Not That You Asked

He walked down the hallway alone.

He didn't care where he wound up.

She chose him.

He wasn't surprised.

He had expected it.

It would be easier this way.

Too many people would ask too many questions otherwise.

This way they could be happy together.

It's what he had said.

He would be miserable without her.

He would be happy for them.

They did deserve to be happy.

They deserved to be happy for each other.

They deserved to be happy with each other.

He wasn't surprised she had shown him the letter.

He was surprised he had the courage to write it.

He was surprised he had the courage to give it to her.

He found himself in the astronomy tower.

He looked out over the forest.

So many people came here to be together.

So many people came here together to be happy.

He was certain they had.

He hadn't ever bothered to try and spy on them.

He wasn't so desperate that he had overcome his resentment to ever follow them.

He let out a sigh as he looked out over the forest.

He watched the last rays of the sun setting through the trees.

He continued his wandering.

That's who I am, the boy who will wander forever.

Why had he bothered writing that letter?

It wouldn't really serve any purpose.

He knew he couldn't win her over.

He knew he couldn't tear them apart.

He knew he shouldn't even try.

But he had found himself compelled to tell her.

Compelled to tell her something.

Even though he knew it would amount to nothing.

He didn't want either of them to feel guilty.

And he knew they would feel guilty.

It was relief she had stayed with him.

He wouldn't want to force these feelings on anyone else.

And that's exactly what he had done.

He hated his life.

Every day that had led up to this one had been nothing in comparison.

The things his family had put him through were forgotten.

Petty slights that could be easily ignored.

All the dangers he had faced over the years fell by the wayside.

He never went looking for them, they found him on their own.

Those were mere obstacles, and now he was faced with another one.

He wondered if he really could get over it.

If he really could get over her.

He knew he didn't want to.

He felt like he never would.

He wandered the length of the castle several times.

The people he passed never looked up from their conversations.

Why should they? He wasn't their concern.

He passed the classroom he had earlier broken down in.

A momentary lapse of strength.

A brief moment of weakness.

He sat down in the corner, behind a pile of books.

He wished he had brought his cloak with him.

He could hide anywhere with it.

But he was safe here, behind the books.

He felt safe here because they were her refuge.

They were where she ran to when she needed comfort.

They were where she ran to when she needed solace.

They were a part of what made her who she was.

And he loved them for her.

Even when he couldn't love her.

He sat there in silence.

Alone, in the darkness.

He supposed they were curled up on his bed cuddling.

He supposed he was stroking her hair.

He imagined she was crying.

And he was trying to sooth her.

He suspected their dorm-mates would find it in themselves to give them some privacy.

Well, that's what he was doing.

Wasn't it?

So what if he couldn't face them.

So what if he didn't want to face them.

The summer would come soon enough and they would go their separate ways again.

He would go home to his family.

She would go traveling with hers.

He would go back to that corner bedroom.

He would go back and suffocate himself with his so-called family.

Best to get used to it now.

So he sat there.

Alone.

In the darkness.