The Shotgun Bride

Chapter Twelve: Barbecue

***

A few minutes later, the Malfoy family pulled up in front of the Weasley's home. The afternoon had turned overcast, and there was a cool breeze chilling the summer air.

"Be good, both of you," Narcissa said as she reapplied her lipstick. She smoothed out her top, and strode up to the front door.

The door swung open before Narcissa could knock, and Mrs. Weasley stood there, beaming. "Hello, dears, come in, come in!"

"Hi, Molly," replied Narcissa, looking vaguely surprised by the warm welcome.

"Hey," said Draco.

"Oh, you didn't have to bring anything!" exclaimed Molly as she spotted the tupperware container in Narcissa's hands.

"Oh, I just whipped it up," replied Narcissa, who had spent a good deal of the morning in the kitchen laboring over it. "My boys adore my potato salad."

Draco and Lucius both just smiled and nodded quickly, knowing full well that they both despised the potato salad that was shoved down their throats, without fail, every time there was any sort of outdoors meal. Somehow, without fail, Narcissa managed to do something wrong to it, though it was never the same mistake. From the color that Draco had glimpsed when Narcissa had dumped the potato salad into the tupperware container, it was actually the appropriate shade of yellow. He dreaded the moment when he would find out what she had managed to screw up.

"Ginny's out back," Molly told him, "with the boys. You can go on back there. We're hoping that the rain'll hold off until after we're done."

"Okay," said Draco, and left his parents standing on the Weasley's front porch as he walked around the house to reach the back yard.

There were two grills set up a little ways from the house, and miscellaneous lawn chairs scattered around the yard.

"Hey, sweetie," said Ginny upon spotting Draco. "Help us set up the tables?"

"Sure," he replied, and picked up the other end of the table Ron was standing at. They carried it to the center of the yard, well away from both the grills and the chicken coops.

Ginny, in the meantime, had settled down in a padded patio chair, and was flipping through a magazine.

"I thought there was a 'help us' in there," Draco said, glancing at his girlfriend.

"Well, you know, in my delicate condition it isn't a good idea for me to be lifting heavy objects."

"Like a finger," muttered Ron. Draco managed to stop himself from snorting.

Ginny glared at her brother. "Just get back to work," she snapped.

"Yes, ma'am,"replied Ron. Fred and George pitched in, and a few minutes later the tables were set up and surrounded by chairs. Molly bustled out of the house, carrying a stack of paper plates and a bag of plastic utensils. Narcissa followed her, holding a stack of plastic cups daintily.

"Good job, boys. It's about time to start the grill- everything else is pretty much done," said Molly. "I'll send your father out here to get it started."

Sure enough, a few minutes later Arthur came out the back door, followed by Lucius. It was easy to tell that the two men did not get along in the least by the competitive way they slammed the screen door out of the way.

"I'll just get this started, then," said Arthur, pouring some charcoal briskets into the grill.

"Put exactly forty briskets in the grill for the best grilling conditions," Percy called over from his seat at the table. He was reading a pamphlet on fire safety.

Arthur and Lucius just grunted at him as Lucius poured a heap of briskets into his grill. They both reached for the lighter fluid at the same time, and there was a glare down as neither one seemed willing to let the other have first dibs.

"There's only one way to settle this," finally gritted out Arthur.

"Fine," snarled Lucius.

"On the count of three," said Arthur. "One... Two... Three..."

Fists flew in unison.

"Paper beats rock! I win!" cried Lucius triumphantly.

Arthur grudgingly allowed Lucius to take the lighter fluid, and continued to glare as Lucius generously doused his charcoal with the fluid. He then lit the end of some rolled up newspaper, and lit the grill.

Flames erupted with a whoosh.

Arthur glared even more as Lucius calmly stepped away from the grill, which was burning perfectly. He then picked up the lighter fluid, and squirted some onto his charcoal. He then squirted some more onto the charcoal. More was always better, so he put a little more. One last squirt, and he was ready to light his grill.

Lucius stepped back.

The Weasley children had already fled to the far side of the yard.

"He always overdoes the lighter fluid," Ginny whispered to Draco. "Last time, he fried a bird that happened to be flying overhead. Time before that it was a sapling that was too close to the grill."

Arthur lit the grill.

A much louder whoosh than Lucius's could be heard. Flames exploded. Arthur jumped back, shocked.

"It singed me!" he cried out, surprised. His eyebrows were now nonexistent. Lucius looked as though he wanted very much to fall on the ground laughing, but manly pride was holding him back.

The Weasleys were somewhat lacking in manly pride, so they allowed themselves to fall on the ground laughing. Well, Percy just charged up to Arthur, brandishing his fire safety pamphlet.

Only a few of his words were yelled loud enough for Draco to make out over the Weasley's hootin' and hollerin'. "I told you...Fire Safety Rule Number Seven... dangerous.... could have been killed!"

Arthur still looked shocked at what had happened. He poked at his grill, where the flames had died out to nothing. He then gingerly felt his forehead, and said, "Ow."

Molly bustled out of the back door of the house, carrying a bowl of potato salad. "And, so then,Amos comes home to find Selene on the couch with Ludo, and there was this huge ruckus. Yelling and throwing things and then, to make things worse, Amos pulls a gun on Ludo, chases him out on the street, Ludo wearing his birthday suit, mind you..." She trailed off as she got a good look at her husband. Narcissa, who had been following the sordid tale with a rapt expression, scowled at the singed man.

"Do we have any ointment or something that I should put on this?" asked Arthur.

"Arthur! How did you... oh, nevermind, I've told you a thousand times that you don't need to soak the charcoal, it doesn't have to swim in flammable fluid before it lights! Go on into the house and put something on your forehead, it looks awful!" Molly exclaimed.

"I'd be sure to clean it real well, if I were you," said a voice that caused Molly to flinch.

Jo Davis was standing in the yard. She set a large tupperware bowl down on the table, and smiled. "I brought coleslaw. I know how horrid yours always turns out, Molly. You'd think I never taught you anything when it comes to cooking."

"Momma- what are you doing here?" said Molly. Arthur hurried past her into the house, muttering about fire and burns. "I didn't invite you!"

"I saw the charcoal out on the porch yesterday, and thought I'd stop by," said Jo calmly. She then turned her gaze onto Narcissa, who has just crossed the yard to set the tupperware bowl she was holding down. "Who are you?"

Narcissa gave Jo a look that one would think was normally reserved for interesting bugs found in the kitchen. "I," she said snootily, "have enough manners to wait for formal introductions, rather than to demand someone's identity like an uncouth-" dramatic pause "-person."

Jo's eyes glinted with silent fury. No one had dared to speak to Josephine Davis like that in at least twenty years. She was going to give this hussy a good piece of her mind...

"Momma, this is Narcissa, and that's Lucius," Molly jumped in, motioning wildly. "They're Draco's parents, you met him last night." She turned to the Malfoys. "This is my mother, Jo. Please excuse her, she is in dire need of medication."

"Oh. Malfoys," Jo said disdainfully. "That would certainly explain their appearance."

Narcissa fumed, and slammed her tupperware bowl onto the table, pulling off the lid. "Our appearance? I'm certainly not the one wearing enough fake gold to plate a Mercedes."

Molly looked as though she wanted to cheer Narcissa on, but instead said, "I'm going to check on Arthur, and bring out the burgers. I'll be right back!"

She fled into the house.

Ginny watched in detached horror as Jo advanced on Narcissa. She'd never seen her mamaw resort to physical violence before, but there was always a first time for everything. She quickly decided to intervene. "Mamaw!" she cried chipperly as she hopped out of her lawn chair.

Jo turned to her only granddaughter. "What?"

Ginny thought fast, and came up with, "Did you get that hubcap on alright?"

Jo blinked. "Yes. I did. Hello, Ron dear," she called over to the boy who was gingerly sitting on the cushiest lawn chair. "Are those scratches getting better?"

Ron glared. "No, Mamaw, they're getting worse. If I die, I want it mentioned first thing at my funeral that it's all your fault."

"Oh, you're fine, if you're healthy enough to make a fuss," Jo said breezily.

Molly returned with a plate of burgers, and looked happy at the sight of Jo not killing any guests. She handed the plate to Lucius, who put them on the grill wordlessly. He seemed to be going for the unobtrusive approach. He'd learned over many years of dealing with his wife that drawing attention to yourself in a bad situation was just asking for all sorts of trouble.

The big group of Weasleys were already settling themselves around the table, fighting over the best chairs and places. Ginny quickly took a seat at one end, and Draco sat down next to her.

"Thanks for coming," she said to him softly.

"I wouldn't be anywhere else right now," he said, going for brownie points. A balled up piece of aluminum foil hit him on the head. "Well, maybe somewhere else... but not with anyone else."

Ginny smiled, and pushed a strand of red hair behind one ear. Draco, with the kind of bravery that only a love-struck teenager can manage, leaned over and kissed her. Ginny leaned into the embrace, and for the first time since sharing the news of their affair with their families, both were completely happy being with each other.

Unfortunately, their families were present, so their happiness was short lived.

"You're burning the burgers!" yelled Arthur.

Draco pulled away from Ginny, and was greeted by the sight of five glaring brothers. He was happy to note that none of them were punching anything, or even making fists. Well, that he could see. Perhaps they had received a good talking to after yesterday's disastrous fight.

"You're undercooking your burgers," Lucius replied to Arthur. "Perhaps you should pretend that they're your eyebrows. You might get them well-done in that case."

Arthur flushed. "You no good dirty rotten..."

"Boys!" Molly snapped.

"Behave yourselves," Narcissa added.

Arthur and Lucius continued to mutter, and occasionally flick things at one another, but they made a valiant attempt to behave themselves. Both were trying their best to avoid getting lectured by their wives in front of the other.

Finally, after a short argument concerning the use of spatulas versus tongs, the burgers were on a platter, and set down in the center of the table. Seconds later, the burgers found their way onto thirteen different plates, and were being eaten with the sort of glee that comes when people know that the end of the occasion is near.

Draco helped himself to his mother's potato salad warily, while avoiding the large bowl of coleslaw. He refused to eat anything that Jo had fixed, she'd probably poison them all without so much as a second thought.

Jo herself had settled herself down across from them. He did his best to avoid looking at her as he took a tentative bite of the potato salad. He waited to crunch down on something, or for the taste to make him gag, but it didn't happen.

He took another bite.

He then unobtrusively checked the bowl that he had spooned it out of. Amazingly enough, it wasthe same one his mother had brought- he recognized the permanent marker scribble on the side.

Meanwhile, Lucius and Arthur were glaring at each other over their food. The two older couples had settled down at the other end of the table, with the Weasley boys scattered around the middle.

"Your potato salad is marvelous, Molly," Narcissa said.

"As is yours, Narcissa," Molly replied. Lucius's head popped up, and he stared at the woman for a second. She did indeed take another bite of his wife's potato salad, and didn't turn the slightest shade of green.

Narcissa kicked him under the table. "Stop looking so surprised," she hissed.

"Did you make that?" he replied.

"Of course I did!" shot back Narcissa.

Lucius raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I bought it. Same difference," hissed Narcissa.

"So, um, what do you do for a living?" Arthur asked. While in the house, Molly had told him that he had better treat the Malfoys nice if he didn't want to sleep on the couch until Christmas. The couch had a very uncomfortable spring sticking out of the middle cushion, so he had decided to heed her warning.

"Do?" Lucius asked. "I don't do anything."

"Oh, you're unemployed?" Arthur said with a superior tone.

"More like self employed," Lucius replied. "And what menial job do you toil away at?"

Arthur mumbled, "I'm a mechanic."

"I see."

The conversation continued in this vein as the food dwindled and the sky darkened.

Jo had been chatting to Ginny and Draco, who both looked alarmed at the sweetness the woman was showing to them both. She had just begun to speculate what color their baby's hair would be when Lucius pushed away from the table.

"I think it's about time for us to head on out," he said.

"It's been lovely," Narcissa said with a polite smile.

"Wait," Jo said.

Everyone looked at her.

"I have a proposition to make," Jo continued. "I was thinking over this whole situation, and I realized that these two," she motioned towards Draco and Ginny, "have no where to live. And I was thinking about me, rattling around in my big old house, and I've come up with a solution. Once they've gotten married, they're more than welcome to stay with me! Of course, I wouldn't chargerent or anything. Just a little help around the place would suffice."

Silence greeted her announcement.

And then the clouds overhead finally did as they had been threatening all day, and rain poured from the heavens.