

"I was disowned by my parents during sixth year. I received a letter telling me not to bother coming home for Easter holidays or summer, or ever for that matter, unless I was willing to shape up. The Potters took me in that summer. It was great. They are more my family than my real one. I think of James as more of a brother than Regulus.

"Dorcas, or the Meadowes actually, are friends of the Potter family. She was around a lot and we got together during the summer. Then I went to school and I would sneak out and see her at Hogsmeade because, you know... You don't know. There are a lot of ways to sneak out of the school if you know where to look. Then I got out of school, saw a lot more of her, and eventually she broke up with me. That's the Dorcas story. Tell me about Rosier."

"I hate him. I loathe and abhor him with every fiber of my being. With Lucius, I didn't like him, but it wasn't a horrible situation for me. I'm guessing that you've never experienced this, but when you...when I had sex with Lucius, it was... there was a mixed reaction. There's a physical aspect that... Okay, with Lucius, the emotional aspect of my dislike for him was a hindrance, but... but, you see..."

"Yeah, I think I understand."

"Right, but with Evan, my revulsion is much more of an obstacle. And if I even start to enjoy it for the slightest moment, I feel like..." Vivian stopped and sighed. "I tell you way too much."

"No, go on. This is fascinating. Or at least it has potential to be."

"Why?"

"If you say that you came here to have great, enjoyable sex."

Vivian burst out laughing. "Oh. No, that's not even it. Let me just..." She sobered. "I'm not sure how to even put this. If I start to enjoy being with Evan, I hate myself for having that guttural... for not being able to... or really for being able to... I hate him, so how can I enjoy having him... I want to hate it as much as I hate him, but more and more I'm finding that I don't. So, no, I didn't come here to finally enjoy sex. I am enjoying myself at times, and that's the problem. I want an experience that will ground me in realism. This is normal; this is how it should be. You ask questions and listen and care and, despite myself, I like you, as a person and as a man."

"Thank you."

"I don't need it to be great; I just want normal. I told Evan that I couldn't stand that you were the last man to touch me. That was a lie. But I am here now to tell you that I can't stand that he was the last man to touch me and that I'm going to let me touch him again. I feel myself, my sense of reality, of who I am, what I'm doing, I feel it all slipping away from me. I want you to ground me. And that's all well and good, but what do you want, Sirius?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want to betray Evan in some way, in any way I can. I want to have this secret that I can think of when it all starts to be too much to bear. So, tell me what kind of a relationship you want and that's what it will be. If it's just sex, that's fine, but I want to know from the beginning." Vivian waited for Sirius to say something, but he didn't. "Okay, I've been talking for awhile now. It's time for you to say something. Just start talking; I don't even care about what. Talk about what you want or James or share your latest theory about me, anything. I just want one full minute of you talking."

"That's a lot of pressure."

"Starting now."

Sirius nodded. "I get it. With Lucius and Evan you play a one-dimensional... sex toy basically. You were subservient because that's what Lucius wanted. With me you're demanding and wildly three-dimensional. You say your sense of identity is slipping. You need me so that you can be yourself. Because I'm the only one who knows about that one big aspect of your life. Well, there's Benjy Fenwick too. If I turn you down are you going to turn to him?"

"Thirty more seconds."

"Okay, er... so,..."

Vivian smiled. "That's interesting. I give you a minute to talk about anything you want and you choose to analyze me further and to talk about how this is completely unrelated to you. Why do you do that? Are you fixated on me or do you have avoidance issues of your own?"

"I'm not fixated on you; I was just... You said--"

"I know how it works now. Analyze first, then ask questions that force your target to get defensive."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Target?"

"So, let's say you're right. I am interested in you solely because you are the only person with whom I can just be myself. I have romantic feelings for you for no other reason than that you know me so well and I actually feel comfortable with you. What's wrong with that? How is that not the way it's supposed to be?"

"Because I don't actually figure into that. It's all about you. That's why my explanation had nothing to do with me, because I don't think any of this has anything to do with me."

"Oh, maybe you're the one who is insecure. Of course you figure into this. You were the one who analyzed every word I said, the one who latched onto a few statements and pushed me to tell you about my father, the one who suggested that-- who believed in me enough to think that-- and you barely knew me. You went out on a limb for me. And you never let me get away with... anything."

"Why did you suddenly turn on me last time? Right after your brother left you started talking about ulterior motives and you said 'Have a nice life.' And now you're here. I want to know everything that happened there."

Vivian sighed. "You don't think you're a part of this because we never talk about you. That night it wasn't right. After Lucius broke in, it wasn't going to happen. We were talking about how it wasn't going to happen when Severus showed up. So, yeah, I turned on you. I was feeling a little raw after talking to my brother. Anyhow, in some ways you are bad for me and I wanted to cut ties, but then I just wasn't able to handle the Evan situation as well as I thought. Now I'm here because in some ways you're not so bad for me after all."

"Okay, you told me all about what I do for you. What do you do for me? What am I getting out of this?"

"Why are you making this so difficult?"

Sirius shrugged. "For fun."

She cleared her throat. "You initiated the kiss at the hospital. You initiated the one at my flat a month ago. And you brought up the idea of us having sex out of nowhere that night. It's clear that you're interested in me in some capacity. I told you that if all you want is sex, that's okay. You get whatever you want out of this relationship, within reason."

"I see you're still trying to be realistic."

"Is that a problem?"

"Well, not--"

"Wait, I know what you're going to say. I'm offering, no, I'm encouraging you to take advantage of me because I've gotten in too deep and can't handle it. It's not healthy that I'm offering myself up on a platter for you to do with as you please. I am screwed up about men. I'm handling this all wrong because I'm used to a certain type of man and you're not like Lucius and Evan. So, I don't really know what I'm doing here."

"That's not what I was going to say."

Vivian sat back. "Oh, was it that sex really is all you want, but you're afraid my feelings for you will complicate it?"

"No, would you listen to yourself? You've gone beyond realistic expectations. Just because you've been hurt--"

"Oh, Merlin! Stop bringing that up." She closed her eyes briefly and put a hand to her forehead. "My childhood was not nearly as psychologically damaging as you seem to think."

"I wasn't just talking about your father, but you can't deny that he's the reason you have this cold, calculated approach to relationships. You admitted that much years ago. You still don't believe in love, do you? Even when you start to experience it,--"

"You think I'm in love with you? We're really not there yet. I guess I believe in love in theory, but I've never really seen it work out. You're not all that open to love yourself. You never talk about Dorcas. You wouldn't even let yourself mourn for her. You were so stoic. 'It's been two days; I'm over it.'"

"Fine. Dorcas broke my heart and then she died. And right up until the end, I still thought we could have had a chance. I mean, I was attracted to you that day at the hospital, but I wouldn't have given into it because I hadn't given up on her. And the next time, when I kissed you, I knew nothing was going to come from that. I thought eventually she would come back to me, and maybe she would have. I'll never know now. But that's good news for you. I'm free now; you don't have to worry that I'm still in love with my ex-girlfriend." Sirius stared somewhere behind and to the left of Vivian as he spoke.

Vivian put her hand to his chin and turned his face so that he was looking into her eyes. "You are still in love with her."

He cleared his throat. "I know."

"But at least I don't have to worry about you leaving me for her," Vivian said with false brightness.

"So you're screwed up about men and I'm still in love with my dead ex-girlfriend. This isn't going to happen, is it?"

"Oh, it'll happen; I'll make it happen. But not tonight, no. And you forgot to mention that I already have a boyfriend."

"Evan's pretty much a non-issue for me."

Vivian thought about it for a second. "Yeah, me too."

"So... now what do we do?"

Vivian patted him on the leg. "Now we talk. Tell me what you were going to say about my unrealistic expectations."

"Oh, let's see... No, not unrealistic expectations, expectations that are beyond realistic to the point of cynical. You don't have to settle for a purely sexual relationship. If you want more, demand more."

"What? So you can say, 'Sorry, I'm still in love with Dorcas. Better luck next time?'"

"No, I just mean that you should respect yourself more."

Vivian could not believe her ears. "That's what I said!"

"When?"

"When I said that I knew what you were going to say. I said that it was unhealthy to serve myself on a sexual platter. Only I said it in a way that made more sense. Anyway, this is why I don't believe in idealism. You say I should respect myself, but where would that have gotten me? I wouldn't be doing what I do if I respected myself."

"You're such an odd person. You openly admit that you don't respect yourself?"

"Not in the way that my self pertains to sexual matters."

"In what way then?"

"I respect myself intellectually and... professionally. I have found over the last couple years that I'm really able to maintain grace under pressure and I'm a fast thinker. Maybe my explanations are a little weak at times, but I manage to make them believable--or forgettable-- in the end. I am realistic, too. I haven't loss my head over ideology or a pursuit of power or anything."

"So, then it wasn't ideology that made you sleep with men to gain information that would save lives? What was it?" asked Sirius.

"Do you want me to say that I did it because you asked me to? That's what I would tell Lucius or Evan in this situation."

"Well, unlike Lucius and Evan, I'd actually prefer to hear the truth."

"I do it because... it's the right thing to do."

"Oh, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but that is textbook idealism."

Vivian smirked. "I think you loved being the one to tell me that."

Sirius's expression grew wistful. "Yeah, I did actually. That was the high point of the conversation thus far. Idealism isn't a dirty word. It's fine to be realistic and practical, but it's not so horrible to turn your back on prejudiced people, even if they would have made good stepping stones."

"I could have been an amazing Death Eater, you know. I would have been the Dark Lord's right hand before Bellatrix knew what hit her."

Sirius nodded. "Oh, yes, I have no doubt of that. And I'm sorry I lured you away from that."

Vivian was serious. "If you hadn't talked to me that day, I would have done it. I didn't realize that at the time. I thought I could just stay out of the war, but that's not the way it would have worked out. I basically lived the life I would have anyway, just in a different frame of mind, and I can see all the twists and turns my life would have taken. I would have gotten involved at some point. And, though I'd have never actually made it to right-hand witch, I could have been great. I could have glory and power right now, but instead I'm treated like a common whore. But despite all that, I know I made the right choice. That-- I guess that is idealism."

"Welcome to the good side."

~*~*~*~*~

Remus was awakened by the sound of laughter coming from the living room. He checked his watch and saw that he'd been sleeping for seventeen hours. No wonder I can't hold a job. More laughter seeped into the room, and this time it was distinctly female. Though it took effort, he pulled himself up and walked to the door. Cracking it open, he listened to the voices. He heard Sirius say something about his mother. Then he heard the woman--Was that... Yes, that was Vivian Snape. --He heard Vivian ask a question. Sirius laughed again and Vivian distinctly said, "What? What did I say?" Not wanting to eavesdrop on this seemingly private moment any further, Remus closed the door quietly. He wondered if Sirius was finally willing to admit that there was something going on between him and Vivian. Maybe he already had. Remus decided to ask James about it later.

~*~*~*~*~

That night, as Vivian crawled into her own bed, she knew that, although Evan would never understand this, what happened between her and Sirius was more of a betrayal than if she had simply had sex with him. Things hadn't gone anything like she'd expected. In fact, her only expectation had been that she would end up in bed with Sirius this time, but what actually happened was so much better. They had talked for hours and there seemed to be an unspoken agreement to take things slowly. She hadn't realized how much it meant to her that Sirius would be okay with that. She felt as if he had just passed a test she didn't know she was giving. She wasn't going to push him away or send mixed signals anymore. They had progressed to a new level in their relationship. Vivian had a happy, glowing feeling as she drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

Lily and James had just finished dinner when Remus showed up at their door. Lily settled down on the couch while James went to answer the door. Upon his entrance, Remus asked, "Do you know anything about Sirius and Vivian?"

Lily was about to ask what he meant, but she saw that James was confused too. She couldn't quite remember who Vivian was, but she figured maybe this was a new that she had not heard about yet. "No. What about them?"

"I woke up a couple nights ago and she was over. They sounded very cozy. I thought you might know something about that since you're closer to him.

James sighed. "No, he hasn't said anything to me. What were they doing?"

"Just... All I heard was talking. I didn't actually hear much because I didn't want to eavesdrop. I think he was talking about his mother though."

James sank down onto the couch next to Lily. "His mother? This is worse than I thought. Is she a Death Eater?"

Then Lily remembered. Vivian Snape, sister of Severus Snape, close friend of the Malfoys. That did not make her a bad person, Lily told herself. She forced herself not to pass judgment too quickly.

Remus shook his head. "I don't think so, but I've never forcibly checked her forearm."

James was quiet for a moment. Lily decided to speak up for the first time. "I've never talked to Vivian. What do you think of her?"

"I... don't know. I think Sirius trusts her too much and I don't know it that's wise. I've been willing to put my life in her hands, but I... I think it's possible that she is a Death Eater and that she's using Sirius to get information. Or at least I think that Sirius should be considering that as a possibility. I think that if there is anything going on there, Sirius may have lost his head over her. And that is reason enough not to trust her."

"Okay, I'm just playing the devil's advocate here, but why would she be dating Evan Rosier if she was trying to use Sirius? Maybe you misunderstood the situation."

"He was talking about his mother," James said, as if that explained everything.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh, that changes everything. What did he say about his mother?"

Remus frowned. "I didn't actually hear anything other than 'my mother.'"

"Hmm. Than it seems possible that you misunderstood what was going on there. Why don't you ask Peter? Maybe Sirius decided to confide in a less judgmental friend."

Remus took umbrage at this remark. "I'm the least judgmental of the four of us."

"Oh, yes, clearly."

James turned to his wife. "No, really, he is. Except maybe you, Lily."

"She doesn't count."

Lily looked up at Remus. "Excuse me?"

"I said of the four of us, meaning the four marauders."

James put his arm around Lily. "She's a marauder by marriage."

Remus threw up his hands. "Fine, I'm the second least judgmental, after Lily. So, Lily, has Sirius said anything to you?"

She paused for a second before shaking her head. "No."

"I will ask Peter. I just thought James was a safer bet. I think the real question is why is he hiding this from us? Especially if it's innocent."

Lily decided to bow out gracefully and leave the boys to their craziness. "That's a great question. I'll be upstairs if anyone needs me."