I Am My Own Knight

Chapter Five: Too Much Information

James wasn't around through the weekend, nor was he in classes the following Monday. In fact, when Lily stopped to think of it, even his friends had been keeping pretty much out of sight. When she noticed how glum they looked at lunch on Monday, she started to worry.

Lily squeezed Richard's hand as they wandered up to the Charms classroom. "Have you heard where James Potter is? I haven't seen him in a few days."

"Probably down at St. Mungo's," he said. "I got a letter this morning from my mum. She said that Mr. and Mrs. Potter got really sick after doing charity work with some homeless wizards around Diagon Alley."

"How awful. What do they have?"

"Pogrebin Mumps. Nasty stuff. My mum had a case of it a few years back. Got it off of some orphan kids she was bringing food to. She pulled through alright, but the Potters are a good bit older. I'd imagine they're having a rough go of it."

Lily confirmed the story with Sirius after Charms.

"McGonagall let me go over on Sunday," Sirius told her. "I brought James a change of clothes and made him get some sleep. He's been sitting with them around the clock."

"How are they feeling?"

Sirius looked down at his shoes. "Not so good. Especially his mum. The Healers don't expect her to make it, but James won't hear it. He's beside himself over her."

Lily felt sick to her stomach. "What can I do, Sirius?"

He shrugged. "I wish I knew. I'd be doing it too."

That sick feeling in Lily's stomach didn't dissipate over the following week. She knew too well what it was to lose a mother, and she wouldn't wish it on her worst enemy - let alone a friend. As the reports from St. Mungo's became more and more grave, concentrating on her school work became more and more difficult. Nevertheless, Lily was anxious to do her work if only to get her mind off of her depressing thoughts.

The Gryffindor Common room, however, was not always the most convenient place to work. At times it was loud and rowdy and not at all conducive for concentrating. And so it was that on the following Saturday afternoon, Lily collected her books and parchments, her inkwell and her quills, and stalked, irritated, out of the portrait hole and off to the Prefects' lounge where she hoped to make some progress on her Transfiguration essay. At least in the Prefects' lounge, unlike in the Common room or the library, she could order any noisemakers out of the room. As luck would have it, the rooms' only occupants proved to be a pair of quiet Ravenclaws finishing up their extra credit papers by the fire.

Lily selected a low table by a sofa at the far end of the room, which shielded her from view by others, and proceeded to spread out the contents of her bag, delighted to have so much space to herself - a welcome change from the crowded Common room.

By working throughout the afternoon, Lily soon finished her essay on Immune System Deficiencies in Conjured Mammals, she drew up a solid outline with her research on the harvesting of Glumbumble Dung, and prepared her recipe for Oblivious Unction that she needed in Potions on Monday morning.

Lily stretched out on the sofa. She still needed to write her Defence Against the Dark Arts essay - it was going to be an interesting one about counteracting potions that used human blood - but she needed to do more research in the library before she could get started. The velvety sofa felt so comfortable, and she was so reluctant to get up, that she decided she deserved to rest. There was always tomorrow to finish off her work.

On the other side of the room, the door opened and, while Lily couldn't trouble herself to look over the back of the sofa, she could hear that someone had entered the room and was settling themselves near to the fire. She had been alone for the better part of an hour and had relished the solitude. Hoping the intruder would be of the quiet sort, she said nothing and allowed herself to drift a bit closer to sleep.

After a short time Lily noticed that a quiet conversation had started by the fire, and it was an unusual one at that. She was about to sit up and see who it was when a startling statement held her back.

"The Dark Lord is angry."

Lily was disquieted by such a comment, but she couldn't discern the owner of the very deep voice. The next voice she recognised with ease.

"Of course he's angry," said Severus Snape. "Any imbecile should know it mustn't be touched with anything but the purest gold. Pearson is a fool."

"Perhaps," said the unknown man. "But he's been sufficiently punished. When we locate another source, you will be contacted. The Dark Lord expects you to accompany us when we make the next acquisition."

"Me?"

"He was pleased with your research and he assumes you will handle the material properly."

"Of course I can handle it."

"Let me warn you; the Dark Lord's patience is wearing thin on this matter. Anyone who causes further difficulties will not answer for it lightly. He won't make allowances for youth. You'd best be prepared to use the Unforgiveable Curses when you're called for this mission."

"I can use them," Snape insisted.

"Good."

There was a tiny pop, and then silence. Lily lay frozen in horror. She didn't dare take a breath lest she be discovered listening in on such a blood curdling conversation.

The door opened and a group of students entered, chatting and giggling.

"There's Snape," one of them said.

"Hey, Slughorn is looking for you," another announced. "He's wanting help with something or other down in his ingredients cupboard. Something about it being a quarter moon and no clouds or something tonight."

Snape didn't answer, but Lily heard the door open and close once again.

"That Snape sure is a friendly one, isn't he?" somebody said, eliciting a series of giggles. When they started in on a round of Slytherin bashing, and when Lily became convinced that Snape had left the room, she peeked over the back of the sofa. An assortment of Hufflepuffs had gathered around the largest table in the room and were spreading a collection of small invertebrates around the table.

"Hi Lily," said Rosalie Hart, a sixth-year Prefect. "I didn't see you hiding over there."

"I think I dosed off," Lily said.

"Oh! I'm sorry if we woke you up."

"No, it's fine. I need to get moving." Lily's heart was drumming and her hands were shaking, but she forced herself to slow down, and took her time about piling her things in to her bag and straightening her clothes. She wanted to make sure that Snape was as far away as possible before she exited the lounge.

She looked both directions in the corridor, like a child crossing the road, and then ran to the safety of the Gryffindor Common room. From there she hurried up the stairs to her dormitory and leapt onto her own bed, drawing the curtains around her, forming her small sanctuary of personal space and security where she could at last allow herself to think about what she had heard.

Severus Snape was talking to someone about Voldemort; was planning to take part in one of Voldemort's evil schemes. It was as terrible as it was unthinkable. She had always held out a firm hope that he wasn't all bad. Even now, Lily hated to think she'd been wrong.

Outside her bed curtains, Lily heard a dull thump followed by a string of swear words. She poked her face out and hissed at Georgina. "Psst. George! Come here, quick."

Georgina was crouched over a trunk and rubbing her knee. Seeing Lily, her eyes darted about the room before walking towards the bed. "Who are you hiding from?"

When Georgina was near enough, Lily grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her onto the bed, shoving the curtains closed behind her.

"Lumos." Georgina illuminated her wand and the light revealed her confused face. "What's the deal? Is Bridget Malone stalking you for homework tips again?"

Lily shook her head.

"It isn't Richard is it? If he did something to you I'll hex his guts out. Just say the word."

Lily shook her head again. "It's Snape," she whispered. Georgina scowled, and Lily hurried to explain. "I heard him talking to someone. I think it was someone in the Floo. They were talking about You-Know-Who." This didn't seem to have the effect that Lily expected - Georgina just stared at her with a blank expression. Lily leaned forward. "They were talking about helping him.

That got Georgina's attention. "What do you mean?"

"They were helping him. They said Snape had done some research and that You-Know-Who was happy about it. And they were planning some mission." Lily glanced over her shoulder at her teddy bear. "They're going to use the Unforgivable Curses," she added in a whisper.

Georgina's mouth dropped open. "We have to stop him."

"I know...but how? If he gets wind that someone overheard his conversation, it would be as simple as anything for him to trace it back to me. A whole load of people saw me leave the room after him."

"Tell me everything that happened, word for word."

Lily relayed the conversation for her as well as she could remember, and Georgina was silent for a long time afterwards. Lily could see her jaw working as she concentrated.

"We've got to gather more information, first," Georgina said at last. "Right now, even if you told someone, it would just be your word against his. We need to do a little research of our own. Find something to back up what you heard."

The girls talked late into the night, pooling ideas, suspicions and strategies for discovering what Severus Snape and Voldemort were up to. The best comfort that they could come up with was that Snape couldn't possibly be taking part in a mission of any sort if he was still at school; as long as he was around, his particular part of the plan wouldn't have taken place already. She just hoped he didn't up and disappear one day - then it might be too late.

A while after Georgina had gone to bed, Lily was lying awake, her face pressed into the pillow, when a thought struck her: she needed to talk to James Potter.

James had hinted several times before that he knew something unpleasant about Snape. But James wasn't at Hogwarts at the moment. Sirius was around, however, and if James knew something about Snape, then Sirius would know it as well.

Lily flung herself out of bed and hurried down to the Common room, only to find it empty; she hadn't realised it was so late. Disappointed, she fell back onto a red sofa near the fireplace and pulled a gold cushion against her chest. The fire was nothing but red embers, not quite hot enough to warm her bare feet, and she buried her toes in the bearskin rug. She knew she wouldn't be able to get any sleep until she got some answers.

Sirius was sure to be in his dormitory. What was to stop her from going straight up to the boys' dormitory and asking for him? It wasn't as though she would have to go into their room, and there wouldn't be anyone in the stairway at such a late hour. But then again, with boys, who knew what they did all night? But Lily was the Head Girl, wasn't she? What did it matter if she was seen in the boys' stairway if she had good reason to be there?

Lily had just resolved to go up looking for him, when Sirius himself entered the room from the dormitory, headed for the portrait hole.

She called his name as he was reaching for the portrait. When he saw her, Sirius paused and watched her get up. He didn't say hello.

"Sirius. I wanted to talk to you. I need to find out about something..." Lily trailed off when she noticed he was wearing his heavy cloak and carrying a bag in his left hand. "Where are you going?" And that was when Lily noticed his red eyes.

"James' mum died today," he said. "I just got the word."

Lily drew her hand over her mouth and her eyes began to well up with tears. "Oh no," she said. "Oh, no, Sirius. No."

He bit his lip and nodded, looking away from her. "It sounds like his dad isn't taking the news really well, either. He's taken a bit of a turn for the worse." His voice broke a little at that, and he still didn't look at her.

Lily reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry," she whispered into his shoulder.

He hugged her with his free arm and breathed a deep breath, fighting for control of himself before he drew back. "Was...was there something you needed?" he asked.

"No, nothing important." She wiped at her tears and motioned towards the portrait hole. "Go on," she said. "James needs you, I'm sure."

Sirius adjusted his cloak over his shoulders and pushed out the portrait, stepping into the hall. "I'll be in touch," he said. And then he was gone.

It was then that Lily started to cry in earnest. Painful memories of receiving the news of her own mother's death were flooding over her and she swallowed hard, trying to manage some measure of control of herself. Losing her mother had been bad enough, and the idea of going through such a loss while her father was in danger too was overwhelming. She could only imagine what James must be suffering.

Shivering, Lily realised where she was and curled up her freezing toes. Worries about Voldemort forgotten, Lily climbed the staircase to her dormitory, intent on waking her best friend and having a good cry with her before trying to catch a few hours of sleep. She managed the cry without effort - the sleep, however, eluded her.

Lily didn't hear anything from Sirius for two days. She'd been pestering Remus and Peter, who assured her that there wasn't any news to tell. On the third day, Remus approached her after breakfast and quietly relayed the message he'd just received: Mr. Potter had passed away as well, and Sirius had taken James home. Lily almost threw up when she heard the news.

On Wednesday, Remus let her know that the joint memorial service would be held on Saturday. As the word spread among the students, the Gryffindor Quidditch team made plans for a small group of students and faculty to attend the service. Lily determined to go with them.

Friday afternoon found Lily and Richard curled up in a corner of a deserted courtyard of the castle. The weather was cold, so they had the courtyard to themselves, and they huddled against a wall in the sunshine for warmth.

Lily had just discovered, to her great disappointment, that Richard would not be attending the Potter's funeral service with her. He had Quidditch practice.

"My mum and dad will be there, though," he said. "They've been friends with the Potters for as long as I can remember."

"I didn't know that."

Richard was intent on enjoying the feel of her neck, a little bit at a time, while they talked. "Mr. Potter used to be a partner in my family's business," he explained, and brushed a lock of Lily's hair up over her ear. "He sold his share to my dad about twenty years ago. He wanted to retire - I guess he didn't think he would ever have a son to pass it on to, and then James came along a few years later." Richard's lips found their way to her ear.

"James was a surprise, was he?"

He hummed his assent. "And they spoiled him rotten for it," he mumbled.

"Do you think so?"

"Oh yeah." Richard tried to undo a button of Lily's blouse, but she pushed his hand away. He sighed and returned to nuzzling her neck. "My mum always said that James Potter had everything in the world but discipline," he added. "I'd say she was right."

"He doesn't have much of anything now."

"Are you kidding?" Richard looked up at her. "His father will have left him vaults full of gold, not to mention that big house, plus their cabin in Godric's Hollow."

Lily untangled herself from his arms and stood up. "If you ask James," she said, straightening her robes, "I imagine he'd trade all of that for one more day with his parents. I know I would."