Hello, Mrs Weasley

Hello, Mrs Weasley

It was August of the summer after Harry, Ron and Hermione's fifth year at school, and both Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were staying at the Burrow with the Weasleys. As usual, Harry had a spare bed in Ron's room, and Hermione a spare bed in Ginny's room.

On a Sunday morning, the teenagers were still in bed, after their late Quidditch playing the previous evening. Molly Weasley hummed a half-forgotten tune as she climbed the stairs to wake them. At the door on the third landing, she knocked and called, 'Ginny! Hermione!'

Ginny replied, 'OK, Mum!'

Molly climbed further to the twins' room, where she called them in turn, getting a grunt in reply. Finally, she reached the attic room with its little sign on the door 'Ronald's Room' and knocked again, calling, 'Ron! Harry!'

'OK!' came Hermione's reply. Hermione? What on earth? Molly pushed open the door, and was shocked to see the scene inside. Ron was hiding under the bedcovers, only the top of his red hair visible, while Hermione was propped up on her elbows in bed beside him. Her cheeks were slightly pink -- Molly didn't dare guess whether it was from exertion or embarrassment.

'Hello, Mrs Weasley!' said Hermione happily. 'Guess what we've been doing?'

A muffled groan emerged from under the covers next to her. Molly hardly noticed. She let go of the door handle and sank weakly onto the second bed just inside the door, half-noticing that it was empty. Most of Hermione was still covered by the blankets, but her shoulders were bare. Molly was quite sure she'd never seen any nightdress or pyjamas that left the shoulders so bare, and had to assume that Hermione was, at the very least, not wearing a pyjama top or anything else above the waist.

Molly said 'What on earth?'

'Oh,' said Hermione. 'I thought you'd guess what we've been doing.'

Clearly, Molly could rule out embarrassment, which meant Hermione's colour had to be due to exertion.

There were footsteps outside on the stairs, and Arthur Weasley's voice. 'Molly? Where are you? Your cousin's owled us at last.'

'In here, Mr Weasley!' called Hermione.

Arthur entered and stopped short.

'Hello. Guess what we've been doing?' Hermione repeated.

Molly moved a little further up the bed. Arthur sank onto the end of it, and worked through the same mental processes as she had done. He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat.

'Have you been there all night?'

'Oh yes,' said Hermione brightly, turning to look at the hidden figure beside her. 'Ron's great.'

'Is he?' asked Arthur, wondering if he'd gone mad. He was sure that, when they were teenagers, he and Molly had been sneaking around trying to hide what they were doing. None of their older sons had been quite so obvious about having had sex; indeed, he was still convinced that Percy hadn't even tried it, as it didn't involve any forms filled out in triplicate.

'Well, I think so,' she replied. 'I don't have anyone to compare him with, of course, but I like sleeping with him.'

'Of course,' echoed Molly weakly. 'So this is the first time you've spent the night together in the same bed?'

'Oh, no. We started at Christmas, and we've found a few more opportunities since.'

'Opportunities. Yes, very good. You should always seize opportunities when they arise, in case you miss them,' said Arthur. Part of his brain wondered what on earth he was saying -- he seemed to be reciting part of a motivation speech the Ministry had insisted senior employees attend. 'I mean -- no, I didn't mean that. There've been other opportunities then? How?'

'There were other times when both of the other girls in my dorm weren't there for some reason,' Hermione explained. 'So we took advantage of those times too. Making love is fun, you see.'

'We know,' said Molly. She listened as her voice, too, seemed to be running on automatic, and wondered what she was going to say. Would it be as bad as Arthur's opportunities speech? 'That's how we got seven children, after all.' She cringed. It was worse.

Hermione just nodded. 'I thought you'd know. I wanted to tell you earlier, but Ron was worried you still thought of him as a child, not as a teenager with sexual urges. So we compromised, and used this idea, so that once you'd seen us, we couldn't really change our minds and not tell you.'

'Dumb idea,' muttered the unseen figure.

'Ron, stop hiding,' said his father irritably. 'You're not fooling anyone -- we do know it's you.'

Ron reluctantly pushed back the blankets and emerged, uncovering more of Hermione as a result. Arthur gulped and closed his eyes.

'Sorry, Hermione!' Ron exclaimed, and there were the sounds of blankets being moved, and then Molly said, 'You can open your eyes again, Arthur.' He did, and was relieved to see Hermione was again covered up, though her face was a bit pinker than before.

'So this is -- an announcement of what you've already been doing at school?' he asked.

Ron and Hermione both nodded.

'You've been taking every chance you get, to sleep together in Hermione's bed?' asked Molly, trying to make sure she had heard correctly.

'Yes,' said Hermione, having paused to see if Ron would say anything. 'We also used the Prefects' Bathroom a few times, since we can't be interrupted in there.'

'How do you manage to get into that?' asked Arthur curiously. 'We tried doing it a few times in our day, when we found out where they both were, but we could never get in.' Was this really the sort of thing he should be saying at this point?

'Hermione's a Prefect, remember Dad?' said Ron. Hermione had been staying at the Burrow the previous year when the letter containing the silver badge with P for Prefect on it had arrived.

'Of course she is! I remember now. So you're allowed in, and Ron can get in if he's with you?'

'Yes,' said Hermione. 'Then there's this big convenient bath for afterwards.'

'Convenient? Yes, I suppose it would be.' Arthur had a brief thought that the conversation was getting away from him. Then he realised that it had, of course, been Hermione who had controlled the conversation from the start. He shook his head in amazement. As the father of six sons, he had often wondered how he would react, what he would say, if he ever found one of them in bed with a girlfriend. He had never expected that the first time it happened, it would be his youngest son. Nor, in his wildest dreams, had he ever imagined that Hermione would be the one caught in bed with him -- except of course, she hadn't been caught, she'd planned this. She'd planned it. It would never have occurred to him at her age to come up with this sort of plan to tell his or Molly's parents what they'd been doing. And never, even in a fever dream, could he have imagined that he'd be the embarrassed one, letting the conversation get away from him, and facing a teenage girl who didn't seem to be in the least bit embarrassed by it all. Even though she didn't even seem to have anything on except blankets -- he forced himself not to think about that.

Molly sat back on the empty bed, trying to think of something -- anything -- to say. She thought to herself that of course the bed was empty, since Hermione was in Ron's bed ... but ...

'Where's Harry?' she asked, suddenly realising. 'Hermione, you and Harry haven't just swapped beds, have you? Harry's not in our Ginny's room?'

Arthur stood up at this. Sons sleeping with lovers were one thing, daughters sleeping with lovers quite another; and Ginny was still only fifteen, while Harry was a week past his sixteenth birthday.

Hermione shook her head. 'No, Fred and George moved my bed into their room yesterday evening. Harry slept in there last night.'

'Oh. Good,' said Molly, greatly relieved at that news. Suddenly, she forgave Hermione everything, though she hadn't really been blaming her for anything before -- it was a confusing morning.

'That's a relief,' agreed Arthur, sitting down again.

'Harry's very much aware Ginny's only fifteen, and he has other reasons for not wanting a girlfriend yet,' said Hermione.

'Good for Harry,' said Arthur weakly.

*

Almost an hour later, everyone had finished arguing over whose turn it was in the bathroom, and they were all gathered together in the kitchen for a late breakfast. Harry smiled at Hermione. 'Did it go OK?' he asked.

'It did!' she said happily. 'And now they know, so that's all right.'

Fred shook his head in disbelief. 'I could never have gone through with a plan like that, even if I'd had the idea in the first place.' George nodded his agreement.

Percy was taking almost no part in the conversation. The others suspected he was secretly jealous, as his and Penny's on-again, off-again engagement had become a family joke, and both of them seemed to be saving a physical relationship until they were married -- if that was ever going to happen.

Ginny looked at Harry. 'Maybe I'll try using the idea one day. I mean, it worked for Ron and Hermione,' she said wistfully.

'You wouldn't!' said George in amazement.

'Maybe not. But I'll think about it.' She looked over at her parents, who didn't look too happy. 'I said one day! Not until I'm sixteen.'

'I think Hermione's having a bad influence on you, Ginny,' said Ron.

'You also think I'm having a bad influence on you,' said Hermione to him, teasing. He blushed.

Ginny giggled. 'I like Hermione. She comes up with plans like this, and she goes through with them -- no stopping halfway through.' Her parents still didn't look too happy. 'Though I don't know if I'd ever have the courage to do it.'

'Try this instead -- be miles away from here, and send a letter starting, "Hello Mum. Guess what we've been doing." and see if she recognises the style,' suggested Hermione.

'Oh, I'd recognise it. That sentence is burnt into my memory forever now,' said Molly. 'It's such a nice, short, innocuous sentence -- and it had so much meaning packed into it.'

'So would you like me to send a letter like that?' asked Ginny.

'Please don't,' said her father. 'I don't really know how I'd react if you did something like Hermione did this morning, either. It would be better if you would just sit down at this table and tell us anything you want to tell us about.'

'Good luck, Ginny,' said Ron. 'I could never have managed to just talk like that. That's why Hermione came up with this idea instead. Though she did offer to just talk to Mum and Dad for me!'

'You did?' Arthur asked Hermione.

'Ron wouldn't let me,' she said, sounding disappointed.

'I'm still amazed at the two of you,' said George. 'Completely amazed.'

'But in a good way?' asked Hermione.

'Definitely,' said George.

A suspicion began to grow in Arthur's mind. 'How many of you knew this plan was going on before this morning -- before we did?'

'All of us,' said Harry. 'I had to move rooms, after all, and Ginny had to know why Hermione wasn't going to be in her room, and the twins helped me move into their room. Only Percy didn't know.'

'Thank you for that small mercy,' said Percy dryly.

Harry grinned. 'We told Ron too, but I forget why.'

Ron glared at Harry. 'I was slightly involved!'

'Not very much though,' said his father. 'You hardly even spoke, and you were hiding under the blankets for half the time.'

Fred stared at Ron. 'You just hid? You let Hermione cope with talking to Mum and Dad on her own?'

Ron reddened again. 'Well, she did such a good job of it,' he muttered.

There was a pause for a while, and they continued eating their breakfasts. Then Arthur asked, 'Did you all find out yesterday that Ron and Hermione had been sleeping together? I mean, when this plan got started?'

'No,' said Hermione. 'I already knew.'

Harry laughed. 'And we think Ron did too.'

'What is this, pick-on-Ron day?' asked Ron. 'Of course I knew!' He grinned. 'I found out almost as soon as Hermione did.'

'They told me almost as soon as I got back from Sirius' place in the Christmas holidays,' said Harry. 'Hermione wanted to use that same idea to let me know, but they just talked to me instead.'

Percy just glowered at everyone else. 'I don't know how you can simply talk about such things. Have you no shame at all, any of you?'

Fred looked at George. 'We both found out at the same time as the rest of the Gryffindors did, when they got fed up with sneaking around and keeping it secret.'

'The whole of Gryffindor? The whole House?' asked Molly faintly.

'I did want you two to know earlier,' Hermione told her quietly. 'I'd already told my parents.'

'I found out on Ron's birthday,' said Ginny.

'You didn't!' exclaimed George. 'How?'

'I was paying attention,' she said smugly. 'Well, and they weren't being very subtle.'

'The whole of Gryffindor?' said Molly again. 'Suppose someone told McGonagall? What would have happened then?'

'Nothing,' Hermione said. 'I'd told her before the rest of the House found out.'

'You. Told. McGonagall,' echoed Molly, who seemed to be either in total disbelief or in shock.

'You actually told her? McGonagall? We are talking about strict Professor McGonagall here, aren't we?' asked Arthur, who was beginning to wonder if his ears had gone mad.

Hermione nodded. 'Well, she had seen Ron running naked down the stairs from my dorm to get to his, over Christmas. She was quite shocked.'

'I'm ... not surprised,' said Molly.

'Hermione even offered to give up her badge,' said Harry. 'McGonagall actually refused to take it.'

'You told her? I didn't know you'd told her! I thought we were trying to keep her from finding out!' said Fred. 'And you say she saw Ron ... we never knew that, either!'

'You never asked,' said Ron.

'We never did,' said George with a grin. 'After that evening, I suppose we should have realised you might actually have answered if we had asked. You didn't seem to be the usual shy ickle Ronniekins that evening, after all.'

Molly looked suspiciously at her daughter. 'If you knew before the rest of the House, did you also know that McGonagall knew?'

Ginny grinned knowingly.

'Yes, Ginny knew that McGonagall knew,' confirmed Harry.

'My head is spinning from all these "knews" -- and from the news, for that matter,' said Molly, rubbing her forehead.

'Just how involved was Ginny in all of this?' asked Arthur suspiciously.

'I wasn't! I just found out by accident, and then Harry told me about McGonagall!' she protested.

'The only one who knew about everything in advance was Hermione,' said Harry. 'Even Ron had to find out from her.'

'Some friend you are,' muttered Ron.

Fred looked at his youngest brother. 'Do you mean sleeping together wasn't your idea? That Hermione made a pass at you?'

'At least we can talk about it. Who did you and Angelina ever tell?'

'What?' exclaimed their parents together.

Fred went red. 'Oh, great. Thanks a bunch, Ron!'

'I'm just fed up with everyone talking about what I've been doing! I'm not the only one to have slept with someone at school!' said Ron irritably.

'Everyone?' asked Hermione.

'Not you, no,' he replied, smiling at her.

'Who's this Angelina?' asked Molly. 'Have we ever met her?'

'A girl. Don't think so,' said Fred, who didn't seem to be as talkative all of a sudden.

'Last year's Head Girl,' said Ginny. 'She was a Chaser in the Quidditch team, too. And the Captain last year.'

'Oh, not another Quidditch romance,' said Arthur. 'We always seemed to have plenty of those in our day.' He smiled at Molly, who was smiling back.

Hermione looked at Ron and grinned. 'Traditions have to be kept up, don't they?'

Ginny looked at Harry, and also grinned. 'It must be all that Seeking, Chasing and Keeping. But no Beating.'

Hermione asked, 'Were you on the Quidditch team, Mr Weasley?'

'Yes, I was a Beater. Molly was Seeker for two years, but then changed to Chaser.'

'I chased him, and I caught him, too,' said Molly with a grin.

'Quidditch romances,' mused George. 'Do the Slytherins know about those?'

The others thought about it and gradually started laughing.

'What's so funny?' asked Arthur.

'The Slytherin team's been all-male since my second year,' explained Harry. 'The other teams all have at least one girl on, and our team is about fifty-fifty -- three boys and four girls next year. So team romances are so much easier for us, you see.'

'I am young and innocent and don't understand what you mean about the Slytherins,' said Ginny primly.

'Good,' said Molly. 'But I'm not quite convinced.'

'What about those Malfoy jokes then? You understood all of them,' said Hermione.

Ginny giggled, and blushed.

'It was nice while it lasted,' sighed Molly.

'Now that we've heard from Ron and Fred, do you have something to say, George?' asked Arthur.

George reddened. 'Not me. No. I'm the quiet one.'

Ron shrugged. 'I don't know anything about George's love life.'

'What do you think there is to know?' asked Fred.

'There can't be much,' said Ginny. 'Fred and George spend nearly all their time together. I've never noticed George spending lots of time with one girl, and I don't know how Fred found any time alone to see Angelina.'

'That's right,' agreed George. 'You know twins, we share everything.' He suddenly turned redder.

'What do you mean, "everything"?' demanded Molly.

'Everything?' asked Harry, surprised.

'You can't share people though,' objected Ginny. 'But I know George has someone.'

'I'm so glad you said that, Ginny,' said Arthur. 'Please don't ever change.'

'Well ... you know,' floundered George. 'I mean, we were even sharing our place on the Quidditch team, both being Beaters.'

'I don't care about the Quidditch bit -- do you really share everything?' asked Hermione, sounding much more interested than Ron liked.

'It's disgusting,' said Percy flatly. He grabbed some toast, and went outside, clearly fed up with the whole conversation.

'Can anyone remember if he and Penny are engaged at the moment?' asked Fred. He looked round at a group of blank faces. 'I just wondered if they'd broken it off again. We need a sign on the wall that we can turn round with "the engagement is on" and "the engagement is off".'

'And "the engagement is in the post",' suggested George, seizing on the change of subject.

Ginny shrugged. 'I don't care. I want to know what you're all talking about with Fred and George sharing. It means something to all of you, and I'm missing something.'

Fred and George glanced at each other, and neither answered her.

Harry put his hand over his mouth as though thinking, or stifling a grin.

Ron became very interested in the slice of toast he was eating, and didn't answer her.

'It doesn't mean anything, dear,' said Molly. 'Don't worry about it.'

'It's like you said -- you can't share people. They're just being silly,' said Arthur.

Ginny looked at Hermione, who winked. She hoped that meant she'd tell her later. It wasn't nice, being the only one who didn't know what was going on. Then it dawned on her. 'Oh! Do you mean you two take it in turns to go to that room in the North Tower with Angelina?'

'What do you know about this?' asked Molly.

'A room in the North Tower? I don't know what you mean,' said Fred.

'You know, near Professor Trelawney's rooms,' said Ginny.

'You're imagining things,' said George. 'Why would anyone go up there?'

'Ginny, what do you know?' asked Molly again.

'Professor Trelawney's always talking about hearing spirit voices now. She says one's male and one's female,' said Ginny.

'She's a fraud -- always making stuff up,' said Fred.

'I know, but why does she say that the female voice says, "Ooooh, Fred", or, "Ooooh, George"?'

Both twins turned redder than before.

'I just thought you were taking it in turns to go up there with your girlfriends, but I didn't realise it was always Angelina,' she finished.

'Are you sure about this?' asked Arthur.

'Well, I told Ron and Hermione about it ages ago, and they went up to see what the room was like, and they said it's got some really comfortable furniture in it.'

'Oh, no,' said Fred. 'I didn't think it mattered if I didn't Transfigure it back. I locked the door with a Charm.'

'So Hermione unlocked it. It was suspiciously wide furniture, too,' said Ron with a grin. 'Don't worry, we didn't use it. The nice big bathtub is more fun -- and nearer the common room, too.'

Fred and George didn't seem much more relieved at this announcement.

Percy came back in at this point. 'It's looking like rain out there,' he announced. 'Is there any chance you've found a decent topic of conversation yet?'

The others either shook their heads or didn't answer at all. Percy snorted and went towards the living room.

'Well, if it's going to rain, you won't be able to do any Quidditch practice,' said Arthur. 'You'll just have to find something you can do inside.' He then realised what he'd said, and turned red himself.

'Oh, that's a real shame,' said Hermione, sounding less sincere than anyone had ever heard her. Ron grinned and blushed at the same time.

'Well, I wouldn't mind a game of wizard chess,' said Harry. 'That is, if it really is going to rain, and it's not just Percy making an excuse to come back in and write another report.

'"Doing things inside" reminds me,' said Hermione. 'Is it OK with everyone if we keep last night's sleeping arrangements?'

Everyone looked toward Arthur and Molly.

'I suppose ... you already slept together last night anyway ... what difference does it really make?' said Arthur. He looked at his wife. 'What do you think, dear?'

Molly shrugged. 'It does seem a bit late to worry about it now.'

'Thanks, Mum and Dad,' said Ron.

'Great,' said Hermione happily.

Ginny went outside to see if it really did look like rain. Hermione followed her. After a moment, those still in the kitchen heard Ginny's disbelieving voice ask, 'All three of them? You're kidding - aren't you?'

George coughed, Fred grew redder again, and the two of them started bustling about clearing away the breakfast things -- and not meeting anyone's eyes.