Harry/Draco: The Epic Poem

On a dark stormy night

Amidst painful emotions

Draco was messing

With forbidden potions.

He should've known better

He should've been wise.

But delusions of grandeur

Had blinded his eyes.

Draco drank his concoction.

"Oh heavens above!"

He screamed to the night sky:

"I think I'm in love!"

Now love for poor Draco

Was somewhat a mystery

Just look at his miserable

Family history.

His terrible father

Liked practicing curses

On poor little Draco

Instead of singing him verses.

His mother, a shallow

Cold-hearted ice-queen

Drugged out of her eyeballs

Since age of sixteen.

But most painful of all

Was a handshake rejected.

Those emerald orbs

Had Draco affected.

The struggle within

Had been going for years.

Hatred and insults

And secret night-tears.

He thought he had beaten

His secret desire

But forbidden potion

Rekindled the fire.

"Oh Potter, you rotter

now look what you've done.

I've fallen in love

with the one I must shun."

Now Draco decided

On his plan of action.

"I must never give

to this fatal attraction."

He buried his longing

Deep down inside.

But whenever he saw

Harry, he had to hide.

*

Now Harry, for his part,

Never knew he was gay.

It was something that hit him

On one fatal day.

He thought, "Hey, wait a minute!

That Cho is a hag!

How could I ever

Think her worthy to shag?

And Ginny is pretty

No doubt about that.

But somehow her image

Leaves me feeling quite flat."

Then he looked up and saw him,

The silver-eyed god.

Harry felt something stirring.

"Jesus, Malfoy is hot!"

Then he thought, "Did I think that?"

And he screamed in disgust.

But there was no controlling

This terrible lust.

Thinking he was insane

He checked into St Mungo's.

Eating remedies sweet

Of root, herb and fungus.

Ron, Hermione came over

And they tried to convince him

To go straight back to Hogwarts,

But he just wouldn't listen.

And then, one dark night

To make matters much worse

You-Know-Who came to visit

With a terrible curse.

He said, "Potter, you know now,

Your soul will be mine.

Your friends cannot save you

Or your powers divine.

You will never defeat me

And your powers will serve

My great darkness eternal.

And it's what you deserve."

Harry burst into tears

In a fit of despair.

"I have failed all mankind

and it just isn't fair!"

*

Miles away, back at Hogwarts

Draco felt something stirring.

His heart was a-flutter

And his passions were burning.

And across all those miles

He could hear his love calling.

And the pain Draco went through

Was just simply appalling.

He said, "Harry, I'm coming!

Don't you worry, my love.

I can too be a hero

When the push comes to shove."

He jumped onto his broomstick

And he flew through the night

Determined this one time

To do what was right.

He defied his own father

And that very same day

He renounced the name "Malfoy"

And confessed he was gay.

Then he challenged the Dark Lord

Yes, he fought You-Know-Who.

Voldie said, "Join the dark side!"

Draco told him, "Fuck you."

Over rooftops and dungeons

Through lane, alley and street

They fought daily and nightly

Until Draco was beat.

At the feet of the Dark Lord

He fell onto his knees.

Tired, broken and wandless

With no strength left to sneeze.

Voldie stood there triumphant

His face shining with glee

When he heard Harry Potter.

"You forgot about me."

Harry said, "I'll help Draco.

With our powers combined

We'll be ten times the stronger

As I'm sure you will find."

Draco felt a new courage

And he got to his feet

And fought bravely with Harry

For the Dark Lord's defeat.

When the battle was over

They shared true love's first kiss.

And they lived ever after

In perpetual bliss.

Until one happy morning

Harry threw up his food

He said, "You might've noticed

My unusual mood."

For his stunning announcement

Harry's tone was quite mild.

He said, "Draco, my dearest,

I am having your child."