I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Dear Ginny (and Ron),

Since it seems neither of you are capable of keeping personal and private correspondence either personal OR private, I'll save everyone the trouble of writing back two separate letters on what I'm feeling right now. You can just share it amongst yourselves, maybe even read it out loud around a bonfire while roasting marshmallows.

Ron, you are a royal prat of the first order. If they handed out medals for being a prat, they'd name it the Ron Weasley medal. Who are you to tell me what I can and can't write to your sister? Maybe you should be asking her what she was thinking when she got totally pissed and wrote me a letter essentially calling me a selfish bastard for keeping all my feelings to myself.

And you Ginny, I take the time, to actually write back to you, to open up, to do exactly what you asked me to do, and you do what? Do you keep it to yourself? Do you keep it private? For more then five minutes? Tell me, were you being honest with me when you asked me to open up to you? Or were you taunting me so you could run off and show the rest of your family just how unstable and angry Harry Potter is? Or was it so you could go back to pitying me and daydreaming about rescuing me from myself with that little crush you had on me in your first year? You said it yourself Ginny, you're over me. You're over me and you love me. When you can explain that to me, I'll be glad to listen.

Ron, in case you hadn't noticed, I didn't exactly have a good year. Lets review what happened shall we? I get kept in the dark over what's happening with regard to Voldemort. I nearly get expelled protecting my fat pig of a cousin from Dementors. Neither of my best friends has the courage to actually defy Dumbledore and tell me what's actually going on. I have to have a trial before the ENTIRE wizarding court. I see my best friends get named prefect, and just in case you're curious Ron, the reason you got the badge and I didn't is because Dumbledore thought I already had too much on my plate to deal with. So congratulations, you were the second choice and you got the badge. Not that it counts for much. I still got the worse end of the deal. Lets continue shall we? I get to spend two weeks in detention writing lines into my own hand. I get tossed of the Quidditch team. And lets not forget those DA classes you and Hermione badgered me into teaching. Yes Ron, you guys badgered and shamed me into teaching those classes. You both knew that would work didn't you? I'm sure Hermione went over every possible tactic to use with you when the both of you were busy being prefects. Then lets remember the night your father got attacked. Remember that? I should hope so. I know I'll never forget watching it all happen first hand. Next was Dumbledore getting sacked when he took the blame for those DA classes I was teaching. Yes Ron, you and Hermione may have humbled me into teaching the classes, but I was the one that nearly took the fall for it all. I wonder if we should be thankful Dumbledore was there to take the credit for it. I wonder if I would have actually been expelled for that.

I'm curious as to whether or not Umbridge would have sent me to Azkaban. I'd like to think I'd have gotten the same cell Sirius was in. But I'd probably have wound up in the cell they stuck Malfoy's father in. Imagine that, poor little Harry Potter doesn't have a mother or a father while prats like Malfoy parade around with both.

Speaking of Sirius and Malfoy, lets not forget that Voldemort actually got into my head and made me think Sirius was in trouble and needed rescuing. Or did you forget Ron the several days you and Hermione spent in the hospital wing? Or the fact that Sirius actually died. Yes Ron, Sirius is dead. He isn't coming back. Not now, not ever. Lucky me eh? Aside from Sirius, all the people I seem to care about spend the majority of their time at Hogwarts. That should cut down on Hermione worrying about my hero complex and running off to do something foolishly stupid. The next time I act like an idiot, you guys can simply whack me on the head and drag me to the hospital wing or Dumbledore's office depending on how ambivalent you're feeling.

Oh do you want to know why Snape hates my dad so much? It seems that my father and Sirius totally embarrassed Snape in front of the entire school right after they finished taking their OWL's. You know who came to his rescue? My mother. Imagine that, my mum stood up to my dad to protect Snape. How's that for irony. Imagine how he feels knowing my mum actually wound up marrying my dad. That's what I call hatred.

Speaking of hatred Ron, how dare you tell me I have set things right with your sister? I emphasize your sister since being an only child, I don't have one. Tell me, did Ginny get a similar instruction to set things right with me? Or does she get special treatment since she's family?

I have to say that at this point, I'm seriously tempted to stay where I am for the remainder of the summer because the treatment I'm getting from the two of you is reminiscent of what I'd get from the Dursleys, NOT from my best friend and the girl who claims to love me.

I may not have many visitors here, but at least the ones I do have talk to me and not at me. Remus is feeling pretty low right now. In case you missed it, the last of his best friends for over twenty years died and he's having a pretty rough time of it as well. Are you going to verbally berate him as well? Or is that treatment reserved for the famous Harry Potter? I thought as much.

It's so nice to be adored. To have fans who don't see beyond the superficial. The ones who's opinions are copied out of The Daily Prophet or The Quibbler. Nice to know I need a press agent to deal with all the interviews I have to give out just so people will know 'the real me.'

Do you two know what I want? Do you know what I really want? More then anything else in the world? To be left alone, now and forever! I want a nice quiet life where I don't have to deal with anything more complicated then getting out of bed in the morning. Oh wait, I've changed my mind, I want nothing less complicated then getting up in the morning and dealing with all the problems of the world all at once. Yes, that's the Harry Potter everyone knows and loves. The one who wants more attention then any reasonable person could stomach. The one who's deranged, insane, delusional and off his rocker. The one who can't go a week without collecting at least a half-dozen press clippings.

I actually want to be the one who has to go off and save the day from Voldemort time and time again. The one who spends more time in the hospital wing and detention then he does in his own dorm room. Yep, that's me. I'm the oddball, don't you know that? I actually look forward to going back to school and resent having to go back home. Funny thing about home, I don't want to be here, and they don't want me to be here, but it's the one place in the world I'm actually safe as long as it actually is home. The moment I step too far out of line and get tossed by my aunt and uncle, I'm a goner. Dead. Toast. Six feet under. Deceased. Deader then a doorknob. Do you understand now? Do you understand the living hell my life is? I have to actually stay WITH my so-called family or Voldemort could stroll into the room pleasant as you please and strike me dead just like that.

That actually wouldn't be such a bad now that I stop and think about it. I'd see my parents again. I'd see Sirius, and Cedric too. I could apologize to them for getting them killed. Sirius for having to go after me for going after him and Cedric...well for being in the wrong place at the worst possible time.

Do either of you know what it's like to HAVE to learn how to summon a patronus? Not just on the off chance you encounter a Dementor but because the ones down the street throw you into a fit and make you hear your mum and dad being murdered? That's what I heard every single time they got near me. Trust me, thinking your dad is out there dying and not being able to do anything is rough, but hearing him die time and time again is something I pray neither of you ever have to go through.

I can only imagine what you felt when they stopped the train going to school Ginny. I'll have the common courtesy to not put into words what I imagine you heard and I know you heard something. Just know you're not the only one who was effected and lord knows that if you didn't loose consciousness, you didn't get the worst of it by far.

Now, I'll move on to a slightly more pleasant subject and hopefully I won't be as tactless as some people can be. Ron, you mention in your letter you think I'm upset over Ginny being over me. She isn't. Ask her, she'll tell you. If not, I'll show you her letter when I see you. In any event, it's not my business who she dates. If she wants to date Dean or not date Dean, that's her affair and I'm not going to go telling her how to run her love life. Especially since I haven't exactly done that great a job with mine and neither have you, unless you're keeping secrets from me. Come to think of it Ron, I don't think I've ever heard you express any interest in any girl whatsoever. What's all that about?

Ginny, in case Ron tries to scratch out that last paragraph, date whoever you want. I won't say a word if you spend time with Dean or not or if you choose someone else. I sure as hell don't own you or your social life and I'm not about to try, so tell Ron to sod off on that score. Whatever might happen between us will be between US and not between you, me, Ron and whoever else he decides needs to know about the intimate workings of our private lives.

Yes, I said private, as in personal, as in no one's business but my own. How long were you thinking of trying out for the Quidditch team before you told me Ron? How about that would be mystery girl you haven't mentioned to me but obviously Ginny knows something about? She does know something, I picked up a hint of it in her letter so you best go digging into her for what she knows. After all, if you're going to be indignant for how she and I pry into each other's lives, you should be equally indignant for her prying into yours as well.

Alright, I've had a chance to take some time and calm down from my ranting to my favorite pair of targets. Moody was just by to check up on me. He really can be amusing at times, he did the whole fake eye in the glass of water trick again, right in front of Aunt Petunia. That was good for a chuckle, he told me Tonks would be taking over watching me for the next week or so. I wonder if she can do plaid with her hair.

Anyway, I'm sorry to be ranting and raving at you guys and making myself sound like I'm becoming unhinged but you have really have no idea what it's like to be me. And yes, you've been there for most of what's happened and you've been there when it mattered, but there are some things you just don't and can't understand. And you never will. It's simply impossible for either of you to know what it's like to be me. Trust me, being me is not something you ever want to understand. Maybe your family is going to be targeted now that the Ministry is admitting to Voldemort's return, but you're on the periphery, you aren't the one he's trying to get to.

Ginny, you may have been face to face with Voldemort, but it's something else entirely to see him kill. It's something I can never forgive myself for to know Cedric got killed because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Voldemort didn't even know who he was. All he said was 'kill the spare'. Can you imagine how his parents feel knowing that? Their son was killed because he was irrelevant. Not because he was a threat, or a danger. Not because he could go running for help. He got killed because he was in the way. Just like Sirius.

Sirius didn't die because he was in danger. He didn't die because Voldemort was trying to use him. Sirius died because I was foolish enough to believe he was in danger. And that is something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my days, that I'm responsible for Sirius being dead.

That's two corpses I'm responsible for. How many are you guys responsible for? How many people did the basilisk kill Ginny? None if I remember correctly. How many people has your dad's flying car killed Ron? None as far as I know. Hermione was right, I do have a hero complex. I do need to save people. And you know what? I'm always going to have a hero complex. I'm always going to want to save people. It's the only way I can make up for the people I've failed. And so help me, if Hermione so much as harps on that for so much as a second, that will be the last thing she'll ever say to me because I won't be listening and you can tell her that for me.

Oh, speaking of people and harsh words. How is Percy? Has he come round yet? Or is he still clinging to the notion that Voldemort hasn't returned and that Fudge is the king of Pixieland? Stuff him, he's your brother. If he wants to act the blind fool, let him.

By the way Ron, if telling me to hurry up and get there so you can spend time with Hermione was meant to cheer me up then don't worry. It didn't. In case you haven't noticed, my home life isn't all that exciting on the best of days and when it does get exciting it usually winds up being a very bad day, FOR ME! So you'll forgive me if I choose to settle for nice and boring. If it's boring that means Voldemort isn't up to anything out there and no one else is getting killed. Or were you hoping for a nice juicy obituary in the Daily Prophet?

I honestly don't know what to say Ron, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were trying to depress me. At least I can understand Ginny's perspective even if I can't appreciate it. I'm sorry Ginny, I don't mean to be hurtful but I'm not sure what I'm capable of right now and even if I was I'm certainly not going to tell you what that is in a letter addressed as much to your prat of a brother as it is to you.

I know this isn't the letter either of you are looking for and I'm not going to apologize for that. And lets be fair here, how can you truthfully expect me to tell you what I'm feeling when I don't even understand what I'm feeling myself.

It's getting late so I'll send this off with Hedwig as soon as she gets back from hunting for dinner. Hers, not mine you prat. (Yes Ron, you are a prat at times.)

Harry