Wizarding Betrothal

Chapter 23: Selling Stinksap

The clearing was unnaturally oval for the middle of a very wild forest. Hopefully Muggles didn't fly over too often, or they would be sure to get suspicious. Sirius began their descent from the clouds in a broad spiral, lazily circling the Quidditch pitch as he brought the motorcycle nearer to the ground. A lone figure was zooming between the goal posts, and Lily sucked hard on her teeth as she watched him. There was no going back.

The tires touched down with a bump, and Sirius pulled up behind a lonely brick building before he switched off the invisibility booster, and then the engine. Dismounting, he reached for Lily and helped her down.

"Listen, sugar," he said, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention to James where you heard about the whole Azkaban thing. He made me promise that I wouldn't tell you."

"Why doesn't he want me to know?" She couldn't help but wonder.

Sirius helped her remove her leather jacket and then draped it over the handlebars with his own. He took a deep breath. "James thinks that, if you know, you'll only go to him out of pity and that you'll resent him forever."

"I wouldn't do that."

"Are you sure?" he asked. Folding his arms, Sirius sat back against the bike.

"Well, I might have in the beginning," Lily admitted. "But I wouldn't do that now."

"Can you convince James of that?"

If she couldn't, Lily didn't know what she would do. "I hope so," she said.

"So do I. Just don't tell him that I'm the one who told you," Sirius repeated. "He'd have my head."

"What happened to James' great forgiving attitude?"

Chuckling softly, Sirius stood up. "I'd rather not push my luck." Fair enough.

"Did you see him out flying over the pitch?" Lily asked.

"I saw him." Sirius grabbed her by the shoulders and started steering her around the side of the building. "Now go on out there and get his attention."

Couldn't she wait a little longer? "I don't know what to say to him."

"Just throw yourself at him," he suggested. "You won't have to say anything."

"That's not going to work." She was sure of it.

"How do you know until you try?"

"I don't know."

Lily didn't know a lot of things. Mainly, she didn't have the foggiest idea of how she was going to explain to James that she had found out the truth about the contract. Of course she could just come out and tell him, but she also wanted him to know that she really cared about him; that she would be begging his forgiveness no matter what. There was no way he wouldn't doubt her. She would just have to screw up her courage and wing it. She was a Gryffindor, after all.

Swallowing hard, Lily made her way out to the pitch to find James. The unnaturally oval clearing contained a practice pitch. There were only two raised spectator stands, one on each side, looming tall and narrow overhead. Lily approached the nearest one and ascended the long flight of stairs, emerging at the very top. Two rows of eight more steps led up both ends of four empty benches. Seating herself on the lowest bench, she looked nervously at the railing in front of her. It was unadorned and low, affording a clear view of the entire flying area, but not a great deal of safety for spectators. It wouldn't keep her from falling. Best not to think about that.

Lily focused her eyes on James in the air; he was flying fast and furiously, with immense concentration. He hadn't noticed her. She considered shouting at him, or waving her arms around to get his attention, but in the end, she simply sat watching. While Lily didn't know all that much about flying on a broomstick, she knew enough to be reasonably impressed. No wonder he played professionally. The only Quidditch Lily had ever seen was at Hogwarts, and those fliers seemed positively slow compared to James.

He appeared to be practising a rather complicated move. Putting on a burst of speed at one end of the pitch, he would duck down into a horizontal spin and then burst into a vertical flip just before rocketing through the left goal. Once through the hoop he would speed off to do it again on the opposite end. It had to be dangerous, and Lily found herself gripping her knees every time he approached the goals.

Sometimes he stopped short of completing the move and just set up to try it again. She was beginning to relax when - oh, dear! James had somehow lost his grip in a spin and flipped right off his broomstick. With only a leg still holding the broom, and inertia still propelling his body forward, the back of his shoulder slammed against the goal post. Lily's fists were white with tension as she watched James hoist himself back onto the broom, rotating his shoulder and wincing. Before she knew it, he was zooming toward the opposite goal once again.

Wasn't he afraid? It was obvious he could get hurt, but he didn't care. He wanted to learn the move, and was willing to take the chance to get what he wanted. Lily could be that brave - she just knew it.

It was when he swung around from behind the goal posts that he finally saw her. Braking immediately, James held his position in the air and stared at her for a very long minute. Their eyes met and Lily felt like he was looking right through her skin, all the way to her heart. She was so exposed, but there would be no hiding.

And then, as quickly as he had noticed her, he flew away. He was gone. What clearer message could he give her? Maybe Sirius was wrong. It was entirely possible that James hated her so much that he would prefer going to prison over ever talking to her again.

"Did Sirius bring you?"

Lily spun in her seat to see James standing, broomstick in hand, on the top bench. He'd snuck up on her. The little git.

"I wanted to talk to you," she said. "I wanted to explain."

"You explained enough last night." He still looked so angry.

"I'm sorry, James."

"Don't be sorry. I don't want your pity."

Lily pitied herself more than anyone, and she had to get her explanation off her chest. "It was only once," she told him. "I mean I never...we hadn't...I've never done anything like that with Benjamin before...not with anybody since I met you."

"Do you think that makes it all okay?" She would be happy to settle for a little less bad...

"I didn't mean to do it, James." Lily rose from her seat to face him. "I don't know what came over me. I guess I was just being rebellious and stupid. And then I said all of those horrible things to you. I didn't mean them. I didn't want you to go..."

"You kissed him Lily." Throwing her a disgusted look, James scratched his head and paced the length of the bench. "You've never kissed me before. But you kissed Benji Summers. And then you told me to leave you alone. What was I supposed to do?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

Stopping to examine her critically, he asked, "Then what do you want?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I don't know either, Lily. So why don't you go snog Summers or something until you make up your mind."

"Benjamin hates me." Pressure was mounting in her stomach.

"He wasn't holding you last night like he hated you."

"There's nothing going on between us." Let that be perfectly clear.

"Normal people don't kiss when there's 'nothing'." He had a point.

"Benjamin fancied me," Lily admitted. "He was always asking me out, but I kept turning him down." Lily picked at the hem of her shirt as she continued. "I should have told him about you a long time ago. I told him the whole story last night, though. About the betrothal and the contract. He got really angry. And then he told me...he said..." Lily faltered.

"What did he tell you?" James looked worried. Was he wondering if Benjamin had told her about the contract penalties? Probably. Benjamin ought to have told her - he'd clearly thought that she knew the consequences of her actions, but that she just didn't care. Way to give a girl the benefit of the doubt, Ben. In the end, it had been Sirius who had told her; the friend who was sworn to secrecy. Maybe she could let Benjamin take the rap for Sirius' confession. James would never know.

"Lily? What did he tell you?"

Then again, James didn't really have to know at all. Would he believe that she was still in the dark?

"He told me I was a horrible friend. And then he left too." Swallowing the burning in her throat, Lily looked back up at James.

"I figured you two must have fought," he said. "I saw you leaving in a hurry."

"You watched me leave?"

Shrugging, James began to step down the stands. "I got Pete to follow you and make sure you got home safe."

"I didn't see him."

"He's sneaky."

"I'll keep that in mind."

James stopped between the second and third benches, one hand holding his broomstick, the other hooked on his pocket. He looked so lost.

Lily climbed up onto the second bench, right in front of James. Standing straight, she was just as tall as he was. With her new perspective, James looked so much smaller. Two large black C's were printed across the front his orange shirt, and Lily reached out to trace them with her finger. The fabric was damp with sweat; she glanced up to see a droplet of moisture trailing down his temple. He'd been working hard at the hottest part of the day - exhausting himself. Was he trying not to think?

James watched her study him, allowing her to touch him; he was barely breathing, and not moving. Letting her hand fall flat against his chest, Lily leaned forward. She wanted to kiss him, to feel his mouth on hers. She wanted him to understand what she didn't know how to explain. She wanted him to want her. She leaned in to him, but James turned his head, grabbing Lily by the wrist. He didn't want her kiss. Mortification burned all the way to her toes. Averting her gaze, Lily tried to jerk her arm away from his grasp, but he didn't let her go. She settled for rearranging her feet so that she wasn't standing so close.

"Are you in love with me, Lily?" he demanded.

"I don't know."

"I thought so." Dropping her wrist, James walked away from her to the back of the stands. He propped his foot up on the railing and looked out.

"How do you...how does somebody know if they're in love?" Lily asked, and wrapped her arms around her body protectively. "What does it feel like?"

James laid his broom on the top bench and ruffled his hair with his hands, pulling at it until it stood straight up, stiff with perspiration. "How am I supposed to know?" James said at last. "I obviously can't recognise it."

The wind was blowing, brushing wisps of hair around Lily's face. She tucked a chunk of hair firmly behind one of her ears and, from her pocket, withdrew the tiny jar of Stinksap, rolling it between her fingers. "I know I like you a lot," she said. "I know I can't stand the idea of being without you."

James looked at her over his shoulder. "How am I supposed to trust you?"

"I'll tell my friends at school about our engagement," Lily offered. "I'll make sure everybody knows I'm your girl." If he would let her be that.

Shaking his head, James rubbed his hair roughly. "I just can't get that picture out of my head," he told her with obvious disgust. "You and Summers... sitting together on the bed... with his hands on you."

"Don't remind me."

"You said you liked it."

"I lied." It had to have been the stupidest lie she'd ever told.

He didn't say anything for a while. He just scratched his sweaty scalp and leaned on the rail while Lily stood in the centre of the stands, on the second bench, twirling the jar in her hand.

At last, James spoke. "What if they didn't do the matchmaking right? What if it only worked one way? They should have performed it on you too, to be sure."

"I don't care about the matchmaking, James. I care about you. Even if a matchmaker told me there were tons of people better for me, I would still pick you." And she would, too.

Looking at her oddly, he began to pace up and down the eight steps. "You should date other people," he told her.

"If you haven't noticed, I'm not very good at doing what other people think I should do."

James snorted, but continued climbing down, and climbing up. "You're so young. I was just being selfish to want you all to myself."

"Am I selfish?" Lily asked.

"Of course not."

She tightened her fingers around the jar. "But I want you all to myself too."

He paused, half way up, and pulled at his hair some more. "I was so mean to you," he said.

"And I was rebellious and cruel. That's why I'm trying to fix this."

"I just don't know..."

Well, he'd better make up his mind. "The contract is signed, James. It's a done deal."

He spun to face her. "I can do whatever I want."

"What about what I want?" Lily asked.

"What do you want, Lily? You haven't managed to tell me."

"I want another chance," she said.

"Why should I give you that?"

"Because you love me."

James stared at her for a moment, but didn't say anything. He finally turned away and sat on the first bench, leaning his elbows on his knees and scratching his scalp with his fingers.

"I've fought you a lot this year," Lily said. "I didn't want to let you too close. I was afraid of what might happen. I'm still afraid. But now I know that I can't let that stop me from taking risks. I have to try, or I'll never know what I might be missing." Stepping down from behind him, she took a seat on the bench beside James and rubbed her thumb over the Stinksap label. "You told me once that you always accept a challenge." Lily held the small jar out in front of him.

He watched it steadily, but did not move to take it from her.

"Would you like it?" she asked.

James was silent.

The weight building on Lily's heart seemed to be slowly crushing her; she didn't dare look at James again. When she drew the jar back towards herself, James suddenly reached out and grasped her hand mid-air, Stinksap and all.

"Thank you," he whispered. James pulled her enveloped hand to his chest, and she knew he would forgive her. When he lifted her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her, she knew she had that second chance.

The happy barking of a dog echoed up from the pitch, and Lily felt James chuckle, his face still buried in her hair. "Can you see that dog?" he asked.

Lily lifted her face from James' chest and scanned the ground, spotting the black dog in the grass. He was looking up at them expectantly. "It's in the middle of the field."

"Give him a thumbs-up for me."

"Why?"

"Just trust me."

Feeling ridiculous, she extended her arm over the rail and stuck up her thumb. "You're such a goof-ball," Lily said.

James tightened his grip around her. "Aren't you sweet," he murmured.

Lily snuggled into his damp chest. "If you say so, James." If you say so.