The Shotgun Bride

Chapter Four: Hoe

***

Draco led Ginny out of the kitchen, and the elder Weasleys just sat at the table for a few minutes. Mr. Weasley picked up the can of Raid from the windowsill, and played around with it, scowling. He really, really wanted to hurt that boy for this whole.. fiasco, but he knew he had to be an adult about it.

But, as soon as that Malfoy brat put one foot out of line, the very first tear his beautiful only daughter shed, he wasn't going to hold back. He would make good on his threat. Or maybe he would just go with the classic shotgun method. Buckshot did wonders to bastards like Malfoy. His thoughts turned slowly to his daughter's soon-to-be in-laws.

Mrs. Weasley just shook her head. Kids. Sometimes she wondered why she had thought she liked them enough to have seven. She got up, and bustled over to the stove. She began to cut the Rice Krispie Treats that were cooling there into neat squares, trying to fight down the thoughts that were surfacing. Her baby girl! With a baby! With a Malfoy! It was horrible!

"What I wouldn't give..." Mr. Weasley said suddenly, derailing Mrs. Weasley's train of thought.

"For what, dear?" Mrs. Weasley, not being psychic, had no clue what her sometimes eccentric husband was referring to.

"To see the look on Lucius Malfoy's face when he hears about this."

Mrs. Weasley tried to cut short the undignified snort that was fighting to escape, but failed miserably. Mr. Weasley also began to laugh, and the old married couple just sat back and laughed, trying not to think of the long months they would have in front of them.

***

The herd of Weasley brothers was still outside.

Charlie and Fred were sitting on the steps, playing blackjack. Charlie was failing miserably, while Fred was cackling to himself about Charlie's inability to notice that the cards were marked. George was sitting on the railing of the porch, swinging his feet, and humming the fiddle solo from "The Devil Went Down To Georgia," much to the chagrin of his brothers. He'd already had a beer can thrown at him by Bill, which had sent Percy into a fit, as well as a speech about recycling.

Ron was searching in the shed for an appropriate weapon to use on Malfoy. So far, he had ruled out the chainsaw on the grounds of it being too quick, the crowbar on the grounds of it not being rusty, and the rake on the grounds of it being broken, and more likely to give him a splinter than hurt the rat faced little twerp.

Suddenly, he say the perfect weapon to use against the Malfoy. The hoe. It wasn't broken, it was suitably rusty, and had both a sharp edge and a dull side. He picked up the piece of gardening equipment, and sat down, knocking clumps of dirt off the hoe, grinning like a maniac the whole time.

Bill was tinkering under the hood of the truck, trying to see if the calibrator was indeed what was wrong with it, muttering to himself about the evils of Fords.

"Fix or repair daily," he complained, pulling his head out from under the hood long enough to kick the rusty front bumper. "Ain't that the truth."

Percy was inspecting a small hole in the base of the fence that blocked off the chicken coop from the rest of the property and muttering to himself about shoddy workmanship, apparently having forgotten about the summer two years ago when he had constructed said shoddily made fence.

The front door slammed open just then, and Ginny and Draco stepped out on the porch. Draco immediately realized that this was a Bad Move, and hissed into Ginny's ear, "Make a run for it?"

"No!" she hissed back. "Be a man!"

Draco looked out over the yard, observing the herd of Weasleys. Pride won over self preservation, and he said, "Fine."

"Guys?" Ginny said tentatively, and four of her brothers immediately jumped up and crowded around her and Draco.

"What is that goat humper doing here?" Bill demanded.

"Bill!" Ginny exclaimed. Bill didn't look a bit apologetic. Percy wandered over. Five sets of eyes were trained on Ginny and Draco.

"Um..." Ginny tried to think of a tactful way to put the situation. Hey, guys, guess what! That was too happy... Meet your future brother-in-law! That was too likely to start a brawl. You're going to be uncles! That would certainly get a reaction. She looked back at her brothers. They were either staring at her, or glaring at Draco.

She suddenly realized that they were still holding hands.

"Ginny?" Charlie said carefully. "Why are you holding Malfoy's hand?"

"Err..." Ginny realized that someone was missing. "Where's Ron?"

"He went to search the shed for an appropriate weapon to use on Malfoy," Fred replied, narrowing his eyes, "because he was suspicious that something shady was going on here."

"Which," added George, "certainly seems to be true."

"Are you and that... that... Malfoy involved, Gin?" Bill asked, looking slightly murderous.

Draco opened his mouth to speak, but Ginny rammed her elbow into his stomach before he could say anything that would get him killed. "Er, kinda," she said.

Ron suddenly burst out of the shed, brandishing the hoe. "I found the perfect weapon-" He cut himself off short as he saw the rest of his family crowded on the front porch around Draco. He stared at the scene for a few moments before demanding, "What is this all about?"

"Um, nothing," Ginny smoothly returned. She began to inch off the porch, pushing her way through her brothers, who all began to move towards Draco. "Well, it would be lovely to talk, but we've got to run. Bye!"

She practically pulled Draco's arm out of its socket as she dragged him along after her to his car, deposited him next to the driver's side door, and then ran around the car and hopped in herself. She watched out the window as Charlie said something to Ron, and both began to advance on the car. The other Weasleys followed.

"Quickly! We need to go! Go! " she hissed as Draco seemingly took his sweet time to buckle in and search his pockets for the keys.

"What's to be nervous about? There are only six of them," Draco said to her sarcastically, starting the engine. It roared to life, and a flock of birds flew out of a nearby tree, startled. He took off, spinning gravel behind them. Ginny saw in the rearview mirror that a piece of gravel hit Ron in the forehead. He yelled, waved his hoe, and threw a can at them. It just glanced harmlessly off the trunk.

"And think," Draco said as they turned onto the main road. "We didn't even tell them the bad part yet."

Ginny laughed nervously. "I don't think that you should go back to my house for a while. At least, not until they cool off a bit."

"Cool off?" Draco asked incredulously. "But then the kid'll be in a retirement home!"

Ginny giggled over that, then turned sober as she noticed the direction they were taking. "We're going straight to your parent's house?"

"Well, yeah," Draco replied. "Thought we'd get that over with."

"Well, uh," Ginny said, "So do you think we could, I dunno, stop and get some food first? No sense going in there on an empty stomach."

Draco grinned at her, and said, "Sure. May as well."

Ginny breathed a sigh of relief.

***