Let the Sun Shine Through

How to Smile

Lily gripped the handle of her suitcase tightly with her sweaty hand as she stepped off the bus and onto the sidewalk. Glancing around the corner bus stop, she saw many faces staring expectantly at the door of the bus but none were familiar to Lily. They looked past her, reaching out their arms to the stream friends and relatives that emerged onto the sidewalk. They shrieked with excitement and laughed as they embraced each other.

The joyful scene deepened the hole inside Lily. She sucked in a short breath, feeling hollow. Her strength seemed to flee from her when she stared down the road, anticipating the long walk ahead of her.

She moved the suitcase from one hand to the other and began to walk along the street. Cars whizzed by and people passed, talking intently with each other. They were all too busy to notice the lone girl.

Lily was tall, with deep red hair and eyes so vividly green, they always drew attention from anyone who looked into her face. With such features, she usually stood out among crowds but the gap that currently resided in her seemed to cast a shadow over her outward appearance. She felt small and young and lost.

It was unusually dark for an early evening in June. Thick, billowing clouds bloomed across the sky threateningly. Lily normally loved rain but now she suddenly had a deep, unexplainable fear of it. She prayed desperately for the endless grey to disperse and let the sun to shine through. If only she could see that beautiful bright star lighting up her path. The sky showed no signs of granting her wish, however, and she quickened her pace, wanting to hide away from the danger of the rain as quickly as possible.

Her feet took her off the busy street and onto an old, dirt road bordered by masses of trees and shrubbery. The road was so familiar, it ached. She imagined changing directions and going where she would not recognize anything around her...Where nothing hurled piles of memories into her heart like spears.

The road curved sharply and broke out of its woodsy surroundings. It swerved along the top of a long, winding wall of dunes that merged into a wide beach. The ocean was grey and wild. It smashed into the slimy rocks and exploded into little jewels of water. Lily breathed in the beloved salty scent and listened to the storm of splashes. She felt broken all over again, yet somehow healed at the same time.

Suddenly, a daringly strong, whipping wind started up. It thrashed her skin and clothes and ripped her hair from its tightly-wound elastic. The glossy mass flapped around her face. She closed her eyes gently but her soul seemed to awaken by the gush of wind. It softened to a breeze, tenderly caressing her face.

Lily continued to walk, slower than before. She stepped off the road and onto the soft sand. She slipped off her shoes and carried them as she made her way along the top of the dunes. In the hazy distance, the water was grey and raging. She walked and watched the rippling foam creep up the beach then retract back into the ocean.

Glancing up at the sky and seeing its amplified darkness, she shivered. She hurried around the final curve of the shore and her destination came into view. It was a small blue cottage, with a pointed triangular roof and a large porch set into the dunes. Lily stared at it apprehensively as she approached. Her throat tightened sharply. She had been yearning for this house for months yet now that it was in front of her, she feared the moment in which she would have to enter it.

Finally, she was standing on its doorstep, having dazedly stridden up the long drive that led up to it. With shaking hands, Lily fumbled through the pockets of her jackets until she clasped her fingers around a cold metal object. She held up the rusty key in front of her face before hastily shoving it into the hole in the doorknob.

Inside, the little house was so much darker than Lily remembered. In her dreams, it had been bright and merry, filled with joyous people, simply happy to be together, as it had always been--and should have been presently. There should have been a small gathering of people waiting for her with countless hugs and kisses and a bombardon of questions. There would be music and light and the delicious smells of home cooking. Lily looked around the dark kitchen as though expecting them all to jump out from behind the counter yelling, "Welcome home!" Then they would all burst into simultaneous laughter, blending together like the family they were...or had been.

But Lily was alone. No one was there to greet her.

She dropped the key on the table and set down her suitcase. Then she ambled into the living room and collapsed onto the couch. Exhaustion, lonesomeness, and anguish filled her as tears filled her eyes. She cried wrenchingly, sobbing and gasping. She didn't stop until at last, she fell into a sound sleep.

Lily dreamt that she was cuddled in someone's arms.

When she opened her eyes, she thought she was still dreaming. Sunlight was leaking through the cracks of the shades, shooting stripes of light across Lily's face. Distantly, she heard a sizzling sound and a soft whistle that danced its way through her ears and into her starving heart. Closing her eyes, she concentrated hard on the sounds so that she might hold on to this wonderful dream for little while longer.

The whistling grew louder. It was a cheerful tune, full of energy and warmth. It reminded her of someone, some faraway place in some faraway time when she had been happy.

Lily wanted to listen to the whistling forever but it drifted into silence and the sound of footsteps took its place. She strained her ears to hear where they might be going or what they could be doing but the noise had suddenly stopped. Now all was silent once again. Lily was surprised when the warm feeling in her soul wasn't replaced by the aged, dark one that had occupied it for the past few months.

For some reason she didn't feel lonely anymore. She thought it might be nice to get up and go for a walk in the sunshine, maybe take a dip in the ocean.

When she slid open her eyes, they immediately met a pair of hazel ones. Lily quickly blinked and took in the face of the man that was mere inches from hers. His bespectacled eyes and lips were smiling softly. His skin was smooth and pale, with a deep, comical indent in his left cheek. His head was tilted slightly to one side as he gazed into her face, and his jet black hair shot out in every direction.

She knew this face.

"Hello," he whispered gently.

Lily stared back at him. "Hello," she replied hoarsely, "James." The name tasted sweet in her mouth. "You were whistling?"

"I was," he said simply, his smile spreading into a grin. "Was it bothering you?"

She smiled and shook her head. The shake seemed to fully awaken her brain. "What are you doing here?"

"Waking you up."

"Really?" said Lily. "Now that you've succeeded in doing that, what are you going to do?"

"Get you off this couch."

"No, you're not going to be able to do that." Lily yawned and gripped the throw pillow she was snuggled against.

"You underestimate me." He leaned his elbow on the edge of the couch and perched his chin in his hand so that his face was even closer to hers. "Breakfast is waiting for you...and it's not going to wait much longer."

"I'm not hungry."

"Inconceivable," scoffed James. "You haven't eaten a decent meal in days."

"How do you know?" asked Lily, frowning.

"I know," he said complacently. He stood up to his full height. "I made bacon."

He was very tall and lean. Lily sat up and saw that his tall, lean body was covered in nothing but an undershirt and boxers.

"Wha--?" she began, now fully alert. "When did you get here?"

"Yesterday," he said nonchalantly, holding out his large hand to her.

"Yesterday?" she repeated, staring blankly at his hand. When she didn't take it, he shrugged and bent down over her. "Don't you dare..." said Lily as she realized what he was about to do. He simply chuckled and lifted her off the couch and into his arms. Lily shrieked, then laughed, throwing her head back. His arms felt familiar, somehow fitting, and as she felt the muscles of his arms and chest tighten against her, she felt safe. The laughter bubbling up in her throat was the first to come in such a long time.

James carried her into the kitchen and set her into a chair at the round table that was elegantly set for two. Mouth-watering aromas wandered into Lily's nose and a powerful feeling of hunger suddenly overtook her.

"Mmm..." she murmured heartily. She noticed a vase full of wildflowers perched at the center of the table as he let her down into a chair.

"Not hungry, eh?" said James smugly.

Lily looked at him. He had moved to the counter, and was buttering some toast. She felt indescribably radiant as she watched him, though she knew she must be a mess. He placed the toast on two plates and, sliding the plates onto his hands, he carried them to the table, whistling once again. He put one of the steaming plates of bacon and eggs in front of Lily before seating himself across the table with the other one. She shook some salt over the meal, and slowly, cut into the egg with her fork and put it in her mouth. It was true--she had eaten close to nothing for that past several days and it felt better than she would have imagined.

James smiled with satisfaction and began to eat his own breakfast. They ate in silence for a while, enjoying the food and not bothering to force a conversation.

"So...why exactly are you here?" asked Lily finally.

James smiled faintly and took a sip from the fat glass of orange juice. "I heard you were going home alone for the summer and figured you might need some company."

Lily cocked an eyebrow at him. "How did you get in while I was sleeping?"

"Do you really think a locked door has ever stopped me before?" returned James, giving her a look of great indignance.

Lily laughed and shook her head.

"How long are you going to stay?" she queried after a brief pause.

"How long do you want me to stay?"

Lily looked down at the crumpled napkin in her lap and shrugged casually. "Doesn't matter to me. I don't really need the company...But if you want to stay..."

"Good," James broke in matter-of-factly. "Because I don't have any plans of leaving quite yet."

"Really?" said Lily, looking closely at him. "So you're saying you came here simply on the assumption that I would welcome you?"

"Precisely," replied James.

As she finished the last of her meal, Lily leaned back and brought her legs up onto the chair so that they were folded against her chest. "Not a bad breakfast, James. By the way, where did you sleep last night?"

"Out on the porch," answered James, brightly standing up. "You know what? The water is just screaming my name right now. Let's go take a dip."

"No, thanks. It's probably freezing."

"Well, come on outside anyway. It's too nice to stay inside and what if I drown?" asked James, looking at her pleadingly.

Lily sighed. "I suppose I mustn't let you drown."

"That's right. Go on."

Lily went out onto the porch and curled up on a lounge chair. A few minutes later, James came out of the house in his bathing suit and bounded down to the water. He collided with a particularly large wave as it rolled toward the shore and then he dove underneath the untamed surface.

Lily wanted to join him but she had a dark, foreboding feeling that she would get lost in the big crashing waves. The ocean was so free and so alive: it was an antonym to everything in her heart. It would surely swallow her--a cold, withering piece of a broken life--in a matter of seconds.

James jumped up with a growing wave and lifted his arms into the air, beckoning to her. He fit right in with the ocean.

Lily smiled and hugged her legs. He had come and made her smile--even laugh a little. It was more than she had done in what seemed like ages. It had seemed so long she had wondered if she ever had the will again, whether or not she would remember how ease her face into a smile.

But she had done it...and it made her wonder what else she would remember.