Of Wolf and Wizard

Lessons started first thing the next morning, and Remus could tell from the moment he looked at his timetable that this kind of school was going to be far more interesting than Muggle school. To say the least. At the primary school he'd attended, he'd had to have subjects such as history, maths, English, and science - but though there was still a required history lesson here (of quite a different variety than Remus was used to), the rest of his timetable was filled with subjects like Transfiguration, Charms and, to his delight, Flying.

But of all his lessons, Remus looked forward most of all to Defence Against the Dark Arts. He very much hoped that this was one of the subjects in which the teacher would let them have practical experience right away. He'd enjoyed finally putting his wand to use in Transfiguration and Charms, but somehow the idea of protective magic seemed much more interesting.

He was disappointed, however - in their first Defence lesson, Professor Harker told them that they would not be allowed to perform magic in his classroom until after the winter holidays.

"The first few months," he said, "will be spent studying dangerous hexes, jinxes, and curses, as well as some of the spells that can counter them - only studying, mind you. After that we will begin a cursory study of Dark creatures. Once you return from your Christmas holidays, we will begin to practise some basic charms and spells that can be used to deflect attacks from both Dark creatures and fellow human beings." He dismissed them a few minutes early with an assignment to read the introduction and first two chapters of their textbook, Defensive Magic for Beginners.

Even if they couldn't do magic right away, Remus was somewhat cheered by the fact that the lectures promised to be interesting. He was surprised that they would be studying Dark creatures in their first year; grinning to himself as he left the classroom, he made a mental note to read whatever the textbook said about werewolves, just so he'd be prepared.

After the lesson he headed down to the Great Hall for lunch with James and Peter, in whose company he more often than not found himself spending his time. "I hope we do grindylows," James said excitedly as he and Peter sat down across from Remus at the Gryffindor table. "We had a whole nest of them in the pond by our house, and I know how to get rid of them!"

Remus didn't have time to wonder what a grindylow was; before he could open his mouth to ask, Sirius Black had taken the seat beside him, grinning widely. "Well!" he said pleasantly, grinning across the table at James. "Well, well. Excellent job in Charms this morning, Pottyhead. You sure did show me what's what."

James' ears went red. He was not a morning person, and in their first lesson of the day he hadn't been able to make his feather do so much as roll over, much less levitate. "Well, how d'you expect me to do it right when you're sticking your tongue out at me the whole time?" said James.

Remus rolled his eyes and quietly began to eat his lunch while James and Sirius continued to trade insults. Over the past few days he'd grown accustomed to this routine: one of them would say something good and snarky, and then the two of them would go at it until either the bell rang or someone (usually Remus or Peter) told them to shut up.

It was Peter's turn this time. "Shuttup," he said through a mouthful of cooked carrots.

Sirius looked at him in mild surprise. Peter innocently took another bite of carrots. "Well, see you in Potions then," said Sirius, getting up from the table. "Hope you don't melt your legs off by mistake."

James made a face at him as he walked away. "Bloody annoying little git," he muttered. Peter nodded his agreement, but Remus just kept eating. He didn't want to tell James, but he secretly admired the way Sirius reacted to all the other boy's insults. Instead of letting them bother him, he simply insulted James right back, and Remus didn't know which annoyed James more: the fact that Sirius remained unperturbed or the fact that he persisted in calling James "Pottyhead."

Sirius had come up with unflattering nicknames for James' two friends as well, though Remus wasn't too bothered by it. He didn't much mind being called "Loopy Lupin" - there were far worse things he could be called, after all. Peter, on the other hand, turned bright pink every time Sirius called him "Petty-Didn't-Grow" - he was extremely short for his age and apparently didn't enjoy being reminded of the fact.

That afternoon, the Gryffindors had double Potions to look forward to, in the company of the first years from Slytherin House. The Potions classroom was located underground in one of the old dungeons. Professor Slughorn, a fat old gentleman who didn't seem nearly as disagreeable as his name suggested, explained that the dungeon walls had been magically strengthened to keep prisoners from blasting their way out during the ancient days, so the rooms were now ideally suited to containing the results of any student potion that might accidentally go awry.

He lectured them for a short while on classroom safety, then told them to pair up and attempt to brew a basic Color-Changing Potion. "If they are done correctly," he said, "I will charm them with the color of your choice and we'll be able to test them before you leave." James looked excitedly over at Peter, who was already shifting nervously in his seat.

The professor muttered a spell, and a set of instructions appeared on each student's table. James and Peter paired up and set to work; much to Remus' surprise, Severus Snape asked him if he wanted to work together. He said yes, as he hadn't seen Severus since the day they'd been sorted into separate houses, so they set up Severus' cauldron and began to scan the brewing instructions.

"Here, I'll get the pickled clover stems," said Remus, digging in his kit until he found the jar he was looking for.

As he carefully dropped three stems into the cauldron, Severus looked searchingly at him. "I didn't know you'd be in Gryffindor," he said after a moment. As everyone else was busy conversing with their own partners, nobody but Remus heard him.

"Neither did I," said Remus with a grin.

Severus shook his head. "No, I mean you don't seem like a Gryffindor," he said shortly.

Remus frowned. "Why not?"

The other boy shrugged, adding ten dried pumpkin seeds to the cauldron. "They're all so... ugh." He wrinkled his nose with distaste.

"I like them," said Remus defensively.

Severus shrugged.

"Er," said Remus as he looked at the next ingredient, "why don't you add the monkshood? I'll just mash the mugwort...."

"All right," said Severus, preparing said ingredient as Remus tried not to wrinkle his nose at the vile smell of it.

Damn, thought Remus. I wonder how often we'll have to use that bloody plant in here? He began a mental list of potions to avoid brewing on his own, and placed Color-Changing Potion at the top of it.

"How do you like Slytherin, then?" said Remus.

A sudden gleam shone in Severus' dark eyes as he looked up. "I like it. A lot."

Remus smiled, though the look on Severus' face somehow made him a little uncomfortable. "Good."

"You know," mused Severus, "everyone in my house was really surprised when that Sirius Black was put into Gryffindor."

Suddenly remembering the hisses that had come from the Slytherin table when Sirius had been sorted, Remus asked why that might be.

"Didn't you know?" said Severus with a surprised sort of chuckle. "The Black family has been in Slytherin for hundreds of years - almost as long as my mother's family has," he added proudly. A wry grin twisted his face. "Wonder what his mum and dad said when they found out he's in Gryffindor."

Remus frowned at him, but he didn't reply, for something else had caught his eye. From two tables down, Sirius was staring directly at them with a hardened look on his face. Remus suddenly didn't know which boy looked more frightening: Sirius, whose cold expression bordered on malice, or Severus, whose strange smile reminded him of a hag he'd seen once in a Muggle storybook.

Remus cleared his throat loudly, hoping to keep Severus' attention on the potion and away from Sirius. "Here," he said, "we've only got to stir it eight times each way round and then let it simmer for five minutes."

Severus stirred the contents of the cauldron rather violently, and Remus glanced back over at Sirius, who was angrily throwing another ingredient into the cauldron that he shared with Danny Liang.

Evidently it was the wrong ingredient.

The potion inside hissed loudly for a few seconds before it erupted with a loud bang, spraying the contents all over not only Sirius and Danny, but also James, who was working at the next table over.

"Ewww!" moaned James. The unfinished potion, which had not yet been charmed, turned his arms and face a sickly yellow color where they'd been splashed, though for some reason his robes remained unharmed.

"What happened over here?" shouted Professor Slughorn, running over to the scene of the incident and surveying it quickly. "Ah, mugwort before monkshood, Mr. Black, Mr. Liang? A very careless mistake. I won't take points from your house as it's only the first lesson, but for our next lesson I would like each of you to prepare me an essay on the proper brewing of this potion." He vanished the mess with a wave of his wand, then asked if anyone's potion was ready yet.

They left the classroom an hour or so later, Remus examining his quill (which was now an interesting red color) and Peter poking his green hair with a finger to see if it felt any different. Although under different circumstances James might have been quite tickled by Peter's new appearance, he had been glowering steadily since the explosion of Sirius' cauldron, even though Professor Slughorn had successfully turned his skin back to normal.

"He did that on purpose, d'you know that?" said James as the three of them began to head back to Gryffindor Tower. "He made it blow up on purpose so it would splash me."

"He didn't--" But Remus didn't get to finish; James fixed him with a glare that would have made a gargoyle shudder.

"He did," said James in a voice that bordered on a snarl. "And I'll get him back for it, too."

* * * * *

By the end of the first week, when the first years had been to each of their subjects at least twice, Remus began to realize why Professor Dumbledore had hinted that he might want to tell some of his other teachers about his secret. Not only had wolfsbane been used in their very first Potions lesson, but there were at least two pages devoted to the plant in their Herbology text, One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi. Remus decided that he would have to ask their teacher, Professor Sprout, whether or not she planned to include it in her first year lessons.

Worst of all, though, was their Astronomy class. The first time the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws had gone up to Professor Sinistra's tower, on Friday at midnight, she had informed them that they would not be having lessons on a steady weekly basis. Instead, the class would meet four times each moon cycle: once at the full moon, once at the new moon, and once at each half-moon. She explained that she took a great interest in the different ways that the light of the moon affected the view of the stars from Earth. Remus, already an avid stargazer for reasons that were quite his own, had never noticed much of a difference, but he didn't say anything.

Before they left, Professor Sinistra distributed small rolls of parchment on which lunar calendars had been printed, detailing exactly when each of their lessons would be. Remus looked at his calendar, suddenly wondering whether it would be more appropriate to laugh or cry. On one hand, he had long ago memorized the moon's patterns and it somehow amused him to see them written down so explicitly. But on the other hand, there were four full moons before the Christmas holidays. Four lessons that he would have to miss.

He felt the color drain out of his face as he realized there was no way around this; he would have to miss a lesson on every full moon, and he could tell already that Professor Sinistra was not the sort who would dismiss that as coincidence. It was a choice between telling her and letting her find out for herself, and there was never any doubt in his mind as to which option would be worse. For a moment, Remus toyed with the idea of asking Professor Dumbledore to tell her instead, but he dismissed the thought almost as soon as it entered his mind.

This is my own responsibility, he thought firmly as he stuffed the calendar into his schoolbag. The hat said that I belonged in Gryffindor, and I'd better start being brave about things before it changes its mind....

He resolved that he would tell Professor Sinistra everything at their next lesson, which was....

His face fell. Their next lesson was the following Friday night, at the full moon. But surely it wouldn't hurt to miss one lesson first and tell her the reason later?

"You coming, Remus?" called Peter. All the other students were heading sleepily back to their rooms, and James and Peter were standing side by side, silhouetted by the light emanating from the passageway that led from the Astronomy Tower back to the main school.

"Yup!" he said. He hoisted his bag over his shoulder and went over to join them. But before he could start down the stairs, the echo of his own thoughts made him hesitate: Better start being brave about things....

He winced, wondering when he'd become so conscientious. "Actually," he said slowly, "I've just remembered - I have to ask Professor Sinistra about something. I'll meet you in the common room, all right?"

James shrugged. "We'll wait if you want."

Despite an unreasonable urge to panic, Remus forced himself to remain calm. "No, I'm not sure how long this is going to take. I'll see you in a bit," he said firmly.

James looked at him skeptically for a moment before his face split into a devilish grin. As if reading James' thoughts, Peter started to sing softly under his breath, "Remus and Sinistra sittin' in a tree...."

"Shh!" Remus hissed, but even though he didn't think the teacher had overheard them, he was certain that his face was already bright red. Peter doubled over with laughter, and James let out a little "Ha!"

"Well, we'll just leave you to it, then," James whispered. "Come on, Pete, they'll need privacy...."

Half mortified and half relieved, Remus watched them scamper down the stairs before turning back to his teacher, who was crouched on the ground, meticulously packing the students' telescopes back in their cases.

"Professor Sinistra?" he said tentatively.

She turned around with a kind smile. "Yes? Lupin, is it?"

Remus nodded. All of a sudden he was at a loss for words.

She raised an eyebrow, but the smile remained on her face. "Do you have a question, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus swallowed hard and forced himself to speak. "Yes, Professor. Er... not exactly. More of a... well you see... it's about the timetable." He wetted his suddenly dry lips with his tongue, and when he spoke again he found that his voice wouldn't rise above a hoarse whisper. "I'll have to miss some of the lessons, Professor."

Professor Sinistra stood up, crossing her arms over her chest as her robes billowed theatrically out around her. Remus was suddenly seized by an image of a horrible night-bird that would peck him to death for missing lessons. Brave, he reminded himself, and looked right into his teacher's dark eyes, which were still kind even though the smile had left her face.

"And why is that?" she asked.

"The full moon lessons," he said in the same low voice. "I can't...."

Merlin's beard, he thought, this is too hard. I should have asked Professor Dumbledore to tell her. He looked up into the night sky, hoping that he could find inspiration there - or at least something that might distract his teacher long enough for him to make a quick escape.

Professor Sinistra pointedly cleared her throat. When Remus met her eyes again, she was looking at him with her arms still folded impatiently across her chest. He suddenly felt very small.

There was another uncomfortable moment of silence, and finally Remus took a deep breath and spoke the words as fast as his mouth would allow: "I can't come to lessons on the full moon because I'm a werewolf."

The teacher looked quite shocked for a moment, and Remus found himself hoping that she didn't make a habit of carrying silver around. He watched as her expression faltered; she seemed unsure as to whether she should run away or accuse him of lying.

But what she did do was far worse.

She laughed.

As he looked up at her with wide eyes, she passed a hand over her brow and shook her head with mirth. "Oh dear," she said. "They told me to be ready for every excuse imaginable, but I must admit I was entirely unprepared for this one! Your imagination does you credit, young man, but I'm afraid I'm not quite that naïve. You know as well as I do that Hogwarts School does not admit werewolves."

"I'm not lying!" protested Remus.

Smiling again, Professor Sinistra turned back to her telescopes and began to disassemble the last one. "Of course not. Just a trick to play on the new teacher, yes? Well I'm not fooled, so you can run along and get some sleep. It's been a long week for all of us; I shall see you next Friday--"

"No you won't," said Remus, trying very hard to keep his voice level. "That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"Mr. Lupin," she said sharply, "I've had quite enough. Have I not made it clear that I will not tolerate you missing one of my lessons every month?"

"You can ask Professor Dumbledore," he said quietly.

She froze and turned slowly to look at him. Doubt was still etched into her every feature, yet she suddenly seemed at a loss for words. Remus, sensing that he had said the right thing, repeated, "You can ask the headmaster if you don't believe me. He'll tell you I'm a werewolf."

"Professor Dumbledore really admitted...?" She trailed off and then tried again. "To Hogwarts?"

"Yes," said Remus, studiously ignoring the almost imperceptible shaking of her hands. "You can ask him. He'll tell you."

She quickly closed the last telescope case and stood up. "Yes... yes, I will. I shall let you know when I've spoken to him, and then we can discuss your absences further...."

She looked over the edge of the tower, up at the sky, down at the grounds. Anywhere but at me, he realized. His brow furrowed. "All right," he said. "I'll just be going, then."

Professor Sinistra nodded vaguely, and Remus turned and fled down the stairs.

He stalked blindly through corridor after corridor, up and down the various stairways that would eventually lead him back to Gryffindor Tower. Aside from a few ghosts (who didn't hassle him), he didn't encounter anybody at all - and he was glad of this, for at the moment his heart was pounding so hard that he didn't dare think of what he might do if he encountered a fellow student.

Amidst all the confusion that the past few minutes had inspired, Remus was certain of one thing: that was not how people were supposed to react when you told them you were a werewolf. He had imagined various people's reactions to his secret, and most of them involved the other party either running away or attacking him with silver things. But this, he was sure, had to be worse. He'd never dreamed that Professor Sinistra would think he was lying just to get out of her lessons! She doesn't understand, he thought angrily. You simply don't lie about things like that.

A high-pitched cackling noise made him stop in his tracks and look up. The hall was empty, but he knew that cackle: he had met Peeves the Poltergeist on Monday, his first day of lessons, and had narrowly avoided being hit by a large armful of water-balloons.

His attention back on the present thanks to the poltergeist's rude laugh, Remus suddenly realized that this was not the way to Gryffindor Tower at all. Before Peeves could enter the hall and spot him, he quickly retraced his steps back to the fifth floor balcony that overlooked the entrance hall, and from there he made his way up to the seventh floor.

"Pickled newt scales," he said breathlessly to the Fat Lady, who smiled benevolently at him and swung her portrait open.

No sooner had he climbed into the common room than Peter's squeaky voice reached him from one of the couches: "There he is!"

"It's about time, mate," said James. "We were starting to wonder if you were going to spend the night up there."

Remus ignored the wicked glint in James' eye and flopped sullenly down on the couch, where the other two had scooted over to make room for him. The common room was empty except for a trio of older students that Remus didn't know, and no wonder; it was nearly two in the morning.

"Remus looks distressed," James commented to the world at large, as if he were narrating some sort of drama. "We must wonder why that could be.... Do you know why, Pete?"

Peter pretended to ponder the matter for a moment before he turned to Remus with an expression full of pity. "Did she let you down easy, at least?"

Remus swatted furiously at Peter, but James caught his arm before he could strike. "Easy there," he said. "It's all right - I mean, she's too old for you anyway, right?"

"Just stop it," said Remus in a dangerous voice, breaking his arm free from James' grip.

James backed away from him, almost squashing Peter into the corner of the couch. He held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. "Hey, we were just joking...."

Remus glared at them. He wanted to find some way of explaining that this was nothing to be joked about, but he could think of no rational reason for his behavior. Except the truth, of course. But the truth would never do. With a shake of his head, he got up and headed for the staircase.

He had almost reached the base of the stairs when James jumped in front of him, blocking his way. "What?" said Remus impatiently.

"Listen," said James, the usual mischievous glint already back in his eye, "I've got something that'll cheer you up."

Thinking immediately of Chocolate Frogs, Remus brightened a bit.

Peter appeared beside them. "We're hexing Ear Boy!" he whispered fervently.

"I'm telling it," said James irritably, then turned back to Remus. "We're hexing Ear Boy."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "So I hear."

"Listen," said James again, "it's a brilliant idea. We found this great one in Professor Harker's book: it makes you grow feelers, like a bug!" He waggled two of his fingers in demonstration. "He went to bed already, see, so we can do it while he's sleeping and then he'll wake up with feelers and he won't even know who did it!"

"Don't you think he'll guess it was you?" said Remus, although he was already smiling at the thought of one of his classmates wearing bug feelers.

James shrugged. "Maybe. But he won't be able to prove it. And besides, I need to get him back for that stupid cauldron thing he did on Wednesday."

"He didn't--"

"He did do it on purpose!" said James darkly. "So stop defending him. Are you in or not?"

Remus hesitated only a moment. "I'm in."

James and Peter exchanged grins. "Excellent. Here's the plan...."

About five minutes later, three silent figures entered the first year Gryffindor boys' dormitory. Each went to his own bed and pulled on his pyjamas, making a visible effort to be nonchalant. After a moment, James looked at Remus and inclined his head meaningfully toward the other end of the room. Remus took his cue and strolled casually over toward the window, gazing outside for a moment before glancing at Ear Boy's bed.

Sirius slept with the curtain drawn only on one side: unsurprisingly, the side that was closest to James' bed. From his spot by the window, Remus could see the pale moonlight illuminating the boy's face. Sirius was definitely, Remus decided, asleep.

He crept back over to his own bed, giving James an affirmative nod as he passed. Peter, looking so excited that Remus thought he might burst, tiptoed over to Sirius' bed. As quietly as possible, he pulled the curtain back to give James a clear view of their intended victim.

James nodded, and all three of them slipped silently into their beds. Remus and Peter lay still as if asleep, and James sat up and drew out his wand. He pointed it intently at Sirius - but Remus never got to hear the spell.

Almost as soon as James opened his mouth, Sirius was sitting up in his own bed, pointing his wand at James. Two spells were shouted simultaneously, and a shower of sparks shot from each wand - Remus sat bolt upright to see what was happening. James' spell missed Sirius by inches and went flying through the window, but James had to duck to avoid Sirius' well-aimed shot.

The spell hit Remus right in the shoulder.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. An odd tingling sensation rose from his shoulder up the back of his neck, and he felt a sudden pressure on his forehead. James, Peter, and Sirius all looked at him with open mouths.

Peter suddenly burst out laughing, and Andy Hayden, who'd started stirring at the first hints of noise, raised his head blearily. "Whaaa?"

"Remus has a unicorn horn!" said James. "A big one!"

"Cool!" breathed Sirius. "I never got that one to work before...."

Andy grumbled something and went back to sleep, and Danny never even moved. James jumped frog-like from his own bed over to Remus', where the latter was passing his hand gingerly over his forehead. He couldn't get his eyes to look up far enough to see the result of Sirius' spell, but his hand told him plainly what had happened: he'd grown a very long, very heavy horn just below his hairline. James stared, but he didn't dare touch it.

Sirius padded over to have a closer look, his face faltering between remorse and glee. "Sorry, er... that wasn't supposed to hit you," he said. James glared at him, though he was clearly glad that the spell had missed its intended target.

"'s your fault," muttered Remus, glaring at James in turn.

"Mine?" exclaimed the other boy.

"And yours," continued Remus, his eyes flickering over to Peter as the fourth boy joined them. "If you two hadn't come up with that stupid plan in the first place...."

Sirius snickered. "He's got a point, Pottyhead."

"Nobody asked you," James shot back. "Just undo the spell, all right?"

Sirius shifted his weight uneasily. "Oh yes... about that...."

Remus groaned. In a flash, James was inches away from Sirius, pointing his wand threateningly at the other boy's face. "Do not tell me," said James in a harsh whisper, "that you don't know how to get rid of it."

An insolent grin crept across Sirius' face. "All right. I won't."

Only Andy's voice saved Sirius from James' wand: "Will you please shut up and let me sleep!"

Everyone froze as Andy made a great noisy show of rearranging his pillow and making himself comfortable again. James glared at Sirius. Sirius grinned at James. Peter watched them with wide eyes. Remus tried in vain to see if the horn would snap off.

After a moment James whispered, "Common room. Now."

He stalked out the door without another word. Remus and Peter exchanged a worried look and then turned their heads in unison toward Sirius, who was looking rather sheepish now that James had gone. He looked for a moment as though he wanted to say something, but decided against it and scampered out the door.

"We'd better make sure James doesn't kill him," said Peter quietly, and he and Remus headed down to the common room at Sirius' heels.

When the three boys reached the bottom of the staircase, they saw that the common room was empty save for the presence of James, who was already pacing to and fro in front of the cold fireplace, looking far too pensive. He looked up sharply when the other three appeared. "I have a plan," he announced.

Peter groaned.

"Shut up, Pete," said James automatically. "Now, we need to get Remus to the hospital wing so the Healer can get rid of that... that. So here's what we do. Pete, you go ahead of us and keep a lookout for teachers and that awful greasy fellow with the whip."

"Filch?" said Peter, growing a shade paler even as he said the name. "But what if I get caught?"

"That's why I have a plan," said James. "If you get caught, you pretend you were looking for a teacher because you forgot the password to Gryffindor Tower. Just be sure to talk loud enough so we can hide in time, right? So I'll bring Remus up to the hospital wing and explain how I found him in a broom closet with a horn on his head and how his wand must have backfired or something."

James finished outlining the plan with a proud grin, and the other three just stared at him, not knowing quite how to respond.

Finally, Remus spoke in a small voice: "Wouldn't it just be easier if I went up by myself and said that I got hexed...?"

James looked at him as though he'd grown something much more unusual than a horn. "Because then we'd get in trouble."

Remus smiled wickedly. "So?"

"So you'd get in trouble too," said James. "You were in on the hexing plan too, remember?"

Sirius looked wounded. "He was?"

"Who cares!" said Remus. "Let's just go and get rid of this thing, all right?" He swept past them with a flourish worthy of James, climbing out of the portrait hole with the other three behind him.

"You needn't come," said James shortly, glaring at Sirius yet again as the latter stepped out into the corridor.

Sirius snorted. "You expect me to give up a chance to get a look at this place at night? I don't think so, Pottyhead."

James raised his wand again, but Peter intervened. "Let him come, okay? He can be the lookout instead of me."

This idea made James slightly happier and Sirius slightly less so, but they agreed nevertheless. Remus told them how to find the hospital wing (or at least the general direction in which it lay, as he wasn't altogether certain of how to get there), and soon the odd foursome crept along the halls with a very reluctant Sirius a good deal ahead of the others.

The first ten minutes were ultimately uneventful, despite the rapidly growing number of times that Sirius pretended to see a teacher coming and then laughed hysterically while Remus, James, and Peter all dived for cover. "That's not funny," James would say every time it happened, but Sirius still persisted in thinking that it was, in fact, very funny indeed.

"Are we there yet?" said Peter after a while, looking as though he would collapse any moment from either exhaustion or pure nerves - or possibly a combination of both.

"Almost," said James confidently.

"Not nearly," said Remus.

"Oh," said James.

Remus paused, looking at the dimly lit hall. "I think it's the other way. We should have taken the other corridor back where we turned last."

Sirius, noticing that they'd stopped and looking slightly miffed that nobody had thought to inform him of the fact, jogged the handful of paces that lay between him and the group. "You've got no idea where we are, do you, Loopy?" he said.

"Sure I do," said Remus a bit shiftily. "We just have to go back that way and... hm."

James sighed theatrically. "Lost! Only the first week and we're lost! I wonder how soon they'll find our bodies...."

"Shut up," said Peter. "Er, maybe we should go back?" Remus stared at him. Peter took one nervous look at Remus' horn and continued, "Or we could keep looking, you know, whatever suits you."

At that moment there was a loud splash, and Remus whirled around: there stood Sirius, suddenly much wetter than he had previously been.

"Wha--?" said Sirius in astonishment, looking around for the culprit.

He didn't have to look far; Peeves the Poltergeist had appeared right over their heads, surveying his handiwork and cackling loudly. "Poor firstie's wet!" he sang in a screechy voice, and Remus looked around nervously, hoping that nobody would overhear him.

James and Peter seemed unable to decide whether to be amused or offended, but Sirius just looked mildly annoyed. "Ha ha," he said. "You got me with a water balloon three days ago. Can't you come up with anything cleverer than that?"

Peeves stuck his tongue out at Sirius. "Could, but poor firsties wouldn't like 'em at all," he whispered conspiratorially.

"Wouldn't like what?"

"Bigger water balloons!" screeched Peeves, doing a flashy mid-air somersault that made Peter turn faintly green.

"Water balloons stopped being funny after the first time," said Sirius.

Peeves sat in the air for a moment as if thinking this over, then he pantomimed tiptoeing toward Sirius until they were face to face (only made strange by the fact that Peeves had turned himself upside-down) and said, "Balloons'll only stop being funny when you stop getting wet." With that, he blew a very loud raspberry right in Sirius' ear and fled down the hall, cackling all the way.

"Ew," said James as Sirius tried to wipe his ear clean with his sleeve.

"I really think we should just go back," said Peter again, no longer attempting to hide his nervousness.

"Splendid idea," said Sirius as he shook some of the water out of his hair.

"What about the horn?" said James.

Now it was Sirius' turn to glare. "Loopy Lupin can wait till tomorrow, can't you, Loopy?"

"Would you want to wait till tomorrow?" said James before Remus could reply.

"No, you see, I wouldn't've got myself hexed in the first place."

"You were the one who hexed him!"

"Would you rather I'd got you instead?"

"That's not the point...."

"Shhh!" Remus hissed, pointing down the hall in the direction in which Peeves had just fled.

"What?" whispered Peter.

"Someone's there," said Remus, straining his ears.

"I don't hear anything," said Sirius, and though James didn't say anything, it looked as though he agreed with Sirius.

Remus chuckled as he heard a faint splash followed by a distinct curse. "Someone else just got hit by a water balloon."

"Someone as in a teacher or someone as in another student?" said James.

"Or someone as in someone who might know where the hospital wing is?" added Peter.

"How should I know?" said Remus. "Look, maybe we're better off waiting till tomorrow... it's not that big a deal," he added unconvincingly.

"You sure?" said James.

In the momentary pause that followed, Remus listened very carefully. "Footsteps," he said softly. "Yeah, I'm sure. Er. Which way back to the tower?"

Both James and Sirius looked as though they wanted to pounce on (or at least say something very rude to) Remus, but Peter saved all of them from yet another outburst. "Back this way, I think," he said, starting cautiously back down the hall from which they'd come. "They really ought to have maps of this place."

Remus shook his head sadly, which was an interesting experience since the horn had already thrown off his sense of balance. "Steady there, mate," said James as Remus almost toppled over. Sirius snickered and bounded along the hall after Peter.

James and Remus followed them at an easy pace, the former keeping an eye out in case the latter should start to fall down again. "Don't worry, Remus," murmured James under his breath after a moment. "We'll get him back for this."

Remus snorted. "Oh, so this revenge plot worked so well that you want to try it again?"

James moved as if to make a retort, but checked himself and remained silent. Remus was quite surprised to see that he looked more than a little abashed. "Sorry about that," said James.

"Quite all right," said Remus magnanimously, suddenly more willing to forgive now that the mistake had finally been admitted. "Wasn't your fault. Entirely."

James pushed his glasses up, looking slightly taken aback at this change of heart, but he didn't reply. After all, once someone decided something wasn't your fault, it was probably best not to argue the point.

Having taken back his role as lookout, Sirius resumed his game of pretending to see a teacher; James and Remus stopped paying attention to him and, after being fooled only twice more, Peter did as well. They crept unnoticed back into Gryffindor Tower and up to bed, where Remus managed to arrange himself in a sideways position that allowed his horn to rest against the sheets. And though the horn still gave him a headache and he was certain that the point would tear a hole in the bedclothes before morning, Remus drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.