The Confession of a Witch who has read \'Hogwarts, a History\'

The Confession of a witch who has read

Hogwarts, a History

Hermione Granger

f

February 1997

I have been told that looks don´t matter as long as one has a beautiful mind.

Fiddlesticks.

No one spared me a glance when I used to be improving my mind in the Library. Well, no one except Viktor Krum, but I will not go there, it´s a very uninteresting story with a very uninteresting ending.

One day I showed up at a Gryffindor Quidditch practice wearing tight flimsy little shorts and an old shirt my mother had given me for my eighth birthday. I had Harry drooling all over me before I even had the time to flip my hair in the sexy way I´d learned from Lavender Brown.

Of course I agree that looks aren´t everything. But it helps a bit, especially with such a clueless wizard as Harry. Not that Ron is much better when it comes to girls: `short´ and `tight´ are two adjectives invariably applying to the clothes of the girls he goggles at. I still remember his face when he discovered I had Transfigured his collection of Wizard´s Heaven magazines into mismatched smelly socks. I also had the good idea of conjuring away page 63 of the latest issue before he chanced upon it. I don´t think he would have appreciated seeing his little sister Ginny taming a Hungarian Horntail in a skin-tight leather suit.

But let´s forget about boys for a moment. They´re not that important after all, I´m sure that not even ten percent of the male population at Hogwarts has read Hogwarts, a History. Girls do much better in that respect. Not that I´m an enraged feminist or anything.

No. The only civic battles I engage in are those promoting better conditions of life for House Elves. Perhaps you´ve heard of S.P.E.W.? It stands for Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare. If you´re interested in joining us you can owl me at Hogwarts. You only need to send two Sickles and you´ll get a badge of the colour of your choice (for badges changing colour to always match what you´re wearing it´s one Sickle extra).

Other than that I live a pretty normal life: preparing for the N.E.W.T.S., doing all my homework conscientiously, cursing Draco Malfoy (in my thoughts most of the time. The boy is so damn sexy that it would be a crime to inflict any irreversible damage), clueing Ron and Harry on Life, vanquishing Evil every year or so... The usual.

I wrote a book last year. It made the top ten of Witch Weekly´s `Books a witch simply has to read´ list. I almost did as well as Gilderoy Lockhart with his Magical Me.

But it´s not as if I became famous all of a sudden: I chose to publish anonymously. A rather smart move in my opinion. After all, I didn´t want everyone to know that I was the author of a book called Quivering Hearts and Leather Corsets. I have a reputation to uphold, and imagine what my teachers would have said...well, nothing, come to think of it. They all have an embarrassing secret to hide, they wouldn´t want to be on my bad side. For example, you wouldn´t believe what book I found in Professor Snape´s office the last time we sneaked in with Harry and Ron. I won´t say anything here; I don´t want to fail my Potions N.E.W.T., thank you very much.

About my anonymous writing career...well...it all went down the drain when Ron took his revenge after I Transfigured his Wizard´s Heaven magazines. He somehow got his hands on the new story I was writing (The Witch and the Basilisk´s Master) and copied the juicy bits before exposing his `work´ on the common rooms notice boards. He took care of writing a catchy heading: `Exclusive extracts of a new story by the author of `Quivering Hearts and Leather Corsets´, our very own Hermione Granger, Gryffindor prefect.´

Even today, one year later, I still don´t know how he discovered my secret. My insistent questionings and bold taunts never got me anywhere with him. Not that my reputation suffered much after all. On the contrary, people started looking at me differently and I became quite popular. I don´t think there´s any shame in getting a bit of attention.

I even caught Professor Snape watching me with a speculative look as I was crushing snake fangs in his class shortly after Ron´s prank. Interesting man, Professor Snape. He would be a good base for a character in one of my stories. I´m still unsure about which identities of his I should use for my hero: the dark but sexy professor or the mysterious and efficient spy? Perhaps both. It would be all the more thrilling. I´m thinking dungeons...black robes...mask...manacles...and leather of course. You can´t have a good bosom-heaving romance without leather making an appearance.

I think I got a bit carried away for a moment there, I hope you don´t mind. I don´t even know who will be reading this. I just got that roll of parchment by owl with a note asking me to write my confession and informing me that another owl would come and pick it up in a little while. It was too tempting to resist. No one really knows me. I don´t doubt I will regret it later. I´ve never done anything so silly and unconsidered in my entire life.

It occurs to me that you might want to know what are my hopes and dreams. Well, first I hope I´ll pass all my N.E.W.T.s with flying colours at the end of the year and that I´ll find a nice place to live with my darling cat, Crookshanks, somewhere in the Wizarding world. That´s for the short term.

In the longer run I want to continue my career as a writer. Creating my own newspaper would be my first step once I have enough money to do so. I´ll dedicate a special section to Elfish Affairs so that my fellow witches and wizards will come to see the light. I truly believe S.P.E.W is promised to a brilliant future and, with the help of the newspaper, we´ll be able to reach most of the Wizarding communities in world.

Also, finding my very own wizard and founding a family has always been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I might have to cut on the bossy exterior a bit in order to secure said wizard though. I feel confident I can do it.

I suppose that helping Harry to defeat You-Know-Who ought to figure somewhere in my schedule. I can´t let him down on that one; he´s counting on me. But I´ve heard that the Dark Lord is a great admirer of my stories. I´d be loath to kill any amateur of good literature, and besides, I´m sure he´s read Hogwarts, a History several times (probably because he was looking for a way to break in and storm the castle, but the important point is that he´s read it). On the other hand he´s killed Harry´s parents and a lot of other people, and that´s bad. It´s a shame Tom Riddle turned bad really. He is a very clever wizard and, judging from the picture of him I found in Hogwarts´ Head Boys of the twentieth century, he must have looked very good in green.

Do you want to know where I picture myself to be five years from now? That´s easy. I´ll be in my small flat-or small house, I´m not a difficult girl-, lounging in a comfortable chair in front of a fire merrily cracking in the grate. Crookshanks is sleeping in my laps while I´m reading the last issue of `Wizarding World Weekly´. I´m very glad that the House Elves have just been granted their very own offices at the Ministry of Magic. My newspaper obtained an exclusive interview with Dobby, the first House Elf ever to work for the Ministry. The sun is setting and my engagement ring catches its last rays. I smile as I look at it fondly. I´m thinking that I´ll have to buy something special for the wedding night. Leather is definitely an option. A very tempting option.

Hermione Granger