Not That You Asked

He stood there in the dorm staring at him.

He stared right back at him.

They both watched as she ran from the room.

Neither ran after her.

Why didn't you say something?

Why didn't you?

You never asked.

I never thought.

You never do.

What does that mean?

I know you read the letter.

Why do you have to love her?

Because I do.

She's everything I've ever wanted.

She's everything I need.

You could have anyone! You know you could. My sister would kill to be with you.

I don't love your sister. I love her.

Why?

What why? Why do you?

Because she chose me.

That's no answer.

And what's your answer?

She kept me alive. You can't imagine what I went through.

You never told us.

You couldn't begin to understand.

Try me.

Do you really want to know?

Yes.

Do you really think you can comprehend?

Yes.

Do you really think you want to have my nightmares?

I...I...

That's what I thought. I know you think people see you as the sidekick. Trust me, it's better that way.

Why?

Because you'll be able to make her happy. You'll stay alive. Noone is trying to kill you.

That still doesn't explain things.

Do you know what it's like to be alone?

Do you know...

Yes or no. Do you know what it's like?

No.

Trust me, you have it so easy and you never realized it.

I know.

It doesn't matter. I can't be with her. I'd only wind up hurting her.

You've already done that.

I know.

So why do it? Why write her the letter?

Why didn't you tell me?

We did. We told you when we saw you.

Why didn't you tell me before?

I...We didn't want to bother you.

You didn't trust me you mean.

That's unfair.

But it's true. Isn't it?

Yes.

Why?

Because I wanted something for myself, something I didn't have to share with anyone.

You wanted to be happy.

Damn you! Why do you always have to be so right? Yes.

I am happy for you you know.

But you still want to be with her.

Yes.

But why?

Because she was the one person who cared enough to actually show me a piece of her heart.

And I didn't?

When? For the last week of the summer? Over Christmas? I suppose you wrote your Christmas card in invisible ink?

When haven't I been there for you?

Last year. But don't worry, she was, so I suppose you were there in spirit.

That's unfair.

But accurate.

Yes.

You're so lucky and you don't even know it.

How?

You have a family. You have her. You have everything.

And you have nothing?

Nothing that matters. Nothing I wouldn't give up in an instant for her. Nothing I wouldn't give up for what you have.

Damn you! Why do you have to be so noble? What do you want me to say?

I want you to tell me the truth.

What's that?

Do you love her?

Yes.

Does she make you happy?

Yes.

Then love her, and let her make you happy.

But...

If she's happy, if she's loved, then I can take something in that.

But...

I just wanted her to know. I just wanted her to understand. You too I suppose.

What are you gonna do?

Go on I suppose.

Go on where?

Haven't got a clue.

Damn you! You wreck our lives and you're going to walk away. You aren't even going to try? You're not going to tell her?

What would it serve? It'd make both of you miserable.

We already are.

If you really love each other, it'll pass.

And what if it doesn't you prat? And what if it doesn't?

You learn to live with it. If you can't be happy for yourselves, then be happy for me. It's the only thing I'm going to ask of you.

You're a selfish bastard you know?

How do you figure?

You write that letter, pour your heart out on your sleeve then announce you aren't going to do anything.

And what else should I do? Make you miserable so I can be happy?

It's what I did to you.

I know. But it's not what I'd do.

Damn you! Don't sacrifice yourself again. You know I won't be able to live with myself for this. Don't. You know what you're doing. You know what you're making me do.

You aren't under any spell you prat. I'm not making you do anything. If you love her, tell me to sod off. If you love her, then fight for her.

I can't fight you.

You have to.

I hate you.

Take that hatred and shove it. You can't sit back and do nothing.

I know.

So do something.

I don't want to. I hate you for putting us through this. I hate you for making me decide.

You're assuming she wants anything to do with me.

You honestly think she doesn't.

I don't know.

You know her better then that.

I thought I knew the both of you. I was wrong.

So what does that mean?

She loves you. She chose you. But neither of you told me a thing. Obviously you didn't trust me.

And we couldn't be happy for five minutes for ourselves?

You couldn't tell me before I arrived?

Would you have really have stayed with them if we had?

I don't know. Anything would be better then feeling like this.

What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry for loving her? I'm not.

I know.

Do you want me to be sorry for having a family? I'm not.

I know.

Do you know what I am sorry for? That you don't think you're a part of our family. You are.

I don't feel that way.

What do you want me to say? I'm sorry we forgot you at Christmas? We are. It was a lousy thing to do.

No it wasn't.

What do you mean?

Going home meant you didn't rub my nose in it. You didn't force me to watch you be together. You didn't remind me how miserable I feel.

What do you want me to do?

I want you both to forget about that letter. I want you to forget about this whole conversation. I want you to love her and be happy together.

I...

He can't do that, and neither can I.

She stood there at the doorway.

She had heard everything.

She flung herself at him and held onto him for her life.

Dejected, he walked out of the room in silence.