Where Toads Could Be Vampires

Chapter 2: Creep

Thursday, 2 September 1976

James and his friends are certainly not the only students who enjoy the red sofa. Even now, three girls are nestled hip to hip between the armrests, slouched down so that not even the crowns of their heads can be seen from behind. Black bags, fat with books, parchment and long homework lists, are piled up on the bearskin rug, forgotten. Not everything in life is so easily set aside.

"Remus Lupin is so dead." At one end of the sofa, a girl with carrot-red hair, and skin plastered with freckles, clutches a gold cushion to her chest. She kicks out her legs and sucks her lips between her teeth, clearly agitated.

"Alright, Lily. Spill it. We didn't wolf down our dinner like third year boys just to come up and watch you pout."

This impatient girl - the one with the silky dark hair and the stern look around her mouth - is doing a poor job of hiding her curiosity. Her friend, Jane, sandwiched between the other girls, makes no pretence; she bubbles over with anticipation for Lily's story.

Sixteen-year-old girls are such fascinating creatures, and these young witches are no exception. With rapidly changing moods, from ecstatic giggles to misery and tears in minutes, with their peculiar fashions and intricate social games, with their tenderness and their surprising courage, they can keep the most indifferent observer's attention riveted. Is it any wonder that young men are so entranced?

Karen reaches across Jane and drags the gold cushion from Lily's arms, only to aggravate her further. She takes a deep breath, crosses her freckled arms over her chest.

It was only a few moments ago that Lily rushed to the red sofa, in a hurry to lay her troubles out before her closest confidants. But real troubles, the kind that help you grow, are not always so easy to articulate, as Lily is finding out for herself.

"What was that Prefect thing he wanted to talk to you about? It sounded kind of fishy to me."

"Remus didn't have any 'Prefect thing' for me. He took me down to this old class room that stank like a swamp and locked me in with James Potter."

Jane threw her hands over her mouth and shrieked, dissolving into giggles. Next to her, Karen let her jaw fall open as she stared. "You have got to be joking."

"Nope. I learned my lesson - I am never believing anything Remus says ever again."

"Is that why Sirius and Peter were being so corny after Potions," Karen asked, "wanting to carry our bags and everything?"

"They were trying to distract us." Jane looked offended at the very idea.

Karen was irritated too, and she scowled, knitting her eyebrows together and sitting up stiffly. "You know James put them up to it," she said.

"Of course he did." Lily slouched even further in her seat.

Offended as Jane was, she would not be put off from the real story. "So what happened with James?"

"I've agreed to start acknowledging his existence again."

"Good." She nodded and grinned. "I hate seeing anybody get the silent treatment."

"Except maybe a few Slytherins," Karen said.

Jane ignored that. "So you and James are friends again?"

Fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, Lily chewed her lip. "I don't know about all that," she said at last, "but I'm talking to him again."

"What did he say to you?"

"He started off about how he was sorry for upsetting me and how he missed me over the summer. I guess I really hurt his feelings when I burned all of his letters."

"I think you should give him a chance," Jane said. "It's not like he's ugly or anything."

Karen huffed. "As if that's all it's about."

Both girls gave her odd looks.

"Would you want to go out with a troll?" Jane asked.

"I try to judge by what people look like on the inside."

"Oh, whatever," Lily said. "You wouldn't go out with Charlie Peakes, and he's the nicest boy ever. You just couldn't stand the thought of kissing all those pimples."

"James does have nice skin," Jane added.

Lily rolled her eyes. "And his hair is like a bush."

"He's got a nice smile though. Don't you think, Lily?"

"He's okay looking," she admitted.

"Don't tell James that," Karen said. "He'd be disappointed. He thinks he's drop dead gorgeous."

"Don't forget talented." Lily flipped her hair over and lowered her voice like a boy's. "Did you see me score those fifteen goals at the match last weekend? I could have doubled it, but I didn't want to make the Hufflepuffs too embarrassed. Don't want them to be too easy a target for the Slytherins, you know."

The girls giggled. "Ruffle your hair a little more," Jane suggested, "and puff out your chest. There you go."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I tricked Pringle into searching Snape for dungbombs? It was classic." Lily ruffled her hair a few more times and swaggered in her seat. "Wanna see me conjure a Quaffle? We don't start conjuring until next year, but I can already conjure all kinds of things."

"He's just trying to get you to notice him."

"I can't help but notice him. He's always in my face trying to show off. I wish he'd conjure some good sense."

"Boys are immune from sense," Karen said. "They can't get it."

"But he's so embarrassing." Lily moaned and slouched into the cushions again. "I feel so bad every time he makes me reject him."

"Technically," Jane pointed out, "he isn't aiming to get you to reject him."

"But I don't want to go out with him, and I get so humiliated."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed about doing what you know is right," Karen told her.

"Whenever he asks me out, or tries to do romantic stuff, he can be so sweet about it. He makes me feel bad."

"Sweet?" Karen sat up in her seat and leaned forward to look at Lily. "Sweet? Are you kidding? Remember when he tried to bribe you into going out with him in exchange for not bullying Snape? He was such a jerk!"

"Of course I remember. I was the laughing stock of the whole school."

"Not the whole school. We didn't laugh at you." Jane hugged Lily tightly. "But you're right, Lily." She sat back and patted Lily's hand. "James can be sweet when he tries. Like that time he kept slipping flowers into your bag between lessons. You had that whole beautiful bouquet by the end of the day."

"And then," Karen added, "on the very same day, he turned around and bragged about filling the Slytherin showers with Frog Spawn Soap. All those poor kids smelled horrible for ages."

That got Lily frowning again. "It might have been slightly amusing, what with the baby frogs jumping around after them, but then he had to go and hex them all on the excuse that they kept stinking up the corridors. Even the first-years."

"That wasn't very nice."

"It was downright mean," Karen said. "And he was so proud to get the credit."

"I don't think James even really gets it. He does that kind of stuff and then he can't understand why I'm not attracted to him."

"Did he hit on you today?" Jane asked.

"I'm not sure."

"Either he did or he didn't, Lily."

"He's stopped trying to pretend that he doesn't fancy me," she explained, "which kind of makes it worse, since he was being all nice about it. But he didn't really mention it outright. He just wanted me to stop being mad at him."

"That's probably part of a big plan to work his way up to getting you to go out with him." Karen tossed the gold cushion back at Lily. "I'd bet he's been plotting with his friends all summer."

Giggling, Jane kicked out her feet. "The boys have probably code named it Operation Snog the Redhead."

Lily coughed and sat up, looking horrified. "How about Operation Snowballs in Hell."

"Operation Pipe Dream," Jane suggested, smiling.

"Or, Operation Make Lily Gag."

"Maybe," Karen said, "it's Operation Get Potter's Head Slapped."

Jane giggled. "Operation Get Over It And Move On With Your Life Potter."

Clutching the cushion tightly under her arms, Lily leaned back and stared at the ceiling. "Operation Grow Up Please, James Potter Or We're All Going to Murder You With Rabid Puffskeins."

"Rabid Puffskeins?" Jane looked confused.

"Do Puffskeins have teeth?" Karen asked. "Would it even be possible to get killed by a Puffskein?"

"What are they going to do?" Jane said, giggling. "Fall in the Floo pot and powder puff you to death?"

Lily looked back at her friends. "They do have those long, creepy tongues, and tongues are the strongest muscle in the body, right? Maybe they could strangle somebody with it."

Jane's mouth fell open; she leaned back against Karen - away from Lily. "I can not believe you just said that!"

"Don't tell me you've never been creeped out when Smidge lets her tongue loose around the dormitory at night."

"Her tongue is not creepy!" Jane said. "It's cute and pink!"

"It's creepy," Lily corrected. "And you use her for a pillow. It would be so easy for her to take you out."

Squealing, Jane frantically covered her face. "Don't say that! I'll never be able to sleep near my Puffskein again!"

"Why do you think they aren't allowed at school?"

"If Smidge is so dangerous, why haven't you reported me to McGonagall?"

"I don't rat out my friends," Lily told her. "I'd rather die."

Karen rolled her eyes at the drama. "Even if it's death by Puffskein?"

"That's right."

"You're so weird, Lily," Jane said.

"Next thing you'll be telling us that Mr. Ribbits isn't all toad, but part vampire, who hops along after Snape in the forest during the weekends in search of fresh blood." Karen leaned forward to watch Lily's expression.

"Don't be silly," Lily told her, completely unfazed. "Mr. Ribbits wouldn't have anything to do with a Slytherin, even if he did turn out to be a vampire toad."

Leaning back into her seat, Karen shook her head and laughed. "Toads can't be vampires."

Lily didn't agree. "In a castle where mirrors give you advice, walls pretend to be doors, and where cats are really Transfiguration Professors, anything is possible."

Jane looked over at Lily appraisingly. "Anything at all?"

"Yup."

"Does that mean James has a chance with you?"

The gold cushion suddenly bumped into Jane's mischievous face. "Why'd you have to go and say that?" Lily groaned and slouched as low as she could. "I was actually getting rid of my bad mood. Now I need to be cheered up again. And it's your fault."

"Get over it Lily, I was just joking."

"It's not that easy."

"Okay, I tell you what. If you aren't feeling fine and blooming by the end of our first Herbology lesson tomorrow morning, I will personally take any punishment you deem fit to lay on me."

"Anything?"

Jane nodded seriously. "Anything."

Lily looked over to Karen, who was fighting a maniacal grin.

"I don't think I've ever in my life hoped for a bad Herbology lesson before," Lily said. "I guess there's a first time for everything."

The smug look faded from Jane's face, and her eyes widened in fear. "Oh no. What have I done?"

"Exactly the sort of thing we enjoy, Sweetie." Karen looped an arm around Jane's shoulder. "But don't worry. I won't sabotage Lily's day on purpose. You'll only have to do it if she really is feeling genuinely foul."

"I'll only have to do what?"