The Adventures of Harry and Dudley

Chapter 4: Bouncy McChub

"Why don't we just go to Mrs. Samuelson and call up a locksmith?" Dudley asked Harry as they wandered toward town.

"You didn't see her drive away?" Harry asked. Dudley shook his head. "I did. Too bad though. Good idea actually. We could go to Mrs. Figg's right?"

"Mrs. Figg is away on a vacation of some sort. That's why both of us had to stay here," Dudley informed Harry.

"What about the members of your gang...Piers, what's his name?" Harry asked Dudley.

"They're all away too."

"Does everyone always go away the first weekend after school lets out?" Harry said, exasperated. Of course not. This has never happened before. Has it?

"Yeah, pretty much," mumbled Dudley. Or, maybe it has. "I'm hungry."

"Join the club," Harry said, rubbing his own stomach.

"I'm president," Dudley said.

"What kind of random statement is that?" asked Harry.

"I dunno," Dudley answered.

"Well, you can't be president. Because I am king," said Harry, deciding to match Dudley's randomness.

"King of what? Your club?"

"Nope. I'm King of New York," Harry said. They'd been watching Newsies on television.

"Oh."

Harry couldn't really understand why Dudley was being so nice to him. He figured it was because Harry had a wand and could turn Dudley into a beaver any time he wanted. Dudley was afraid of him. Harry was still a lot smaller than Dudley was. He probably always would be. Harry couldn't see himself taking up a whole side of the kitchen table by himself. Perhaps it was lucky that Dudley didn't seem to believe Harry when he said that he couldn't do magic outside school. The only thing keeping Dudley from beating Harry into tiny Harry pieces was his fear of that wand.

"Ya know, Harry, town is kind of far away," Dudley said, cutting into Harry's thoughts. "Do you think there's a way to get there faster than this?"

"Well, if you don't want to walk, you could roll," said Harry thoughtfully.

"Oh big help, Harry, thanks."

"Anytime, Dud, anytime."

"Want to hail a cab?"

"Not especially. Besides, there are no cabs."

"Catch a bus?"

"No buses either...well, there's always the Knight Bus."

"What's the Knight Bus?" asked Dudley, looking confused.

"Well, it's this magic bus where all I have to do to get it is stick out my wand like this-"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Dudley wailed, throwing himself at Harry. Harry moved just in time. Dudley shot past where he'd just been standing, appeared to bounce as he hit the concrete, and rolled off the sidewalk into the bushes.

"Dudley?" Harry called tentatively. "Dudley?"

"Ouch," Dudley said meekly.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked.

"I think so," Dudley said, now rising from the bushes.

Harry looked where Dudley had landed. There were all these rocks that would have cause himself severe internal bleeding. Dudley looked fine. Dudley's fat saved him. Might as well have some fun with that, right?

"It was amazing the way you landed. You just sort of bounced away and rolled. It was amazing," Harry told Dudley excitedly.

"Uh...thanks," said Dudley, looking confused.

"I'm going to call you Bouncy McChub from now on. Is that ok?" Harry asked eagerly. He was really enjoying this. He had to remember to call Dudley 'Bouncy McChub' from now on. It's just too funny a chance for him to pass up.

"What?" Dudley looked confused.

"You'll first name will be Bouncy and your last name will be McChub! It's so you! Can I call you that from now on?" Harry said, continuing to sound excited.

"Umm..."

"Great! So about the Knight Bus-" Harry began.

"No. I will not take a magic bus! No, never! Mum and Dad would be furious! Oh the shame..." Dudley wailed.

"So the Knight Bus is out," Harry said.

They walked along in silence for a few minutes, until Dudley asked, "Harry, what are your friends like?"

Harry had to take a moment for that question to register in his brain. Dudley had just asked what Harry's friends were like? What the hell?

"Uh..."

"What? You've got friends, don't you? The ones who picked you up for that sport thing and blasted away half our living room," Dudley pressed. Harry sniggered at the memory of the Weasleys blasting away the Dursleys fireplace.
"Yeah. But you've never asked about them before," Harry finally answered Dudley's question.

"Yeah well, I'm shy."

"Bouncy, that's bull," Harry said. Dudley is not shy, in any way, shape, or form.

"I'm being sensitive," Dudley said, emphasizing 'sensitive.'

"What for?" Harry asked.

"There's nothing else to do," said Dudley, shrugging.

"Oh."

"So what are your friends like?"

"Well, Bouncy McChub, you've met my friend Ron Weasley. He's got red hair, freckles, a long nose, and he's tall."

"Was he the one that spilled those...those...those...?" Dudley stuttered. Harry had to chew his lower lip to keep from laughing. Of course Harry knew what Dudley was talking about. The ton-tongue toffees. Of course.

"Nope. That was his brother Fred. Fred's got a twin named George. You might want to stay away from them in the future," Harry advised, and saving Dudley from having to actually spit out the words to his question. Staying away from Fred and George would be a good idea for Dudley. He'd be their new favorite target.

"That was horrible," Dudley whimpered. "I'll never look at toffee the same way again..."

Harry snorted, and continued naming his friends. "Then there's Hermione Granger. He parents are Muggles- non-magic people- and she's got bushy brown hair, brown eyes, and she's very smart."

"Is that all your friends?"

"Well, no, but those are my two best friends."

"Who else is there?"

"Seamus, Dean, Lavender, Parvati, Fred, George, Neville, and some others."

The walking continued, peacefully, until-

"Look out for the lunatic on the bicycle!" screamed Dudley.

Too late. Harry had been run over by the lunatic on the bicycle.

When Harry opened his eyes, Dudley was standing over him.

"Are you ok?" Dudley asked.

"Ouch," said Harry, getting up from the ground and rubbing the back of his head.

"Somebody should report that guy," said Dudley, handing Harry his glasses which had flown off.

"Thanks...yeah, I mean, that nutcase nearly killed me."

"Be grateful it wasn't a taxi."

It was close to completely dark now, and there was very little sunlight left when they finally reached town. They stepped onto the main road, and were bathed in the golden yellow light of the streetlamps.

Harry saw a brick house, and a clothesline. A streetlight was casting light on a clothesline, and a light breeze caused the shadows of the clothing to dance around on the outside wall of the house as the breeze blew by.

Harry sighed and looked at Dudley. "Well, Bouncy McChub, where do you want to go from here?"