The Adventures of Harry and Dudley

Chapter 3: Dementors vs. Our Own Stupidity

Harry wasn't sure how long he and Dudley had been sitting on the curb, but it was beginning to get dark and he was beginning to get hungry...he was sure Dudley was hungry too, due to the giant rumbles that came roaring out from the vicinity of his abdomen.

"I'm hungry," Dudley announced after his stomach rumbled for umpteenth time.

"Yeah, well, what do you expect me to do? Sacrifice myself so you can eat? I don't think so," said Harry coldly.

"Hey...I have an idea," Dudley said brightly.

"Congratulations, three in one day. New record, I expect," said Harry.

"Like I'd eat you...straggly little thing you are...all bone and no meat," Dudley said. Harry just looked at him, quite repulsed that it seemed Dudley had thought of eating Harry before. "Anyway," Dudley continued, "You're one of those...people...that Mum and Dad always talk about. You could, you know, do that thing, with your thing and the door would you know...open..."

Harry continued to stare at Dudley.

"What are you talking about?" Harry finally asked in reply.

"You know, you can do that thing with your thing," said Dudley.

"I can do what with what?" asked Harry, totally confused.

"You know what I'm talking about," said Dudley.

"No, I really don't," said Harry, still lost.

"You can use your thing to open the door!" Dudley exclaimed.

"I can use my what to open the door, excuse me?" said Harry, taking what Dudley said in a very wrong way.

"Your...you know..."

"What the hell are you talking about, Dudley?"

"MAGIC!" Dudley screamed. "MAGIC, MAGIC, MAGIC!"

"Oh," said Harry, slightly taken aback that his cousin, who'd always been taught that anything to do with magic -including Harry and the word itself- was taboo, had screamed it for anyone remotely close to them to hear.

"So couldn't you magic the door open?" Dudley whispered.

Magic? Dudley had actually said magic? Harry couldn't get past this. He looked around for signs of the apocalypse. Surely the world must be ending? Nah, Dudley was just hungry, and he gets desperate when he's hungry.

"Well, what about it?" asked Dudley again.

"No, I can't. Outside of school I'm only allowed to use magic in life threatening situations," said Harry.

"Oh come on," said Dudley.

"I can't! This isn't a life threatening situation!" Harry said firmly.

"But you could really do it!" Dudley persisted.

"No, I really can't!" Harry insisted.

"You did it last year! Remember? When the street went all dark and cold and you still went back to school!" Dudley exclaimed.

"You and I were about to have our souls sucked out through our mouths by Dementors! That was a life threatening situation! This is just us, being idiots, forgetting the key, and locking ourselves out! This isn't life threatening, it's just our own stupidity!" Harry hollered.

"This is a life threatening situation!" Dudley yelled back. "We'll starve to death!"

"You could live off your fat for a while...you know, they way walruses do. Blubber, you know," said Harry practically, although he was thinking out loud more than not.

Harry watched Dudley's face for a moment. It twisted into something that looked incredibly like a constipated Santa Clause, except without the beard. He looked as though he was going to reply, but chose to ignore it. Instead, Dudley commanded, "Magic the door open!"

"No," said Harry. "I'll get expelled from school."

"So what? I don't care! Open the damn door!" Dudley hollered.

"You'll care when I'm here all year round and have to live in your house all the time!" Harry yelled back. This seemed to silence Dudley and put him into deep thought...a form of concentration so deep that Harry never thought Dudley could manage it.

"What should we do?" Dudley asked Harry, finally deciding that magicing the door open was not worth having Harry around for an entire year.

"Why do you keep asking me that? I don't know what we should do or we would've done it already!" Harry bellowed.

Silence fell for a moment, and Harry could see the first stars of twilight as the sun, glowing and coloring the sky a brilliant orange, sunk slowly beyond the horizon.

"Let's go into town," Harry suggested finally, and Dudley nodded. Dumbledore had told Harry to stay put, to not leave his Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon's house. Sirius would have told Harry the same thing, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley would have insisted on the same. Harry didn't want to disappoint them, but being in a town, close to a lot of people, had to be better than sitting on the curb in dark if Voldemort came wandering up the street.

So Harry and Dudley, in search of food and shelter, pulled themselves up off the curb of Number Four, Privet Drive and started their journey toward the town lights, which were growing brighter in the cool darkness that the dying summer sun left behind.