An Experiment Gone Wrong

Six years. Six very long, very painful years it had now been since Severus Snape had graduated Hogwarts and become the new professor of Potions and Head of Slytherin house. He'd developed a reputation that by now was known to all including the staff, and for his purposes, that was fine by him. He had learned the hard way how to deal with what had befallen him in the past six years, and this was his way of dealing with the harshness of what life had dealt him. If he had been a cold, aloof person as a child, now as an adult he was almost unbearable.

The good thing was that during all holidays and summers, Severus Snape would leave the castle not to be seen again till required. No one knew where Severus went, nor would anyone even deem to ask. Each time he came back from a holiday however he looked tired and worn out, and seemed more withdrawn then when he'd left. The staff had learned to tolerate his odd behaviour, and only Albus Dumbledore seemed to find something beyond the harsh exteriors, though no one could possibly understand what.

There was only one good thing bout the last six years that Severus himself actually could call 'good', two years ago he had earned the coveted title of "Potion's Master" from the Ministry. The highest award given to to a potion's professor, and Severus Snape was the first person in history to receive such an honoured title for one so young, a mere 22 years old. A rather lengthy account of his award and persona appeared in a news article in the Daily Prophet had ended up being his downfall in more ways then one however, so in the end even the good was laced with bittersweet.

He found himself suddenly beseeched by requests from other Potions professor's round the world as to how he managed to obtain his title. Some of the older professor's were not happy with this bestowed honour, feeling that one so young wasn't worthy of such a prestigious title. The younger professor's however were awed and mainly hopeful, asking him all sorts of questions as to what they could do to improve their work. Recipes poured in from all over the globe, asking for help and hints on them, and suddenly Severus felt all too claustrophobic. He tried to ignore the mails after that, but to his dismay it only created to worsen the situation.

Finally after 6 months he realized he wasn't going to be left alone, so he approached Lucius Malfoy to fix the problem. The next day an article appeared in the Daily Prophet asking all readers to please allow the potion's master his peace, and to cease and desist at once the owl posts, for Professor Snape was a busy man and had no time for such frivolities as responding to mountains of owl mail. After a that only a few now and then did trickle in, which Severus promptly ignored, and he was free to resume the things he had been denied whilst being a 'celebrity'.

"Professor? Do we add the porcupine quills in first or last?" a voice suddenly asked, pulling him back into the here and now. Potions Class. Hogwarts. The present not the past. The present in which he was right now just a teacher, and currently teaching the classes of Gryffindor and his own house Slytherin.

With a scowl he looked up to see who had disturbed him and noticed it was one of those more then annoying Gryffindors. "Add the porcupine quills in first Mr. Weasley and you'll be seeing the inside of Hospital wing for a week." Severus drawled wearily. Despite the fact Charlie Weasley was a Gryffindor, today even Severus couldn't bring himself to send anyone to the normally well visited infirmary.

He noticed that Weasley added in the quills just on time before it almost boiled over, and made a quick check on the rest of his students. This was the last day before summer holidays would begin, and the last thing he wanted was any student laid up at the infirmary and unable to go home. He wanted...needed even...peace this holiday, and for one reason in particular.

Absentmindedly his had went down and touched a draw on his desk, one he kept locked under several locking spells and charms. If anyone knew what was in that draw they'd probably scoff at Potions Master Severus Snape for his ideas of what was valuable enough to keep under such secrecy, but to Severus, it was the most importantly valued item he owned. Even though it was something that had been nothing short of grief for him the past 6 years.

The end of class finally came and it was with much relief that the students left the classroom. Severus had been in an overly bad mood today for some reason, even his own house had suffered when one of them spilled the potion accidentally. The result of today ended up with Slytherin down 5 points, Gryffindor down 20 points.

He got up and went into his private sitting room just off the Potions classroom. It was a warm day for June but Severus didn't notice, his mind was elsewhere. Gazing for a moment up at a chart on his wall he made some calculations, and it was with a sigh he realized he was running out of time. A circle round a particular date seemed a looming threat, and if he didn't hurry he'd have to wait yet again.

He passed the rest of the afternoon and evening inside his rooms. No one would miss him at dinner, and even if they had he wouldn't have cared. He began to make his plans, making mental and paper notes where needed. When he was done, and fairly satisfied at them he allowed himself a moment to relax. Now the only obstacle was...

"Severus? You in here?" a voice said from the potions classroom.

*Damn, McGonagall. She's always got a knack for knowing when I'm not wanting to be disturbed.* "Coming!" he called out with a tinge of annoyance in his voice, and he stepped back out into the classroom.

"Ah there you are. Albus needs to know your summer plans. Are you staying in or doing your usual yearly disappearance?" Minerva said coming only bout a foot into the room.

Severus internally groaned. He had forgotten he was supposed to have informed Dumbledore what his plans were going to be for the summer. "Tell him I don't know yet er...professor. I'd like to be able to stay for a little while at any rate if that's permissible?"

Minerva slightly grinned. Severus still couldn't call her by her first name, nor any of the other teachers including Albus, but that was something she figured would come with time. "Very well then, I'll inform him. Just make sure you let him know. He does tend to stay here year round, but you never know with him these days. A lot is going on out there now," she said in a very serious tone.

"Yes, I've heard the talk from the students and the other...staff. I assure you though I will not be led astray at the moment. Now if you'll excuse me professor, I have things to attend to. Good evening." Severus said indicating that the conversation as far as he was concerned was over. Taking the hint, she turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.

What she couldn't have known however was that for Severus Snape, the 'issues' going on out in the world had already affected him, and for him anyway, it was too late. During the Yule holidays after he'd gotten back from a short trip to Siam 5 years ago, he'd had a run in with Lucius Malfoy. And Lucius had been under strict orders. Have Severus Snape become one of his 'kind', or suffer the consequences, and even Severus wasn't stupid enough to refuse such a 'request'.

Two days later he stood before his new master, marked forever it seemed by the most painful thing he'd yet encountered in his short life, and was told that from that moment forth, he was under strict orders to be this mans 'eyes and ears' inside the school. To watch Dumbledore, and report anything of value.

Little did this Voldemort person realize that as a junior staff member, and a very junior one at that, he was barely able to speak to Dumbledore in private, let alone be privy to his inner workings. He kept his ears and eyes open anyway, and reported back on the rare occasions he did get tidbits of information. And for the moment, apparently that was enough, keeping himself alive and his work at the school unhindered.

As a reward for his efforts, he was given access to places he never dreamed he would be able to...places in Knockturn Alley that he'd heard bout for dark art supplies but never had been allowed to visit. So in turn, it was a very nice deal for him. What was a little spying going to hurt when he had access to the riches of his potions dreams?

Severus gave a dark laugh at that. *You sold your soul and for what you fool? For mere material objects. True, objects that you'd never dreamed could be yours, but if the master only knew that those 'objects' were being used to create something 'good', you're life wouldn't be worth 2 Knuts. So much for your 'dark side' Severus Snape.* Shivering all of a sudden at his own thoughts, he got up and decided to get some rest.

A few hours later nightmares caused him to awaken. He couldn't remember the dreams, but they were dreams he'd had ever since he was a child. Horrid dreams that ate away at him while sleeping, but wouldn't allow him to remember, only the fact that he'd had them when he woke up. Tonight though was a particularly bad one, and he knew he wouldn't be returning to sleep again that night, so he went out to his desk in the Potions classroom.

Taking out his wand he whispered the required spells of unlocking over one of the drawers, and recovered a tiny slip of parchment, one that was very special to him. For it was on this paper that the ingredients for the 'Wolfsbane Potion' were written. Not the ones his old professor had written him, no. These were new ones, one's he'd spent the last six years researching. And now he was finally ready to try it out.

It would take the rest of what was left of the night, and all of tomorrow to brew, but he was no longer tired now, only focused on his work. The next day and half went quickly. He asked Dumbledore to owl the man he'd need to test it out, keeping the fact that there was at least a week yet till the next full moon firmly in his mind. The old potion had to be taken over a week before, but his potion would only need a week before to become effective.

He had replaced the deadly belladonna with a mixture of chamomile, young mountain ginseng, and triptophane. Two of those were for the calming agents, and the ginseng would help the human instincts become sharper, so that the human part of the wolf would still be able to be controlled during the transformations. The rest of the ingredients were trivial, but none the less essential. A bit of aragon leaves, some dragons blood, some wartsbane, a dash of this, pinch of that...and in the end, what he hoped would be a spot on potion.

The only way to know now was if his 'test subject' would agree. The potion had just finished brewing and was now going to need a few hours in the cool down stage when Dumbledore walked into the Potions room, and he wasn't alone. "Severus? I believe you were asking for some help in your little project? Mr. Lupin has been kind enough to accept your offer to hear what you have to say. I wish you good luck gentlemen." And nodding to the two men, he quietly left the room.

Nearly 5 minutes had passed and Severus still hadn't acknowledged Remus Lupin standing there. *Of all the people I had to ask for help, why did it have to be him? Maybe it's not too late..maybe I can change my mind? Maybe....*

"You know, it's never good to think that way Severus. Bad for the health actually." Remus said, sitting down in Severus's chair at his desk, making Severus look up at him sharply. "No, I'm not reading your damn mind, but a wolf can smell a lot from a person...fear, anger, torment....it's all there Severus. It's hard to tell sometimes where the man ends, and the wolf begins. I am the wolf, as it is me, and I wish to the gods it wasn't like that." Remus said, sadness in his voice that even Severus couldn't miss.

He looked at Remus J. Lupin then, really looked at him. He hadn't seen this man in six years now, and it seemed a lot of changes had taken place. Changes that startled even him. Feeling not quite himself maybe, he motioned for Remus to follow him to his private rooms, where they'd not be disturbed. He indicated his usual chair by the fire for Remus to sit, taking a seat on the small sofa nearby.

"A drink perhaps Lupin? I have some butterbeer, some pumpkin juice...." he began.

"Wouldn't by any chance have any Muggle things like oh, lets say...whiskey would you?" Remus said wearily.

Severus stared at him for a second surprise, then he walked over to a panel in the wall and pressed it up, revealing quite a horde of old Muggle 'remedies'. Apparently his old potions professor had taken quite a shining to them, and in note he'd left him before he'd gone, he left him this nice assortment. He poured a glass for Remus and himself, and handing it to him returned to the sofa. They drank for a few moments in silence, unsure of what really to say to each other, just staring at the flames of the warm fire in front of them.

"Lupin....I want to thank you for coming. You didn't have to, I know that. I just...just wanted you to know I appreciated it that's all." Severus said breaking the silence.

Remus did a double take. Severus Snape...was thanking him? The boy who he wished dead a thousand times over, whom he blamed for nearly taking his life? Somehow he didn't know if he should buy into this or not, but Severus had seemed awfully sincere in his letter, and in the invitation. Certainly it couldn't hurt to hear the man out now since he was here already. "Well I suppose your welcome. For whatever it was you wanted me here for. Your post was quite vague bout the issue. What is it Severus...what do you want with me? You won't be expelled for revealing what I am now, and there's no students left to humiliate me...." he began, instantly regretting those last words.

Severus was shocked at those words. He didn't know why they hurt him so badly, but Lupin's words cut him like a knife. "Why do you always assume the worst about me? Cant you see I"m trying here? I"m trying to help you, why cant you see that?" he said through gritted teeth. "And if I remember correctly, Lupin, you were the one who tried to set me up!" and with saying that, he got up and stormed out of the room into another room behind them, slamming the door.

Remus sighed. This wasn't going very well at all. He hadn't meant what he said, it was just old habits that were hard to break. He'd come here as Severus's guest, and he'd ruined, for the moment anyway, what little faith there was to have on both sides. Severus had obviously been up to something, something that might be able to even help Remus, and he'd gone and disparaged that, and guilt has a bad way of letting you know it. And if it was one thing Remus J. Lupin didn't like living with, it was guilt, for as a werewolf, he had more then his share of that in his life.

Knocking on the door of the other room he didn't even wait for an answer and entered. Remus was surprised at the sight that met him. Severus was sitting on the edge of the bed, not crying for Severus Snape never allowed himself to cry, but shaken. Clearly he was upset, so Remus tried to brush what happened over. "Severus? I'm...I'm sorry. Really, my fault again. I don't think before I speak, I can be a selfish git really at times. I do want your help, honest." Remus looked at Severus to see if he was even listening, but was startled when Severus wasn't even seeing him, let alone hearing him. "Severus? What's...what's wrong?" he asked going over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder.

Severus jumped as if stunned. He hadn't heard a word Remus had said, and in point of fact, never had heard him enter the room at all. He was shaking for another reason, one which there was no way in hell he was about to tell Remus Lupin. He realized then Remus had probably come in to apologize, though he wasn't sure, but he responded as if that was the case. "It's allright, not your fault. I'm a bit hotheaded lately. Students you know can bring out the worst in a person," he said in a flat tone of voice, hoping Remus would believe that, and apparently it was working.

"Look Severus, dinner is nearly about to start. Why don't we get something to eat and come back and we can discuss this rationally. Oh, and I should warn you now...Lily's pregnant, and James is acting the proud papa already, so we might be interrupted at any given moment. He's gotten into a habit of updating Sirius, myself and Peter with every movement that kid makes. According to him, he's positive it's another Potter chaser in the works from the way it's kicking!" Remus grinned, making Severus slightly even grin at that.

"My gods, forgotten those two got married, time seems to fly so quickly. Already at the family thing eh? Another trouble maker I suppose then I'll be seeing in about 12 years from now," he half groaned. "Well good for some I suppose, cant say I picture myself ever having one, not now anyway. What bout you Lupin? Fancy having a brat of your own one day?"

Remus laughed. "Not likely. Never been a case of a tamed werewolf having a child don't believe, not that I'd want to pass this on to any poor unsuspecting thing. That's even if it's transmutable, don't even know for sure myself. Sides that Severus, cant see anyone wanting to spend the rest of their life with a monster," he said wistfully.

Severus looked at Remus strangely, but decided for the moment to let that comment pass. "Well, shall we head down to the Great Hall for supper then Lupin? I do believe it's your first time having a meal without the benefits of your 'sidekicks'. Quite a different meal I assure you when it's just the staff," he said and headed out of the room, Remus following.

The meal was as usual excellent, and those at the teachers table were more then happy to have Remus among them. They all discussed old times and new, asking for updates on Lily and James's child, and other details. It was only Severus who was quiet during the meal, for Remus's words earlier in the room seemed to haunt him. Though there was no way he was about to admit why.

After dinner Remus was a bit unsure as to what to do next, nor where he was to go. The few simple things he had brought with him were still up in Albus's office far as he knew, so now all he needed to find out was where he needed to put them. He assumed of course he'd be staying in one of the Gryffindor guest rooms, he was shortly to find out that wasn't the case.

"Ah Remus there you are." Albus said jovially as he and Severus came out of the Great Hall. "We were just looking for you."

"Well here I am." Remus replied with a small smile. "I was looking for you too Albus. Where is it I'm to be staying?"

"Ah yes, well that is you see...I feel it would be best if you stayed a bit closer to the dungeons right now. In fact Severus has agreed to share his chambers with you for the time being." Albus said with a twinkle in his eye.

"E-excuse me? Did you just say what I think you said?" Remus queried with a bit of shock and looked from Albus to Severus, who was looking at everything but Remus.

"Under the circumstances I do believe it is for the best. I've already had your things sent to Severus's rooms. I'm sure you will be comfortable there Remus, and of course should you need anything let myself or Minerva know. After tonight nearly everyone else will be gone for the holiday. Goodnight gentlemen." Albus said and swept off before Remus could further respond.

Remus stood looking at where Albus had just stood for a few moments, the oddest thoughts suddenly running through his head. "He-he's not serious is he?" Remus finally asked of Severus.

Severus finally turned to face Remus, a closed expression on his face. "And here I thought wolves had good hearing, or was that just something they made up," he said a bit mockingly.

"Don't play games with me Severus. Does he really expect me to stay in your...err...where he said I would be staying?" Remus said glaring at Severus now.

"Yes, Lupin. He does. Answer your question? Is there something wrong with the dungeons that I should know about?" Severus said back icily.

Remus stared at Severus for a few more moments trying to make sense of all this, and finally shaking his head he gave a little sigh. "No Severus, there's nothing wrong with the dungeons. I just thought...well never mind what I thought. I do want some answers from you though, and I'd like them now." Remus said keeping his eyes fully trained on Severus.

"Allright Lupin, I suppose now is as good a time as any. I"d much rather discuss this in private however if you would be so kind." Severus said and turning on his heel headed down towards the dungeons, Remus only a few paces behind him.

Remus walked into Severus's private rooms, noticing immediately his things had indeed been brought there. The only thing that struck him as odd that he could have sworn Severus only had the one private chamber, and that meant only one bed. Taking his own liberties he felt he was going to need something very strong to listen to whatever Severus was bout to tell him. He poured himself a drink, downed it in one gulp sensing all the while that Severus was watching him, and pouring a second glass turned back round to face him.

"You should lay off that stuff Lupin, bad for the body." Severus said sharply.

"Considering things I'd say it doesn't matter either way. Perhaps you should save that speech for a normal person Severus, not me." Remus said and kicked back the second shot of whiskey defiantly.

"This is what you've sunk to Lupin? The life of a Muggle alcoholic? Potter and Black must be so disappointed in you if that's what it's come down to." Severus said.

A flash of anger appeared in Remus's eyes, turning them from brown to black. "Don't you dare speak of James and Sirius like that! You're not even a tenth of what they are! And as for 'life' as you call it Snape...you have no idea what it's like out there when you're a freak even by wizarding standards....you couldn't possibly imagine what I've gone through..." Remus said angrily.

Severus looked at Remus surprised, regretting all of a sudden what he had said. "Your right, I don't know...." he said almost apologetically.

Remus's anger faded as quickly as it started when he heard Severus's tone of voice. Pouring himself one more drink he downed it yet again in one shot, then sat down wearily on the sofa looking back over at Severus. "I'm sorry, things haven't been so good for me lately. It's not your concern...." he said.

"Well, that creates a problem then." Severus said coming over to sit down next to Remus on the sofa now, to Remus's surprise.

"Oh? And why is that?" Remus said raising an eyebrow at him questioningly.

"Because you are my concern now Lupin that's why." Severus said keeping his eyes on Remus.

Of all the things Severus Snape could have said to Remus at that moment, this was the last thing he had expected. Shaking his head in confusion, he said, "I don't understand...why?"

Severus hadn't meant to do this, but he saw little alternative. He had invited Remus here as his guest, he deserved to know what and why he was here for. Taking in a breath of air he began to explain to him everything about the last six years, his research, about finding out about Professor Daniel's death 3 years ago, his trips abroad to find answers. Pretty much everything except of course his activities of the darker nature.

"I know how hard it must be for you out there Lupin, Professor Daniel's told me how hard it would be on you...but...now I see for myself the truth. Has it really been that awful?" Severus asked quietly.

Remus sighed and nodded slowly, then pulled off a shining golden tag from round his neck and handed it to Severus. "Muggles call them 'dog tags' ironically, I call that a death warrant. It marks me for what I am Severus...a freak, a monster. Something to be feared, to be avoided at all costs. I cant get a job, I've run through any money my parents had left me on their deaths. I cant stay anywhere in the wizarding world, so I am forced to live in the Muggle world, and even then I have to keep moving for fear of being found out. My only friends are James, Lily, Sirius and Peter, and that's not saying a lot at the moment." He sighed deeply.

Severus looked down at the tag and read it. *Name: Lupin, Remus J.; Blood Type: AB+; Designation: Werewolf, Tamed; D.O.B.: 27-03-60; Registry #: 1970* "The Ministry actually makes you wear this?" Severus said quietly.

Remus gave a snort. "When in the wizarding world I have to display it like a show piece Severus, so that everyone knows what I am. I have no rights, you should know that. Werewolves are considered 'non-human', by rights I shouldn't even be allowed a wand. The only reason I'm allowed to use one is because I am designated as a tamed werewolf, not a wild," he said bitterly.

"But what about Potter, Black and Pettigrew? Surely they are helping you out? Everyone knows the Potter's have nearly as much money as the Malfoy's do, aren't they doing anything for you?" Severus said a bit surprised.

Remus sighed deeply and shook his head. "They are my friends Severus, but they have their own lives too now. With the baby coming James and Lily well...they have little time. Peter goes off on his own these days, no one knows where or why. And Sirius and I...." Remus said quietly thought a stricken pain was clearly in his eyes.

Severus suddenly remembered something from in their schooldays, something he at the time suspected, but no one had any proof of. Now it was beginning to make sense to him. "You and Black...you were...together...weren't you..." he said quietly.

Remus shut his eyes for a moment as if trying to block out painful memories and nodded slowly. "Since 7th year. Only James, Lily and Peter knew, no one else. Sirius was always good at hiding things, and most people tended to shy away from me anyway. When we left school we actually lived together as 'friends'."

"What happened?" Severus asked, though he wasn't sure Remus would tell him.

Remus sighed. "Three years ago when the Ministry slapped that tag on me...things got very bad. Even before that I had a lot of trouble getting work, I'd already run through my inheritance on the flat we lived in, and everything else. But now there wasn't anything I could do in the wizarding world, so on my own accord I left...went to the Muggle world. Sirius and I are still friends, and nothing else. Nor will there ever be anything else again...with anyone." Remus said sadly now and got up to pour himself another drink.

Severus got up quickly and walked over to Remus, stopping him from taking another drink. He turned him round and looked Remus right in the eye, asking him, "Why not, Lupin? Why never again?"

Remus stared back at Severus, surprised. at what he was not only hearing but seeing. This was a side of Severus Remus had never seen, a side that seemed to actually be something more then a greasy haired, cold-hearted bastard as he always had been. But as he looked back into those coal black eyes of Severus's something seemed to compel him to answer. "Because I can never truly have the one thing that every other person in the world is allowed to have Severus..."

"And what would that be Remus?" Severus said softly, still staring deep into Remus's eyes.

"Love...Severus...I can never have love...werewolves..when they fall in love..and if that love is returned...it's for life....and no one should be burdened with a monster like me...I won't do that to anyone...." Remus whispered, and a single tear gently slid down his cheek. It dropped silently to the floor and melted away...just like all his dreams and hopes had from the day he'd left Hogwarts six years ago.

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