A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers

the eighth installment of

A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers

~~~~~~~~~

Draco rushed back to the dungeons with two satchels over his shoulder. He burst in on the sight of Snape sitting at the picnic table; Avril was playfully slithering around his neck.

"What took you so long?" asked Snape.

"I ran into Peeves," explained Draco curtly.

"When is Dumbledore going to get rid of that poltergeist?" Snape muttered. He jumped up off the bench and gestured toward the bags. "Well, start pouring in the dirt. We're already late for dinner."

"Professor, why don't you do some of the work for once?" said Draco.

"I will," said Snape. "Just as soon as you do what I tell you."

Draco gave a huff and climbed on top of the picnic table. There were about four inches of soil coating the bottom of the tank when he ran out of dirt.

"That will suffice," said the professor. He opened up the second bag, which held the plants. "Now, run along to dinner. Tell Dumbledore I'll be there in five minutes. I want to finish putting the plants in."

Draco gave a nod and left the room. He stopped in a bathroom on the dungeon level and checked his reflection. Hands--slightly caked with dirt. Face--rosy from the cold winter air. Hair--windswept and all over the place. He dipped his hands under the faucet and started scrubbing. Then he smoothed his hair back and hoped it would stay that way. Honestly, how did girls manage it? Their hair was five times as long as his! No wonder Moaning Myrtle was always miserable.

When Draco entered the Grand Hall for dinner, the mood was jovial. Draco was annoyed at this. 'They started eating without me!' he thought in dismay.

Dumbledore caught his attention and gestured for him to come to his side.

"Yes, sir?" said Draco.

"Is Professor Snape joining us tonight?" inquired Dumbledore.

"Yes. He'll be here in about five minutes," answered Draco.

"Good boy," said Dumbledore. His blue eyes lingered upon the young Malfoy before saying, "Do you need a new wallet, by any chance?"

Draco looked at him in confusion. "I don't have a wallet."

Dumbledore seemed surprised. "What do you do, then? Shove everything in your pockets like a common boy? You're getting too old for that. Now, run along and eat supper before it gets cold."

Draco was beginning to think that Dumbledore was going senile, after all.

McGonagall giggled, murmuring under her breath, "Could you be any more obvious about it, Albus?" which nobody heard except for Dumbledore.

Draco walked the length of the whole dining table before finding a seat. There were no spots left near Hermione, and he resented this.

However, their eyes met as Draco passed her, and he flashed her a brief smile. Immediately, Hermione's heart quickened, and she felt lighter than air.

She began at once to speak elatedly to Ginny and Ron and Elizabeth and Harry. She made sure that her bubbly voice was loud enough to carry over their heads and into the beautiful ears of Draco Malfoy.

He wondered what on earth had got into Hermione, who was usually so reserved yet happy in her own intellectual way. She was much too young to be going senile like Dumbledore...

And then it suddenly occurred to him that Dumbledore might be his Secret Santa. 'Do you need a new wallet, by any chance?' Oh, that silly old duffer! Draco should've known that Dumbledore wouldn't be nice to him without a very good reason.

Snape entered the dining hall now, and he sat at the end of the table near Dumbledore. His shoulder-length black hair, which had been soft and attractive that morning, was back to its greasy self. It needed more care than Snape had time for.

He grunted "good evening" to Dumbledore and thrust a knife into his roasted duck without looking up at the rest of the staff. Lupin was sitting next to McGonagall again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Afterward, Snape and Malfoy returned to the Potions office. There were still many things left to cover.

"Runespoors can grow up to six or seven feet," Snape informed him. "This one's only three feet long right now, but in the future, she will need the extra room."

Avril was exploring her new territory, winding in and out of branches in graceful circles. She raised one of her heads and looked into Draco's face with her bright, golden eyes.

"She looks hungry," Snape noted with concern.

"We should give her a mouse," said Draco.

"Good idea. They're over there."

"At the rate things are going, I'll learn more about Magical Creatures today than I did all last year at Hagrid's hut," said Draco as he reached his hand into the mouse cage.

After many tries, he grasped one of their long skinny tails. Holding the mouse out at arm's length he brought it to Avril's aquarium and dangled it over the edge.

"Do get on with it, Malfoy," commanded Snape. The mouse curled away from the gigantic reptile and tried to climb up its own tail.

"You'd let me know if it had a yen for human flesh, wouldn't you?" said Draco, whose hand was hovering at the top of the aquarium.

"Just try to be gentle, Malfoy," said Snape.

Draco simply dropped the mouse and yanked his hand away. Avril's right head ripped into the mouse's throat with no hesitation.

"There, you see? That wasn't so bad," said Snape. "Unlike most snakes--who lay eggs only when they are ready to hatch--the Runespoor lays several eggs once a week, like a chicken. They spit them out, and then we can use them for potion making."

Draco leaned his back against the table and crossed his arms. "Is this going to count for extra-credit?" he inquired.

Snape simply glared at him. "Do you want Slytherin to win the House Cup or not?"

Draco looked at his professor and made up his mind. "I want to win," he said.

"Good. Now I will tell you more about this beast, not for extra-credit, but to expand your general knowledge. Runespoors were once adored by Dark wizards. They kept them as pets. In fact, legend has it that Salazar Slytherin himself owned one.

"It's no accident that the Runespoor has three heads. Each serves a different function. Its left head is the critic; she evaluates everything that the right and middle heads do, and her fangs are extremely venomous."

"Now you tell me," said Draco quietly.

"Its middle head is the dreamer. This is why they often remain motionless for days at a time, sleeping like cats. Its right head is the planner. She decides all actions--where it goes, what it does. She likes to scheme. The left head, unfortunately, is very annoying at times, and Runespoors are known to be missing it quite often... The other heads band together to bite it off."

Draco turned his head and peered at Avril. "But why would they do that to themselves?" he asked. "It's like us cutting off a foot, or removing a part of our brains."

Snape waved his hands. "It's no great loss. It doesn't kill them. Nobody likes a critic, anyway."

Draco inquired, "How do we know what goes on inside their heads?"

"From the records of Parselmouths. They conversed with them and gradually understood their peculiar habits." Snape gave the Runespoor a sidelong glance. "But you must be careful around them. They're clever beasts. They understand human language, though they cannot speak it. And they needn't be loyal to Parselmouths. If a Runespoor doesn't like an individual, it doesn't matter what House he's in or whether he speaks snake language or not. The Runespoor will acquire an instant dislike to him, and there's nothing one can do about it. On top of all that, the creature is highly independent."

Snape broke off suddenly, his eyes fixed upon the opposite wall. He could sense something on the other side--in the hall; it was moving toward the door.

"What is it, professor?" said Draco.

"It's nothing," muttered Snape and shook off the feeling. He hated it when that happened. All these vibes, they gave him the heebie-jeebies.

"I was about to say, we need mice food. I remember seeing some in Sprout's office; she has a pet hamster," said Snape. He stood up as if to leave, and Draco quickly went to the door and opened it for him.

"No, Malfoy," Snape said sharply. "Don't hold the door open so wide--"

He sensed an unnatural presence glide into the room, and he strode toward the door. He extended his arms, but the invisible thing moved just out of reach. Snape was grasping wildly at the thin air; Draco stepped back in alarm.

"Professor?" he said numbly. It seemed like everyone was going nutters today.

Snape eyed him warily. "Move along, Malfoy. We must be quick about this." And with that, they left for Sprout's office, Snape shutting the door behind him.

Harry and Ron had backed away just in time, or else they would have been caught red-handed by their second worst enemy, Severus Snape.

The boys had donned the Invisibility Cloak one last time in an attempt to discover the contents of Snape's mysterious box. They had taken advantage of the one opportunity fate had given them--while Draco was holding the door open.

However, Harry had forgotten that Snape was able to sense him underneath that magical shroud, and his brief spell of forgetfulness nearly ruined their plans.

Fortunately for the two Gryffindors, Snape had not discovered Harry. The professor and his assistant had left, closing the door behind them, and the boys were temporarily off the hook.

Harry and Ron removed the Invisibility Cloak.

"I hope they don't return too soon," Ron whispered.

"Me, neither," whispered Harry. "But we won't stay too long. If we don't find it in five minutes, we'll leave."

"Sounds like a good plan," whispered Ron. Then he heard something that made the hair on his arms stand up.

Ron could hear a sound emerging from the stillness. He listened carefully; his senses were heightened in his anxious state. "Harry, is it just me, or do you hear that hissing, too?"

"It's not just you," said Harry. "I think it's coming from over there. Three of them."

"Three snakes?" asked Ron.

"Yes," Harry said softly. He turned on his wand light and looked around.

Ron gasped, "It's a mutated monster!"

The Runespoor was resting in a large aquarium directly in front of them. Someone had gone to a lot of trouble to make her comfortable, for she had dirt and grubs, and plants and moss, and even some logs for hiding under. It was a very large tank, and the creature seemed contented. At least, it would seem contented to the impartial observer. To Harry and Ron, who were sneaking around in a pitch-black office in the dungeons of an ancient castle, the snake was horrifying.

Ron took a step backward, stumbling over a watering can. "H-how many three-headed beasts are there in this world, for crying out loud?"

"Shhh. Calm down, or you'll scare it," Harry advised, staying motionless.

The snake's left head began hissing. "They're too stupid to be wizards," were the words that Harry heard. "They called us a 'mutated monster.' If they are wizards, then they must not be Slytherin."

"For once, I agree with you," whispered the head on its right. "Let's play a game with them. The boy with the glasses is a Parselmouth. He can understand everything we're saying."

"Is that so?" said the Left. "Boy, what is your name?"

"Harry," replied the Gryffindor in Parseltongue. "What's yours?"

"Diana," hissed the Right.

"Celeste," the Left replied.

The middle head raised herself from a pile of leaves in a groggy fashion. "And I am Marie," she said lazily. "You've woken me from my nap. I was having a lovely dream, simply splendid--it was delightful." She closed her golden eyes and drifted back to sleep.

Harry asked, "Do you know Severus Snape and Draco Malfoy?"

"Know them?" hissed Diana. "We hardly know them. We just met today."

"And it's a good thing that we met Sssssseverus," said Celeste. "If it weren't for him, we would never have returned to the home of our ancestor, the beautiful Helen Rowena Wades-in-Water."

"Who was this Helen Rowena Wades-in-Water?" inquired Harry. "Did she live here at Hogwarts?"

"Of course!" Diana hissed. "She was the cherished companion of Salazar Slytherin."

A chill swept over Harry's skin, and he noticeably flinched. Salazar Slytherin--one of the four founders of Hogwarts, he was the hateful wizard who created the Chamber of Secrets!

Ron tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Harry, I reckon I should be going now."

"No, Ron," pleaded Harry. "You've got to stay. She just said that they're descended from the snake that belonged to Salazar Slytherin!"

"Harry! We have to get out of here!" Ron exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

Harry restrained his friend by grabbing his biceps. "No, we don't. Everything is under control. We just need to know why Malfoy and Snape are hiding her," he whispered.

Much to Ron's chagrin, Harry turned back to the Runespoor. He was, however, slightly more intimidated by her than he'd been in the beginning.

Diana cocked her head playfully. The light from Harry's wand reflected off of her orange and black scales, giving them a jeweled appearance. "Well, what do you like to read?" asked Diana.

"P-pardon?" Harry stammered in Parseltongue. 'Wow,' he thought. 'I didn't even know that snakes had a word for "pardon." '

Diana bared her white fangs in what she meant as a smile. "Do you like to read?" she repeated.

"Yes, I suppose so. I like reading about Quidditch, mainly," said Harry. What was this crazy snake on about? One thing was for certain: as soon as Harry left, he was going to tell Dumbledore all about this odd creature.

Celeste was hissing, "Reading is very important, young boy. If you read more about our kind, you would discover that we reproduce asexually. That is why we have three heads right now. We're in the process of dividing."

"Really?" said Harry, who was soaking up all this nonsense as if it were the gospel truth.

"Certainly," hissed Diana. "Our species must be preserved and hidden from Muggles, or else they'll try to study us for their silly cloning experimentsssss."

"And that is why Dumbledore is hiding us here," concluded Celeste.

"Dumbledore already knows you're here?" said Harry.

"Yes, and he must keep us secret from all of you meddling students," said Celeste.

"Oh," said Harry, feeling a bit disappointed. He always enjoyed unraveling mysteries, only to find out later that Dumbledore had suspected the truth all along.

"What did it say?" hissed Ron.

Harry rolled his eyes in impatience. "I'll tell you later." He kept talking to the Runespoor in Parseltongue. "Ssso, why does Malfoy get to know about you? If we're all meddling students, then--"

Diana interrupted with a lash of her tongue, "Unlike some boys and girls we have seen, Malfoy is not the type who speaks before he thinks. Nor does he play silly pranks with invisibility cloaks."

Celeste nodded. "If he did have such a fine cloak, he wouldn't parade it in front of the whole school. He would probably keep it hidden, for he's a quiet boy from what we've seen of him."

Harry muttered loudly in English, "Quiet my foot! He'd probably go around showing it off!"

Ron jumped back. "Harry, do be quiet! Someone's going to hear us."

"Oh, right." Harry suddenly remembered Snape and Malfoy. "Maybe we should leave now."

"Gee, you think?" said Ron sarcastically.

Harry looked around desperately for their cloak, pointing his feeble wand light into the dark corners of Snape's office. He saw the shroud resting on top of a box, and he hastily tugged at a corner that was dangling in front of him. Within seconds, Ron and Harry had covered themselves with the magical garment.

The Runespoor started hissing again, "Remember, Harry, there is a curse upon anyone who dares speak of us!"

Harry rolled his eyes. This snake was beginning to sound like Professor Trelawney. Curses--what utter hogwash! She was just trying to scare them.

Ron spoke up, "Um, Harry, what did it--"

"I'll tell you later! Let's get out of here!" Harry silenced him. The two boys then clumsily made their way out of the office and up the stairs.

Harry was glad that the caretaker Filch was away from the castle, or else the boys would also have to evade him and his cat Mrs. Norris. Harry swore that Mrs. Norris was no ordinary cat; she seemed to have some telepathic connection with Filch and would always summon him to the scene of crime whenever the Gryffindors were up to something.

Thankfully, the caretaker Filch and his cat were nowhere on the grounds that evening, and Harry and Ron made it back to the Gryffindor dormitory without any problems.

The Fat Lady allowed them inside the common room and drifted off to sleep again.

"Harry--" Ron began to say as soon as they had entered.

"Shh. Do you want Hermione to hear you?" Harry reprimanded. If Ginny saw them, it would be fine. She was used to her brothers making trouble. Hermione, on the other hand, was the strict enforcer of rules in Gryffindor and would probably bitch at them until she was blue in the face.

Ron sighed. Why was he getting yelled at tonight? Maybe he ought to stop hanging out with Harry so much.

After stealing up to their dorm room, Ron inquired, "Harry, are you PMS-ing?"

"What?" Harry's face contorted with annoyance.

"You heard me. Are you taking strange female hormone supplements?" Ron demanded, aggressively fluffing up his pillow.

Harry laughed. "No, I just got freaked out by that thing down in Snape's office."

"Yeah, about that. We are going to tell Dumbledore about it, aren't we?"

"I don't know. According to what she said, Dumbledore already knows about her," said Harry.

"Her? Who's her?" asked Ron.

"The snake. Her name is Diana Marie Celeste," said Harry. He took off his glasses and pulled back the covers on his bed.

Ron was confused by Harry's laid-back attitude. "Diana Marie Celeste? Is that the name Snape gave her? What a fruit cake."

"I don't know. I can't remember. Would Snape actually give each of her heads a different name?" Harry asked.

"Well, Hagrid had a three-headed dog, and he only had one name--Fluffy," stated Ron.

"Yeah, that's right," Harry recalled. "Anyway, Diana and Celeste were talking to me, and they said that they reproduce asexually. That's why the Muggles are out to get them, because they want to use 'em in cloning experiments."

"Really..." Ron drawled, staring at his friend with disbelief.

Harry nodded. "And Dumbledore is supposedly keeping her hidden here."

"So Snape isn't doing anything wrong?" asked a disappointed Ron.

"I'm afraid not," said Harry.

"But, what if it's trying to trick us?" asked Ron uncertainly.

Harry thought about it. "It's just a snake; it's not clever enough to be deceitful."

"Well, if you say so," said Ron.

"I think, for now, it's better just to keep quiet about this," added Harry. "We don't want to get in trouble for breaking into Snape's office if he hasn't done anything wrong."

"Well, technically, we didn't 'break into' anything," said Ron.

"But we used the Invisibility Cloak," said Harry.

"Yeah. That is true," said Ron. "So, no snitching?"

"No snitching. At least, not for now," said Harry.

Having agreed on this, the two boys went to bed and desperately hoped that their dreams wouldn't be filled with Snape doing kinky things with three-headed snakes.

.....................to be continued