Harry Potter and the Curse of Ages

Chapter 2 Helping Hands

With the aid of magic and the girls' dorm tower slide, it didn't take long for them all to get each other's things down to the common room. Then they all helped Harry move to his quarters, which were only a floor above the Room of Requirement, and a few corridors away. The front room was a pleasant office with several floor-to-ceiling windows. Through the back was a residential suite, with a bedroom as spacious as what he had shared for seven years, a sitting room with couches and squashy armchairs, similar to those in the Gryffindor common room but in better condition, and a large, rather luxurious bathroom. All the rooms had large fireplaces. The walls were covered with tapestries with famous historical quidditch games being played out on them. Lighting was provided either by large torches set in brackets along the walls or by candles or lanterns. The residential rooms all had several tall but narrow windows, with ledges deep enough to sit in. The windows had thick glass, since they were so exposed to the weather, but could be opened. The parlor also had a balcony looking over the lake and much of the forest, with a door that could be secured against the weather.

Ron and Hermione looked around the room with curiosity, never having seen a teacher's residence at the castle before, but Ginny had an especial look of interest on her face. "Nice, very nice - I could feel very much at home here." Ron glared at her, but before he could start up, Hermione interrupted.

"Do you think all the teachers have apartments like this, Harry?"

"I dunno. I imagine there's a certain amount of adjustment for the individual teacher. You've got to figure Flitwick would have smaller furniture and stuff. I'm sure Firenze has a magical forest in the castle. McGonagall would probably fit in a place like this, but I can't imagine Snape with a place so well-lit and with windows and a balcony."

"Snape would shrivel in agony in a flat like this," agreed Hermione. "Well, let us know if you see any others while you're here, if it won't be betraying confidences. It's interesting to know what makes a person feel at home.

Last to be moved was the portrait of Sirius. Harry wanted to carry that himself. He carefully wrapped it in the old sheet he hung over it at night and they all set off. The others went on ahead of Harry holding the doors. Just as Harry came through an arch in front of a set of stairs, Peeves the Poltergeist put his hand up through the floor and grabbed the trailing edge of the sheet. Harry was jerked back and nearly dropped the portrait. With the knack for timing which the staircases so often displayed, the set of stairs Harry had been just about to step onto shifted, carrying Ginny, Ron and Hermione with it.

As he worked to wrest the corner of the sheet from Peeves' grasp, Harry did not notice that the movement of the staircase had suddenly rendered him perched on the edge of a multistory precipice. He heard the other's calls but in his frustration with Peeves, Harry thought they were just encouraging him, rather than warning him. Suddenly there was a great whistling sound, and seemingly out of nowhere, a large medieval halberd swished inches past Harry's head, cutting off the corner of the sheet that Peeves had grabbed. Then as Harry started to fall backwards, still unaware of just how far the fall would be, the halberd swept around and used its handle to set Harry back on his feet. Finally with a friendly wave of its blade - at least somehow it seemed friendly to Harry, as if a vicious medieval war ax could be amiable - it used its spear point to stab Peeves's hand, which was still holding the sheet corner, causing him to curse loudly, and then flew off again.

"Merlin's wand! What was that?" said Harry.

Ron and Ginny shrugged, but Hermione looked thrilled beyond words as she exclaimed, "I've finally seen it - now my Hogwarts career is truly complete!"

"Seen it? - you knew about that thing!?' asked Ginny with amazement.

"Of course, haven't you ever read ..."

"Hogwarts: A History," intoned the others, imitating Hermione's exasperation with those who had not read, much less memorized, that vast volume.

"I'll take that as a 'no'," replied Hermione curtly. Then she resumed her excitement, "I had read about it, but I didn't think I would ever see it!"

"Okay, Granger, you want to tell me what came so close to cutting my head off," said Harry.

"Oh, it wouldn't hurt you, Harry. It only helps: it's the Random Axe of Kindness."

"The ... what!?"

"The Random Axe of Kindness!" bubbled Hermione. "Helga Hufflepuff bewitched it after it had been used in an attack on Salazar Slytherin by a muggle soldier who came upon him talking to snakes. Slytherin had been caught by surprise, but Godric Gryffindor and Rowena Ravenclaw had seen the soldier nosing around, so when he started to attack, they disarmed him."

"Ah, so they took the halberd away from him - didn't he have another weapon?" asked Ginny.

"No, you misunderstood me - they literally disarmed him - both arms taken off, right at the shoulder. Most forms of magic, especially defensive spells, were not nearly as developed as we have today. They were really quite crude, in fact. The man died, bled to death still cursing at them. This was in central England, in Mercia, before the Anglo-Saxon kingdoms had been united. That was what convinced them to build Hogwarts far from hostile prying muggle eyes. Gryffindor and Slytherin worked on the defensive charms of the castle, while Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff worked on the disillusionment charms and other spells that keep muggles away from Hogwarts and Hogsmeade, and allow them to see only bleak ruins even if somehow they do get in the vicinity."

"Okay, so what's the deal with the axe?" asked Ron.

"Ah, they wanted a memorial of the founding event of Hogwarts. Slytherin wanted to bewitch the ax to cut the head off any muggle that came within two day's march, but the others felt the other protections would be enough. They felt that making it aggressive would not be a proper symbol for the school. They also didn't like Slytherin's definition of muggle - 'not of wizard and witch born' - since that would include muggleborns and even first-generation half-bloods."

"He was a real sweetheart, wasn't he?" said Ron.

"I know it sounds awful, but he came by the bitterness fairly - his entire family was wiped out in a sneak attack by muggles being led by a muggleborn who thought his powers, which included seeing through the Slytherin family enchantments, were a divine gift to enable him to wipe out the evils of witchcraft. So Helga Hufflepuff said that they needed to rise beyond the resentments and anger of the attacks and suggested that the halberd be bewitched to go contrary to its muggle purpose and instead to do kindness. That was agreed to by a 3-1 vote."

"Gee, I wonder how that vote split?" asked Harry sarcastically. By now the staircase had begun to shift again, and he was able to rejoin the others, still carrying the portrait, which was no longer covered by the sheet. "So why haven't we seen it before?"

"Well, as I told you, many forms of magic were relatively crude at the time. It seems to hide away most of the time, and then appear on rare occasions when someone needs something cut or stabbed, and then it disappears again. It's one of the few objects that can affect Peeves, and it seems to take special delight in thwarting and punishing him."

Ron nodded appreciatively. "This place could use about 20 of those to control Peeves."

"I'm glad to have heard all that," said Sirius's portrait.

"Why, Sirius? Did you have a run-in with the Random Axe of Kindness?" asked Harry.

"I did indeed. You know the cloister in the castle walls nearest to the Whomping Willow? We Marauders used to stop in there when we were returning from Hogsmeade via the passage under the willow if we needed to relieve ourselves and couldn't make it into the castle."

"Butterbeer will do that," observed Ron, grinning.

"Especially if you have more than a couple," agreed Sirius. "Well, Severus had spied us doing that, so he decided it would be fun to cultivate a Devil's Snare in the crevice that runs about three feet high around that portion of the walls. Very early one morning after the full moon had passed, we were returning and had to make our accustomed stop. Truth be told, we usually stopped there even if we could have made it to the castle - just a little coda to cap off each adventure."

"Yes," said Ginny dryly. "Having so many brothers I've noticed that boys seem to think peeing outdoors is some sort of an accomplishment, a celebration of manhood."

Ron and Harry both looked every which way but at the girls, both working hard to suppress Cheshire Cat grins. Neither Ginny nor Hermione could stop themselves from laughing at the boys' reaction.

Sirius joined in the laughter and cautioned them. "Girls, if that is the worst that those two do to celebrate their manhood, you should consider yourselves blessed. Trust me - we men often do foolish things in the quest to prove what we are."

"Fools?" asked Hermione.

Ron and Harry put on looks of mock hurt and shock.

"From your viewpoint, it may seem that, but then, your definition of being fools is primarily 'not being women.' Well, we aren't women. Men feel the need to be somewhat untamed at times. Too much placid domesticity chafes us," said Sirius. Then his tone turned darker, "It was getting to me when I was confined to my parents' home."

"So, anyway, Sirius," said Ron, deliberately changing what he knew was a sore subject for both Harry and Sirius, "you were in the cloister watering the Devil's Snare."

"Ah, yes, so the Devil's Snare did what it does - it reached out and grabbed what was available. At first it was kind of amusing - yes, we should have known better, - but then it started to squeeze - I'm sure you know that is not someplace you want more than a gentle squeeze. Other tendrils had sprouted around our trousers - we weren't wearing robes because of our transformations - so we couldn't get to our pocket knives or wands. We tried our animagus transformations, but we were still in the same fix, so we changed back. Even Wormtail could not chew or wriggle free. Then Remus cried out in pain, and all of a sudden that blessed freaky axe came from above, cut the tendrils from the plant and we were able to unwind them. We spent the next four days walking like we had terrible rashes on our privates. I'll never forget Severus's smug look when he saw us."

"I hope you got him back," said Harry.

"Oh, yeah, we did," said Sirius, with obvious relish. "But I'll tell you that another time. I think you'd find it too embarrassing if I told it in mixed company."

"That's not fair!" protested Ginny. "I need to know more ways to get revenge on boys!"

"Nothing doing," said Ron. "You're already dangerous enough!"

She grinned wickedly. "I'll get it out of him, eventually, Ronnie dear. Remember, I'll be back next year, and I think there's a good chance Harry will invite me to his place at least once or twice."

Ron glared at Harry, who shrugged and replied, "What would you do?" Then he turned to Hermione, "So that thing is called the Random Axe of Kindness." She nodded, grinning again over having seen the legendary object. "You do know that's the stupidest thing I have ever heard of, don't you?"

She shrugged. "Maybe so, but there you have it."

Finally they made their way to Harry's office and got Sirius's portrait hung over the office fireplace. "Now no one can deny I'm well-hung!' said Sirius, erupting into his barking laughter. The others groaned.

Next Ron and Ginny were off. They realized it would be easier to just use the common room fireplace connection to the Floo Network to go to Grimmauld Place than to try to move everything far enough from the castle so they could apparate. They had never found the Floo Network as unpleasant as Harry did, perhaps because they had grown up with it, so they didn't mind.

Hermione and Harry helped take things and chatted a few minutes with Mrs. Weasley before returning to Hogwarts. Mr. Weasley was not available, as he was keeping very busy coordinating the arrangements for security and eventual trials for all the prisoners from the battle, as well as using the upheaval as an opportunity to secure better relations amongst all the magical beings of Britain. Mrs. Weasley told him he should come anytime he wanted. Harry said he thought he would be able to come on the weekend and promised to send an owl message when he had a better idea of when he could come. After Harry and Hermione returned to the school, Harry wrote a short note to Ginny and attached it to Pig's leg and sent him on to Grimmauld Place.

Finally Harry helped Hermione take her things out of the castle. They had considered using the Floo back to Grimmauld Place and then apparating from there, but Harry remembered the anti-apparation charms which had been placed on it. If they had to take things out of a building, they could do so as well at the school and avoid the Floo.

Hermione only needed a couple of trunks: one for her clothing and personal effects and one for books she had accumulated over the years. Harry was surprised she didn't have more, but Hermione said that she had resold most of her textbooks to other students or Flourish and Blotts. She had gotten more comprehensive reference books covering the material, so she did not need the texts. Hermione was to apparate to her room at her parents' house with the cases, but she needed Harry to take Crookshanks.

Hermione apparated first so Harry could guide off of her wand. Crookshanks purred in Harry's arms until Harry apparated to Hermione's room. Whether it was apparating itself or the sudden dislocation of being in a new place, but the process upset Crookshanks, who dug his claws into Harry's arms and chest, then scratched viciously attempting to remove himself as quickly as possibly to a hiding spot.

"Harry!" scolded Hermione, as Harry stood there with bleeding streaks on his arms and chest, "What did you do to Crookshanks?"

"What did I do!?" asked Harry incredulously. "I just apparated. Your cat's just raked half of my body."

Suddenly there was a rapping at the door. "Hermione?"

"Oh, hi, Mum. I guess Hogwarts got you back in one piece," said Hermione as she opened the door.

"Yes, dear. I ... Eep! Hermione, is that you? What's happened to your hair?"

Harry laughed. Hermione had no more than a day's growth of stubble on her head, eyebrows, etc. after accepting being hexed by Ginny in punishment for mistakenly leading Harry to believe that Ginny had only posed as his girlfriend to give him emotional support as part of the war strategy; Ginny had chosen the 'Depiliate' hex, which removes all of a person's hair. "I had gotten used to her that way. I forgot it would be a surprise here."

"I, um, sort of lost a bet after you and Daddy left. Don't worry: it'll grow back in."

"Can you ... do something?"

Hermione smiled. "No, Mum, I agreed fair and square. I don't take anything or cover it up."

Mrs. Granger peered closely at Hermione's face. "But you don't even have eyelashes or eyebrows," she said incredulously. "Somehow that's more disturbing than your bald head. Couldn't you at least use an eyebrow pencil and false eyelashes?"

"I'll write a letter to Ginny, Mum, and ask her about it. Anyway you were saying about how Hogwarts got you and Dad back here."

"Oh, yes, I must say your magical transports take some getting used to. They gave us 'muggle' parents a ride in this enormous purple bus, which looked like a lot of fun at first, but got very old very quickly."

"I can imagine. It's no better for us: you should try a broom, Mrs. Granger," offered Harry.

"Oh, Harry, no, thank you. I'll have something a bit more substantial between me and the ground. Now, Hermione, dear, you know the rules of the house about having boys in your room."

"Oh, but Mum, it's just ... Harry."

Harry feigned offense. "Well, I like that!"

"Oh, Harry, you know what I mean. There's no more going on with us than between me and Crookshanks."

Harry grinned. "Not even that - if you petted me as much as you do Crookshanks, Ron would turn purple."

Mrs. Granger turned up a corner of her mouth at that. "Still, Hermione, it's not really a matter of trust. If it were, we wouldn't have let you go off to school."

"If you knew the half of it," said Harry under his breath, with a hand strategically in front of his mouth, getting kicked by Hermione in the process.

"It's a matter of proper appearances, dear," continued Mrs. Granger. "Just as when your father and I unwrap the fresh dental instruments in front of our patients rather than in the lab, so that they know everything is sterile. Nice girls don't leave bad impressions."

"Yes, Mum," said Hermione. "Harry was only here to help me bring my things. It seemed better to apparate to my room than the front porch. The neighbors would take to that even less sanguinely."

"I'm just leaving anyway," said Harry.

"Not before we clean those scratches," said Mrs. Granger. "I take it Crookshanks doesn't care for magical transports either."

"Well, he's never been apparated, Mum. It came as a surprise."

"You've mentioned this apparating before - what's it like?"

Harry apparated right behind her and said, "It's great!"

Mrs. Granger jumped. "How did you do that?"

"Erm, magic."

"Well, I know that, but how does it work?"

"I just think intensely about where I want to be, ..."

"It's not quite that, though, Harry," said Hermione, as she apparated right next to him, "you have to believe you are there."

"Yeah, that's more to the point."

Mrs. Granger tilted her head at them. "But how can you believe you are there when you know you're not?"

"Mum, I guess the best way to explain it is to say that if you know it will be so if you believe it is so, then you can believe it is so, because you know it will be."

"Well, that clears it all up," said Mrs. Granger, smiling and rolling her eyes. "Well, come to the bathroom, Harry. Looks like you need to pull off your shirt for us to get at them all."

Mrs. Granger cleaned up all the scratches with antiseptic and checked that none of them were deep enough to require dressings. Every time she would dab an open cut with antiseptic, Harry would twitch and wince.

Mrs. Granger smiled at him. "What's the matter, Harry, can't take a little pain? I need to do this, you know."

"I'm alright, Mrs. Granger. I reckon I'm still just a little jumpy from the battle."

When she was done, Harry thanked her, gave Hermione a hug and a promise to owl her about plans for the summer and disapparated back to the edge of Hogwarts' grounds.