Between Love and War

Chapter 6

March 1979

Remus just stared at Sirius. They were sitting in the Potters' living room, or rather Remus was sitting; Sirius was lounging on the floor. "She said she's working normal hours again. What's your excuse this time?"

"What do you mean?"

"Last time you said you should go in my place because you prefer to stay up late." His facial expression conveyed that he thought that was a flimsy excuse. "What's your excuse this time?"

"She's a fascinating person. I enjoy our conversations."

Remus smiled. "So you finally admit it."

"Admit what?"

"That you have a thing for her. She's not a good person. She has a boyfriend, and he's not a good person."

Sirius sat up and leaned against the couch. "I already told you, she supports You-Know-Who out of fear. She's scared of him. It's perfectly reasonable."

"She thinks we should enslave Muggleborns."

James walked out of the kitchen in time to hear this. He had become especially protective of Muggleborns since marrying one himself. "Who said that?"

Sirius sighed. "Vivian Snape. I'm sure she didn't mean it though."

Remus looked up at James. "He's admitted that he fancies her."

"No, I haven't."

James settled on the couch, passing out butterbeers. "I don't think she's worthy of you, mate."

Sirius opened his mouth to defend her, but Remus cut him off. "Is she with Lucius out of fear?"

Sirius hated it when they ganged up on him like this. At least Peter wasn't there. Where is Peter anyway? "So she likes rich, powerful men. What woman doesn't, really?"

"Why are you making excuses for her?" James asked.

"Because maybe she is a good person. Look what she's doing for Remus."

"You know, I don't believe you when you say you didn't sleep with her," said Remus.

"Wait, no, I'm not going to let you gloss over this huge favor she's doing for you."

"I'm a halfblood. The real question is how does she treat Muggleborns." James nodded in agreement.

"She had a Muggleborn friend once. In Herbology."

"It scares me that you know that. Is there anything you two haven't talked about?" asked Remus.

"Do you remember who her brother is? Do you really want to marry into that family?"

"James, just because you are happily married does not mean that I am looking to settle down. I just want to go to Remus's consultation."

"She has a boyfriend."

"Remus already pointed that out."

"Well, did he point out that you can't trust her? The only thing better than a married Malfoy is a single Black."

"A single, disowned Black?" He held up his hand to stop James's next comment. "I don't trust her and I don't fancy her. I just... want to talk to her!" Remus nodded knowingly. "And I didn't have sex with her either. She offered and I turned her down. She sort of offered. It was complicated. But I did turn her down, several times."

"Sort of offered several times? What does that even mean?" asked Remus.

"We were talking about my break-up with Dorcas and--"

James held up his hand to cut Sirius off. "You talked to her about Dorcas? You, uh, never talk about the break-up."

"Okay, no. I just told her that I was going through a break-up with Dorcas. I didn't go into details. I'm not... Vivian just has a side that you don't know." Sirius wanted to tell them that Vivian was a spy. Normally he had no secrets from James, Remus, or Peter, but it did not seem like he had a right to tell her secret.

He was weighing his options when Remus said, "Actually, Sirius is right. She can be really nice when she wants to be. Fine, you can come. I'd like to see this side you elicit in her."

"Great. When are we going?"

"Tomorrow."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Peter looked around to make sure no one else was in the room. Then he transformed back into his human form. Again, he looked around the Dark Lord's lair. Most of the Death Eaters called it the headquarters, but Peter found "lair" to be a much more apt name. He didn't associate with Death Eaters anyway. He preferred to do his work in secret, in the shadows. It had been nearly eight months since he turned to the dark side, but he still wasn't comfortable coming here. Peter actually avoided the lair whenever possible, only going there when called. He was slightly annoyed that the Dark Lord was making him wait, but he would never say so. He wasn't the type to speak up. In fact, he was, and always had been, quite content with his role as a toady. His annoyance grew, however, when he heard voices and the sound of footsteps approaching. He quickly transformed back into a rat and scurried to a corner of the room.

It was Bellatrix and Lucius. The first sentence Peter could make out was, "Honestly, Lucius, I don't why you're talking to me about this."

"Because you asked." Lucius sounded very irritated. "And I want it to be clear that when Arthur Weasley is killed, it will be by my hand."

"I merely suggested--"

"I know what you were suggesting." Lucius snapped.

Suddenly the Dark Lord came in and, as Peter listened to them act like children vying for daddy's attention, he thought that maybe he was missing out on something by not attending the Death Eater meetings. Of course, if he did, word might get back to James, Remus or Sirius, and that would be unacceptable. He wished they could see the benefits of siding with the Dark Lord. He had tried to feel them out a few times, but unfortunately they still clung to their outdated notions of morality. Finally, Lucius and Bellatrix were sent away and it was his turn to address the Dark Lord. He pushed the thoughts of his friends from his mind and transformed yet again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Vivian was frustrated. Lucius still was not talking to her the way he used to, and now Benjy was doing his strong, silent thing. "Come on, you're a man. Tell me what to do."

"Vivian, I really don't know what to tell you."

Just then Carl walked in. This made Vivian even more frustrated. "You have people here for a consultation. Why are Remus Lupin and Sirius Black consulting you anyway?"

Vivian hesitated. "I... accidentally became privy to an embarrassing health issue of theirs. Now rather than have to tell another healer... I really shouldn't waste their time. I need to go." She rushed out of the laboratory.

"Do you realize what that sounded like?" Sirius asked her.

Vivian started to walk toward the consultation area. "Yes, I do, and it wasn't intentional. I'll try to straighten it out later. So, both of you are here this time. I'm afraid I don't have good news."

"That's what you said in your note," said Remus.

"Right, I wanted you to be prepared. It's actually really bad news, but I think we should wait to talk about it in private." She stopped in front of Sara's desk. "I'd like a consultation room please."

Before Sara could respond, Sirius strode up to the desk. "Sara, it's so wonderful to see you again."

She blushed. "You too, Mr. Black."

"Please call me Sirius."

As Sirius continued to flirt with Sara, Remus leaned in and whispered to Vivian. "I think he's just trying to prove to me that he doesn't fancy you."

Vivian looked over at Remus, surprised by what he had said. "Are telling me not to be jealous? We really aren't invol- Thank you, but I'm not jealous. I think flirting just comes naturally to him."

Remus smiled. "That's true."

Sirius turned to them. "We're in room three."

Once in the room, Vivian noticed that there were only two chairs. She was about to conjure a third for herself when Sirius sat on the edge of the bed.

"Why don't you and Sara get along? She seems delightful."

"Well, Sirius, that's an interesting question. She hates me because of something I didn't even do. Apparently her brother asked out Narcissa and she laughed and said she wouldn't date a halfblood or a Hufflepuff. So, you see, that's not my fault. Except that I was there, and I laughed too." Remus looked uncomfortable so she added. "Because of the Hufflepuff thing. I don't have a problem with halfbloods." Remus eyed her suspiciously. "My brother is a halfblood! And it was five years ago! And I know that Narcissa is intimidating and it took a lot of courage for that poor boy to-"

"Don't worry, Remus forgives you. She went to Hogwarts? I don't remember her."

"She's quite a few years older than you. I'm thinking Lucius's year, Hufflepuff as well, but I'm not sure. I think she's seeing someone." Vivian heard Remus stifle a snigger. "Anyway, I don't have a lot of time for chitchat today." She turned to Remus. "There is really bad news on the potion front, but no one is supposed to know. You have to swear that you won't say a word about this. Not even to James, because James might tell Lily and Lily might tell... I don't know who Lily talks to, but it can't get out. This is top secret. I could lose my job if word gets out."

Remus glanced over at Sirius. "We understand."

"Well, it turns out my friend in experimental potions was wrong about the potion being ready to test. This is totally classified"--Remus and Sirius nodded--"but there was a human trial this last full moon. The subject... I should not even be telling you this."

Sirius was getting impatient. "Oh, for Merlin's sake, just say it!"

"He died, and the hospital is covering it up."

Remus buried his face in his hands. "Does this mean the potion isn't going to happen?"

"It doesn't look good. However, they are still working on it, and they think they know where they went wrong. You know, it's very difficult to create a new potion."

"Do you know anything else?" Sirius asked.

"I know some more details, but I don't know if you'd really be interested in-"

"We want to know everything you know."

Vivian sighed. "Okay, but we are clear on this cover-up, right? Not a word."

"Yes."

"And I just want to remind you that I had nothing to do with it. I don't work with these people. In fact, that witch is not even really my friend. That said, apparently there's a laboratory in West Germany that is having some breakthroughs in this area as well. There may have been some pressure from the Ministry to finish it first and the researchers may have cut corners. And then there was this private apothecary, Belby, who has made some progress on his own. You see, the Ministry funds our laboratory here and they-- the Ministry-- really wanted to be able to say that... Anyway, our researchers are now collaborating with this private apothecary. And it looks like the potion's going to end up being far more complicated than they were hoping."

"Do they have any kind of a timetable set up?" asked Sirius.

Vivian realized that Sirius was asking the questions that Remus was too shook up to ask for himself. She looked over at Remus. He was still sitting with his head in his hands. "No, they really don't know how long this is going to take. Remus, are you okay?"

Remus looked up and gave a heavy sigh. "Yes. Is that all you know?"

"Er, yeah. I think so."

"Okay, let's change the subject."

Vivian smiled. "Remus, this isn't a social call. I'm thrilled that you two find me so interesting to talk to, but I'm supposed to be working." Sirius shot her a look that somehow implied that this was part of her job. "But I guess... a small digression may be okay. You choose the topic, Remus."

"How's it going with Lucius?"

"That's an odd topic. They're not going that well actually. Hey, you're men. Can I ask you two a relationship question?"

Remus looked over at Sirius. Sirius shrugged and said, "I guess so."

"Okay, well, without getting into too much detail, Lucius... never talks to me anymore. All he wants to do is- Anyway I've complained and he says he'll work on it, but he still doesn't talk to me about anything."

Sirius nodded understanding her emphasis on "anything."

Remus said, "That's not a question."

"Right, well the thing is that I really got into the relationship because of the talking and I've told him that too. How do I get him to talk to me again? If I nag him or try to withhold sex he might just leave me."

Remus cocked his head to the side. "Well, if you're not satisfied with the relationship, and he's not willing to fix it, then why are you still holding on? How long has it been like this?"

Vivian was trying to think back when she noticed that Sirius had turned pale. "What's wrong with him?"

Remus glanced over. "He probably doesn't want to think about you shagging Malfoy. He fancies you, you know."

"Oh, Sirius, you know that if-" She cut herself off, partly because of Remus, but also because she was not sure what she wanted to say.

Remus looked fascinated. "If what? Don't stop on my account."

"Does he really fancy me? Because he's turned me down several times."

"Yeah, he mentioned that. He hasn't-"

"Does it matter?" Sirius cut in. "She wasn't going to say that she'd leave Lucius for me. And I understand where she's coming from. Losing Lucius isn't a good option for her. Do you have access to Malfoy Manor?"

She shook her head. "Hardly ever."

"Ask him questions. Tell him that you miss hearing about his... exploits. Tell him... Tell him it makes you hot. Trust me, that will work."

Remus stared at his friend. "You think she should tell him that hearing about murder and torture makes her hot?"

"It's Malfoy."

Remus thought for a second. "Good point. Tell him that. Can I ask you a question now?"

"Uh, sure."

"Why would it matter if you had access to Malfoy Manor? And why do you want to hear about his exploits?"

"Both good questions." She looked toward Sirius for help, but he just bit his lip and shrugged.

"Yeah, and why isn't losing him a good option?" Remus paused. "You can start answering anytime."

"I... I'm in love with him, Remus. I don't want to lose him. Access to Malfoy Manor would help me..." She hit herself in the forehead with the heel of her hand, but that did not help her think either. "I don't know what Sirius meant by that. Ask him."

Remus turned to Sirius. "Well?"

"Oh, what I meant was that... She doesn't love him; she loves his money. Access to his mansion might help appease her."

Vivian started to laugh.

"Why is that funny? He just- There is something weird going on between you two."

"And anyway," Vivian said, ignoring Remus's perplexed expression. "getting him to talk about his exploits is the first step toward getting him to talk more. He's particularly proud of his work for the Dark Lord."

"See, the way you just say that to us. Lucius is a Death Eater. Shouldn't that be a secret?"

She gasped. "Oh, you're right, Remus. I shouldn't have said that. What is wrong with me?"

"I don't know. Sirius said that you rarely let things slip. Specifically, that I could trust you with my secret."

"That's true, not that you had a choice. I let it slip that Lucius is a Death Eater because I knew that you already knew that. There's a difference. You see, with-"

Sirius cut in. "Oh, don't get her started on semantics. She has perfected the art."

"I will admit that I'm usually less guarded around Sirius, for some reason. If anything is going to slip, it'll be to him. And he already knows about you." Vivian said.

Remus looked back and forth. "You- You two- Why won't you leave Malfoy for him?"

Sirius appeared uncomfortable. "No offense, Remus, but I think that's between Vivian and myself. She's a... You know that she... We're fighting a war here, against her people. It wouldn't work out. She needs to be with someone like Lucius."

Vivian was unsure how to handle this conversation. Suddenly, all she wanted was for it to end. "Anyway, Sirius, Remus, I hope that I was of help to you and feel free to stop by and ask me any questions relating to the potion, or any healing potion. I hope that this digression has successfully calmed you, Remus. However, I need to get back to work now." She stood and opened the door, hoping Remus wouldn't ask any more questions.

To her relief, Remus walked out, but Sirius called out to him that he would be out in a minute and closed the door. She realized a second too late that in doing so he had managed to pin her against the wall. "That wasn't really very smart bringing it up in front of Remus."

She couldn't remember if she had ever been this close to him before. She was having trouble regulating her breathing, but she managed to speak evenly. "Excuse me? I was just asking for relationship advice. You kept saying things to make Remus suspicious. What does Malfoy Manor have to do with anything?"

Sirius grinned, and for some reason it made her feel uncomfortable. Was it her imagination, or had he just leaned in even closer to her? "I was trying to help you. You should have been able to handle the conversation; you're the professional."

"Well, I can when--" Then he was kissing her. Knowing right from the start that she should not be kissing Sirius Black, Vivian still closed her eyes and savored the sensation of his mouth on hers. It took a great effort for her to push him away and say, "Re- Remus is waiting for you." As he moved to open the door, she spoke again. "And we--You can't just going around kissing me, you know. I'm--If Lucius--That is to say, I thought that you understood--Never mind, just go."

Upon the opening of the door, Vivian saw Remus leaning over Sara's desk. He looked behind him and straightened. "Bad news, mate. She is seeing someone."

Sara bit her lip and smiled shyly at Sirius. "It's true."

"Isn't that just my luck? They're always unavailable." Sirius gave Vivian a pointed look. She knew that if she were the kind of person who blushed, her cheeks would be turning red at that moment.

"Well, thank you, Vivian. This was a delightful visit," said Remus, with a hint of sarcasm, as he and Sirius turned to leave.

Once they were out of sight, Vivian started back toward the laboratory, but was stopped by a soft, unsure voice.

"Can I ask you a potions question?"

Vivian turned around, amazed that Sara was asking her for help. "Certainly, as long as you realize that I am only a trainee and not fully qualified to--"

Sara cut her off. "I'm sure you're familiar with the anti-conception potions. What if... someone missed one? What are the chances of pregnancy?"

Vivian was even more taken aback that Sara would come to her with something so personal. "There are factors that would increase or decrease the likelihood, but all in all, it's not that likely. Although, it is still possible."

"What if it was more like five or six potions?"

"Consecutively?" Sara nodded. "That does increase the likelihood a bit. Again, timing is a big factor, but I wouldn't worry until there were some symptoms."

"What if the person was six days late?"

"Sara, if you give me all the information to begin with... Think back. Does the time when you would be getting pregnant really line up with this lapse in potion taking?"

For a second Vivian thought Sara was going to cry, but she didn't. "I honestly can't remember."

"I would wait a couple more days to make sure it's not a fluke, and then see a healer."

Vivian was about to leave, when, again, she was stopped by Sara speaking. "He's a Muggle. What am I going to tell him?"

"I think Muggles understand about pregnancies."

"No, I mean what am I going to tell him about... How do I tell him that I'm a witch and that this baby will be one too?"

"That I can't really help you with."

"He took me to meet his parents. That's why I wasn't taking the potion. How could I make a potion at his parents' house? Muggles don't drink murky, green things."

"Er, Sara, why are you telling me this?"

Sara's head snapped up. "What? I-- I don't know. I'm just really worried about it."

"You know who you should talk to, someone who has married a Muggle. They would know how to have that conversation." Vivian purposefully "forgot' to mention that her mother was one such person.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because I am a nice person. Why is that so hard for people to believe?"

"You're having an affair with your best friend's husband, Lucius Malfoy, who is the cruelest son of a--"

"Right, I have to go now. Good luck with that whole Muggle thing." Vivian turned quickly on her heel and headed for the laboratory.

When she arrived there Carl opened his mouth to speak, but Vivian held up a hand to stop him. "Sirius and Remus are not gay."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was finally happening. After eight months, Severus was finally moving into his own house. Using money from the Death Eater coffers, the Dark Lord had set Severus up in a place more suitable for potion research. Vivian would have been slightly offended if it weren't for the fact that she now had her living room and kitchen back. Or at least she would as soon as all of Severus's stuff was gone. Vivian sat on the floor and surveyed the living room. How had she not noticed before how many things Severus had? She had been passing him the last of it through the Floo network for the last half hour. Every time she thought she was done she found something else of his. From where she was sitting Vivian could see a book that had been pushed under the couch, which was odd because she had looked under that couch five times already. Still feeling dizzy from all the Flooing, Vivian tried to make out the tiny words on the binding. What Went Wrong: Troubleshooting for Even the Most Difficult Potions. Since when had Severus ever needed a troubleshooting guide? She reached for her wand, realizing too late that it was on the kitchen table. So instead of summoning the book to her, she scooted over to the couch and reached for it. She was about to open the cover when she heard Severus's voice come from behind her.

"Did we get everything?"

She held up the book for him to see. "Is this yours?"

"Yes, actually it is."

Vivian turned around to look at her brother's head, which was floating in the fireplace. "Having trouble with your potions?" she asked innocently.

"No. Hold on." Severus pulled his head out of the fireplace. Ten seconds later Vivian heard a loud crack outside her door and Severus walked in. "It's a reference guide."

"I know that."

He took the book out of her hand. "No, I mean for my research. I thought it would be helpful to study the accidents and their effects."

Vivian got to her feet. "What are you researching?"

"A potion for the Dark Lord."

Vivian smiled. He was being deliberately vague. "I see. And what effects are you hoping it will have?"

"That's top secret Death Eater business. If you want to know more, you should become a Death Eater."

"Wow, I haven't heard that since I broke up with Evan. I don't want to be a Death Eater."

"But you want to know everything we do. Did it ever occur to you that it would be safer for you to be kept in the dark?"

"I'm just curious. These things fascinate me, but I understand if it's a secret."

"Everything we do should be secret. Lucius is just an idiot to shoot his mouth off."

Vivian cocked her head to the side and smiled. She did not know how to manipulate the conversation or where to lead it. He wasn't at all suspicious of her. "He shoots his mouth off to me. It's not like he's going around telling everyone everything."

"He's very indiscreet where you're concerned. He told Rosier that he was having an affair with you."

"That's because he was only with me to rub it in Evan's face. Evan would have to know for that to work."

"You know about that?"

"I figured it out. Do you know why, what Evan did?" she asked eagerly.

"Yes, but it's a Death Eater secret."

"Since when are you all about secrecy? You used to tell me things all the time."

"So you don't care that Lucius was using you? I figured you didn't know."

"And you didn't bother to tell me. That's great, Severus." Vivian suddenly realized that Bellatrix would have known too. That made Vivian feel so stupid for telling her that she was in love with Lucius. "I could kind of tell in the beginning, but it's not like that now. He's not still with me for Evan's sake. Unless it was that bad. What did he do?"

"It was rather bad. He screwed up a mission and made Lucius look bad. Lucius, as the leader, received a Cruciatus Curse. You don't quickly forget the Cruciatus."

Something didn't quite add up to Vivian. "So he stole Evan's girlfriend? That doesn't seem reciprocal."

"He shagged Evan's girlfriend. Everyone now thinks of her as a whore. Lucius proved she... is a whore, but she wouldn't even sleep with Rosier."

"Does talking about her in third person help you pretend it's not me?"

"A little."

"Still, that doesn't make sense. It's not as bad a Cruciatus."

"Lucius couldn't reciprocate in any normal way. It would look like he was trying to shift blame. That would have been worse for him. It's not the same. I'm sure it's barely satisfactory for Lucius, but Rosier considered himself quite talented with women. The fact that you kept putting him off was a sore spot for him and Lucius poured salt in the wound."

Although the conversation had shifted, Vivian wasn't sure if she was happy with where it had gone. She had to remind herself that she was just using Lucius and it didn't matter why the opportunity had presented itself. "Barely satisfactory for Lucius? He gets to have sex with me."

Severus made a face. "Please, that's disgusting. This whole conversation disgusts me. Listening to Lucius at the meetings... It made me wish I could shag his sister just to make him understand how disturbing it is to hear about."

"Too bad Portia's--" Vivian swallowed an insulting comment--"um, not going to go for that."

"You know, Vivian, you can do better than Lucius."

This took Vivian completely by surprise. "I thought you worshiped Lucius."

Severus sat in the armchair. "Maybe I did, but I don't anymore. I was a child. Lucius is just as fallible as anyone else."

"Trust me, I of all people realize that."

There was a long, slightly awkward pause before Vivian said, "Let's look around for anything else of yours. I want this to be the final 'last trip.'"