Life Is For Living

****

The next morning, she made her usual trek up to Dumbledore's office to pick up her assignments to make up for her Defense Against the Dark Arts grade. After giving the password to the gargoyle and watching it hop aside, she stepped onto the moving staircase. Thinking about what she was going to say to Dumbledore proved to be more difficult than she thought. She didn't want him to be worried about her stupid dream when the Tournament was about to begin. But then, what if it hadn't been a dream?

She stepped onto the landing and knocked on the large wooden door. Dumbledore's voice sounded, allowing her entrance. But when she walked inside, she didn't plan on what she saw. Sitting in front of Dumbledore's desk, was Andrew Bell. Katie stood, her feet glued to the floor, and the door swung open in front of her. Her father moved to stand when Katie found her voice.

"Don't come near me," she said, her voice shaking.

"Katie, I-" Andrew started to say, but Dumbledore was on his feet.

"Mr. Bell, I advise that you not speak to Katie. She has a very wicked tongue and I'm sure she's not afraid to use it on you."

Katie looked at the Headmaster with appreciation as her father backed down.

"Now, Katie, you are here for your assignments, are you not?" he said opening a drawer beside him.

"Yes, sir."

After sifting through the pieces of parchment for a few moments, Dumbledore emerged victoriously. "Ah, here it is. I believe you'll find this one most interesting," he said holding out the papers for Katie to take.

Katie walked forward with difficulty, watching her father out of the corner of her eye. As she took the papers, Andrew reached out and touched her robes. Katie rounded on him, eyes cold, yet blazing in anger.

"Don't touch me. You never earned that right," Katie spat at him, "I just had these robes laundered."

"Katie, I am your father. Not some scum-"

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, Andrew," Katie said looking down at him in disgust, "I know all about your past. You're a former Death Eater who was released, and you couldn't even follow through on the promise you gave Voldemort," Katie said enjoying seeing her father flinch at the sound of Voldemort's name, "You are scum. You couldn't even stand up to my mother and you expect me to have any sort of respect for you. You're nothing. You're dirt."

She felt Dumbledore rest a hand on her shoulder. "I warned you, Mr. Bell, about her tongue," he said and Katie could hear the grin in his voice, "You may go, Miss Bell. And Professor Snape may hold you after class today, although he might wait to talk to you."

"Thank you, Professor," Katie said turning her back on her father and walking from the office.

Forgetting all about telling the Headmaster, Katie stormed through the halls, head held high, angrily wiping at the tears that fell from her eyes. How dare he come here and expect forgiveness from her. When had he earned her respect? Katie shook her head of that thought and continued on to Gryffindor Tower. She had plenty of time before lunch to write to Remus at least.

She settled down in an armchair and started to write. She inquired about Remus; how he was and that sort of thing. Asked if he'd heard from Sirius. She caught him up on all her recent developments; the dreams, the visions, the odd feelings around Professor Moody, and the truth she had found out about her parents and how she had discovered it. And then she told him, in detail, about her dream. Everything she could remember about the odd house, the odd behavior of Mrs. Weasley, and the fact that Sirius had obviously been killed. She told him about the pain in her head afterwards and how she feared it had been a vision more than just a nightmare. She also told him how she planned to tell Dumbledore, but how her plans had been squashed by her father's presence.

She wrote in a cramped style to keep it from being too long so she could send it with Hekate. She had written Remus a tiny note about her, so he'd know Hekate was hers. Even though Snape had told her not to, she had seen Ron sending his tiny owl off with letters to Sirius, so she figured she'd give Hekate the opportunity. Folding up the letter in a very small square, she wrote R. J. L. on the top square and walked up to her dormitory. Tying it up like a tiny package with a bit of string from her drawer, she knotted the top, leaving a bit of string to tie around Hekate's leg. She walked over to the cage and Hekate hooted happily.

"Do you want to deliver a letter for me?" Katie asked and giggled as the tiny owl hopped toward the door of the cage excitedly at her words.

"Ok, good," she said opening the door to the cage, "Hold still."

Hekate stuck out her leg and allowed Katie to tie the letter to her.

"It's not too heavy is it?" Katie asked worriedly.

Hekate took flight and zoomed around the room before landing on Katie's shoulder and hooting in response. Katie laughed.

"Alright, I underestimate you," she said walking over and opening the window, "Make sure this gets to Remus Lupin, and no one intercepts it."

Hekate hooted and hopped to the ledge, looking back at Katie.

"Go on, and come back safe, ok?"

Hekate hooted in understanding and flew off out the window. Katie watched until she was out of sight, to make sure she was alright, before closing the window. She walked back down into the common room and put her parchment and quill back in her bag before hoisting it over her shoulder. She walked out of Gryffindor Tower and down to the Great Hall, to wait for everyone else. Sitting in her usual seat, she grabbed an apple and got out Dumbledore's assignment to go over while she waited.

"'Take the attached pass for the Restricted Section. Find the book, "Dark Magic from the Middle Ages". Learn the Curse of a Thousand Knives. Write one roll of parchment on the history of the curse and how it is used and performed. Be prepared to perform the curse itself.'," Katie read quietly as she bit into her apple.

She hastily looked for the due date. Finding it, she sighed in relief. Two weeks from now. That was a reasonable amount of time. Dumbledore had been having her learn curses as assignments for the past two months now. She would perform it in his office on a dummy of some sort, and then they would discuss what she had written as her essay (which usually turned into a lengthy conversation, if the Headmaster didn't have any meetings planned). She liked the hands-on aspect of actually learning these curses and spells first and then discussing their pro's and con's. Katie thought that's how Remus might have taught her. But she reckoned Dumbledore was doing this for her own protection more than anything. Or perhaps seeing how she could handle his assignments, along with Charms, and tutoring Cedric. To test her capacity. Smiling at the thought, she put the paper away in case anyone were to come along and see her extra studies.

By the time she had finished her apple, the bell rang and Katie could hear the stampede of students approaching the Great Hall. As the filed in, her mind went to what Dumbledore had said about Snape. Why would he want to speak to her? Maybe to see how the potion had worked? She snorted. 'Oh, it worked all right,' she mused, 'Now I dream my visions and they're more complex. Joy.' Fred plopped down across from her a moment later, shaking her from her thoughts.

"Write to Remus?"

"Yeah," Katie said pulling her hair out of its tight ponytail and searching for her brush in her bag, "Sent it off with Hekate. I meant to say something to Dumbledore, but I got a surprise when I went to get my assignment."

She ran the brush through her hair and laughed sadly at Fred's expectant face. "Not a good surprise, mind you."

Once Lee, Angelina, Alicia, and George showed up, Fred glared at her. "Can you tell me now?"

Katie put her brush away and looked around at the rest of her friends, who now looked like Fred did. She sighed.

"Alright. My dad was here."

Fred narrowed his eyes and Katie saw his hands curl into fists on the table. Angelina was the only one who spoke.

"You ok?"

Katie looked at her sadly. "I yelled at him. I mean, really let him have it. I suppose he gets it now, how I feel I mean."

Angelina nodded and placed a and on Fred's arm. "Calm down there, Fred."

Fred shot her a look. "Did you ever meet her dad?" he asked, and when Angelina shook her head, he continued, "He's a disgrace of a human being. A coward. He used to come and pick Katie up from our house."

Katie flinched remembering how much Fred hated her father. She heard George laugh.

"Yeah, and Katie's mum would be ordering him around. Honestly, it was rather amusing."

"Which is why I feel bad yelling at him," Katie said honestly, looking at her plate, "It was all my mum really."

"No excuse," Fred said curtly, "He's a bastard, Katie, for not standing up for you."

Katie nodded. "Suppose so."

Fred knew. Fred was the only person who had ever come to her house out of her friends. Summer after first year. He had seen first hand what went on in her house. And it had been a house, it had never been a home. The Burrow had been her home.

****

Dumbledore had been right, Snape did hold her after class.

"You're dismissed," he said scowling, "Except for Miss Bell. If you be so kind as to stay behind for a moment."

Katie nodded and gathered up her things.

"Do you want me to wait for you?" Angelina asked as she throw her bag over her shoulder.

"No, go on. I shouldn't be long," Katie said shooing her.

Angelina left with a wave and Katie walked up to the front of the classroom and sat her bag on one of the front tables. Snape erased the board with a flick of his wand and turned to look at her.

"Did you take that potion?"

"Yeah, I did," she said, dreading what his next question would be.

"Did it help?"

Katie sighed. "Actually, I'm not sure. I had an odd dream, but I got a really bad headache when I woke up. No weakness, but the headache was there."

Snape nodded. "Then it worked. Was the vision more detailed? With speech and the like?"

Katie nodded and paled. "So, it was a vision then?"

"Yes, why? What was it about?"

Katie grasped the table and blinked back tears. "Merlin, no," she said sadly.

Snape gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Katie, what did you see?"

Tears streamed down her face as she recounted the dream/vision to Snape.

"I wrote to Remus. Merlin, I'm not telling him that it was real. Oh, it would kill him," Katie said sobbing now.

Snape sat her in a nearby chair and went to close the door to his classroom. "Calm yourself, Katie," he hissed as he closed the door and locked it, "Maybe it was a fluke," he said, but through her tears, Katie could see the look on his face. He didn't believe a word he was saying to her.

Katie grabbed her bag and threw it over her shoulder. "I- I need some t- time to think," she said hiccoughing, and walking to stand in front of the door, "Unlock t- the door."

"Katie, just sit for a moment, and then you can go up to dinner."

"Unlock the damn door!" Katie yelled, more tears streaming down her face, "Please. This had not been a good day."

Snape pulled her into a hug the next moment. "I'm not going to unlock the door. I don't trust your mindset when you have bad days," he said quietly.

Katie's arms went around his middle and took advantage of the rare hug. "Thank you."

*

Severus closed his eyes against the emotion radiating off of her as she hugged him. He knew the shock had caused some of her tears, but what else had happened today? She didn't even know Sirius Black, and yet she was mourning his impending death?

Patting her back awkwardly, Severus looked down at the tiny blonde. She was so fragile, yet so strong for everything she had been put through.

'She's seen Black's death,' he thought as she clung tighter to him, 'Well, sort of. And while it would be a joyous day, I'll hold my tongue. She knows my thoughts of him, that's why she didn't want to tell me,' he thought alarmed, 'She didn't think that I'd care.'

Severus looked down at her again and sighed. Sometimes he felt as if she knew him better than anyone. She knew which topics not to breach, and ones that were safe. 'And she's not particularly scared of me,' he thought ruefully. Clearing his throat, he decided to see what had made her so upset.

"Katie?" he asked quietly.

Katie stepped back and looked up at him, a scared expression on her face.

Severus internally rolled his eyes. 'So much for her not being scared of me.'

"I- I'm sorry," she said looking everywhere but at him.

Severus held up a hand and sighed impatiently. "I just wanted to ask you something," he said, continuing when Katie looked up at him, "What else happened today?"

Katie's eye blazed in anger, and Severus tried to hide his shock at the change in his goddaughter. Her stance was more defensive and she radiated confidence.

"My father was here," she said looking at Severus, her brows furrowed, "He was in Dumbledore's office when I went to get my Defense assignment."

Severus watched in amazement as the confidence melted away and she looked like she was going to burst into tears again. And again, she wouldn't look at him.

"I yelled at him. Called him scum. And that he was nothing. And how did he expect me to have any respect for him."

Severus looked at her in amazement. "You shouldn't feel bad about that. I'm very proud of you. You should have stood up for yourself. That's more than he can say for himself."

He watched as she looked up at him, her eyes seemed to be seeking for any supportive reason for what she did. "Really?"

"Yes. He needed to hear those things. You did the right thing. He knows now that you don't need him or your mother."

*

Katie nodded and looked down at her feet. "Why would I need them? I've got you."

When Snape didn't say anything, she looked up at him and adjusted the strap on her bag.

"Well, I'll go," Katie said awkwardly, pulling out her wand and unlocking the door, "You should learn a new locking charm," she said as she shut the door.

As she walked up to dinner, she wondered if she'd said the wrong thing. He hadn't gotten angry, but he hadn't said anything at all. Shaking her head of all negative thought, she walked into the Great Hall and took her usual seat.

*

Severus stared at the door after Katie exited the room. Her words echoed in his mind. 'She relies on me. She counts on me,' he thought, 'She needs me.' He felt a smile come to his face as he walked over to his desk. As he tidied up a bit, putting away writings and books he didn't need anymore, he felt proud. Someone in this world didn't see him as a failure.