MST and The Order of the Phoenix

MST and the Order of the Phoenix

CHAPTER ONE - Dudley Demented, first part

It was a sunny day outside. Most people were outside, doing their homework, but not all. Some had gotten an invitation to go to the Room of Requirement.

Peter: Why should we go in on this invitation?

James: It's fun, exciting and besides nobody knows what awaits us there.

Peter: That is exactly why I don't want to go!

Sirius: You are a coward Wormtail! But you are also a Marauder and therfore obliged to go!

Peter: Moony, what do you say!

Remus: It will be fun! Maybe there is a nice book to read there!

James: Just what we need a nice book reading session

Sirius: ::snort::

They walked slowly to the Room of rquirement and found it empty!

Peter: Nobody is here!

Sirius: We're here, Wormtail!

Peter: But we can't be the only ones, can we?

James: If this is a book reading session, why would they invite us! We don't even like books!

Remus: Speak for yourself, Prongs!

Peter: But are we the only ones to be here?

Remus: I suppose not.

As Remus said this the door opened again and Lily came in with her best friend Alice. Closely followed by Narcissa.

Lily: JAMES! If this is some kind of joke...

James: No, it isn't a joke! Ask Remus!

Remus: It's true, Lily. We don't know why we are here... yet

Narcissa: ::puts on her angry face:: So , cousin! You're here too!

Sirius: Of course I'm here. But I'm thinking Lily has a point it seems more and more like a joke.

Alice: I never heard you agree with Lily before Sirius!

Sirius: Well, she 's way too serious about things! But...

The door opened again.
Marauders: Snivellus! ::grin mischievously::

Snape: What?

Sirius: This is going to more fun than I thought.

The door sealed itself. The lights went out and a spotlight was turned on. It shone upon a book lying upon a standard in the corner of the room.

Remus walked to it and read

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Sirius: Family of yours, Prongs?

James: ::thinking:: hmmm... no, I don't have any family member named Harry.

Alice: Maybe it takes place in the future.

Lily: Harry could be your son, James!

James: I have a son? Who'll be his mother? ::eyeing Lily::

Lily: DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT JAMES POTTER!

Narcissa: And what is the Order of the Phoenix?

Remus: A society of Dumbledore to fight Dark Wizards.

Peter: ::wondering:: How do you know, Moony?

Remus: Heard it. I'm a Prefect remember!

Lily/Narcissa/Snape: ::indignant:: So are we, but we haven't heard it!

Remus: ::cough:: More important ::cough::

Lily: Do you need a cough drop, Remus?

Remus: No thanks, Lily.

Narcissa/Snape: You! More Important? Don't make me laugh!

Sirius: I can apply a tickling charm on the two of you, if you wish! Rictus Sempra!

Mysterious voice: All or most of your questions are answered in the book. So read it!

Snape: ::between laughs:: Can I get out of here?

Mysterious voice: NO, NOW READ!

:: Mysterious voice undoes the tickling spell::

Sirius: Pushy, pushy.

Mysterious voice: You don't want me to lose my temper do you, Sirius?

Remus: She got us here, so I think we should do what she asks. Who knows what kind of power she has...

Alice: Who will read?

Remus: I'll start!

- CHAPTER ONE - Dudley Demented

James: Who's Dudley? It was a book about my son, wasn't it... So what is this Dudley doing here?

Lily: Well, we only find out if Remus continues reading, don't we?

The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close

Peter: Since when do days open and close?

James: Who cares? At least it's summer!

Narcissa: Summer isn't too good for my complexion. I gives me wrinkles!

and a drowsy silence

Peter: Drowsy silence? Got the day stuck with his head between the door?

Lily: It's just a saying, Peter!

lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive. Cars that were usually gleaming stood dusty in their drives

James: Lily, don't Muggles wash their cars, instead of letting them get dirty?

Lily: They do! But I don't know why they don't wash them.

Sirius: and what is a drive?

Lily: It's the place before the garage, a sort of shed, that the park their car in front of.

Remus: We know what a garage is...

Lily: Just explaining to the imbeciles right here.

Everybody except Lily and Remus: HEY!

and lawns that were once emerald green lay parched and yellowing

Snape/Narcissa: Green is such a beautiful colour.

James: Of course it is too you. You are Slytherins. There is only one beautiful green...

Alice: Which green is that?

James: The green of Lily's eyes.

Alice: That's so sweet, don't you think so Lily?

Lily: No! Yellow can be nice too!

Sirius: As long as it's a golden yellow.

Narcissa: No wonder! You are a Gryffindor! What else would you say!

- for the use of hosepipes was banned due to drought.

Sirius: There you go, Prongs! Drought!

Narcissa: Drought! What will become of my beautiful skin... too much sun, and too less water!

Sirius: You'll look just as you do now: horrid! ::grins::

Narcissa: I'll hex you! Or better yet; I'll kill you!

Mysterious voice: That's not your job, Narcissa.

Deprived of their usual car-washing and lawn-mowing pursuits, the inhabitants of Privet Drive had retreated into the shade of their cool houses, windows thrown wide in the hope of tempting in a non-existent breeze.

Alice: Then make one!

Snape: They can't they're Muggles. They're stupid!

Peter: And how do you tempt something that isn't there...

James: Perseverance, Wormtail. It's all about perseverance!

The only person left outdoors was a teenage boy

James: A teenage son? Is it that Dudley or my son Harry?

Remus: Patience, Prongs!

James: You aren't a dad!

Lily: Neither are you tehnically!

who was lying flat on his back in the flowerbed outside number four.

Lily: He shouldn't do that! His clothes get all dirty. And if he's a teenager, he should have known!

James: But teenagers seldom listen, do they?

Lily: He must be extremely like his dad then!

James: Hey!

He was a skinny, black-haired, bespectacled boy

Remus: Sounds like yours, Prongs?

James: Any more he inherited from me?

Remus: Let's see.

who had the pinched, slightly unhealthy look of someone who has grown a lot in a short space of time. His jeans were torn and dirty, his T-shirt baggy and faded, and the soles from his trainers were peeling away from the uppers.

James: Have I gone poor? It's just weird. It seems that me, nor my wife can't provide for our son! How on earth is that possible?

Lily: Indeed, but then... any woman who would marry you and have your child would be a fool.

James: A fool in love I suppose!

Lily: You wish!

Sirius: But wishes can come true, Evans!

Harry Potter's appearance did not endear him to the neighbours, who were the sort of people

James: Yeah, what sort of people were they?

Remus: Calm down, Prongs!

who thought scruffiness ought to be punishable by law,

Lily: Sounds like my sister's opinion.

Sirius: They all tend to stick together, when they have the same opinion about something.

James: Sounds like she wouldn't like me anymore than you do at the moment then!

Lily: ::rolls her eyes::

but as he had hidden himself behind a large hydrangea bush this evening he was quite invisible to passer-by. In fact the only way he would be spotted was if his Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia

Lily: ::holds her hands for her head:: What I nightmare!

Alice: Why is it a nightmare?

Lily: My sister is called Petunia and she is dating this horrible guy called Vernon! That implies that I... I married James!

James: ::does a weird kind of dance:: I will marry Lily! I will marry Lily!

All except James: SHUT UP!

Remus: But where are you and Lily, if he's with Lily's sister?

Snape: Dead I hope!

Lily: Me too?

Snape: Yes, Mudblood!

James: ::punches Snape:: Don't ever call my wife that!

Lily: I - AM - NOT - YOUR - WIFE - YET! WHY- CAN'T - THEY - LET - ME - HATE - YOU - IN - PEACE!

Mysterious voice: Because that's not the way that it works!

stuck their heads out of the living-room window and looked straight down into the flowerbed below.

Lily: And there is now way Petunia would do that it times of drought! She much like Narcissa here. Worrying about her complexion!

On the whole, Harry thought he was to be congratulated on his idea of hiding here.

James: Congratulations, son!

Sirius: It isn't that ingenious, Prongs!

He was not, perhaps, as comfortable lying on the hot, hard earth but, on the other hand, nobody was glaring at him,

Lily: Why is my sister glaring at my child?

James: I would like to know that myself!

Narcissa: Because she hates the kid and everything he stands for!

Lily: How d'you know?

Narcissa: She sounds that way to me. I'm not particularly fond of the boy myself!

grinding their teeth so loudly that he couldn't hear the news,

Lily: She does that now too. Doesn't she realise that she can't here the news herself then? And she wants to listen to it. I just hate it when she does that!

Sirius: She doesn't change much then, does she!

or shooting nasty questions at him,

Lily: That must be Vernon, because Petunia never did that.

as had happened every time he had tried sitting down in the living room to watch television with his aunt and uncle.

Lily: Before anyone asks: a television is a sort of casket that show the news in motion pictures.

James: But the newspapers already do that!

Lily: Muggle ones don't!

Sirius: Strange kid though. Wanting to hear the news?

Remus/Lily: It's normal to want to know what is going on the world!

Sirius: Only where you come from!

Almost as though this thought had fluttered through the open window, Vernon Dursley, Harry's uncle, suddenly spoke.

Lily: Dursley. Vernon Dursley. That's definitely the guy Petunia has been dating! It just isn't my day!

Alice: ::puts a comforting arm around Lily::

'Glad to see the boy's stopped trying to butt in. Where is he anyway?'

Peter: Why would Harry chuff his behind through the window, if he likes the quiet of where he is?

'I don't know,' said Aunt Petunia, unconcerned. 'Not in the house.'

Remus: That seems to be the way they like Harry best, not around!

James: I won't mind having him around.

Snape: Of course not! You're his dad!

Uncle Vernon grunted.

'Watching the news...' he said scathingly. 'I'd like to know what he's really up to.

Lily: If it's a son of James? Who knows!

James: HEY!

As if a normal boy cares what's on the news - Dudley hasn't got a clue what's going on;

Sirius: There's Dudley again. If I may guess I would say he's the son of Lily's sister and that Vernon guy. I don't like him!

doubt he knows who the Prime Minister is! Anyway, it's not as if there'd be anything about his lot on our news -'

Lily: Well there are some things on there, but Muggles have a tendency to oversee the little clues that are given.

Narcissa: What a horrible fate! Wizards and witches on the Muggle news!

'Vernon, shh!' said Aunt Petunia. 'The window's open!'

'Oh - yes - sorry, dear.'

Sirius: Under the tyranny of his wife a bit, is he?

Narcissa: That's the way it should be! Girl Power!

Marauders/Snape: Yeah, right!

The Dursleys fell silent. Harry listened to a jingle about Fruit 'n' Bran breakfast cereal while he watched Mrs. Figg,

James: Mrs. Figg. Does he mean Arabella Figg. That Squib that live in my neighbourhood?

Sirius: Suppose so, why?

James: Just wondering...

a batty cat-loving old lady from nearby Wisteria Walk,

James: It must be her... She has way to many cats!

Sirius/Remus/Peter: I don't like cats!

Narcissa: I like them better than dogs! They drool too much!

Sirius: Mental note to self Cissa dislikes dogs

amble slowly past. She was frowning and muttering to herself.

Alice: Old people tend to do that a lot, especially when they're Muggle I heard it in Muggle Studies!

Lily: Indeed, my grandparents do that a lot... They are just in love with talking!

Harry was very pleased he was concealed behind the bush, as Mrs. Figg had recently taken to asking him round for tea whenever she met him in the street.

Peter: Ah, she's lonely. She only want his company!

Sirius: That may be true, but I for one hate cats, and James here just said that she had a whole lot. And I would guess that you'll be not to pleased about cats yourself, Wormtail!

Peter: Somehow, I always think they want to eat me, or something!

All: ::snigger::

She had rounded the corner and vanished from view before Uncle Vernon's voice floated out of the window again.

Peter: Words floating? On what! I surely isn't water. There is a drought.

Lily: ::starts losing her temper:: Through air, you moron!

'Dudders out for tea?'

All: Dudders?

'At the Polkisses','

Peter: Who are those people now?

Sirius: I'd guess friends of 'Dudders'!

said Aunt Petunia fondly. 'He's got so many little friends, he's so popular...'

Sirius/Narcissa: I'm going to puke!

James: ::conjures a bucket:: Here!

Sirius: Thanks!

Harry suppressed a snort with difficulty.

Peter: Why is he suppressing his laughs?

Remus: Because he's hidden. He doesn't want to be found.

Peter: Oh, I forgot.

The Dursleys really were astonishingly stupid about their son, Dudley.

Sirius: ::huge smile:: See, I was right!

James: Don't rub it in Padfoot!

They had swallowed all his dim-witted lies about having tea with a different member of his gang every night of the summer holidays.

James: Parents can be extremely gullible when it comes to their kinds...

Lily: You mean that's the kind of parent you are going to be...

Sirius: Mine never were that way. My parents never believe me!

James: Maybe because you have played too many pranks and you ended up in Gryffindor instead of Slytherin?

Sirius: That must be it. Where should I go to find that?

James: To my place! My parents wouldn't mind. The think your are like a second son or something...

Sirius: Thanks, I'll think about that!

Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley had not been to tea anywhere; he and his gang spent every evening vandalising the play park,

Sirius: Gangbang!

Lily: That's not funny, Sirius!

James: Don't you get it, Evans? Gang-BANG?

Lily: Oh, I do get it! But that doesn't mean I have to find it funny!

smoking on street corners

Lily: I hope he doesn't pass that trade on to our Harry!

James: If he has inherited anything from you, Harry wouldn't let Dudley's behaviour rub off onto him!

and throwing stones at passing cars and children.

James: I didn't know your family has any criminals in it.

Lily: It hasn't, yet. Since Dudley seems just as old as Harry!

Harry had seen them at it during his evening walks around Little Whinging; he had spent most of the holidays wandering the streets, scavenging newspapers from bins along the way.

Sirius: What would he want with all those newspapers? Why would he steal them from bins? It's so much easier and less messy to nick them from his aunt and uncle.

James: They would notice, would they? And besides what if you had to nick newspapers out of bins...

Sirius: I wouldn't do that.

Mysterious voice: Don't count on that! You will! Although not in this book.

Remus: Why not this book?

Mysterious voice: This is the fifth book in a series of seven. It happens in book three. And besides Sirius has other problems in this book!

*****