Not That You Asked

She stayed there holding onto him for what seemed like forever.

They had both heard him walk out of the room.

He was too shocked to look.

She was too ashamed.

She had wanted to run to him.

She had listened to the entire conversation.

She had wanted to run to him.

She wanted to treat him the way he deserved.

But she hadn't.

She couldn't help it.

She knew she was hurting him.

Why does he have to be so noble?

Why does he have to love me?

He was right, his sister would kill to be with him.

I'd die for him.

Instead I'm killing him.

This is turning into one of mum's romance novels.

When did my life turn into such rubbish?

When I decided to kiss him.

When he saved my life that time in the bathroom.

Whenever he does something selfish.

Whenever he sacrifices himself to save someone else.

Whenever he's flying and I see how much it lights up his eyes.

Whenever someone hurts him and I see his mood darken.

My life turned to rubbish the day I met him.

I'm supposed to be so bloody smart and look at the mess I'm in.

He holds me in his arms as we sit on his bed and tells me I should go to him.

I can't.

Why?

Because.

Because what?

Because I love you.

I love you too.

That's why I can't go to him.

We're killing him.

I know.

We're killing him.

I'm killing him.

This is so incredibly impossible.

I suppose I'm supposed to work up that courage we're known for and go talk to him.

And then I'll try to kill myself to see if he really loves me.

Or I can kill him, and see if he'd let me.

He'd probably thank me and tell me he loved me before he died.

He never realized we do love him.

He never realized that I do love him.

He hates us.

He's miserable because of us.

And he still wants us to be together.

He still wants me to be happy.

I've always been there for him.

I've always stood by him.

I never stopped to consider.

I never realized how much he depends on me.

I never even realized how much I need to be there for him.

He's doing it now and I hate him for it.

He's making me choose and I hate him for it

He doesn't want me now.

He's taking the choice away from me.

He's right, I didn't chose him.

But I let him think I did.

I should stay where I am, and make myself miserable.

That'd be fair.

Then we'd all feel awful.

Would he help you with the house elves?

No. He'd set them free one at a time.

Would he burp slugs for you?

No. He'd take a killing curse for you.

Would he live a long boring life?

No. He's right, he'll probably be dead by the time we're done here.

Does he have a family that can comfort him?

Yes, and we betrayed him.

We turned him away when he wanted to need us.

And now he's turning away from us.

He's turning away from me.

And I don't even have the strength to chase after him.

And I'm his friend because?

Because I've always been there for him.

He loves me because?

I showed him a piece of my heart when I kissed him.

This is what you get for being a witch.

No.

This is what you get for being a bitch.

That stupid hat put me in the wrong house.

I belong with the ferret and his goons.

I don't deserve to be here.

I don't deserve to be with either of them.

He's stroking my hair now.

He's telling me it'll be ok.

He's telling me he'll love me no matter what.

He deserves so much better then what I'm doing to him.

He deserves so much better then what I'm going to do to him.

She turns her head and looks into his eyes.

She kisses him gently.

She stands up and walks across the room to the window.

She looks outside into the darkness for several minutes.

She wanders listlessly over to his bed and sits back down.

She tries to decide what to say to him.

She lies back and closes her eyes and sighs.

I hate the both of them.

I hate my best friends in the world for making me love them both.